Nimetztemuyuk

Tajtaysan muchi anmejemet!! Naja ni siwayulu, muchisenkuchini wan Afro-Guanaca ninemi tik Tovangaar. Ninawamumachtiani, nitajkutamachtiani wan nitapatani. Soy mujer trans, pansexual y Afro-Guanaca viviendo en Tovangaar. Soy estudiante del Nawat, paraeducadora e interprete. I'm a trans woman, pansexual and Afro-Guanaca living in Tovangaar. I'm a Nawat student, paraeducator and interpreter.

[nesiwanawal3]

Se Takwikalis pal Usumajti (Un Canto para Usumajti)

Taja senpa tinemi tiktzutzuna ne wewet

Titechsalua ken tunojnoymet tatzumaket tukwejkwey wan muchi tukwajwach

Muchi silyut muululua iwan ukseyuk wan ukseyuk 

Titechmachtia ken tikchiwat tajtasalulis

Ipanpa tuikmanmiakwan

Ipanpa tumiakwan ka nemit pal witzet

Muchi tejemet tinemit nin an

Tik ne sentaluyan ka taja tikchijki

Taja tikujtichijtuk pal tutasalulis

Wewetiani Usumajti

Naja nikneki nimumachtia muwan uksenpa

Iwan nutzuntekunluyan yankwik

Nukustuskia nimijtutia intek nimuishpinawa

Muwewet nechchiwa nikneki nimijtutia

Nimuneki niktamakishtia ka nuijiyu

Niknekiskia nimutalia nitzunhejekat uksenpa

Niknekiskia nikmakilia nuweyka ka nuikmanmiakwan

Nikpeluas tuteupan uksenpa pal anmejemet

Iwan ne tapalewilis ipal nunelwat, Usumajti

Ma shipanukan nupal

Nimetzinneki nej nuwan tik nutejtemikilis mujmusta

Nej, tiwelit tikchiwat tunejmachnemiluyan 

Sujsul padiush nunelwat, Usumajti

Taja senpa tinemis nin tuwan

Senpa nemis se tasalulis 

Tu siempres estas tocando el tambor

Tu nos conectas como nuestrxs abuelxs cosían nuestros refajos y toda nuestra ropa

Cada hilo enrollandose con otro y otro

Nos enseñas cómo crear las conexiones

Sobre nuestras familias antiguas

Sobre nuestras familias del futuro

Todes estamos aquí ahora

En el espacio que tu creaste

Tu abriste el camino para nuestra conexión

Tamborista Usumajti

Yo quiero estudiar contigo de nuevo

Con mi nuevo espacio interno

Me gustaría bailar sin avergonzarme

Tu tambor me hace querer bailar

Necesito liberar a mi espíritu

Quisiera ponerme loca de nuevo

Quisiera entregar mi cuerpo a mis ancestres

Abriré nuestro templo de nuevo para  ustedes

Con la ayuda de mi raíz, Usumajti

Que pasen por mi

Quiero a ustedes ahí conmigo en mis sueños todos los días

Ahí, podemos crear nuestro espacio de paz 

Muchisimas gracias mi raíz, Usumajti

Vos siempre estarás aquí con nosotres

Siempre existirá una conexión

[nesiwanawal3]

Se Takwikalis pal ne Siwanawal (Un Canto para la Siguanaba)

Shinechmaka mutayektenewalis 

Siwanawal, Siwanawal

Nimuneki niknamiki uksenpa nutaishkejketzalis 

Ma nuapan mutalua uksenpa

Ma nuapan mutalua uksenpa

Nikneki nejmachnemilis tik nuweyka, Siwanawal 

Nikitas ne tunalku shuchikisa tik tuteupan

Nimetztajtani, nimetztajtani 

Mutapalewilis, mutapalewilis

Timetztajtanit, timetztajtanit 

Mutapalewilis, mutapalewilis 

Metzkakit pal ne kojtan 

Metzkakit pal ne weytechan 

Siwanawal, Siwanawal

Tik ne mijmishti nimetzita 

Siwanawal, Siwanawal

Nimetzita tik ne ishkalyu nunoya 

Senpa nipashalua muwan, Siwanawal

Taja ne tawil tik nukunyua

Taja ne tawil tik nukunyua

Naja ni siwayulu wan tesutakatsiwayulu 

Ma nuijiu patani ka ne sental 

Ma nuijiu patani ka ne sental 

Shitechmaka mutayektenewalis 

Siwanawal, Siwanawal

Tutechan shuchikisa kenhaya ken ne Nawat

Tutechan shuchikisa kenhaya ken ne Nawat

Nimetzsentasujta Siwanawal

Titechpalewia senpa wan tikpalewia ka Nunantal

Tinemi nej keman ne sijsiwayulu tinesit

Tinemi nej keman ne sijsiwayulu titzajtzit 

Tinemi nej keman ne sijsiwayulu tichukat 

Tinemi nej keman ne sijsiwayulu tipakit 

Tinemi nej keman ne sijsiwayulu tijiumikit 

Tinemi nej keman ne sijsiwayulu timikit

Nimuyawalua iwan nukwey 

Ika mutasujtalis nechmaka ne tay nimuneki 

Pal nina ka nimutasujta 

Nimusentasujta

Sujsul padiush ka taja

Nunan, Siwanawal

Dame tu bendicion

Siguanaba, Siguanaba

Necesito encontrar de nuevo mi imaginación

Que mi río fluya de nuevo

Que mi río fluya de nuevo

Quiero paz en mi cuerpo, Siguanaba

Veré el verano florecer en nuestro templo

Yo te pido, yo te pido

Tu ayuda, tu protección 

Te pedimos, te pedimos

Tu ayuda, tu protección

Te escuchan por el campo

Te escuchan por la ciudad

Siguanaba, Siguanaba

En las nubes yo te veo

Siguanaba, Siguanaba

Te veo en el rostro de mi abuela

Siempre paseo contigo, Siguanaba

Sos la luz en mi oscuridad

Sos la luz en mi oscuridad

Yo soy mujer trans y no binario

Que mi espíritu vuele por los cosmos

Que mi espíritu vuele por los cosmos

Denos tu bendicion

Siguanaba, Siguanaba

Nuestro pueblo florece igualmente como el náhuat

Nuestro pueblo florece igualmente como el náhuat

Te amo eternamente Siguanaba

Nos ayudas siempre y proteges a la Madre Tierra

Estás allí cuando las mujeres trans nacemos

Estás allí cuando las mujeres trans gritamos

Estás allí cuando las mujeres trans lloramos

Estás allí cuando las mujeres trans sonreímos

Estás allí cuando las mujeres trans gemimos

Estás allí cuando las mujeres trans morimos

Giro con mi refajo

Porque tu amor me da lo que necesito

Para decir que yo me amo

Me amo eternamente

Muchas gracias a ti

Mi madre, Siguanaba 

[nesiwanawal3]

Yek Anwalajtiwit Uksenpa!!

Oooof it’s been a really long time since I posted here lol And what a hot mess I was when I did, still am though tbh. Well I wanted to share a little bit of family history before I posted two prayers I wrote in Nawat and Spanish dedicated to la Siguanaba and the nawal B’atz/Usumajti. I’ve been trying for years now to learn my family history through conversations with family members that I have access to as a trans woman. From what I’ve been able to gather I can say that I am an Afro-Guanaca. On my mom’s dad’s side our family is frorm Santa Ana, around the areas of Comecayo and Chalchuapa. My papa Pablo, my mom, my tia Betty, and my brother all have afros. We know that his family were wealthy landowning cafetaleros, which is something that is odd considering his families afro-descendance, I do think it came from his mom’s side though. My mama Eva and her family all worked on their cafetal in Comecayo, however her family had lived in Armenia, Sonsonate, El Matazano, Santa Ana and her mom’s family is possibly from Mercedes Umaña, Usulutan. Her ancestry is very confusing. She’s mentioned to me before that her mom spoke another language and that it wasn’t Nawat, she calls it Chapoteco (?) but I can’t find any information about that anywhere. The closest I’ve found to that is Choluteca/Chorotega or Zapoteco but tesu nikmati (I don’t know). She’s told me before that her mom called El Salvador el Wanani or el Guanani, again can’t really find anything about that either and she unfortunately doesn’t know much else about it. Both her and my papa Pablo’s indigenous ancestries are pretty unknown, most words we use in our Spanish though do come from Nawat. We could be Poqomam, Nawat, Lenca or even Ulua considering the only place I’ve ever seen the word Wanani was in an article written about the Miskitu nation as “li-wa’ nani” which was translated to “the evil spirits living under the water”. The only conclusion I can come to is that, including my dad’s familial history which I can talk about in another post, they’re from Cabañas (San Isidro and Sensuntepeque), is that with both families being familias campesinas it’s really really hard to find out about our ancestors without connections to our elders. I only have my mama Eva that I can talk to, all of my other grandparents have already passed on and never really had these conversations with my parents or their siblings, also taking into consideration levels of trauma that prevented them from having these kinds of relationships (La Matanza and the War, gender and class violence). I do have my mama Eva’s sister who I can talk to hopefully some day if my mom wants to let them in on the family secret that I’m trans, and hopefully I can talk with my dad’s dad’s brother someday too. Connecting with ancestors through language is something that is really close to me and important to me when writing, these messages are intended to be taken to them, for them to continously guide me. I hope they may channel that for you as well <3 I also wanna add for anyone that sees this that I’m part of a Trans and NonBinary Nawat language school started by my friend Petrona and our friends and elders from Witzapan called Tamachtiluyan Shuchikisa an ne Nawat, feel free to send me a DM if you’re interested in taking classes!!

[nesiwanawal3]

Moses Sumney - Don't Bother Calling [Official Audio]

Listen: https://mosessumney.lnk.to/aromanticism - I’m not a body, the body is but a shell I disembody but suffering is sovereign, Still No grasp on reality T...

Lately I’ve been mulling over undergoing hrt (mtf) and trying to really understand what transitioning means to me. These last few months i’ve been getting really into my own head about transitioning, constantly wrestling with myself on whether or not this is the right choice for me to take. Just this last week though I wore a really cute dress out for the first time and it was one of the most liberating experiences I’ve had up till now in my journey! But I still have my doubts on whether I’m a trans womxn or if I’m okay remaining a nb femme and I cant tell if that’s just me letting my fears and uncertainties loom over me and guide my actions or, in this case, inaction. This song makes all that dysphoric static in my brain ease away like in an unwinding sort of way. To be reminded not only lyrically but musically that I am fluid and how amazing that is yet every time I disembody, that pain that I try to escape continues to roam around to a point of suffocation and lunacy, captures this sort of split consciousness that I experience being siwayul in the diaspora living in the U.S colony. Moses expresses a feeling that I couldnt articulate myself for a while being that when I take Nunantal’s medicine, psilocybin mushrooms or cannabis, the “sovereign suffering” is what would overtake me. However in that very state I fluctuate into euphoria in my connectedness with Ajaw/Umeteut/Tao/Goddex/Diosx. I learned I wasn’t a “self” in the Western sense of individual selfhood so entrenched in colonizing logics, I understood myself as a collectivity of spirits. Those emotions that then flow out of me are a mixed bag of what this body has experienced and what my ancestors and relatives have and continue to experience. So that part where Moses says “God sings to me in reply” and then gently drops us off into some of the most ethereal music i’ve ever experienced feels like being a cosmic spiral of emotions transcending time and space, B’atz the thread of time. Anyways, if you haven’t heard this song before or Moses’ music check out his work, he is amaaaaaaaaazing!!! Yek tayua y’all (Goodnight)!!

[nesiwanawal3]

Seu Jorge - Rebel Rebel