𝖁𝖊𝖓𝖙 𝕭𝖑𝖔𝖌

Tw csa, Suicide mention, uhhh other stuff idk He/ him mostly. DID system blog. All my posts are ok to interact with, I don’t mind haha.

[nettles-vent]

Read the carrd for more

Bill— he/him. mostly me talking here. 🏳️‍🌈🪕🎈🃏

Dog— he/none. 🥊🦂🔪🪆

Lavendar— it/he/none. 🩻🩸💉🎡🏥

Raven— she/her, cis ♠️🥀🚩🥯

Samson- he/they 🧄

Terrice- she/? 🌾💣🦂

Some others who don’t post or front anymore:

Sleepover, T, Danil, Nate, William Michael

Tags are #diary and #reblogs

Posts also sometimes tagged with who is fronting

PS. Anti-endo drama is confusing and I don’t get it stop asking me for my stance when I don’t care at all and I think everyone should do whatever they want 24/7 as long as it doenst directly hurt anyone.

[bugshroom]

Antique Czech Glass Charms

(c. 1890s-1930s)

[nettles-vent]

Obsession was good af but my DID … it’s making me a little freak out y. Like all Curry Barker stuff it mostly leaves me with the feeling of being disturbed rather than anything else. Which it does super well I’m not complaining But anyway like when Nikki is stuck inside her own body watching it do that. ‘That’s not me’ etc.

[nettles-vent]

Fuck fuck fuck I think I’m having another migraine episode. Worst one was a month straight, 8 or 9 out of ten pain. Scared to do this again

[kingproteus]

III by me

[nettles-vent]

Heaviest heart in the world I remember when my dad threw his dinner plate on the floor and I realized for the millionth time how big his body was and how small mine was. I was so young when I found the code to his gun safe and felt the cold metal, rattled the bullet cases, imagined doing what I needed to do. Him then me. Two bullets for the kid who had been made small forever

[nettles-vent]

The blue skirt with the tatters. The purse he got you after that one night where you were brave enough to run, but not enough to brace your body against the lockless bedroom door. The little Scotty dog cookies bought for the trip up to the gun range. When he kissed you on the mouth after capoeira practice. That was the year, the only year, you felt like your body was within arms reach. Capoeira made you feel alive and strong, and when it was time to get picked up, the world ended. What were you, 9? That teacher was the only one that really saw, I think. He thought you were weird, your mental state concerning. You were completely paralyzed with self-derision and only he seemed to see. You can smoke your Marlboros. Listen to that album over and over. But you cannot pretend the heat of these memories is not your only inheritance, besides the guitar you pawned for 500 to buy the labradorite fortune tellers ball.

[schwanemannsland]

You choose not to see.

(oc: Eunice)

[nettles-vent]

All my life my only dream was to find my way out of my own body. But all these vices sold as escapes, they just turn you around. You end up further in

[homosexuanal]

The Morning Visitor (1967) by Dino Buzzati

[nettles-vent]

Sex and fear are two sides of the same childhood coin.

[nettles-vent]

The crazy part abt being old, decades after my csa, used up, etc, is now I am left with the total hypersexuality my brain manufactured to stay alive. I am sexually attracted to everyone always because my mind believes it is the only way to get me through the next rape

[nettles-vent]

Sick at work.. god dammit… also I think I’m gonna start smoking because of this job

[nettles-vent]

The incest diary is fucking me up so bad today. You ever wake up and realize the man beside you in bed makes you attracted to him because of all the ways he is like your father? It all comes around to that my father did that to me. It all comes back around to that. It’s so fucked I always think I’ve moved on I’m with this man who is nice and different and I notice what deep down I saw in him all along. Perversion, darkness, neglect.

[csaventing]

So many doctors had fun with me. So fucking many

.

[nettles-vent]

Lady coworker at work fucking yells at me like crazy cause I swore once in a conversation, not around any of the old people, and bro I straight up cannot handle getting yelled at like my fucking dad used to before he fucking raped me I cannot do it I cannot do it I can’t do this again

[nettles-vent]

Truly the most lonely part of having DID is when you mask it for weeks at a new job and just fuck up ONCE. You repeat something a couple times or your coworkers see how much info you have to write on your arms to remember.

And you can see it in the way they look at you that they’re reconsidering you as a person. Like “goddamn this guy has something Wrong with his memory”