[neverinmydreams]

feeling very embarrassed because i finally dreamt about you again... my brain doesn't need to do that... i say as if i'm not terrified of losing you as a muse

[neverinmydreams]

if i looked you in the eyes, would i still laugh like i'm nine years old

[neverinmydreams]

how hyped are you during these playoffs? it's been years, and we're on the edge of our seats. how insane of me to notice that your childhood home is the place to be for these kinds of things. i can't help but wonder about the alternate world in which i know what that's like. showing up as your chosen family. watching by your side, or from your kitchen table, as they crown the next mvp

[neverinmydreams]

i feel your memory slipping away, a prayer, but there's still room for an ache that is you

[neverinmydreams]

i have this memory of you singing the gummy bear song in the cafeteria. hence my blogs header. i just found out that an alterous partner can be called a gummyfriend/gummymate

[neverinmydreams]

i don't remember that dream at all- what was uzui tengen doing there???

[neverinmydreams]

okay, but why was uzui tengen there? i say like aromantics, and polys aren't actively shaking hands right now

[neverinmydreams]

"i didn't know you wanted me to catch you." "it's not that i wanted you to. i just expected you to."

[neverinmydreams]

i asked you to stay five more minutes, and you did

[neverinmydreams]

i dreamt we were at a party. an impossible reality. i had to have been there for you. we were talking until you went to dance. someone mentioned how you refused to be vulnerable. i liked that. because if you refused to be vulnerable, then others couldn't get to you either. but you left the party with a smile on your face, another girl attached to your hip, and i realized how selfish that pervious thought had been. you looked so happy. i loved how happy you seemed. i couldn't love that it was someone else making you smile like that. i watched you kiss her a dozen times. i looked at the sky, and i asked god why he made me asexual. not why he made me aromantic. not why he made me aroace. why he had made me asexual... and it hurt when i woke up.

i love being asexual. i'm aware the person i dream about is a limerent object. i wouldn't change for them. not in that way. but i don't think it was really me wishing for that change. i think, like many times in my life before, i wanted things to be different. i wanted you to love me or admire me in the alterous way i hadn't known at the time i felt for you. i'll always come back to this. wishing things had been different. dreading the way your memory leaves me haunted. dreaming about you like a lost soulmate. feeling sick because my mind isn't over you.

[neverinmydreams]

i dreamt of a childhood's confession. not mine. but one from you, and it made it easier to be friends with you. i guess that version of me could trust you once they knew you had vulnerabilities about me too

[dragons-in-spaceee]

shoutout to daydreaming about someone but in a platonic way

[neverinmydreams]

i know it's not the time, but i've been writing about you again

[neverinmydreams]

i've spent so much time grieving you, i think i could love you faceless

[neverinmydreams]

holding hands... leaning on one another... chatting with each other... just normal couple behavior that's also really simple and platonic...

[neverinmydreams]

i finally i had a dream with you and my godfather in it. you share the same name, and i've always been embarrassed by that.

[neverinmydreams]

i'm sorry, but i want you to dream about me as often as i dream about you