ivel

just a closeted transmasc | he/they | 24 | might get NSFW

[neverrexllyknow]

hello help a boy out

im going to a music video themed party on Sunday and i really don't know what to wear😭😭 i think the best choice is american idiot but i'd have to buy a red tie. also smells like teen spirit was a good idea but i have brown hair and the t shirt isn't really similar + it's long sleeved and it's so fucking hot. thoughts or other suggestions?? I've tried looking for female artists too but tbh it made me uncomfortable. like i have to pretend to be a girl all the time and when i can choose i still put myself in that box deliberately? FUUUUCK NO

[neverrexllyknow]

looking at myself in the mirror is alienating

[neverrexllyknow]

that dreaded time of the month came and I'm so upset and uncomfortable in my own body. honestly I don't even know if that's the reason I'm feeling like this but it happens every time. I've had so much stuff to do lately that I haven't had the time to think much, but today I'm feeling awful.

I really wish I had trans friends to talk to

[neverrexllyknow]

my mum told me I'm in great shape and gym is working...thanks for the free gender euphoria mum, I'm wearing a binder and you don't know💀💀

[kleeklutch]

[rikusqueenofhearts]

[balillee-deactivated20260220]

happy pride month to country mama lynn and country mama lynn only

[iampattonsanders]

Someone give this woman a damn crown and medal

[applejuicewerewolf]

Happy pride month to country mama lynn and ger gay son only

[rabbitheartedfool]

aint it crazy how many people realize they're queer when they have the language to express how they feel and a support system to encourage self exploration????

[wardenaristraith]

I never stop enjoying reading this. Literally everyone's lives improves.

[ya0ishi]

Ancient legends say that if you reblog this on June you get 110% gayer and stronger

[hikarisakurariver]

right at the beginning when she's like how do I help my son feel loved and accepted I'm here shouting "QUEEN YOU ALREADY DID THAT BY TAKING HIS SIDE AND LEAVING THAT NO GOOD HUSBAND FOR HAVING THE AUDACITY TO KICK YOUR BABY OUT!" And Good for her! this is the only response to a man who kicks out a child.

[thebestworstidea]

without it appears any hesitation. She's got it solid.

[nuclear-atm0sph3ar]

happy pride to mama lynn and her gay son! i hope her ex husband suffers forever <3

[kairithemang0-fm]

Reblog if you're transmasc, support trans men, or want a chocolate chip cookie

[neverrexllyknow]

updating my friends (you are my friends lol) on the binder!

I wore it outside for a couple of hours today, I even forgot I had it on. such an amazing feeling to know I don't have to worry about my chest showing. we're reaching high temperatures in my country but it didn't make me feel hot. I liked tape a lot and I might wear it again sometimes but a binder makes me feel safer since I can take it off when I want...and it does work better on my body apparently. almost too well because now I'm not sure if I want to wear it with my mum around lol. I'm super happy!

[neverrexllyknow]

does anyone have any tips to see if a binder is the right size and isn't doing any damage? it has a zipper on the front btw. I think it fits pretty well but I'm too anxious so I will take any advice!

[neverrexllyknow]

I'm getting a binder today but I'm feeling sick about it I don't know why. I'm probably just worried it's not going to fit me

[neverrexllyknow]

soo...my friend was a bit upset that I went to that night club without her. this opened up an important discussion between us. she asked me if I'm okay, because she has been noticing me becoming distant. so I did tell her that there's something up, that I'm trying to understand myself better and I think about it every second of the day. I told her it's very hard to talk about it because I'm afraid of judgement. I couldn't come out, I can't do it. she said she would support me in any case. but during her whole talk I couldn't stop thinking, 'would she say the same things if I told her I'm not a girl?'

but I'm happy she noticed that there's something up with me

[neverrexllyknow]

I did something about my friend that's making me kinda sad, but I don't regret it. take this like the continuation of my previous post.

we had a small house party a few weeks ago and she introduced me to an old friend of hers she hadn't seen in years. we had many things in common so she invited me to a gay tv show (not saying which one idk privacy i guess lol) themed event last night, as I was the only one there who had watched it. then this girl invited everyone else who was at the party too, I think she didn't want to make anyone feel left out.

I honestly really wanted to go, the idea seemed fun and also anything that has gay stuff in it gets me running lmao I'm THIRSTY for euphoria. so I IMMEDIATELY said yes!!! but...I didn't want my friend to come at all. first of all, she hasn't seen the show, second, she isn't the kind of person that goes to nightclubs, she usually just can't wait to leave basically, and most importantly, we've already talked about her slight hidden homophobia/transphobia. I really didn't want her to invade that space, it would have made me terribly uncomfortable.

so I had to be selfish. I had to make sure she didn't come. I know, it's bad, but I want to meet new people as myself, and if she's around me, thinking of me as someone I'm not, talking about me like I'm someone else, I can't enjoy anything. it might be a me problem, but this specific themed night just wasn't for her. also I just want to experience stuff by myself???? she was involved from the start just because she's a mutual friend. I might have just gone anyways or with someone else if this girl didn't invite me.

so I tried to play it out the best way I could. in the two weeks we had to prepare, she didn't ask me if I was going, she didn't say she wanted to go. she basically just forgot about it completely, and I just thought she let it go. but I still wanted to tell her that I was going, just to be clear. so I did...6 hours before the event. yes it's late but she still had all the time to come if she wanted to! she replied hours later saying 'I would have come too if I'd known'. turns out she actually knew because the girl that invited us did ask her if she wanted to come, but she said no. she didn't tell her I was going too but still.

I had a lot of fun! but I'm afraid I might have been too rude...I don't think I should have had to resort to this tbh. I think she should have just refrained from coming since she didn't know anything about the show and just let me go by myself. I kinda like hanging out with her sometimes but if it's something she doesn't know anything about why should I bring her with me? I want to do things on my own too. but at the same time this was her friend I was hanging out with...

like it makes total sense in my head and I know I did the right thing for my well being, but I'm still afraid I might have done something very wrong and very rude...

[questionable-ftm-passing-advice]

INSIST that your dick is longer than your cis male friends!!!

Because it is!!!

[neverrexllyknow]

my dick is bigger than my boyfriend's and I always say that

[neverrexllyknow]

!!!long rant incoming!!!

I've been thinking that a lot of my worries about coming out are related to one friend in particular that I have. I must have talked about her already, how she wants me to be girly and 'mischaracterizes' me all the time. she's not phobic but...you know. one of those people that love gays only when they go to the club, that support lgbtq+ rights but 'trans people in bathrooms are a complicated matter', and so on. her boyfriend is also a massive asshole that uses slurs and she doesn't say anything.

first of all, I've stopped hanging out with her boyfriend's friends. she used to plan stuff with them all the time and it made me so uncomfortable as trans people were always a hot topic for them, showing their blatant homophobia/transphobia. now I'm avoiding her boyfriend too as much as I can.

I'm so sorry, really. she's a very nice girl, but I think nice isn't enough anymore. I feel uncomfortable most of the times I'm with her. she just wouldn't look at me the same if she knew I were trans. our relationship wouldn't work anymore because gender roles are very strict for her, and I don't think she would want to be such close friends with someone that isn't a girl. even less with a nonbinary masc person. and especially less with a transmasc person. any way I put it, it won't work. the only way for us to be friends is to have a girl-girl relationship, because that's what friendships look like to her: talking about make up, trying each others' clothes, saying how much boys suck. just once she suggested we went shopping in the male section and my heart grew so big...but then we shopped for her boyfriend, so nevermind. her friendships are only with girls and only revolve around girlish things. there's nothing wrong with that, but it's not the place for me. and the worst part is she doesn't even notice it.

actually, it feels like she doesn't want to notice it.

hell I've done everything. I don't wear skirts anymore, I don't wear crop tops and such anymore, I don't wear high heels, make up, she even saw my tape!!!!! I only wear boys' clothes, I don't shave my body hair anymore, get the hint for fuck's sake. not that I'm trans but at least that I'm not into your girl stuff.

but what a let down would it be for her to find out I'm not a girl? I think this is what trans guilt feels like. I've never experienced it, as I feel like I've always been pretty masc and 'neutral', even as a kid. my mum would not be that surprised if I told her I don't feel comfortable thinking of myself as a girl, because SHE SEES ME. my friend doesn't see me. she idealised me completely and everytime we're together I feel stuck in the box she made for me. I wish I could just change my pronouns on my social media without fearing a weird text message like 'hey, what are those things in your profile? why didn't you say anything to me? I'm your best friend!'...just for nothing to change later. just for her to see me as a quirky girl and keep treating me as...that.

also I feel so bad because I don't want to sound rude at all...but it's so frustrating to feel like I'm invisible. I feel so sad for distancing myself from her but...this can't work. if I want to be myself I need to be selfish and make her a smaller and less significant part of my life...I think

[neverrexllyknow]

my mum saw my tape

I knew it peeked out of my tank top, so I kinda expected it, but I wasn't prepared. she doesn't know what it is, so she freaked out, worried I had hurt myself. I just told her it's my bra lol. then she just dropped it. I wonder what she's thinking now. I wish I had the courage to tell her everything. part of me wishes she would look up online what it is

[blozs-blog]

[witheringsapphic-deactivated202]

please reblog this until i find my true love. i am so alone

[tables-but-with-a-very-long-name]

Made it poly friendly

[witheringsapphic-deactivated202]

oh hell yeah even better

[courtjester69420]

Made one for aromantic trans people 👍

[queen-mihai]

Reblogging for poly people, mono people, and people who need their keys

[inkanddragons]

I wouldn’t wanna leave a trans polycule/ monogamy/ key chain incomplete

[null-the-void-monarch-offical]

i lost my fucking keys

[neverrexllyknow]

WAITTT I cooked the best fit for tonight I wish I could post a picture for you guys!!!!!! also I did use tape idc I will remove it tomorrow hopefully I don't rip my skin off lol

[neverrexllyknow]

sooo I'm going to an lgbtq+ club tomorrow. what should I wear????? it's getting hot and I wish I could show some skin but my chest is screaming NO (I also can't wear tape for a couple of days because my skin is wasted WAAAAH)