DeadByTheWeekend

SW: 148 CW:133 GW:115 UGW: 100 Height:5’8 18 y/old NOT PRO I’m Struggling Boys

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My parents got Chinese tonight and I got away with a couple bites of fried rice and a piece of broccoli beef. It’s still a lot but it’s not a full meal, which they usually try to make me eat.

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You know I’ve never really been into working out but damn do I feel so much better. Like I get why people do this now I just did 100 sit ups and while it hurts like hell I feel like I could punch a senator and get away with it.

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Guess who gained two pounds in a day :) so I’ve been fasting all day today. My moms making fried chicken later but I’m not gonna eat it. I refuse to give in this time!!

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I threw up twice today :( I rarely purge but I just felt like I had too

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I hate existing. My brother got me a Christmas sweater and it’s a large. What’s worse is it fits perfectly. I swear I’m never eating again.

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I know today is Christmas and I should be happy, but the only thing going through my mind is how much I’m going to have to eat. This is my first major holiday not being a minor and I miss being a little kid so much. I haven’t enjoyed Christmas in years but I have faint memories of one, when I was maybe 6/7, that was amazing and I was so happy despite being in the middle of such a traumatic environment. Why is it getting harder as I get older? I’m finally safe but I’m more depressed than ever. Why is everyone getting better and moving on, but I’m still stuck?

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How did I get to the point were the only time I feel ok is when I’m empty?

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Today’s Food Log

Coffee+Creamer - 25

Half an apple - 60 (I added extra because I don’t believe my mom that it was half when she cut it)

Boiled egg - 77

Pickle - 17

Turkey - 50

Chicken - 230 (I picked all the skin and batter off so probably less but just in case)

Total - 459

I’m really dreading tomorrow because my brother and his wife are coming over and I know I’m gonna be forced to eat a bunch and I won’t know the exact calories of my moms food :(

[bunnycope]

DONT REPOST / okay to rb if you are a csa victim/lost a child/struggle with an ED as well

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Yesterdays Food Log

Coffee+Creamer - 25

2 pieces of sushi - 100

Couple turkey slices - 50

3 pickles - 51

Total - 226

I didn’t drink much water but I did drink a lot of Coke Zero so I’ll be fine probably

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Starting this to rant and find some mutuals