Keep Me Warm || Rose and the Metacrisis Doctor
His words cause her chest to ache, her heart sinking beyond that terrible Doomsday or anything after. They do not often speak of what happened before they returned to Rose’s original dimension, and she is unable to cope with the sheer amount of force his words contain. Everything becomes blaringly clear as the words flow from his mouth, and she cannot help but be faced with everything she has run away from for so many years.
Tears to continue to flow down her cheeks as she attempts to speak, and Rose is forced to take a moment to steady her breathing. “And is it really so hard for you to believe I thought you may have found someone else? That’s what’s best for you! I’ve treated – I’ve treated you terribly, running away for years and years while hiding from you and everything you had to offer me, TARDIS or no. I’ve ignored you and pretended like you weren’t there. I’ve been horrible, and I have done absolutely nothing to deserve you. Is it so bad for me to think maybe, just maybe, you managed to find someone who actually deserves you? Who loves you without holding back, without ever comparing you to another man? Someone better than me?” Her hands are clenched to her arms, and she turns away from him, unwilling to look him in the eye. “Because when it comes down to it, I don’t deserve you. Not at all. I don’t deserve to have you as a friend with the way I’ve treated you, and now you’re telling me you love me? Thinking you could maybe have moved on, found somebody else, is the best thing that could happen to you! You wouldn’t have to sit around and wait for a girl who has problems making up her mind or making big decisions, you’d have someone who deserves you.”
Rose clamps her eyes shut, her heart laden with guilt and her thoughts dizzy from the speed she is speaking at.
“I want to deserve you because I love you. I want to settle down and do the whole domestic thing with kids and some lousy job. I want that, but I can’t just reach for it and take it because that wouldn’t be fair to you. You deserve someone better, and I want you to have that, someone who won’t hesitate to tell you that they love you, someone who you’ll never have to worry about falling for a different version of yourself. You deserve all that and more, and I can’t give it to you.” Her hands are outstretched towards him, empty, and she drags her gaze to his.
"--Yes." The words are immediate, and his eyes are locked on her, even if she can't manage to face him back. "Yes, that is absolutely horribly hard for me to imagine." He's not trying to fight. No, that's the last thing he wants. What he wants is for her to understand. "Do you know why, Rose?" It's simple, and honest, and terribly plain. But they're the words of a man whose heart is on his sleeve for the first time in his entire, long life.
"I've been loved. I've been loved very many times over my life. Different people, different planets, all over the galaxy. Before I met you, even when I was with you. And maybe I'm stupid, so absolutely stupid for persevering all this time, for holding out--but I'd rather be stupid. Because, see... See, it's so hard for me to imagine you thinking I could've found someone else because no matter how many people love me; whether they treat me like king of the universe, put me on some pedestal, offer me anything... Any word I'd say in affection to them would be a lie. Many people have loved me. But I have only loved you. Will only love you."
And then, she said those words. Words that made his lone heart ache in the best of ways. And he reached out gently, taking her hands in his, thumbs running along the backs of hers.
"Do not tell me what I deserve; I've done so many terrible things, what I deserve is no longer a matter of speaking. I was born, in every way, Rose, to be with you. I wanted to be with you so terribly with those daft ears, and I saved you, and I changed and was made for you. And then...then all I wanted was to be with you. So I was given one heart for that purpose. I am here, here living because there is no one in the word I could ever care about as I do you. I was born to love you and every flaw you have, Rose Tyler. And I would wait until I was old and grey, if I had to, if it meant being able to call you mine."
