clark kent reincarnate

don’t take any of this seriously.

[nevertouchedalwaysheld]

if you never remember how good things can get, you will never understand how important it is to keep pushing. i got the folie a deux album today. a whole year ago i was reaching my limit and i was angry, lost, clenching onto this album like a vice. today i got it. today i cried and cried, “i did it.”

[nevertouchedalwaysheld]

thinking about what promise ring i would want if i were to receive one and honestly i hope that one day, my real babe would know its the coffin promise ring from hard jewelry. genuinely so cute. not posting for any reason in particular im just thinking about getting another ring for myself and got distracted

[nevertouchedalwaysheld]

a girl who wants to be your girlfriend will bring you flowers / and i’ll never have to invite myself to the party again / i’ll never be what you want from me. because if you want me as your girlfriend i won’t change my own core values to suit yours.

one day, and soon, i’ll forget the bad winter i ever had with you. because i can be loved as i am.

[nevertouchedalwaysheld]

sometimes i worry im running out of time. that i’ll never know what it’s like to be someones one and only, to get a ring symbolizing forever. at the same time its comforting to know that i have do much love from the people around me, and wherever i go, love finds me.

but all this love won’t stop me from listening to “honeymoon forever” by hellogoodbye and wishing that one day someone’s gonna propose to me while we listen to it. i think i’m such a sucker for music that the idea of someone remembering all my favorite songs is so sweet, especially the ones that make me tender

also, being proposed to at a concert sounds so cool! probably crazy as fuck but i always wish that’ll be me one day. not now but one day. i don’t need a ring to prove i’m worth everything, but i know i want that kind of love. i want a love so sweet that my dyke opens the door for me, holds my bag, and goes to my stupid little emo concerts with me. i want to buy flowers every month for my dyke, to sleep over at her house, to exist without shame in another presence. to kiss you to sleep would prove a merciful god is out there, and my existence wasn’t born to suffer.

[nevertouchedalwaysheld]

i don’t know why it’s so sentimental to me, but… i appreciate having a little freak attached to my hip. maybe it’s the peach balm or the vanilla sugar i barely remembered you getting yesterday, but in the blink of an eye, you remind me you’re listening. maybe it’s all in the motions, but you’re a magic trick. i swear on it.

finding someone who listens to me makes me feel a certain way… a feeling i cant describe yet. i think it just reminds me that there’s so much of you to be admired. please be my little thief forever.

[nevertouchedalwaysheld]

[sltfemme]

need a chivalrous sexy butch to rock my world PLS PLS PLS PLS PLS

[nevertouchedalwaysheld]

i don’t know why it’s so sentimental to me, but… i appreciate having a little freak attached to my hip. maybe it’s the peach balm or the vanilla sugar i barely remembered you getting yesterday, but in the blink of an eye, you remind me you’re listening. maybe it’s all in the motions, but you’re a magic trick. i swear on it.

finding someone who listens to me makes me feel a certain way… a feeling i cant describe yet. i think it just reminds me that there’s so much of you to be admired. please be my little thief forever.

[theautomattic]

Matt Murdock in his 20s, 30s, and 40s- he has never had a bad phase 😍

[deermurdock]

who up thinking about matt murdock and his (strange lonely and neurodivergent) gf when she’s depressed

who up thinking about matt murdock who’ll keep his distance if you want but will also be right there to wrap his arms around you if you need

who up thinking about matt murdock who notices how you don’t tell him what’s wrong and notices that your shoulders are always heavy (what burdens are you carrying?)

one day you tell him that food has no taste and that actions are more robotic— you went through your whole day in a strange dissociative fog, and it felt like you kept waking up from a bad dream everytime you realized you were doing it only to slip right back into it after a few minutes because it’s easier than addressing the gnawing feeling that you are just as lonely as you always thought you were.

and matt tells you that’s not the case, that he loves you and he’s right here and you aren’t alone— but it’s much easier to say than to believe it.

he’ll sit there and talk— talk for hours about every little thing he can think of.

and occasionally you’ll answer back confessing how badly you want to climb into the shower and turn it to the hottest setting you can, how you want to pull your own hair out, how you don’t deserve food to taste good how you—

and matt is always there to silence the noise.

he puts on a movie and asks you to describe it to him.

he puts on an album he know you love and the two of you sit near each other end matt listens to your heartbeat as he waits for your favorite bridge to end so he can ask if he can get you something— tea, coffee, a snack, some water, a blanket—

and your answer is always the same, and always half true—

“a lobotomy.”

matt settles on filling your water bottle with ice water, grabbing the childhood stuffed animal you keep under your pillow, and handing you one of his old hoodies and a sleeve of crackers.

he takes care of you, mostly because he knows how isolating and horrible depression can feel, but he also knows it won’t last forever.

he’ll be there for you on your good days and on your bad days.

[scorpionlafemme]

[nevertouchedalwaysheld]

actually, this means everything to me

sometimes i get the urge to tell my friends how much i love them. it’s like there’s this sea that overflows when i look at the picture that is my life. it’s overwhelming to think that as a little girl all i wanted was a friend.

in two-ish weeks, i’m hosting my first sleepover since i was six. when i tried to have a sleepover as a kid, i made invitations and handed them out to my class, and i remember the excitement i had when i came home. i sat on my mom’s bed and i waited for people to buzz in. but, no one showed. i was so disappointed.

i’ve had a continued series of disappointments regarding my social life (and really, who hasn’t) and a life i so desperately want to live. but to think that i thought i wouldn’t ever host a sleepover again, i’d never had friends to stay with, i’d never be cool enough to be invited.

sometimes i still feel like that. i tell myself to not get too excited over hosting my friends, but i know that i’m counting down the days. i just want to know what it feels like to be that little girl who people want to be around, to see her room of stuffed animals and the weird things she likes. and her animal jam account. i know she would be happy with the person i’m becoming.

[nevertouchedalwaysheld]

say what you will about my evil fucking bastard wife matt murdock but genuinely the biggest factor in why i like him is because he’s disabled and he has swag. he gets bitches.

his disability cannot be ignored when you talk about him. like i actually do want to hear more headcanons of him having foggy read to him because even though he can (“technically”) do it in canon and he has modern technology he still loves his friends.

it’s the same principle of i can take off my own shoes, but when my friends do it (with permission), it makes me love them so much more. my friends assisting me can be a labor of love in ways they can’t fathom. it’s not always about simply doing it because it’s easier, but it’s the careful remembrance of what i struggle with doing as a disabled person. it’s asking for help guilt-free.

and while matt murdock gets bitches, yes, this labor of love between disabled people is even bigger. being a matt murdock yume genuinely opened my eyes to a disabled4disabled relationship. because no matter how hard i desperately try to explain my disability, my desires, my feelings to non-disabled people they won’t be able to understand. i value my disabled friends so much because they understand me on one level or another

(also, matt murdock opening doors for me would make me giggle. yaaaas turn that doorknob for me i’m trying to pull your trouser zipper off with my teeth)

[manbeaft]

[spreadassholesdotorg]

[nevertouchedalwaysheld]

death

i’ve been thinking a lot about my own mortality lately. i don’t plan to die any time soon, but i feel the opportunity to write down explicit instructions of how to remember/honor me after death (not a checklist) is one i cant turn down

when i die, please come to my room and just sit on my bed for a little bit. in the state it’s left in. feel the messy blankets, the objects, my laptop. see the view of my room. see all my messiness and the things i loved

when you clear my belongings, please give most of it away. please give my clothes to people with stars in their eyes, give my fall out boy cd(s) to someone who gasps the minute they see them. please give my clothes to the beautiful transgenders of chicago — it was all for them.

my friends and family get priority. please take as much or as little of me as you want.

when you close my casket, please tuck these items beforehand: my folie a deux cd, my beautiful baby rosie (picture and locket), 5 pictures of the friends and family who adored me so, my riot fest fall out boy shirt.

at my funeral, please serve pastries and…like… whatever food that’s actually good. even in grief, you deserve good food.

cater from oak mill bakery and blow most of the budget on them. cater from ferrara bakery. get pasta from the pasta bowl. carpool to superdawg and flood them with queers.

when you deliver your eulogies, tell the bit you found the funniest. and if you don’t butcher it, you’re not doing it right— because you know i’ve rarely been one for planning.

if you somehow taxidermy me (what the fuck), please recreate my room. please recreate the place i felt the safest / please recreate the place i lay my head to rest. i do not want to die in fear. i have lived my life in fear, and i rebuke that in death.

please never be afraid that maybe i didn’t like you or i thought of you negatively. linger a little longer, and guess how much love i held in this little heart o’ mine. i will never die angry for pointless conflicts, i will die loving everyone just as i lived loving everyone.

don’t forget the things i loved. i loved chicago more than any of you will ever know. the brown line at 4pm in september is one of the calmest places i could feel alive in. take the super-duper long way home on the cta and think about what you see. coo at the street cats. go to the street markets. take a risk on fashion you didn’t try on. go to new food joints and try thrir burgers. gaze into the faces of punks and smile at them at the DIY show.

when fall out boy comes to chicago, tell me if they do “coffee’s for closers” or “what a catch”. when paramore comes to chicago, tell hayley williams i love her.

tell my wife i always loved him. tell isa she saved my fucking life. tell yourselves you saved my fucking life. without chicago, without you, the show couldn’t go on. and when the show closes, mourn it, miss it. it’s been a pleasure entertaining folks for as long as i’ve been alive.

and remember: there’s never been a show where i didn’t want you there.

[brenshor]

He knows what he's dorking-doing, I mean doing.

[mallorycreates]

"I should've done more."

Richie Jerimovich from The Bear

I finally drew my favorite character from The Bear! Hope y'all like it! 🚬