1CHANCE — my shitty lookism fic [daniel/gun & zack/johan]
[entirely self indulgent, personally don't know why daniel/jay are the ship everyone's obsessed w/ when personally i see more chemistry between dan & gun. Anyhow, here's a preview of the fic, you can read the full thing any the rest of the chapters over here on ao3]
He didn’t particularly know how to feel about Jung Gun. Before he had a pretty solid idea of the type of guy he was, shady and masochistic— pragmatic and mysterious but ultimately the wrong crowd. He wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt before, in the same way he gave it to Jiho (and in a way, the same way he gave it to himself, the same self that used to be cowardly and unkind because life was that to him.) but when he remembers that whole endeavour, it reminds him why you don’t give out endless trust to people. It’s on the individual to change, not for you to understand their circumstance.
But that doesn’t seem to be the case with Gun at all. There’s more to him, but what? Daniel initially did write him off as a profiteer, just like Charles Choi, someone who gained from the loss and suffering of children. It is quite obvious he enjoys an opulent lifestyle but he’s also about 2 years older than Daniel— he’s a child himself! Reflecting on it, he and Goo were probably one of Charles’ first victims, when he realised how high this went up, they’re probably just a cog in the machine too, it would be presumptuous of him to even assume that they would be kept once they’re no longer more useful than inconvenient and damaging to his brand. Maybe that’s what all this successor talk is related to, what kind of 19 year old talks this much about retirement? Maybe he should talk to Crystal, inquire about his person, she doubts she’ll tell him anything useful and it would likely cause he more trouble than anything—
“Daaaaaniel?” He looks up from the blank notebook page to be greeted by Zoe’s inquiring gaze. Oh dear, he’s thinking about this too much isn’t he. He didn’t even realise class was over.
He gave a hasty smile and shrugged, “Sorry Zo’ just zoned out for a sec.”
“A second? You were glaring at that piece of paper for a good 40 minutes. Class ended a while ago.” Zack interjected, he looked impatient but vaguely concerned. He knows there’s a lot going on right now but they’ve all been pretty good at not letting it interfere with their day to day school hustle. Daniel supposes he’s worried that it’s all too much for him. “Hehe… sorry, just been thinking about stuff. I’m totally fine.” Zack opted to not say anything more, like point out he’s been doing this for most of this week or even prompt him to explain what said “stuff” is. He just gave Daniel a look of acknowledgement. Zack supposes if it wouldn’t work with Johan why would it work with Daniel? The root of the problem will come out eventually. The conversation eventually moved itself, as absentminded teenage conversations do, saving Daniel from being the center of everyone’s thoughts.
They all left the school building together, last to leave (as per usual) and decided to let the night take them to any destination it wished. They haven’t done Karaoke in a while, so why not that? Vasco seemed extremely excited to display his musical talents and Jace couldn’t in good conscience deny him. Daniel exhaled, a sound brought out by the relief of just seeing his friends enjoy themselves (excessively bickering as they were) without any violent interference. Maybe that’s why he felt even worse when his brain refused to just stop and enjoy the moment. His brain was glued on his altercation with Gun at the abandoned school building, James Lee and this second body’s unconscious carnal violence. Reflecting back on it, the first person to unlock said form was Zack… he never needs to fight him again in a situation like that— He can’t risk hurting someone he cares about again. He feels a little disconnected from them though, of course they have their own worries and he doesn’t even intend to minimize them in his mind but… It’s so different to the stuff that’s wracking his brain. It makes him jealous. He wishes he could move on with his life but the more he learns the more he can’t just back out. There’s too much at stake here. God his mind sounds insufferable right now. That’s all he does nowadays. Brood and monologue and wonder and sigh. He’s starting to get bored of himself.
I’m on TV lying my ass off about “putting my head down and working hard” and how I’m “just happy to be here”
I’ve already forgotten where I came from, I down answer texts from people who knew me in my previous life as a peasant. And I can’t wait to try cocaine for the first time
turnnoffyourmind
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