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𝘞𝘦𝘭𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘺 𝘮𝘢𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘵 𝘹 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘮𝘺 𝘧𝘪𝘤𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘭𝘰𝘸 <3
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Confession
Cats and cookies
Pairing: Jack Abbott x Female!reader
Summary: Your cat and his intents on escaping brings you to finally meet your neighbor next door, who quickly becomes his favorite human. You and Jack bond over your cat and the cookies you keep giving him as an apology. [9k]
Content: No use of Y/N, no physical descriptions of reader, idk what else.
A/N: I had this idea because my cat is an absolute menace (he's the cat from the photo and his actual name is Gregorio)
Disclaimer: English is NOT my first language so this may as well be written with my eyes closed and half delusional brain. Hope you enjoy it! NOT PROOF READ AT ALL!!!
Masterlist ✦ Jack Abbot Masterlist ✦ Read on A03
“Meatball! Where are you, my little baby?" You called for your cat as soon as you got home.
He had the audacity to rebel against your wishes to be an indoor cat, always finding the way to scape.
"Spoiled cat” you murmured while you kept turning your place upside down to find him.
Your cat is a beautifully colored Siamese cat, adopted and spoiled. He's your whole world and you love him deeply but he gets in your nerves too easily.
First time cat mom and your fur baby kept refusing to listen and stay in the safeness and comfort of your home.
You looked everywhere he liked to hide on before panicking. You don't have a clue how he escaped, you made sure to close every door and window before going to work.
While checking windows and doors you realized you had left the door to your balcony with only the screen door closed. Same one that now had a big hole made by the little paws of your demon cat.
“Shit" you murmured while you stepped into the balcony, looking for any trace of your cat.
You caught sight of his tail as he entered your neighbor's apartment. You were going to strangle that cat.
Unfortunately, you knew nothing of your next door neighbor except that he was a doctor and apparently worked nights. Or that's what another neighbor had told you.
Oh, right. He works nights so he probably will be sleeping…. shit.
With a resigned sigh, you knew you had to wake up your neighbor to get your cat. That was if the little shit hadn't woken him up already, he had the habit to wanting cuddles when everyone was sleeping and he wasn't known for his patience.
Before leaving your house you grabbed your keys and a handful of buttercream cookies you had baked last night, hoping they were enough apology to your neighbor.
Once in front of the door of your neighbor's apartment you took a few breaths— you were not good at talking with people you didn't knew beforehand— before ringing the bell and waiting patiently for him to open the door.
A few minutes went by before hearing the door open and being greeted with the sight of your very handsome very shirtless neighbor. His hair was in all directions and his face showed he was asleep before you interrupted him.
Oh, and he was carrying your very big very fat cat like he was a baby. And the fucker was purring.
“Hello, may I help you?" He asked seeing your dumbfounded expression, yet his voice was somewhat kind.
You blinked a few times before forcing yourself to look away from him "Uh, yes. Dr. Abbot, right?” you pointed towards your door "I think that's my cat”
He hummed, observing your flustered expression while leaning against the threshold, still carrying your cat. "Call me Jack” He offered, his voice friendly “And yes, I had the suspicion that it was from one of my neighbors"
You raised your eyes to met his, a frown set on your forehead "Meatball looks like he's too comfortable”
I would he too if I was carried in those arms
Your neighbor smiled at you with humor. "Meatball, huh? I have been calling him Greg”
"Greg? Huh, I guess he does resemble a Greg” You murmured softly before glancing down at the cookies you were holding "Oh, these are for you”
He blinked at you, then followed your like of sight. "Oh, you didn't have to.”
You waved him off "I wanted to, it's kind of an apology for finding my cat"
“I think that Meatball was the one who found me” Jack replied with amusement “Come on in so I can put him down" He offered.
You nodded, entering and closing the door after you. Once he put your cat down, you handed him the cookies.
"These look delicious" the corner of Jack's mouth started to water at the sight of the cookies.
Staring down, you observed how your cat was meowing and practically asking for Jack to pick him up once again.
"He didn't wake you, did he?” You asked mortified when you remembered how spoiled by you he was and seeing that he had taken a liking to your neighbor…
Your neighbor merely shrugged with a small smile “He wanted cuddles, apparently"
A groan left your lips "I'm sorry, he's a bit spoiled and likes his cuddles”
A smile curled in his lips “No worries, he's a cute little fella"
“You could say that" you murmured under your breath.
A laugh cut through the silence in the room, soft and breathy "And Meatball owner's name?”
Eyes snapping up to him, you muttered your name shyly.
“Jack Abbott" He introduced himself “About time we know each other, we're next door neighbors"
“I agree" you smiled at him “Though I must admit I'm not the most friendly person, contrary to that little shit" you pointed at your cat who was trying to get Jack's attention.
Your very handsome neighbor only laughed at your description of Meatball. He could tell it all was rough love, hearing the tenderness in your voice.
“You work nights, right?" You asked him, earning a nod from him “That's why we haven't met, I usually get to my place after work and crash until next day”
“Makes sense" He hummed softly, staring at you with interest. "But now we know each other, thanks to Meatball”
You chuckled softly, he was right. “Well, apparently he likes you because he is ignoring me right now and asking for you to pick him up"
He leaned down with a smile, scratching between Meatball's ears earning a satisfied purr. “He's cute and… big”
“You can say it, he's fat" You shrugged softly “I don't have a clue why, I have him on a strict regime"
Jack looked at you with a teasing smile "Are you fat shaming your cat?”
Squirting at him, you repressed a laugh “I'm saying a fact. He's big and fat and mean"
“He's adorable" Jack defended your cat.
“That too" you agreed with a smile. You were glad that your neighbor was nice and wasn't mad at you for not controlling your cat.
The two of you stared at each other for a few moments, a smile on both of your faces, before breaking out of the haze.
“Shit, I'm keeping you while you probably should be sleeping or getting ready for your shift" You blurted out, realizing you might be imposing.
He waved you off "I have a few hours until I have to be on my way to my shift. Sit, let's eat these delicious looking cookies you brought”
You chuckled softly “I don't want to impose, I should leave—"
He raised a hand, stopping your excuses “If you have nothing to do, stay and have a cookie."
Jack was giving you an out, yet you didn't want to go, he intrigued you.
With a sigh, you relented “Alright, alright"
That's how you ended up staying most of your afternoon in his place, talking and eating your cookies. It was cut short because he had to work, but before you left he made you promise to bake him more cookies.
You accepted, of course. Also, you had the feeling that Meatball was going to find his way to his apartment again.
.̩₊̣.̩✧*̣̩˚̣̣⁺̣‧.₊̣̇.‧⁺̣˚̣̣*̣̩⋆·̩̩.̩̥·̩̩⋆*̣̩˚̣̣⁺̣‧.₊̣̇.‧⁺̣˚̣̣*̣̩✧·.̩₊̣.̩
The next time you saw him was in your day off, it was early in the morning, way too early for someone like you who didn't like mornings.
You were deep cleaning and throwing a bunch of stuff you didn't need into trash bags. And you had a lot of it.
Once you had everything you needed to get to the containers, you made an escape plan. Yes, escape plan because your cat would bolt out the door as soon as you opened it. Unfortunately, you were not quick enough and the little shit beat you to it, sprinting out the door.
“Meatball!" You groaned and followed him, trying to catch him but he was fast for such an oversized cat.
He was fast and slippery, quickly tiring you out before sprinting on the opposite direction. Rounding a corner on the hall and towards the flights of stairs, and then you saw Meatball jump into someone's arms. Jack's.
"Oh. Hey, Meatball” Jack was quick to adjust the cat in his arms, watching as you breathlessly stopped in front of him. “Jail break?"
You stood in front of him, trying to regulate your breathing "Yeah”
“I have the feeling that Meatball doesn't like being in your apartment" He pointed out teasingly.
You sighed heavily “Too bad, he's an interior cat"
Jack merely hummed, amusement lacing his face.
Looking at him— really looking— you realized he was wearing scrubs, shifting the weight from one leg to another. "Coming home from work?”
“Yes, shift rang long" He was now distracted petting your cat.
You responded with a hum, staring to walk towards your apartments and away from the stairs and possible freedom of your cat.
Stopping by your door, Jack could see that you had something going on. “Cleaning day?" He asked you, his eyebrows raised.
"Deep cleaning day” You corrected him "That's how this Tasmanian devil escaped, he ran out the door when I was trying to get these to the container” you pointed towards the big trash bags.
He blinked at you, still holding your cat who was very happy to be held by him "Seems like you take cleaning very seriously”
“Something like that" You murmured, now realizing what a mess you had made with your idea of deep cleaning. "Anyway, let me take this one off your hands so you can go rest”
Meatball hissed angrily when you tried to take him from Jack.
With a frown, you pointed at your cat with your index finger "Meatball, don't hiss”
He responded by slapping your finger with his paw before melting onto Jack, who was grinning while trying to suppress a laugh.
“Do you want a cat?" You asked your neighbor with a dead ass expression "It's free, I'll throw in 20 dollars if you accept”
Jack was now full on laughing, shaking his head "Nah, he's all yours”
"50 dollars, then”
“Tempting" Jack answered with a smile “Still no"
You huffed, glaring at your cat "Seems like the fucker adopted you”
Jack frowned at your words “Adopted me?”
“Yes” you answered with a firm nod "It happens, they pick their favorite human”
“Wouldn't that be you?" Jack tilted his head in confusion.
"No, I am only the human that feeds him and keeps him alive” You rolled your eyes at your cat "You're his favorite human now.”
“I guess that is… good?” He asked softly, not fully understanding what you meant.
You gave him an amused glance "You're not much of a cat person, are you?”
He shook his head bashfully “Not really, no. I've always been more a dog person"
With a chuckle, you nodded "You have that vibe about you, yeah. Doesn't matter now cause you officially been adopted by my cat"
Jack gave you a doubtful glance "Didn't he adopt you too?”
“Nope, I adopted him, he adopted you" You shrugged “Weirdly enough"
.̩₊̣.̩✧*̣̩˚̣̣⁺̣‧.₊̣̇.‧⁺̣˚̣̣*̣̩⋆·̩̩.̩̥·̩̩⋆*̣̩˚̣̣⁺̣‧.₊̣̇.‧⁺̣˚̣̣*̣̩✧·.̩₊̣.̩
That's how you started making friends with your next door neighbor, through your cat.
Meatball seemed to love Jack, always scratching the door when he would hear him arrive or pass by your door while you tried to explain to him that it was way too early for him to he planning mischief.
Though your cat did not care for any of your chiding, looking for a way to get to Jack. It was official, Meatball had adopted Jack.
The doorbell rang a little too early for your taste on day. Opening one eye, you glanced at your clock, seeing it was a little past 7:30 in the morning. Yes, you had to be starting to get ready for work in about 20 minutes if you wanted to leave on time but those were minutes you liked to get of sleep.
With a groan you threw your blankets off you, grabbing a robe and putting it on before moving to answer the door.
There, you found Jack with Meatball lounging comfortably in his arms. You didn't even know when had Meatball escaped from the comfort of your home but seemed like the little demon wanted to always be with Jack.
You sighed heavily “Hi, Jack"
He smiled at your disheveled appearance "Hi. Meatball was sleeping on my couch and I thought you might want him back”
You opened the door for him to step in. “Offer still stands, get the cat and 50 dollars"
He chuckled, putting Meatball down "I think it is a hard pass still. He would grow lonely”
You smiled at him, going into the kitchen to serve Meatball his breakfast. “I don't know how you work nights" You commented.
Jack shrugged, following you to keep the conversation through the kitchen threshold "My therapist says I find comfort in the darkness”
Huh, that sounded about right.
"Overrated”
You scoffed softly "There is nothing in the world I love most than sleeping. I think I was a mite in a past life"
“And what about sleep?"
That got him to chuckle “Very unlikely but I know what you mean"
You saw Jack grab a cookie from the plate on your kitchen counter. After the first bite, he let out a sound of agreement. "These are delicious. New recipe?”
It was endearing how much Jack loved your baked goods and how he always complimented you. It was not helping you to avoid having a crush with your neighbor.
You hummed with a smile “They have a tiny bit of lavender"
He pointed at you "Delicious. I'm going to get big only by eating what you bake”
With a chuckle, you grabbed the plate, putting a few on a container "You are not. You exercise and do yoga and a lot of shit, you’re safe”
He took the container once you handed it to him “Maybe, but still."
"If you don't want it…" you started, reaching for the container.
Playfully, he pushed your hand away “No, no. I want cookies"
“That's what I thought" you smiled at him before glancing at your clock. "Oh, shit. It's late, I have to get ready for work”
He smiled at you, grabbing the container so he could leave "I'll see you around. Have a good day at work”
“Thank you for bringing Meatball" You returned his smile “I owe you"
Jack showed you the cookies “Payment enough. I'll let myself out, you do what you have to"
“Bye, Jack. Thank you so much" You said, already making your way to your room to get ready.
.̩₊̣.̩✧*̣̩˚̣̣⁺̣‧.₊̣̇.‧⁺̣˚̣̣*̣̩⋆·̩̩.̩̥·̩̩⋆*̣̩˚̣̣⁺̣‧.₊̣̇.‧⁺̣˚̣̣*̣̩✧·.̩₊̣.̩
A few weeks passed by before you saw Jack again, yet this time it was you seeking for him.
You knocked on his door, a big plate full with a variety of sweets in your hands while you waited for him to open the door.
Once he opened the door, he smiled when he saw you. "Well, hello”
You gave him a sheepish smile "Hi, Jack"
He rested his weight on the doorframe, staring at you with suspicion “I'm guessing those sweets are to convince me of something"
"I always give you baked goods!” You defended yourself before sighing "But this time I do need something”
With a chuckle, Jack invited you in. Once the two of you were comfortably sitting, he asked “Shoot. What do you need, Sweetheart?"
Sweetheart? He's calling me sweetheart? Oh, I'm going to swoon. Dramatically.
You blinked at him "Sweetheart?”
He nodded “Sweetheart"
You shook your head, letting it go for the moment "Alright, so I need a big favor to ask you”
“Didn't know we were on the stage of asking big favors" Jack smirk showed when he said that.
“Didn't know we were on the sweetheart stage” You threw back.
“Touché. What's the big favor?"
At that, you took a deep breath, steeling yourself "I need to know if you could be my cat-sitter for a couple of days?”
He raised his eyebrows at that "Cat-sitter?”
“Yes, I need to get out of the city for a few days and as much as I'd like to take him with me, I can't" You explained, your tone desperate.
"Everything okay?” came Jack's question.
Wait, he looked… worried? He's not helping my dumb heart.
You sighed heavily “Yeah, it's just kind of a family thing and I don't have a place adapted for Meatball at my parent's house, besides he always get too nervous when traveling"
“Your parents live far?”
“Three hours by car" you answered “and I'm driving all the way there. Meatball definitely won't last that long in his carrier. I usually leave him with a friend but she has a newborn now and you're my last budget friendly option"
It was obvious you almost blurted out that information, seemingly talking fast when you were nervous or anxious.
He was staring at you with a tinkle in his eyes "You really know how to talk a lot without breathing, don't you?"
You left out a groan “Jack! Focus, please"
Jack raised his hands in innocence “Alright, alright. I think I can manage with Meatball"
"Really?” You asked him, relieved "Oh, I will he in debt with you forever”
"When are you leaving?”
"In three days” You answered softly "I will write down everything you need to know and I'll bring you everything you need” Giving a look around his place, you dared to ask "Would you mind if he stays in your apartment? It's just that he gets clingy"
He nodded "Yeah, no problem. Besides, I think it'll be better that way”
"You're my savior” Relief laced your words.
Jack pointed at you "You owe me a lot of baked goods”
"Of course” the sigh that left your lips was one of pure relief and you could tell Jack was finding it amusing “Thank you so, so much"
Your stress was quickly replaced with relief, you could not let your baby be alone and Jack seemed like the logic options since Meatball loved him a lot. You were doubtful of asking him to cats sit, but he was your last resort and you didn't have the money to spend on a hotel for pets, they were too expensive and you were a tiny bit distrustful about how complete strangers would treat Meatball. So that was a no.
…
"… and you call me if something seems slightly off with him, so I can call the vet and—”
Jack put his hands on your shoulders, leveling his gaze to yours “I have it under control, Sweetheart."
You took a deep breath, trying to calm your nerves “Sorry, I tend to get anxious"
Rubbing your shoulders, he shot you a smile "I assure you, Meatball is in great hands”
Looking at said cat, he was comfortably laying on Jack's couch, without a care in the world.
Jack Abbot is very aware of the fact that you are overly protective of Meatball, he can see it in the constant worry etched into your face anytime he doesn't eat his full plate of food or meows the wrong way. Jack has spent enough time around you and your cat to know when something is off in your eyes regarding Meatball.
"You're right, I'm being a lot right now”
He chuckled softly "You're just worried, it's normal. He's your baby” Jack pointed towards Meatball, who was sleeping belly up, a very good signal that he was comfortable with Jack around.
Looking down at your clock, you let out a sigh “I think it's time for me to go"
"Everything will be fine” He said slowly, reassuring you once again. He was being too patient with you. "Text me when you get there, okay?”
"Of course” you nodded, making your way to say goodbye to Meatball.
Feeling you near, Meatball opened his eyes, looking at you with curiosity before letting out a little meow, asking for you to pet him.
You peppered kisses on his little head "I love you so much, little shit. Be good for Jack” with wack kiss to your cat you murmured your words, asking him to behave.
Once you were a bit satisfied you stood upright, moving towards the door, opening it but not quite leaving yet.
"Last thing, he likes his food served far from his water—”
“… and at certain hour, I know” Jack was confirming everything you had told him, patiently.
“— he has to have a little play time or he gets angsty—"
"…Yes, 20 minutes everyday is the minimum”
“— he will wake you up for cuddles almost always, he's clingy like that—" you kept on rambling.
"… but if I'm tired I should keep his mouse toy close so he could focus on it instead, yes”
"— he can have two treats each day, if he behaves—”
“…not more than two, I am aware”
“—also, he doesn't like to eat alone so you must—"
"…put his bowl next to where I eat and eat with him. I know"
You squinted at him, realizing he had indeed listened to you. “Okay, you have everything under control. I'll leave"
He smiled at you, getting closer to bid you goodbye “Drive safe, we will see you in a week"
With a reluctant sigh, and without really thinking about it, you moved to kiss his cheek "You're the best, see you”
Jack saw how you left after that, standing frozen in place while his heart was beating so fast because of a little kiss on the cheek. God, you were going to be the end of him.
The days passed and there was not a single day when you wouldn't be texting him or calling him to know if Meatball was okay.
…
Neither of you would admit it, but the calls and texts were the best part of both of your days.
It was becoming increasingly hard to ignore the crush you had on your neighbor yet you couldn't bring yourself to be forward with your feelings. Besides, what if Jack didn't feel the same? You only knew each other recently and most of your conversations happened because of your cat or the sweet treats you gave him.
Jack Abbot was not fairing better than you, he could not stop thinking about the owner of the cat he was sitting. You had come into his life full of chaos and comfort and now he could not dare to think about a life without your cat, sweet treats and you in it.
Shit, thinking about it, maybe you do look like a schoolgirl with a crush.
On the last day before going back to Pittsburgh, you called Jack two hours before he was to start his shift, knowing his schedule almost by memory.
The phone rang two times before Jack picked up. “Hello, Sweetheart”
Shit. Fuck. You could not let his voice affect you the way it does.
“Hi, Jack" You answered into the phone while packing your bags. “How's my baby?"
You could hear movement on the other side along with the chuckle that left his lips “He's okay, asking very loudly for treats”
A laugh left your lips at that. Even in the distance, you knew your cat and how spoiled he was “Yep, that's my baby. Means he's okay, though"
Jack hummed and you could hear the smile in his lips "I must admit, Meatball is a tiny bit spoiled”
“Try very spoiled" You rolled your eyes “I thought he was going to take harder the fact that I was not around but I think he's doing pretty good" A pause “I don't know if I should feel relieved or offended"
“If it's any consolation, he was trying to scape earlier"
“Sadly, it's not. Meatball keep refusing to a life of luxury, full meals and a warm bed." You didn't know what else to do for that cat to understand he had it nice and he doesn't appreciate it.
"He wants to experiment, be a bad boy and find love” Jack's voice was full of amusement. He loved those little chats were both you and him left your minds fly free, grateful that you understood his humor.
"Don't we all” You murmured, trying to remember if you were forgotten to pack anything.
"What? Find love?” Jack asked you while laying on his bed, your cat by his side.
"Yeah” You answered, your mind still preoccupied "I mean, I love love but I can't seem to find it”
His heart ached at the thought of you not finding the love you deserved “You’ll find it, I'm sure of it"
“How can you be so sure?" You asked him, now flopping into your bed. “I've been single almost my entire life"
"Good things comes to those who wait”
“Then I'm getting the fucking best of what love has to offer" Humor was lacing your words.
Yes, you were a little skeptical of the ways life worked.
“Be patient, I'm sure it's in the way" He tried to comfort you, hearing your voice change a bit.
A groan left your lips, sounding more tired and sleepy than awake. The bed was too comfortable and a nap sounded good.
You could hear the chuckle that left his lips through the cellphone “Sleepy, are we?" he teased you.
He could hear the ruffling of the bed as you turned into your side in the bed “Yeah, a little."
“You should probably have a good night sleep, you're coming back tomorrow, right?"
You hummed and nodded, even when he couldn't see you. “Are you on your way to work already?" your question was interrupted by a yawn. You were indeed tired.
A chuckle left his lips at your yawn, he could only imagine how adorable you looked all sleepy, yet you were still asking about him. He checked his clock before answering you “Probably should head out any minute now. I'm cuddling with Meatball at the moment”
You could not help but let out an ‘aww’ at the mental image of it "That sounds comfy”
“Meatball is such a good cuddler"
Your smile turned into a frown once you thought about how much hair Meatball shed "Wait, your scrubs are black”
“And?"
"You will be full of Meatball's hair!” your tone was one of worry, you usually did not care for cat hair but Jack's a doctor, you're pretty sure that's a health violation.
"Oh” he said in realization of what you meant "I have one of those sticky rollers thingy”
You chuckled softly at that "You mean a lint roller?”
“Yes, that thingy"
Without helping it, you rolled your eyes with fondness "I don't know how you're able to memorize all that doctor language but not the name of a lint roller"
"Doctor language is easy stuff”
“I beg to differ, I’ve never been able to correctly pronounce the name of complicated medicine"
“That’s cause you're not a doctor, Sweetheart” Jack's voice was laced with teasing.
A yawn left your lips, sleepiness taking over you almost completely now. “Yeah, you're right"
“Go to sleep, Sweetheart" His voice was firm “I shall see you tomorrow"
You hummed in response, your eyes already closed "Bye-bye, Jack”
.̩₊̣.̩✧*̣̩˚̣̣⁺̣‧.₊̣̇.‧⁺̣˚̣̣*̣̩⋆·̩̩.̩̥·̩̩⋆*̣̩˚̣̣⁺̣‧.₊̣̇.‧⁺̣˚̣̣*̣̩✧·.̩₊̣.̩
The drive back to Pittsburgh was uneventful and peaceful, giving you a lot of time to think and reflex about the dumb crush you were developing for your very handsome neighbor.
It took you a total of one hour driving alone with your thoughts to get to the conclusion that you were, indeed, fucked. Of course you were, you had a bigger and softer heart that you would like, always falling hard for people that didn't feel that way about you.
Oh, you stupid lover girl.
The rest of the drive, your thoughts were swarming with plans of how to fall out of love with him.
Love? Who said love? Stupid heart.
Yes, maybe love was a strong word but, as said before, you were kind of a lover girl, so the months you had known him got you dreaming of being with him.
As said before; Fucked.
It was around noon when you arrived to your apartment complex, unloading your bags and things you brought from your parent's place. You were almost sure that Jack would be sleep, given the hour, so you decided not to bother him until later, only shooting him a text.
You
Hey! I'm home, let me know when you're awake so I can pick up Meatball.
:)
While you waited for Jack's reply, you took on the task to dust off and prepare a little snack, wanting to be as productive as you could be before going back to work the next day. Good luck your mom sent you home with a week's worth of meals.
It was a couple of hours before your doorbell rang, signaling someone was there and it probably was Jack.
From your place on the couch, you asked “Who is it?"
"It's me” came Jack's voice from the other side of the door.
“Come on in, it's open" You shouted, not caring for moving from your very comfortable place on the couch.
It was a few seconds before you heard the door opening, and there he was; Jack Abbot holding your chubby cat in his arm. Meatball was quick to jump from his arms and run to you, snuggling against your chest making you chuckle.
"Hi, baby” you kissed his little head "Looks like someone missed me”
Jack moved to sit across from you after closing the door, staring at the image in front of him with a soft expression. "Yes, we missed you” He confessed.
You tilted your head, looking at him with an inevitable smile “We?"
You were basking on both the purring coming from the cat in your chest and the warmth you felt when Jack uttered those words.
"We” Jack confirmed with a nod of his head "It wasn't the same without you around”
“I was only gone for a week"
"It was more than enough to miss you” Jack said almost instantly, his words sounding too honest for your liking.
Your only answer to his words were a smile, you did not know what to reply to it.
Shaking your head, you tried to stir the topic away from things that would make your heart act irrationally.
"How this little fur ball behaved?” You asked Jack.
“He was delightful, though he didn't like one mug I had"
You groaned loudly, of course Meatball had to break havoc on another house “He did not"
"He did” Jack confirmed "Let's say he looked quite pleased when it landed on the floor and broke to a million pieces”
You nodded solemnly "I know what you mean” with a sigh, you reached for your cellphone "I'll transfer you the money”
Jack immediately held one hand up "You will not”
“I need to atone for any mischief Meatball did, that includes paying you for what he broke"
He shook his head "I don't want your money, it was an ugly mug anyway"
You gave him a deadpan look, not liking the idea of not paying for something your cat broke intentionally “I must insist to pay for the mug"
"I don't want your money”
“Jack" you said in all seriousness.
"Sweetheart” He matched your tone.
“I'm paying for the mug" You were not willing to let it go.
“I will accept cookies as a payment, that's it"
You pursed your lips, not liking how he didn't want to let you pay for your cats misdeeds. "Money”
“Nope. Cookies"
You shot a glare in his direction. "I give you cookies because I want to, I don't like to see it as a bargaining chip or I would lose any interest however to bake them. There has to be payed with money"
He pursed his lips, his eyes showing that he was thinking about what to do next. “I will not accept your money. It was just a dumb mug"
"I don't care, I pay my dues” the stubborn monster in you was taking reign.
Silence involved your loving room for a few moments before his face lightened with an idea.
“Alright, I'll tell you what" he was trying to make his smile seem innocent but he was failing “I know how you can pay me back"
You squinted at him, carefully nodding "I'm listening…”
“You can let me buy you dinner" He all but blurted out.
Shit. He wants to take you on a date? You go, girl.
A frown etched itself into your face despite of your heart screaming for you to agree “Wouldn't I have to buy you dinner?"
"I know what I said. I will buy you dinner” His voice was absolute, leaving no room for negotiation.
“I haven't said yes"
"You haven't said no” His smile was growing bigger by the minute.
“You work nights, you can't buy me dinner"
“Breakfast, then" He was quick to solve any problems you were throwing his way. “or lunch"
Holding his gaze for a few seconds, you finally let out a sigh, making Jack's face to light up even more.
“Alright, you win. I will let you buy me lunch" your resigned tone could not be far from the real party that was going inside your head.
Jack was now full on smiling, making his way to you, stretching his pinky your way.
You looked at him up and down, a fake disgusted face on “What?"
"We have to seal it” He pointed out "It's the only way”
With a roll of your eyes, you sealed the deal pinky swearing.
He let out a satisfied sound before leaning down, his eyes finding yours “Stop looking pissed, I shall see you tomorrow for our date. I'll text you"
Before leaving he made sure of saying his good-byes to Meatballs, who poured happily from the attention.
Jack stooped by the door, shooting you a different smile from the ones before. This one was lacking any kind of teasing, leaving in its way a soft smile, full of expectation and… longing. “Bye, Sweetheart."
You matched his smile, no doubt looking foolish "Bye, Jack. See you tomorrow”
"I can't wait”
And with that, he left you alone with your cat.
Alone. Now it was the time for you to panic and crash out.
You just agreed to have a date with Jack Abbot.
You were fucked.
.̩₊̣.̩✧*̣̩˚̣̣⁺̣‧.₊̣̇.‧⁺̣˚̣̣*̣̩⋆·̩̩.̩̥·̩̩⋆*̣̩˚̣̣⁺̣‧.₊̣̇.‧⁺̣˚̣̣*̣̩✧·.̩₊̣.̩
Sadly enough for both of you, you could not make it to the lunch. The chaos around you in your work was a bit too much, impending you to grab lunch with him.
You took a few minutes away from the chaos to call him, this was two hours before you were supposed to met.
It rang a few times before you heard the call connect.
"Hey, Sweetheart”
" Don't hate me” was the first words you uttered when you head his voice “I won't be able to get away for lunch"
You heard the disappointed sigh that left his lips and it made you feel worse with yourself.
" That's okay, we will reschedule” His voice was kind, trying to mask the disappointment. He was a little too excited about the date.
“I will make it up to you, I promise" You quickly reassured him, picking on your nails nervously.
" I know you will, Sweetheart. Don't worry”
You didn't answer, merely staying silent while your mind was screaming at you for this. It was mortifying, you really did want to go out with him.
His voice snapped you out of your head, taking you back to reality.
“Hey, you still with me?"
“I- yeah. I'm here" your voice was small, apologetic even. " I'm real sorry, Jack”
"I understand, okay. Don't feel guilty.” His voice was warm, caring. “I have a night off on Friday, maybe we could go to dinner after all?"
A chuckle left your lips “Yeah, okay. I'd like that"
"I'd like that too, Sweetheart. I'll see you later, okay?”
"Okay, Jack”
You said your respective goodbyes before hanging up, yet you still couldn't stop feeling guilty. You were expecting to grab lunch with him too much, but stupid work things that didn't allowed you were your first enemy now.
You spent all day at work thinking about Jack. Yes, stupidly enough. You didn't understand how destiny didn't allow you the simple favor of letting you go on a date with Jack. It was unfair.
…
Your luck was getting worse and worse with each passing moment. You had gotten home way later that you were used to because you had to solve some problems back at work.
It was a given that your mood was pretty bad by the time it was dark. You had wanted to see Jack before he went to work, but again, that was not possible thanks to your own job.
All you had now was the shining opportunity of a shower, food delivery and couch rooting next to your fat cat.
You were naive to believe it would be that easy. Yes, you took a long shower, dressed in your comfortable pj's and moved to the couch to put on your show while you waited for the food you had ordered to arrive.
Everything was going good, even Meatball was cooperative by sharing the couch with you, asking for cuddles.
Pity your luck had not gotten better since the start of the day.
When the food arrived, you got up from the couch, going to get your purse to pay for it. Little did you noticed that Meatball was already planning his escape as soon as you would open the door.
Once with your purse, you made your way to open the door, engaging in small talk with the delivery guy while he handed you the food.
It was an instant that you got distracted. It was enough.
Meatball ran out of the door with all his energy. The delivery guy— God bless his soul— tried to catch him only to end up bitten by your demon cat.
“Shit! Sorry, he's vaccinated!" You all but shouted while sprinting behind your very fast cat.
Meatball was on a mission, live a life of freedom away from your cozy home.
It wasn't the first time he tried to run away, though this time he was set on doing it right. He kept dodging you, making his way towards the stairs, you could not let that happen, if he got there, it would be a pain to catch him.
So you put your all into trying to catch the fucking cat, running after him with only socks in your feet. Bad idea. Very bad. And you knew it the moment your cat took a turn right instead of going straight in direction of the stairs, making you try to break sharply. It didn't work, your socked feet sent you flying forward, the floor too slippery thanks to the fabric on your feet.
You don't really know what happened after that, only feeling a sharp pain in your arm, that was twisted in a strange position that was not definitely normal, and a stinginess in the side of your face.
You were laying on the floor, disoriented while looking around. You fell down a few steps of the stairs, now laying on the stairs landing.
Well, shit.
It was a while until the ambulance arrived— that was called by the delivery guy— and the paramedics quickly put you on a gurney, letting you know that you had dislocated your shoulder and had a minor laceration to your face.
You were about to ask if anyone had seen your cat, you could not leave him alone, when the little shit jumped into the gurney, settling his little body on your chest.
“Ma'am, he can't ride with us—" A paramedic tried to tell you.
"I'm not going anywhere without him” You said firmly, not leaving any room for negotiation.
Apparently, your paramedics were a little too tired that didn't even refute, merely nodding before they kept going.
“Wait" You suddenly said, startling everyone around. “Could someone go to my apartment" you pointed out to the wide open door when they were wheeling you down the hall “And grab his harness? It's hanging from behind the door”
With a long, tired sigh, one of the paramedics quickly went to get it so they could get you to the hospital and hopefully, clock out.
The ride to the hospital was quite uneventful, it took three minutes before Meatball worked his charm— he was a little too friendly for a cat sometimes— and had the paramedics wrapped around his little paw.
The pain wasn't all that bad, yet. You knew it was matter of time before the pain would start killing you, probably thanks to the adrenaline of the whole ordeal.
Deep down, you knew you almost asked the universe for it. Why? Simple. You were bitching about your day and how unlucky you were, blah blah. Last time you were acting like that you sprained your ankle. Once again the universe was reminding you that it always can get worse.
You felt the ambulance come to a stop, most surely arriving at the emergency room where you would be drugged up and fixed. Good, it was starting to hurt.
You were wheeled down the ambulance and into the other side of the sliding doors.
Ugh, hospital lights are always too bright.
As soon as you were spotted, two doctors made their way to you, addressing the paramedics.
“What do we have here?" Asked a tall doctor, a little gruff looking but he seemed nice.
The paramedics were quick to present you, telling your age and a lot of things you were not listening that intently "— old female, BP 139/88, HR 112, RR 19. She took a fall down a couple of steps, shoulder dislocation and face laceration. Patient is responsive”
“And what about the cat?" The question came from the next doctor, who looked a little too carefree while holding a concernedly big cup of iced coffee.
One of your paramedics turned to look at him with a deadpan expression "She wouldn't let us bring her here without Meatball”
Not far away from there, a doctor that you knew well, was reviewing some labs from a patient, not moving to tend to the new arrival since it was Shen's patient, lifted his head in curiosity when he heard the name Meatball.
Jack Abbot scanned the ED until his eyes fell on your laying form on the gurney, Meatball laying comfortably in your side, wearing his harness.
As soon as he spotted you, he was moving, calling your name. "What are you doing here?”
Meatball was quick to demand attention from his favorite human with a meow. Jack patted his little head mindlessly.
"Meatball. Jailbreak. Stairs. Fall. Hurt” You explained simply.
Jack sighed, staring at you with concern but ultimately shaking it off while turning to the other two doctors. "Shen, I got her" He addressed the caffeine holding one “Crus, you're with me" He said to the tall, stern looking doctor.
"North 15 is open!” A redheaded woman called from behind a very big desk, offering you a friendly smile.
You were wheeled to what you suspect is North 15, quickly being moved into a hospital bed before the paramedics said a brief goodbye and left you in the hands of capable doctors and nurses.
Both Jack and Dr. Crus started working on you, checking vitals and making sure that nothing else was broken.
“How's the pain?" Jack asked you, checking you pupils.
"Getting stronger by the minute” You murmured, focusing on petting Meatball with your good hand.
“Push 1 m.g. of Ketamine for the pain" He addressed a nurse who quickly nodded on injected a liquid into an I.V.— same one that you didn't even feel when they pooked it into your arm.
"You're giving me the good drugs?” You asked him with a smile.
“Only the best" Jack winked at you, continuously working on the preliminary exams.
You allowed them to keep assessing your injuries by staying silent, Meatball laying by your side while he followed every one of Jack's movements. Freaking cat was obsessed with him.
They were talking between them in terms you didn't understand. Doctor gibberish. But ultimately Jack turned to look at you. "I'll order and x-ray to discard any broken bone but I don't think it's more than the dislocated shoulder. Head seems fine and you're responsive” He smiled at you with relief "But we'll have to take care of that cut on your cheek”
You couldn't see the cut but you knew it wasn't pretty. “How many stitches?"
"Probably three but hopefully it won't leave a scar” He reassured you softly.
“Good, I cannot look too bad, I have a date on Friday" You teased him slightly, already feeling the effect of the meds.
He hummed, crossing his arms on his chest, his biceps popping out. "Is that so? Must be quite the guy”
"Well, my cat likes him, so…” You shrugged, pointing towards your very comfortable looking cat.
“A good judge of character" Jack nodded in approval “I still don't know how you managed to get them to bring Meatball along"
You shrugged softly, your head resting tiredly on the gurney "I refused treatment and asked them if they could get his harness from my apartment”
Jack shook his head, a chuckle leaving his chest “You are something else"
A knock on the glass door interrupted you, Jack was being called away, he turned to look at you hesitantly.
“Go" You said with a smile “I'll be alright"
He nodded at you, smiling softly before walking out of the room, facing his fellow attending Dr. Shen.
“Your patient in Central 14 is asking for you" Shen slurped his coffee was too loud for Jack's patience.
“Alright, thanks" Jack started to walk away, Shen following him. “Do you need something?"
“Who's the cat lady?" Shen asked, being his nosy self.
"She's my friend and neighbor”
Shen's eyebrows rose, staring at Jack “Oh, she's that friend, isn't she?"
“What are you talking about now?" Jack keep walking, wanting for Shen to go away and stop asking questions.
“Lately you check your cellphone and smile when you're reading texts of someone. I'm betting she is the one texting you and making your face light up every time"
“Shut up, Shen"
Shen raised his hands in innocence, deciding that short conversation was enough to confirm his suspicions, before going to tend to his own patients.
Of course Shen was right, Jack has had a crush on you almost since he met you, always smiling when you were around or when he received a text, though he was not going to let Shen know how right he was.
Once Jack was free and your x-rays were delivered, he made his way back to your room, finding you snoozing off. The cut on your cheek had been already stitched up and Meatball was being a complete angel, not moving from your side.
Jack moved to sit by the side of the bed, when you heard movement you opened your eyes, looking at him.
“Hey, Sweetheart" He said softly.
"Hi” was your response, followed by a yawn.
“Tired, are we?"
A groan left your lips “You have no idea"
“Good news, we can fix you up by popping your shoulder back in place" He informed you “No broken bones"
“That sounds painful, though"
His expression softened even more, if that was possible "We'll give you something for the pain. You will only feel a mild discomfort”
You only hummed, already feeling too tired to speak.
“Who did your stitches?" He asked you, tilting your head to observe the work.
"Dr. Crus” you replied "I didn't feel a thing"
He nodded satisfied with the work of the stitches “Good, that's good"
"So you'll pop back my shoulder and I can leave?” You asked hopefully, really wanting to go home and sleep.
“I don't think so" He replied instantly, watching your displeased frown “I know your family doesn't live close by and you can't go around all by yourself like this, the shoulder will take a few weeks to heal"
You pursed your lips, you were used to be independent and Jack knew it “Then what does that mean? That I have to ask my parents to come watch me as if I'm a child?"
He shook his head "I could help you, take care of you” Jack proposed softly “That is, if you want. But for the rest of the night I was thinking you spend it here and I'll drive you home after my shift"
"I don't want to spend the rest of the night in the hospital” You grimaced.
"Well, you can't go home by yourself. I'm your best option right now”
You let out a huff, acting a bit like a child but you were not happy with the whole way your day was going.
He tapped your forehead playfully, wanting to see that frown turn into a smile. You shot him a glare, not entirely pissed with him but partly.
“You'll get wrinkles" He teased you softly.
“Good"
"Sweetheart” Jack leveled his gaze to find yours, his face warm and kind "I know it's not ideal but it'll only be a few hours that you will spend sleeping”
"I will try to make my escape” You murmured with a frown.
Jack raised his eyebrows skeptically “With the meds that we're going to give you to fix the dislocation? I don't think so. You'll be drowsy"
“Keyword; try”
Despite himself, he chuckled softly “Look, my shift ends in…” he checked the clock on his wrist "Six hours. I'll buy you anything you want for breakfast if you make it that long without trying to escape"
"What about Meatball? His zoomies will kick in any moment now” You pointed at your cat.
“We'll manage" He shrugged softly.
You huffed once again “You're not letting me win this one, are you?"
He shook his head, trying to suppress a smirk, knowing you were about to give in.
“Alright, I'll wait"
"Attagirl”
…
It was a while before they were able to fix your shoulder, and Jack was right, you didn't feel a thing. Soon enough, you were sleeping comfortably with the lights off and clear instructions you were not to be bothered.
Every one of his colleagues were shooting him suggestive looks, amused with the fact that Jack seemed overly protective of you. He paid them no mind.
Jack keep working through his shift, stopping now and then to check on you and Meatball— who was laying protectively on your chest.
When it was nearing the time for hand offs, he asked Shen if he could cover, wanting to get you out of the hospital and into your apartment as soon as possible, knowing you would not be happy if you woke up and his shift had extended longer, as it was usual.
Once he set up everything to go, he woke you up, since he had already taken care of everything for discharge, he guided a sleepy you across the ED—while holding also holding Meatball— to get you seated in his truck comfortably.
You were sleepy and still drowsy thanks to the meds but you seemed in good spirits, enabling in conversation with him while holding Meatball in your lap.
Jack let you choose the food, and you decided you wanted to eat in your own comfortable home, so he decided to pick the food before getting there.
Once settled in your couch, he took it upon himself go feed Meatball before preparing you a plate of food, kind of hovering while you ate.
“I can feed myself, Jack. You don't need to hover” You murmured, taking a bite of your food.
“How's the shoulder? Any pain?"
"I'm good, stop acting like a doctor” You chided him, not being used to be fuzzed over.
“I am a doctor"
You simply rolled your eyes while letting the silence setting in.
"Jack?”
“Yes, Sweetheart?"
"Thank you for taking care of me” You said, looking firmly into his eyes.
Jack's expression melted, becoming one of pure warmth. “You have nothing to thank me for"
"I do, you're taking care of me and my cat”
He shook his head “I am doing it with pleasure, Sweetheart. You need me, I'm here. Simple as that"
You beamed at him, he was not helping your feelings towards him. "I guess we'll have to reschedule that date, huh?”
“You kidding? No more rescheduling" He shook his head “I'll cook you something special and we'll dine here”
“That's not how a first date is supposed to happen" You pointed out.
With a sigh, he moved to sit next to you, on your good side. “Don't you know?" he grabbed your chin, guiding your face towards his “I do not care about the date, I care about you"
Your breathing stuttered, seeing how close he was. “But—"
"No buts, Sweetheart” He tsk, leaning in slightly, his eyes lost in yours before glancing briefly at your lips “We will have that date, and hopefully you'll allow me to kids you"
You gulped softly "Why not kiss me now?” the words left your mouth in a whisper.
He moved to kiss your forehead tenderly "I am a gentleman. I'll wait for our date, make it special”
Jack was looking at you with bright eyes, caressing your cheek, being utterly careful of the cheek with the cut.
That got a laugh out of you, feeling your cheeks warming up. "I can't wait"
“Me neither" He whispered, looking at you with utter awe. “I want cookies once you're healed, though"
"As many as you want, Jack”
do not copy, reupload, translate or feed to artificial intelligence.
©yawnlovescookies.
"mom... can you please pick me up?" 🍓
pairing: strawberry shortcake x jack abbot. first part.
summary: after matching with your attending on tinder, you now have to spend an entire shift trying to avoid him. everything is going (almost) well until you get trapped in an elevator with him.
tags: fluff, joy is part of the night shift, langdon kinda too, er setting, workplace romance, age gap, coworkers to lovers, protective jack abbot, she falls first, he falls harder.
authors note: this is short and silly I KNOW. i just wanted to portray abbot the way I perceive him after that scene (in the gif). ALSO thank you so much for the reblogs and for asking to be added to the tag list. i never thought that was possible!! don't forget to reblog if you enjoyed it, please. 🙏🏻
@melissa66orion @rathatosy
The doors to the ER slid open once again, but this time you wished you could've stayed home.
You'd barely slept. Four hours at most, and ever since you woke up, you hadn't been able to think about anything except the mistake you made with your attending. You wondered if he'd slept well, probably he was sitting at home right now drinking coffee like nothing happened.
And here you were.
Technically your shift didn't start for another two hours, but the anxiety had dragged you back into the pitt anyway, which was funny because ten minutes ago you were seriously considering giving up and starting a new life somewhere in Alaska.
Your stomach twisted again just thinking about having to see him today.
Everything seemed calmer than usual, which honestly felt suspicious. You didn't even want to think too hard about it before you jinxed it. At this point you were convinced you personally carried bad luck around with you.
You nervously adjusted the sleeves of your oversized pink hoodie while scanning the station looking for the girls, and Whitaker.
It wasn't difficult to find Trinity. She was sitting beside Whitaker, aggressively stabbing at the computer keyboard before dramatically letting her head fall onto it. She quickly lifted her head again when Dennis touched her shoulder and pointed toward you with his head.
The second she saw you, her eyebrows pulled together in confusion.
"Why are you here?"
Not even a hello.
"What room is free?" You asked immediately.
"Okay… not even a coffee first?" Whitaker joked.
"This is serious."
Something in your expression must've looked genuinely unstable because Whitaker's smile disappeared almost instantly.
Both of them stood up immediately and started walking through the hallway looking for an empty room. Luckily you nearly ran straight into Victoria on the way there. She gave you a confused look but smiled anyway, though the second she noticed Trinity and Whitaker walking in front of you like bodyguards, she silently followed behind.
The moment they found an empty trauma room, they closed the door behind you. The silence didn't last long, but all you could hear was your own heartbeat while trying to figure out how to even begin explaining what happened.
"Are you dating Abbot?" Whitaker asked slowly, crossing his arms.
You stared at him with a deeply what the fuck expression before dramatically looking between all three of them and pacing once across the room. "This MUST stay here."
"Sure." Trinity answered casually.
"I mean it." You took a deep breath, trying to find the exact words. "I matched with Abbot on Tinder." You said it quietly, but loud enough for everyone to hear.
None of them spoke. Whitaker's jaw dropped slightly, Trinity closed her eyes like she was physically trying to process the information, while Victoria made a noise so high pitched it sounded almost dangerous.
"No you didn't." Santos whispered.
"YES I DID." A nervous laugh escaped you the second you heard yourself say it out loud. "It was an accident tho."
"Oh my GOD." Javadi grabbed your shoulders violently. "OH MY GOD."
Meanwhile Trinity was still staring at you suspiciously. "How is that an accident?"
"My phone slipped." You admitted embarrassed, rubbing your forehead while remembering the exact moment it happened.
"Wait, hold on." Santos started pacing too now. "So you swiped right and the match appeared immediately?"
"...Yes?"
Trinity slowly nodded while Javadi continued looking excited like she was personally watching the greatest romantic comedy of her life unfold in front of her. Meanwhile all you wanted was for somebody to tell you how you were supposed to continue existing after this.
"That wasn't even all of it... He texted me immediately after." You pulled your phone out and handed it to them.
Santos grabbed it instantly, holding it where all three of them could see the screen at once. While she scrolled through the messages, the only thing you could focus on were their reactions.
"No, because this is actually insane." Trinity finally said while handing the phone back.
You buried your face into your hands, already regretting everything that happened this morning.
Because it was insane.
Even though he'd always taken care of you, you'd never let yourself believe it could mean something else. That was exactly why having a crush on him always felt stupid and childish. Sure, he made your shifts better. Sure, your stomach flipped every time he looked at you too long. But it had always stayed harmless inside your own head.
Jack Abbot was supposed to stay safely inside your brain as your painfully attractive work crush. He was not supposed to flirt back, he was definitely not supposed to remember your favorite snacks, ask if you'd slept, or look at you like you personally softened something inside him every single shift.
"Why are we acting like this is a funeral?" Javadi asked, smiling. "He likes you. That's a good thing."
Her smile slowly disappeared when she noticed you still looked seconds away from cardiac arrest.
Honestly, you still couldn't process any of it correctly, and now you knew it was only a matter of hours before you had to see him again.
"Oh my god." You suddenly stopped pacing. "What if I say I feel sick and then pretend to faint, and you say you're coming with me so we can both clock out early?"
"That would be... amazing." Trinity admitted. "But no."
You genuinely considered throwing yourself through the nearest window. Or maybe walking outside and waiting in the ambulance bay long enough for somebody to accidentally hit you. But before you could answer, or even move, you heard Whitaker quietly go "Oh" then Dana saying hello to someone outside.
You could've died right there because the second you turned around, you saw Jack Abbot walking toward the nurses station. Coffee in one hand and backpack hanging from his shoulder, looking unfairly attractive for somebody who hadn't even finished his twelve hours of rest.
Maybe he was feeling the same way you were.
And almost like he sensed it, his eyes lifted immediately toward the trauma room. Toward you.
You were still wearing the bright pink hoodie that was impossible to miss but out of everything happening around him, you still couldn't believe the very first thing he noticed was you.
Abbot's expression shifted slightly with confusion when he noticed all four of you suspiciously crowded inside the trauma room. One eyebrow lifted with visible amusement before the corner of his mouth pulled into a small grin. It was subtle but you knew him well enough to know he wasn't stupid.
Your eyes followed him automatically as he got closer, and suddenly you completely forgot how breathing worked. Once he passed by the room, he lightly tapped two fingers against the trauma room window in greeting without even slowing down. Then he kept walking toward the lockers like absolutely nothing had happened.
The second he disappeared down the hallway, Victoria's mouth dropped open.
"This is the worst day of my life." You whispered weakly, still staring at the hallway where Abbot had disappeared.
"And your shift hasn't even started yet." Trinity replied while walking out of the room.
Not helping at all.
This was it now. There was no avoiding it anymore.
If luck was somehow still slightly on your side (which you seriously doubted) maybe this was just the calm before the storm. Maybe suddenly the ER would completely explode with emergencies and you'd spend the next twelve hours separated on opposite sides of the hospital. Maybe you'd get stuck in triage all shift and never have to leave it. But the second you clocked in, it felt like Jack Abbot was suddenly everywhere.
Every hallway, the bay, even somehow leaving the bathroom exactly when you were walking past it.
Maybe this had always happened and you'd just never noticed before. But now that you knew there was tension between you, real tension and not platonic, everything felt different. Worse.
And to make it even more unbearable, he clearly enjoyed it.
Every chance he got, he somehow ended up beside you. Like he was curious to see how nervous he could make you before you completely short circuited.
The first time happened barely twenty minutes later. You were restocking supplies into the tiny cabinet in triage, trying desperately to think about literally anything except him, when someone suddenly stepped beside you.
"You came in early."
The second you heard his voice, your entire body jumped, making a few gauze packets fall straight onto the floor. God, are you serious?
You crouched immediately to grab them while he casually leaned against the litter beside you, coffee still in hand, looking entirely too relaxed for somebody currently ruining your nervous system.
His eyes never left you. That was the problem with Jack Abbot, he looked at people too confidently, like he already knew exactly what effect he had on them and unfortunately for you, he was right.
You could feel his gaze following every movement while you picked up the gauze, and something about seeing him standing over you like that made heat crawl embarrassingly fast up your neck, making you quickly shook your head, trying to physically force the thoughts away before they got worse.
You didn't exactly have experience with this kind of thing. Honestly, you barely had experience with men at all. Most of your past attempts at flirting usually ended with you avoiding eye contact until the other person gave up and none of those guys had ever looked like that. None of them had been older either, which somehow made this whole thing feel even more dangerous.
"Are you okay?" He asked before taking another slow sip of coffee.
"Mhm."
"You sure, Shortcake?" One of his eyebrows lifted slightly.
Your head snapped toward him instantly at the nickname, and that little grin on his face widened just enough for you to realize that he knew exactly what he was doing. You stood up quickly nearly smashing your head directly into the metal shelf hanging from the wall but before you could hit it, Abbot's hand moved instantly above your head, stopping you from colliding with the sharp edge.
The gesture was small, almost automatic. Which somehow made it worse. He'd always been like that, like protecting you came naturally to him.
"Careful." He said softly.
Your eyes lifted toward him for half a second too long and the moment they met his, something in his expression shifted almost invisibly. Like he was watching every single nervous reaction cross your face in real time.
"Oh my god." You whispered under your breath before immediately escaping the room and leaving him standing there alone.
Within the next two hours, the entire ER somehow realized something was deeply wrong with you.
You dropped your pens constantly. Forgot to give the patients their stickers. Nearly handed someone the wrong chart. At some point you stress ate every single candy left in your pocket without even noticing.
"You dropped the blood pressure cuff three times." Shen whispered while walking beside you. "Is everything okay?"
"I'm just tired."
"Abbot said you came in early."
You stopped walking so abruptly Shen almost bumped into you. "I need to quit."
"You need a psychiatric."
Ellis suddenly appeared beside both of you like she'd materialized out of thin air. "What's wrong with the boss today?" She asked casually.
Shen shrugged, clearly not understanding what she meant, while you immediately kept walking before either of them could continue the conversation.
It was weird. Because it genuinely felt like something had suddenly snapped into place overnight. Like you'd become painfully aware of the invisible string that had apparently always existed between you and Jack Abbot.
And the worst part? Now that you knew it, you couldn't stop noticing it. Especially because he clearly wasn't helping.
If anything, he kept finding excuses to stay close to you. Whenever he handed you the tablet, his fingers brushed yours briefly before pulling away. Whenever he squeezed past you in crowded hallways, his hand would settle lightly against your back for just a second longer than necessary, guiding you forward while acting completely casual about it.
And every single time you looked at him, he was already looking at you first.
The hours dragged by painfully slow, each one bringing you closer to finally going home and sleep for ten consecutive years.
At least you were doing a decent job avoiding him until around five in the morning. That was when Lena sent both of you upstairs to pediatrics to deal with some transfer issue.
The second you heard your name attached to his, a long exhausted sigh escaped your body before you could stop it.
Jack appeared beside you a moment later, adjusting the stethoscope. Of course he looked good doing that too.
The two of you walked toward the elevators together in silence. Oddly enough, it wasn't awkward. Maybe both of you were too exhausted at this point to put actual energy into whatever this thing was becoming. Still, even without looking directly at him, you could feel him behind you constantly.
The elevator dinged open.
Jack stepped aside slightly and gestured for you to enter first with one lazy movement of his hand, just enough to make your stomach flip embarrassingly fast.
You stepped inside while he followed right behind you a second later, and the moment the elevator doors slid shut, your heart immediately started beating harder.
Suddenly you were very aware of the situation you were currently trapped in.
Small elevator. Jack Abbot standing directly beside you.
You focused aggressively on the glowing floor numbers above the doors instead of the man next to you, trying to force your brain to think about literally anything else.
The silence stretched for a few seconds. From the corner of your eye, you saw him open his mouth once like he was about to say something before stopping himself.
"Why are you avoiding me?" He finally asked, turning his head toward you.
"I'm not."
"You are." You could hear the grin in his voice before you even looked at him.
"I'm just tired."
"You can't even look at me." He said with a quiet laugh. Which unfortunately was true. "Did I do something wrong?"
"I did something wrong."
"You did?" He asked confused.
"You're my attending."
"Is that so?" He said, tilting his head. "I swiped right first, so..."
The elevator suddenly felt ten degrees hotter. You stared even harder at the floor numbers, silently begging for the doors to open already.
Jack leaned casually against the elevator wall beside you, arms crossed loosely now. Meanwhile you were one bad heartbeat away from passing out.
"Don't blame yourself." He said softly.
And against your better judgment, you finally looked at him properly. Huge mistake. Because he was already watching you with that same warm, entertained expression from earlier. Like he could practically see how flustered you were becoming and didn't mind it one bit. Maybe even liked it and somehow that made your entire face burn hotter.
You weren't used to this. You weren't used to men who flirted this confidently. While Jack Abbot looked at you like he already knew exactly what would happen if he got any closer.
The elevator suddenly jerked violently, both of you stumbled slightly before everything stopped completely. The lights flickered once and then the elevator went still.
Jack slowly looked up toward the ceiling and your stomach dropped instantly.
For a second, neither of you moved.
The soft hum of the emergency lights filled the elevator while your own heartbeat pounded so loudly you were convinced he could hear it too.
Nope. Absolutely not. You refused to get trapped inside a tiny elevator with Jack looking like that.
"This is actually my personal hell." You whispered, staring at the closed doors.
"You're being dramatic." A quiet laugh left him.
"I'm trapped in a metal box with my attending after accidentally matching with him on Tinder. I think I'm reacting appropriately."
That made him smile properly this time. You hated how much that worked on you.
He pushed himself off the elevator wall and reached toward the emergency panel, pressing the call button.
"Maintenance will reset it in a minute." He said casually.
Of course he sounded relaxed. Meanwhile you felt like your nervous system was slowly shutting down.
You crossed your arms tightly over your chest, trying to ignore how small the elevator suddenly felt. Or how good he smelled standing this close. Your eyes squeezed shut for a second and, for some reason, your brain immediately thought about that Trisha Paytas picture where she's choking herself.
That was literally you at that moment.
"You okay, Shortcake?" He asked again, quieter this time.
Jack was already looking at you again, like he was trying to read every reaction on your face until he finally got the truth out of you.
"Please stop calling me that."
"Why?" One side of his mouth lifted slightly. "You like it."
"I do not like it."
"Are you sure?" His voice dropped softer. "Every time I say it, I see something in your eyes."
You looked away immediately before he noticed the effect he was having on you.
Unfortunately for you, he definitely noticed.
His laugh slipped out again, low and tired and way too attractive for five in the morning.
Jack stepped a little closer then. Not enough to make you uncomfortable, but enough for your entire body to immediately become aware of it.
"You know." He said lightly. "Langdon told me you love it when I call you that."
"He told you that?" Your eyes snapped toward him in horror.
That cocky expression appeared again instantly, and the corner of his mouth twitched when he realized he got exactly the reaction he wanted from you.
You genuinely wanted the elevator to crush you alive.
He looked way too pleased with himself now, arms crossed too while watching you completely unravel in front of him. And the worst part was that your nervousness seemed genuinely cute to him. He clearly wasn't used to girls reacting like this around him. Most women probably flirted back confidently, meanwhile you could barely maintain basic eye contact.
"I hate you." You muttered weakly.
"No you don't."
The confidence in his voice should've annoyed you. Instead it made heat spread through places it absolutely shouldn't.
The elevator stayed silent around both of you for another moment. Neither of you looked away this time.
Your brain kept screaming at you to say something normal. Something professional. Anything.
But then his eyes dropped to your mouth. And the second you realized you were looking at his lips too, the tension inside the elevator shifted so hard it almost felt physical.
Jack's expression softened slightly, like he was thinking about it too now. About how close he was standing and the fact that there was nobody else around.
Your stomach twisted nervously when his gaze slowly lifted back to yours again, like he was silently trying to figure out if you wanted this as much as he did.
And for one horrible second, you genuinely thought he was about to kiss you.
Both of you breathing heavier now, like the air inside the elevator had suddenly disappeared. Your pulse was probably completely tachycardic at this point, which honestly felt embarrassing considering all he was doing was looking at you.
Then he took another small step closer.
Your breath caught instantly.
With his head tilted slightly down now, he searched for your eyes again before his gaze dropped back to your lips for half a second. And without even realizing it, you nervously licked your own lips.
The effect that had on him was immediate.
You stopped hearing everything around you for a moment. There was only him. Until the elevator doors suddenly slammed open with a loud mechanical ding.
Both of you pulled apart slowly, almost reluctantly, like it took actual effort to force distance back between you.
Joy and Shen stood outside the elevator staring at both of you in confusion.
"Oh, okay." Joy said slowly.
You immediately walked out so fast it almost counted as fleeing. Meanwhile behind you, Jack cleared his throat once before casually following after you like absolutely nothing had happened at all.
Which honestly only made the tension worse.
Take care of you
synopsis jack really wants to take care of you, you're really not used to that feeling, but when an accident has you in harms way and rattles jack more than you, you have little choice but to accept how he feels about you. (I want to take care of you- it's rotten work- not to me, not if its you) type.
warnings, fluff and angst but with a happy ending. guns. insecure reader. reader is described with hair long enough to braid. insecure reader. angst with happy ending . younger reader though not a massive plot point. miscommunication/misunderstanding
authorsnote uncle pee-paw i'm growing very fond of you. sometimes i get so in my head about how things preform on tumblr and i completely forget that fanfic is so self indulgent so as long as i'm happy with it but i'm so happy with the love these pitt fics are getting they really do mean a lot
Pitt masterlist. Jack Abbot fic!
“ You need a ride? ”
When you'd called Jack to tell him you were going to be late into your night shift because the buses you relied so heavily on to get you to and from work weren't running due to some strikes or something, you really were only calling to let him know you'd be late. Not to subtly ask for him to give you a ride.
“No- no. I just didn't want you to think I was not turning up, I'll be there.”
“ What's your address again? ”
“It doesn't matter, I'm walking- running- running in,” you said breathless down your phone, busy stuffing your bag with whatever you'd need, none of which was food for the shift. You'd recently ran out of the energy bars Jack had recommended.
Everyday you said you'd prepare something nice, some risotto or something and take it in. Every morning you collapsed from exhaustion and ran out of time to make anything that resembled a 'meal'.
“ I've got it here, I'll be around in ten, ” Jack said.
Your bag slid down your shoulder as you paused. “Got it? Got what?”
“ Your address. ”
“How do you have my address?”
He chuckled down the line. “ Remember I ubered food to yours, two weeks ago? You've probably still got leftovers in your fridge. ”
Ah. You remembered. One of those times you let slip your terrible routine and he sort to fix it, sending you over prepped meals that- he was right- were still littered around your fridge.
“Right, yes. You should delete that.”
“ Comes in handy, sometimes. In emergencies, ” he said. “ I'll pick you up in ten, bye. ”
There was no time to argue as the call ended promptly after that.
Jack Abbot was a caring man. Something you were learning the hard way. You knew he'd given Ellis his spare room when she was evicted from her apartment, he'd even let her re-decorate, got her fresh blankets and sheets. You knew that Shen's favourites snacks were always stocked up in the lounge. You always knew that he was first to spot Lena getting tired and was always there with a coffee.
It was just like you knew he knew all those little things about you too.
He knew when your bus got in across from PCMT, always there to escort you over the road and back again at the end of the shift. No matter how long or gruelling it had been he would wait with you, rain or sun. He knew you had a bad sleeping habit so he told you herbal remedies in teas and even brought some for you. Annoyingly they worked and every time you had one you were forced to think of Jack.
You knew that if he said he was picking you up- he was.
There was nothing wrong with his affection.
You just didn't know what to do with it.
The night shift was still new to you. You'd only joined since their nights had gotten wilder, even too wild for the 'weirdest and wildest' to handle so you'd made the swap six months ago to help out. You were used to Robby's ways of doing things: of his careful watch over his residents with happy thumbs up or disapproving shakes of his head.
Jack trusted in his residents to take care of patients, but didn't when it came to themselves.
You rushed around, finding your pens and stethoscope and phone that you'd just put down for a second. Soon enough Jack had texted saying he was coming up (he somehow already had the code to your apartment complex).
His knuckles rattled softly and you rushed to grab the last of your things, including a book marked with 'Abbot, J' that you had yet to get round to reading.
“Hi,” you greeted.
You'd expected he'd come up just to be a gentleman, figuring the two of you would just head back down.
Jack squeezed by your attempt at baring him from your place and walked into your small and cramped apartment. “Hey.”
You tried not to be surprised, shutting the door behind him. “I've got everything, we- we can go.”
“I jussss wanna check-” the kitchen was just to the right and he opened your fridge door, grinning. “I was right. Still got the leftovers.”
There were many containers stacked, some full, others emptying. All marked in his handwriting from his meal prep he shared with you.
“Yeah, I haven't got round to sorting it,” you said. “Sorry, I didn't get around to eating everything. It's really good though.”
Jack smiled, reaching into your fridge like it was his own. “Hey, I made you a lot, didn't expect you to eat everything. Just wanted to make sure you had a choice. Did you like the Linguini? I tried a new recipe.”
Jack moved around your kitchen like he'd been living in your space forever. He was confident as he re-arranged your food, throwing what had gone out of date away and washing his hands in your sink, taking a towel hanging up by a cupboard like he knew it was there and drying.
“Er, yeah, it was nice, we can go, you know,” you said.
“You started reading it?” Jack asked, gesturing down to the book in your hands. “What do you think of it?”
“Oh, er, no. I haven't had the chance to start it. I was gonna give it back to you,” you said.
Jack shrugged. “It's yours, keep it.”
It was not yours. It was his. It was one of his favourites if the several dog-eared pages and annotations were anything to go by. It was a title he'd recommended to you and handed you a month ago but you'd only managed to flick through and get a vague understanding of the characters names only.
“But I mean- I don't know when I'll get round to reading it,” you said, loitering outside your kitchen.
“It's okay, I've read it a thousand times, keep it till you do.”
Wasn't he worried you may never get round to reading it and he might not ever get it back?, if your forgetful memory was anything to go by.
Jack finally abandoned your kitchen, passing by you. “Shall we?”
“Thanks for the lift. You really didn't have to,” you said as you left your apartment building, the sky already darkening and where others came in from their long days of work, yours was only just beginning.
“It's on my way,” he shrugged.
“It's out of your way,” you pointed out, knowing Jack was a complete different way to PCMT then you.
You saw his eyes roll as he opened the passenger door for you, nodding for you to get in.
“Just take the lift.”
“Thank you.”
“Word is you and Abbot arrived together,” said Dana.
You groaned.
There was a lot to like about the night shifts. It felt more of a team work than day did sometimes, you loved working with everyone just as much as you did day and you liked how still it got in the night sometimes. But you missed Dana who watched out for you like a mama bear. Still, she made time to always check in with you before she headed out.
Her jean jacket was thrown over her shoulders, her hair pinned back neater and keys in hand but she still greeted you like it was the start of the day.
“He gave me a lift, the buses are on strike.”
She smirked. “Nice of him.”
“I've told him not to do it again.”
“Oh yeah, how'd he take that?”
He'd shook his head and laughed, constantly brushing off every thanks you made and offer of any aid you could give. He seemed wholly un-bothered by the inconvenience you'd caused.
“Jack's a good guy,” said Dana.
“That he is.”
“You deserve someone like him.”
You weren't sure where Dana got that idea. You also didn't know why you couldn't believe her. Why every time Jack turned up when things were going bad, or why every time he showed he cared you felt scared.
And you'd never really had the time to un-pack that.
You looked up to Dana, folding your arms over on the counter. “And what about what he wants?”
“Well for that you'll have to ask him,” she said with the all knowing look in her eyes. Her hand was gentle on your shoulder as she squeezed. “I'll see you in the morning.”
“Night.”
You thought you'd have a chance to view the patient charts that were swapped over to night shift but Jack was next, standing in Dana's space.
“What did mamma bear have to say?” he asked.
“Oh you know, the usual,” you said. “Trying to give me life advice that I won't follow.”
He huffed a chuckle. “I could've told her that, saved her the time.”
“I listen to your advice-”
He levelled his gaze onto yours.
“- I try to.”
His brows rose up. “You brought anything in for food tonight?”
You were about to answer, ready to prove him wrong, finally.
Jack interrupted you. “Anything other than that caramel coffee you like?”
He could read you like a book. You don't know how he found the time to know so much about you, to observe such things you wouldn't even notice unless he pointed them out.
Your silence was an answer.
“I brought extra, we'll have it later.”
He said it so confidently, leaving little space for any arguing on your end.
“Will we?”
“Yeah,” he said, stretching out on the counter. “I'm thinking a midnight picnic, trauma two? Might even get lucky with a GSW as company.”
You laughed and when you looked at Jack he was smiling. It was a soft kind, the sort that smoothed his face and made him seem younger and lighter. The kind that you took home with you and re-played as you fell asleep slowly.
You would never admit how long Jack spends in your mind. Somehow it felt like he already knew.
“You, um, you didn't braid your hair today,” said Jack, straightening up and drumming his knuckles on the counter. His gaze only faltered on yours for a second.
This was something you knew you did, carefully creating a routine for washing your hair that meant you didn't have to do it every day after work. Enough baby powder or dry shampoo meant you could get away with two washes at best.
“No, I guess I didn't.”
“It's gonna annoy you, being in your face all day.”
“I'm sure I'll manage.”
Jack didn't listen. He picked up your wrist- the one you kept a hair tie around- and slid it onto his own before going behind you.
“Jack, what are you doing?” you asked.
“Helping you.”
“You don't have to, I'll shove it up.”
Jack grumbled. “Let me work.”
His fingers grazed your neck as he brushed back your hair, the callouses on his hands rough against you, eliciting some sort of warmth in your body. Thankfully he was behind you and couldn't see the blush absolutely coming to your cheeks.
Jack took care of those around him, but he'd never touched anyone else's hair, never stood in the middle of the nurses station where all could see to braid someone's hair.
You felt him work, the weight of his gaze on the back of your head and his fingers moving through your hair like a cool summer evening breeze.
Across the way, Lena peered over her glasses at you with a smile.
“Lena's staring,” you said, unable to focus on any work till Jack's fingers were out of your hair.
Jack hummed. You knew that concentration from the amount of times you've seen him focused. “Lena always stares.”
You noticed Crus and Matteo passing by, both watching and pointing. You were sure Crus made some obscene make-out gesture and only hoped Jack didn't see. You were sure, if anyone else had asked he'd have done the same.
Though you hadn't technically asked.
“I'm sure you have far more important things to do than braid my hair, Abbot.” The lights in the Pitt seemed brighter, burning down on you like spotlights.
“Nothing more important right now.”
Your neck stretched as Jack pulled at your hair lightly to get it all in place. Curiosity ate at you, wondering where he'd done this before but the idea of knowing- like you had any right to- shut you up before you could speak.
Eventually he finished and his hands fell on your shoulders.
“There. Ready to be a hero?” he asked, spinning you around to him.
Your feet scuffed along the floor. “What? Am I the Robin to your batman?”
His lips quirked up and he moved his head side to side like weighing up his options. “More like the Lois to my Super-man.”
You sadly weren't versed enough in comic to know if that was a good or bad thing.
Jack was attending to a young girl when you walked in. Honestly it was starting to get comical how you turned up around him or he you. Some would call it magnets and as you met Jacks gaze as you stepped in you knew the ‘people’ meant Jack.
He looked at you, taking a quick note of the fact you still had your braid in even hours into the night. Jack smiled.
“Miss mermaid this is who I was telling you about,” said Jack.
The young girl- maybe five, maybe six- looked up at you as Jack slowly pulled at the thread bringing the skin of her knee together.
The chart had told you she'd taken a nasty fall on the playground and her teacher had brought her in, still trying to get in contact with the parents while Jack kept her company, cleaning her scraped knees and the gash just below.
“Hello,” the little girl waved. There wasn't even any tear marks on her cheeks but there was a small mark of blood at her little lip and her hair was falling out around her face.
“Hello miss mermaid,” you greeted, realising quickly the name came from her little mermaid top she wore.
“We were just talking about you,” said Jack, glancing quickly at you.
You blushed, wondering what Jack had to say about you to a small child. “Oh?”
“You and Crus played mermaids that time at the beach, remember?”
The girl giggled and Jack smiled over her shoulder at you.
“It wasn't- it wasn't mermades,” you excused.
That day was one of sweltering heat and lingering gazes. The night shift had took a trip to the beach on one of the hottest days of the year, enjoying the day for the day-shifters that couldn't. You'd gotten a lift with Matteo who'd brough Victoria Javadi along as she had the day off anyhow.
There was sand in places you didn't know sand could get, beach balls that somehow were pierced before you could even blow them up and gazes shared with Jack.
Maybe it was the bikini you wore that was so different from the scrubs. Maybe it was the fact Jack was un-characteristically insecure about his prosthetic leg being exposed to all and you'd told him nobody cared, that everybody cared more that he couldn't enjoy himself. Something had changed that day, settling in you like a pebble at the bottom of a lake thrown from a great height.
Since then, you and Jack had never looked at each other the same way.
But you and Crus hadn't been playing mermaids.... exactly. You swam around a lot and sort to collect more sea shells than the other. You just didn't call it mermaids.
“Will I be able to play mermaids again?” asked the little girl brushing hair out of her face with clumsy hands.
“Absolutely,” said Jack with great enthusiasm.
“And run faster than all the boys in my class?”
Jack chuckled, so did you. “Of course, but you'll have to rest up first.”
“Give the boys a chance to catch up, huh?” you suggested, plucking a leaf out of her hair.
“I like running fast,” she said.
Jack worked on the stitching, back to concentrating.
You sat down on the other side of the bed, gently reaching over to pluck bits of leaf and dirt from her hair. “So do I but sometimes we got to take things slow to not get hurt.”
You hadn't realised the meanings of the words until Jack halted his movements, glancing at you.
So you supposed there was a double meaning.
Jack's gaze was heavy.
“Tell you what, miss mermaid, Doctor Abbot here is better at braiding hair than he is stitches,” you said after a clear of your throat.
“Rude,” Jack mumbled.
It took a little convincing but you managed to swap places with Jack, gloving up and taking the tread he'd started at. He took your space on the bed and gently worked the child's hair into something neat while you carried on her stitches, close enough to being finished.
The both of you worked in silence as you each concentrated on your separate endeavours. All the while the young girl sat in between you hummed to herself, some Disney song.
“That's my favourite,” said Jack half way through when he must have realised what song she was humming.
You were still trying to understand it when part way through they changed to 'Under the sea'. You had to all but hold her leg from swinging as she sang loudly, causing you to laugh.
“Why not singing?” asked the girl.
“Yeah, why not singing?” Jack asked
You shook your head. “I don't know the song.”
Jack made a 'pfft' sound like he didn't believe you and 'little miss mermaid' did the same, blowing a raspberry.
Eventually you finished up the stitching, coincidently the same time Jack finished with his braiding.
A nurse- Bridget- walked in with the young girls teacher, eying the two of you between her. “You braiding Matteo's hair next?” she teased with a glint of wicked amusement in her eyes.
Jack moved up from the bed just as you also stood, discarding of the tools you'd used. “Only if he asks nicely.”
“Her parents have been informed they're on their way,” said the girls teacher.
“Perfect,” said Jack, holding either end of his stethoscope slung around his neck. “We are going to leave you in the very capable hands of Bridget who knows many more Disney songs than we do. Don't go without giving me another song.”
The girl laughed, her new braid slung over her shoulder. “I won't.”
Jack smiled and held the door open for you as you left with a small wave and him trailing behind you.
Lena was at the nurses station, answering calls and dishing out work while others walked around the two of you, busy with their own nights that existed by itself in the Pitt.
You hadn't realised you and Jack were heading for the break room till his arm stretched out and he pushed the door open over you.
“Are you really telling me you didn't know the song she was singing?” he asked.
“Of course I knew the song. I wasn't going to sing and embarrass myself,” you said, pulling out the mug you always used and Jack's favourite, finding the coffee pot newly brewed.
“Like I'm any Phil Collins,” scoffed Jack as he pulled out two containers from the fridge.
You frowned, sitting at the table. “Who?”
Jack looked at you, swinging the door shut. His brows rose high, crinkling his forehead. “Phil Collins? Turn it out again.... In the air tonight... The music on Tarzan?”
“Is he the dad of Lily Collins?”
Jack slid into the seat across from you. “Who?” He passed you over a full container of some sort of quinoa. It wasn't just left overs, it was a carefully calculated portion to match his.
You stared down at it like you were trying to decide if it was poisoned while Jack had already had a spoonful of his own.
It felt strange, to be sitting in a secluded room of the chaos and eating with him. Though at work, it felt oddly domestic. It felt- annoyingly- like the right thing to do. You wanted to eat from his container and wash it, hand it back to him. You wanted to know where he kept all his Tupperware, the kind that fell from cupboards at every open of the door.
“You cooking for me now?”
Jack shrugged, not meeting your gaze. “It's quinoa. Hardly cooking.”
You took a careful spoon.
Like he'd been discreetly watching as soon as you swallowed he spoke.
“You like it?”
“It tastes... kind of...”
“Healthy?”
You looked at him, feigned aghast.
Jack smirked, jaw working as he ate his food. “Come on, if it weren't for me you'd still be living on pizza's and take aways. At least this way you save a couple bucks and eat good. For a doctor you should know how important that is.”
“What are you so worried about what I eat for?” you mumbled, more wondering to yourself.
“I like to take care of you.”
He admitted it softly, a slight shrug to his shoulders like it was nothing. Like looking after you, a simple colleague- maybe a friend if you were lucky enough- was a simple feat. As if you didn't struggle to take care of yourself. Jack worked the same shifts, even more as an attending and cooked for himself, did yoga in mornings and even went out as a SWAT team member.
“Why?” You pushed the grains around in the tub.
“Why what?” he asked.
Daring to glance at him, you found Jack looking at you, arms rested on the table, his freckled biceps pulling at his scrub top.
You shook your head, taking another spoon of the food.
Any other time some emergency would be called to save you. Nothing as such when you really needed it. Of course you were glad nobody was being rushed in hurt... but still.
“Why do I like looking after you?” Jack repeated. “Because it's you.”
At that, you smiled. Not through happiness, more sympathy. “Because I can't look after myself?”
You knew you slept a lot, didn't take as good care of yourself as you could have. There were healthy and easy meal ideas sat in a folder in your phone, gathering dust. There was always laundry in a pile, dirty and clean, to go to their respective homes. There were friends waiting to make arrangements you never got around to making. You weren't easy but you didn't think you were so bad someone else had to come in and save you.
Jack paused, his face falling. “That's not what I meant.”
“Sure it is, you can admit it,” you shrugged, the food he's kindly shared turned to ash in your mouth. “I know I might seem like a mess to you, to someone so put together and... older, but I really do have my life managed. You don't have to add me to your to do list.”
“Woah, woah, woah, I never said that. That's not what I meant at all.”
You laughed. It felt better than feeling so embarrassed. “It's okay-”
“- no, no, that's not what's supposed to be going on, I... ”
Jack cared for people, you knew that. It was just apart of himself.
So you were almost distraught inside when you realised he didn't like you anymore than Shen or Ellis. He just looked out for you cause it was something he had to do.
“I'm not actually very hungry right now,” you said, pushing the lid back on and leaving it for him.
Jack was just as quick as you were to his feet. “No, no, wait- wait, hey-”
His pushed the door closed as you only just opened it an inch.
You looked at him. Your stomach was tight, uncomfortably so.
“Let me- let me try again, okay? I didn't think this through.”
“There's nothing to think through, just wait-”
Shen appeared at the door, trying to get in but Jack was surprisingly strong in keeping the door barred. “I need my coffee.”
“Give us a minute, Shen,” said Jack with all his attending commanding voice.
“But-”
“- a minute!”
You caught sight of Shen looking to you for help before walking away, head down and probably with his bottom lip jutted out like a kicked puppy. “Shen won't get far without his coffee.”
“Shen can wait till we're done now listen,” he said and leant against the door, watching you close. “I like taking care of you, I do, I really do. Not because I think you're not capable of looking after yourself, you are, I know you are it's... I just...”
You waited.
There was nothing.
Jack looked at you with all wide eyes and tension held in his arms. It's like he wanted to say something but ... couldn't.
One more minute and Shen would tear the place apart for coffee.
“You're a nice guy, Jack, you just don't have to be that nice.”
Jack let his arm fall from the door and you evacuated.
The sun had started to rise and you were so close to getting out the door, so close to running from the day's problems. Day shift had turned up, somewhat bright eyed and bushy tailed to take the days stresses though you weren't sure they could take Jack's insistence to talk to you away.
You were inches away from leaving when Jack called for you.
There wasn't the desperation to talk to you, it was the sort he used in traumas, only.
“I need you, GSW to the chest!”
The both of you ran in, gowns pulling on and gloves next as you pushed through the doors.
It was all the usual to you: too many doctors in one room, so much talking and orders it fell on your ears like music you knew all the words to.
“Woman in her twenties, multiple GSW's,” Robby called out. “Pulse ox eighty!”
The doors shut behind and the team of you all took your roles like a practised routine.
“Three... two... one- move!”
All together you lifted her over.
There was blood blooming on her shirt, a tear in her jeans. There was a black eye and what looked like a broken nose if the cut over the bridge and the slant of it was anything to go by.
You'd seen enough of these to know when they were accidents and when they weren't.
Her back hit the bed and the sharp beep of life being lost echoed.
“We've lost her pulse!” shouted Robby.
Without being told you climbed up, hands coming together and hammering down on her chest. For a split second you felt the ghost of Jack's hands, helping you up before they were gone like a summers breeze.
Looming over her you could see the injuries better. And worse.
“GSW, right-sided, she needs a central line,” you announced.
Jack moved around you and the patient, already preparing himself for the central line before you'd called for one.
“BP's dropping out! Pulse Ox is eighty-five!” Robby called.
“She's got tension pneumo,” said Jack without shouting and everyone heard. Somewhere in the back of your mind you recognised that authority he demanded with the simple sound of his voice.
“Crash cart,” said Robby. “Charge to one hundred.”
You waited till you heard the buzz of the cart and felt the heat of the panels before moving.
“Clear!”
The sound of her pulse was quiet and the rhythm was odd but it was there, slight bumps in a green line.
You climbed down, landing next to Jack as he readied with a fourteen needle.
“BP's seventy Ox,” said Jesse.
“Day shifters trying to cramp our style,” said Jack as he slid in.
Robby tutted. “Trying to make sure you don't get all the fun.”
Jack straightened next to you. “Ok, I'm setting up the chest tube, you're gonna set me up with a thirty-two French. Get a mig of atropine and a need a unit of O-neg.”
Two units were hooked up.
“We need to get the chest tube in and stop the bleeding.”
It was all a flurry of hands and tools as the chest tube was in, as the chest was packed with gauze at the right flank where the bullet had tore through her chest. It was a close one, but the sort you could save with nimble hands and careful concentration.
“Okay,” Jack uttered as the both of you loomed over her. “I know we're fighting and I don't like that-”
“We're not fighting and now's not the time,” you said.
Robby was on the other side of the bed, giving the two of you a look. “I agree.”
Jack waved him off, focusing on you. “I'll strike you a deal, we save this woman's life. You get breakfast with me.”
You glanced up, wondering if anyone had heard, though you were sure by now Jack's attempts at asking you on a date was one of the worst kept secrets.
Robby was watching from the other side, arms over his chest and his brows raised.
“You strike a hard bargain there, Abbot,” you mumbled.
“May as well say yes, either way you're saving lives.”
“Why cause you'll die if I say no?”
Jack looked at you. As usual there was nothing giving away if he was joking or not. “Yeah.”
It would have been a pretty poor time to joke.
Five minutes later she was stable.
Blood bags hung slowly draining, rags and gauze of blood littered the ground and torn off gowns were thrown haphazardly around. The patients pulse was steady and beating with the promise of years of life ahead. There'd be challenges, you don't get shot and not have to face even more hardship.
But there was life.
And that was the most rewarding part of the job.
“Good job,” said Robby, peeling of his gloves. “I'm gonna get some air.”
“Then go home, right?” asked Jack as everyone slowly moved away.
Robby only made a rude gesture as the doors closed and left you and Abbott to peel away the blood stained gowns and gloves.
Jack turned to you, un-fazed at the life he'd saved. “You want to go from here or do you want me to drop you off at yours and let you change first?”
You stared at him.
It was almost unfair, his charisma in spite of it all. You didn't stand a chance. When Jack said he was going to save a life, he was going to do just that. It was an added bonus to take you on a date.
Your head was shaking but your lips were curling up.
Jack backed out of the room, leaving you with a thumbs up.
You didn't know why you lingered with the body. You were a resident who had one patient on the go, you should've picked up another. You should've left the trauma room for the surgical consultation.
Yet you wanted to start a chart, wanted to find a name for the girl.
As you walked over, checking her BP which sat safe at one hundred over sixty, her eyes fluttered open, dry lips parting and murmurs exiting.
“Hey,” you dropped your voice gently. “You're safe now, you're at the hospital. Can you hear me?”
You held her head steady as her eyes fluttered but didn't open wide enough to meet yours.
“Can you tell me your name?”
You listened close but got nothing from the grunts.
The doors to the trauma room pushed open.
A small girl stood there, early twenties or even late into her teens. She wore a hoody, blood soaking up the sleeves. She didn't introduce herself, instead, she stared.
“Is she alive?” she asked.
Beyond the broken nose you could see the resemblance in the unconscious on the bed and the one that stood ahead of you.
“Do you know her?” you asked.
“She's my sister.”
“Well your sister was shot in the chest, she's lost a lot of blood but she should make it-”
You heard the gunshots before you saw the gun.
Jack had stripped off the gown stained with blood and pulled off his gloves next, trashing them in a bin.
“That was some way to ask a girl out,” chuckled Robby as he followed his movements in yanking anything with blood on him off.
Jack shrugged. So far nothing that he'd planned the day had gone to plan, asides from saving lives yet that was his plan every day. When you'd called he was already at the hospital but you'd said about the buses and he put his keys back in at once. He thought finally. He'd been waiting for a sign to try to take you on a date, seeing's as the food and books and recommendations and days out weren't enough.
Now, he'd saved a life and got a date.
“So what's next?” asked Robby. “You perform a resuscitative thoracotomy and ask her to marry you?”
“If you have one let me know and I'll see.”
Robby chuckled, patting him on the back when three gunshots rang out.
Everyone ducked.
People screamed.
Where suddenly dozens of people stood everyone was down in lumps, covering heads and ducking for patients.
Jack hovered, not quite down but ready to move. Gun shots were nothing, enough to lull him to sleep. These shots were like any other but they echoed in his ears and richoeted in his heart.
They came from behind him.
From the room he'd just left.
“Where'd that come from?” he asked. He knew.
Robby's hand pushed at his chest, already moving past him. “Trauma two!”
You.
“No!”
The two of them took off toward the room.
A lady exited. It wasn't you. It wasn't the patient. It was a third un-familiar party.
She turned at the sound of heavy footsteps and rose her gun at the two.
“Gun!” someone screamed.
Robby was still holding onto Jack as the two of them skid to a stop in front of her. Somewhere someone was crashing and Jack couldn't see you or hear you.
There were three shots.
He knew three shots were enough to kill.
Jack raised his hands, showing he was harmless and helpless. “Please,” he begged. “Is she alive?”
The girls eyes were hard and full of hatred. The gun was steady in her hands. She was calm, completely but there was no doubt the gun shots were hers. “Not anymore.”
“Oh god-”
“Woah-Woah-” Robby caught Jack with one strong arm as his knees gave out.
You were dead? Some girl- hardly an adult- shot you? Why? To tear out his own heart?
It was already gone.
“Jack? Jack, brother, listen to me,” Robby was trying to talk to him but nothing was going through to him, like a signal lost.
The girl turned and left quickly, making sure everyone knew she had a gone when they all knew she wasn't afraid to use it. The shots must have rung out through the entire hospital.
Robby helped Jack up and as soon as the doors leaving the Pitt closed they rushed in.
The harsh sound of beeping was bouncing off the trauma walls where blood was splattered and a pool of that same blood dripped down into a puddle under the patient.
“Oh my god.” Jack found you at once, using the walls as a crutch as you stumbled your way through the room. He was at your side at once, arms around your trembling body and holding you- moving with you even as you tried to walk.
There was blood all over you and you'd paled dramatically.
Jack coaxed you into staying still, grabbing your cheeks to get your attention. He ignored the pain in his leg that had come from the run, the giving out and now as he crouched to get a look at you. “Hey, hey, hey, look at me- let me look at you. Are you hurt? Did she hurt you?”
Robby had already rushed to the patients side, what doctors and nurses that had gained control over themselves joining him in trying to save her life again. “Ah shit, looks like PEA! Amp of antropine, amp of Epi!”
Your eyes darted over to where the chaos ensued, even as Jack tried to get you to look at him.
“You won't ... won't get her back!” your voice was shaky and hoarse from a scream he hadn't heard. “Blew her god damn brains out.”
“Come here, okay, let's-let's-” Jack's arm was around your shoulder and he was moving you out, trying to help pulling off your bloody gloves while keeping an arm on you.
There was blood and something else on your gloves. Blew her brains out. And you'd tried to scoop them back in.
When the bright lights of the hospital met you your body grew still in his arm.
Jack was familiar with trembles, with blood and PTSD. He wasn't used to any of it in you. In everything he'd learnt about you, he hadn't learnt the subtle art of comfort. “Let's get you some air, let's get you cleaned up-”
You pushed out of Jack's arms, pulling and tugging at your scrub top soaked in blood and all but ran into the women's bathroom.
He heard retching as the door closed.
Jack shook his head, ready to follow you when Dana appeared in front of him, hand on his chest.
“Take it easy, take it easy, I'll check in on her.”
He could still hear you throwing up when Dana slipped in.
The sun was high in the sky, casting the roof of PCMT in an orange glow. The sky burnt in its colour but all you saw was red.
One moment the girl had been crashing, the monitor still beeped in your head. Her body had jerked up to the sky before you got a rhythm back and then- just as you did with any patient- you got hopeful. It seemed in the clear to do so, you'd helped patients come back from worse and you always had hope.
Nobody that worked in the ED could live without it.
Then- it had took three bangs for you to drop to the ground but not before being smeared in blood. You didn't even know what was happening as the ringing ran out in your ears. You'd met the ground with a hard thump to your head. When your vision cleared you saw the shoes rush out of the room.
Your guiding as a med student was doing no harm, saving lives and you'd dropped and put your life ahead of your patients.
What kind of doctor did that?
The cowardly type- you.
“You're in my spot,” said a voice coming closer.
Jack.
His voice soothed the nerves in your body that had been on edge since the accident. Everything made you jump, but him.
“It's a nice spot,” you said as loud as you could, knowing your voice still wasn't back. Or loud enough.
“Yeah,” he said, getting closer. “But usually I like to be on the other side of the rail. And on my feet.”
You were sat on the edge of the roof, not on the edge close enough for anyone to worry but apparently that didn't stop Jack.
He huffed, behind you now. “Please, I'm an older guy, my heart can't take it. Can you come over?”
If your feet weren't like weights pulling you down maybe you could have but you were struggling to feel any part of you.
You admitted as much, quietly. “I can't move.”
You'd moved quick when faced with the gun, dropping to save your own skin. Since then moving had been difficult, like you'd used every muscle in your body to push yourself and now you were locked.
Jack moved in a blur as he ducked under the rail and slowly set down next to you. He was silent, only his breathing calming you. “Did you get checked over with Robby?”
You nodded. “The ringing'll go away in a day or two.”
“Yeah.... it always does.”
You looked at him and Jack was looking at you. The grey stubble of his beard never looked greyer and his eyes were dull, small half moon bruises of sleep marked there. His hair was ruffled and he smelled dully of hospital.
This was a man that had saved more lives than you could count and severed in tours ... and he was taking time to check on you.
“I'm sorry,” you didn't know you had cried till Jack's arm was around your shoulder, bringing you in.
“Hey, hey,” he cooed, his arm tight on you. “What are you sorry for, huh?”
“I didn't save her, I-I should've tried. Should be reasoned with the shooter and I just-I just dropped down and you-” your breathing was ragged, the cries frequenting. “-you've done so much, lost your leg for damn sakes and I just dropped.”
“Hey,” he snapped. It wasn't un-kind. It was stern in ways he had to be in the as a night attending. “You did everthing you could.”
You looked at him. He really meant that though. “I dropped down!”
“You saved your life,” he reminded you. Jack's arm was still tight on your shoulders but his other hand held your cheek, making you focus on him. “You acted on instinct. If you hadn't your patient still would've shot and you-” Jack's breath caught. His eyes were glossed over. You'd missed the redness around his eyes. “- you'd have been shot and I couldn't live with that. I-I couldn't.”
Jack wiped away his tears, wiping yours next. He chuckled dryly at the both of your tears.
“I lost my leg in a tour,” said Jack. “Where guns and shooting is part of the job. It's not in a hospital. You did what you could.”
It still didn't feel right. It still felt like the cowards way of doing things.
“Look at me, look at me-” he nudged your gaze to his. His eyes were wide and implored you to look at him. Really look. “You did what you could and I know a patient died and I know-I know it's hard but...”
He sniffed.
“But what?” you mumbled. How could there be a but in any of this?
He held your cheeks tighter, smudging your cheeks just that little more. Jack let out a shaky exhale. “But I am so happy you're okay. I am so fucking glad.”
His dimples were hardly there as he gave you a sorry smile.
Your head fell into his chest and he brought his arms around you, holding you, shushing you as you cried. Cried for your patient, for the shooter, for the way you dropped. None of which maybe could be forgiven but all of which were valid.
Somewhere in the crying Jack held you tighter and moved the both of you back away from the ledge. You let him, even helped in scuffing your feet and pushing away till the railing hit both your backs.
“You're okay, I got you, I got you.”
I got you. He'd always had you, if he hadn't had you today what would you have done? Nothing crazy but you might have stayed up on the roof all day, be dead on your feet by the night. Jack had always had you and when he did you'd all but told him not to.
“I'm sorry.”
His hand ran over your hair. It had come lose but still remained in the braiding. “You don't have to be sorry, you don't.”
“No about earlier, in the lounge,” you said, holding onto him. “You were being nice, you've always been nice and I... I was horrible-”
“- you weren't horrible, no-”
“- you've been so kind to me and I don't even say thanks-”
“- you have actually, quite a few times- ”
“- I don't know why you put up with me-”
“- well, it helps that I love you-”
If there was one way to shut your rambling up, it was that.
You still had a vice on his scrub top but you looked up to him. For the first time- you think ever- Jack had to look away from you.
“What?” you asked.
Jack's jaw ticked and he clocked his head. “I didn't mean to say that.”
Disappointment chocked you. Of course it would just slip out, heck Jack was comforting you, he'd say anything.
“Oh.”
“I do love you,” he said and you looked at him with something akin to hope as you moved your head away. “That's why I've been looking after you, that's what you do when your- when your in love. My... my wife taught me that. I was just scared you know cause.... I haven't been in love since she died.”
It wasn't often Jack talked about his wife but when he did he talked. He'd talk anyone's ears off about her and once or twice you'd been that person.
“I'm sorry.” This time you weren't sure what you were apologising for, you just were.
Jack looked at you with a mocked frustration.
You cringed. “Sorry, I should- I should stop saying that.”
He hummed and nodded along with you, a tiny smile on his lips, the chapped parts cracking from the salt of his last tears. “I never meant to make you feel incapable, I know you can look after yourself. But I want to.”
You laughed at yourself, wiping at your cheeks and snot. “Why? I'm a mess.”
Jack took your cheek in the palm of his hand. “No, you're not. Not to me.”
Jack kissed you so slow and sweet on the edge of the roof with the sun praising upon the both of you. He didn't push his feelings into you, he let you feel them in the gentle press of his lips and the hold of his hands.
And feel the love you did.
don’t know about you but I love a man in uniform
It's actually super unethical to keep a peeve as a pet
✴︎ GRADIENT LINE DIVIDERS
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WHEAT
SHADOW
PINK SKY
SPRING TIME
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OCEAN
PURPLE HAZE
saving grace — ryland grace x reader
summary: the way you and ryland grace got involved with the hail mary are polar opposites. he was forced on this mission against will, despite wanting to live. on the contrary, you volunteered on this mission to die. both of you get caught up in the antithesis of your initial reasoning as ryland finds someone to die for, and you find someone to live for.
tags: somehow angsty?? i meant to write fluff?? reader is lowkey suicidal lmao, reader joined the hail mary to die, rocky mentions and many tears, mentions of eva stratt
Ryland Grace seems to be under the false impression that you are everything he is not.
Being alone in a confined space for so long, you were bound to talk a lot, and it was only a matter of time the topics brushed over how and why you ended up floating in space to find but a semblance of hope to save your planet before extinction in the vast void of the universe.
"Why did you join the mission if you weren't, you know..." Grace trails off, sheepish in his inquiry, "... Sure?"
"Your eloquence astounds me, Doctor Grace," you chuckle, giving him a half hearted shrug. Not meant to be a full reply, but to convey your stance on the matter.
"I had the gene. That was the most important factor, I think. Everything else they could just hammer into my head pronto before launch. Same for the whole astronaut training, apparently." With a contemplative hum, you purse your lips, "Though I suppose it helped Stratt immensely that I picked things up super fast." Purely to show you have a speck of modesty left; "Not to toot my own horn, but to totally toot my own horn," you tack on as an afterthought, just so Grace doesn't think of you as an arrogant ass.
"All the horns are yours to toot, honestly," Grace lifts up both hands in surrender, then gesturing at you with open palms as if to say the stage is yours. "I had heard your name come up multiple times the moment I was cleared to handle confidential information." He mirrors your earlier shrug, like he doesn't want to fully commit to his perception. "Stratt sounded oddly self-assured, like you were the one ace up her sleeve that wouldn't fail her."
That draws a short bark of a laugh out of you. Eva Stratt is many things, but unprepared is not one of them.
Having blind faith in people, also. Not her style at all.
"That's an exaggeration," you push at his shoulder like you push away the ridiculous idea, "I had many back-ups like everyone else, I assure you." Stretching out your legs, you sink back into the impromptu pillow fort with a sigh, "I trust your judgement. If you say so, that is how it must've looked like to an observer. Even if so, it's probably just that she saw high odds of success with my presence or something. Nobody is indispensable to Stratt."
"Oh, I would know."
The bitter chuckle that leaves his lips drip with venom.
... You probably shouldn't ask, but what is humanity without curiosity?
"Could be a different case for you," Nodding, you carefully try breaching the subject. "She was very insistent that you join. I know she's bossy and persuasive, but I still cannot fathom how she managed to convince you. That's Stratt, alright."
It takes you a second that might have come off as you underestimating him.
"Not in a bad way!!" Before he can speak, your hands fly up in defense, "I mean, you just seemed so..." Rolling your hands before clasping them together once you scrambled for the appropriate word for long enough, "... Hesitant. Not to say you were meek or bad at your job or anything, but I was under the impression that you didn't want to be involved any more than the bare minimum needed for the science." Taking a breath through your teeth, you offer a quiet "Sorry."
"You're right on the mark," he says, tone somber, and oh, you're not sure if you can bear to look at him. You have come across him with a mournful expression on his face once or twice, seemingly expressionless but the bleak mood hanging heavily in the air as he watches the stars; and it tugs at your heartstrings in all the wrong ways. "She didn't."
"Hm?"
"She didn't convince me."
Heart dropping to your stomach at the implications, you turn your head to face him at the speed of a medieval gate opening.
"I didn't volunteer," His mouth twitches up, though it's more a grimace than anything else, "I refused — tried to escape when she tried to force me into it. The memories are still a little spotty, but I remember being hunted down."
The sheen of tears in his eyes reflects your own, your lower lip wobbling as he continues; "The grass against my cheek. Uncomfortable pressure on my lower back. A rainbow. The feeling of an intrusive needle in my neck."
They didn't give him a choice. He was hunted down like an animal and forced on a suicide mission with one order, all in the name of greater good. And yet.
And yet he works to help those back home — home, if you can even call it that with the newfound revelation. You cannot imagine being stripped of your autonomy in such a way and still have the resolve to help the very people that betrayed you.
Sure, it is not the entire population. A powerful few, if not just one, but still. You don't dare label him a saint or assume his feelings on the matter, with considerable effort.
The feeling of being betrayed, deceived, far outweighs the sorrow, your resentment manifesting itself as molten anger streaming down your cheeks.
How dare they. How dare they.
"I'm nothing like you, Yao, or Ilyukhina," Grace mumbles, the words haphazardly thrown together as he moves to get up. "Sorry I'm not who you think I am."
Your hand flies to latch on his wrist so hard you hear one of your joints pop.
"We," Swallowing thickly, you close your eyes to pull yourself together, trying to refrain from choking on your words, "We were told you agreed. Yao was against forcing you from the very beginning, as were the rest of us. Stratt said after a long discussion, you wanted to be put in the medically induced coma before launch for nerves or something—!!"
Bile raises in your throat. Your ignorance makes you feel almost complicit in what happened to him, even if you had no say in the matter.
"I'm so sorry," you barely manage to get the words out, lightly tugging at his wrist.
Grace crumples in your arms like a flimsy doll, fingers clumsily digging into your shirt in a poor attempt to hold onto you — or to hold himself together. You can't tell.
"Thank you," you barely hear the words, muffled by your own shoulder, "It's nice to know at least some cared."
Your circumstances could not have been more different. The revelation hangs in the air, present yet not in focus.
It's not like you had someone to die for, you have told Grace that much. No heroism or bravery was involved in your decision, you did simply because you could. No grand aspirations behind it.
It would be nice to be hailed as a hero if you succeed, though it's a double edged sword. You have enough grasp on history to know how quick people are to pin the blame on whoever is the easiest target, in which you and Grace are the very ones.
"I still think that you're extremely brave." Grace croaks, breaking the silence. The glassy sheen in his eyes match yours.
Craning your head to meet his gaze, you can't help but furrow your brows in disbelief. "... I just told you I wasn't thinking much of anything. Might as well have been on autopilot the entire time."
"Doesn't change a thing," Grace shrugs with a surprisingly smug smile that comes with proving himself right, pinky bumping against yours as he adjusts his position gaze at the pixellated beach more comfortably, a small oop— sounding in the room at the contact.
"I think you're extremely brave, too." Before he can pull away, you curl your pinky around his, grip loose in case he wants to pull away, "Brave, and kind."
His pinky curls around yours. The gesture feels like making a small promise, though you don't know what you're swearing to.
The space walks are the fun part of this entire ordeal, rare as they are.
Grace — Ryland, disagrees. He has always been more at home in the lab, which, you get it, him being the lead scientist, and being the only one who can manage to get something done and all.
"Are you sure about this?" Ryland grunts, hooking a foot in the net as he spins around, trying to put his suit on to accompany you, despite it being more strategically aligned to have someone on base at all times, having insisted you don't go exploring alien territory on your own.
Especially in the form of a golden ship at least three times as long as Hail Mary harbouring intelligent life.
"More than," you chuckle, floating over to zip him up, stabilising both him and yourself with practiced ease. "We're not saying anything, though. Can't risk jinxing it. But they did invite us in the form of attaching themselves on our ship, so at least we're not uninvited guests. All implications included."
"Alright, yeah, got it, no problem," Ryland rambles, releasing a shaky breath as he raises his chin as you zip him up, giving you the most unsure thumbs up combined with the soggiest look you have ever seen.
Holding back a giggle, you pull his helmet closer, though you make sure to splay a palm over his head to mess up his hair affectionately before putting it on him, finally baiting an exasperated chuckle out of him.
He still looks like an elastic band stretched too thin, threatening to snap any minute, though. Like, you're sure he's going to get cramps from how tense he is from nerves.
The solution to such a problem comes to you in the form of latching onto one another, which proves surprisingly effective.
Until Ryland gets startled upon first contact.
The scream scared off himself, you, and the creature, until the situation was somehow diffused, and hopefully written off as a misunderstanding on both sides.
The creature is extremely intelligent, and you love it immediately.
Similarities in culture is not impossible by any means even across stars, though it's still astonishing that body language and gestures convey their meaning this well, mimicking aside. You gesture for it to wait, and after a few demonstrations, it understands, and waits. Mimicking the gesture as closely as his physiology will allow, it tells you to wait as well, and you wait.
God, you're communicating. You're actually communicating with an alien creature.
You decide to take shifts to avoid losing time — or brainpower. Ryland tripped four times just trying to bring a clock over, and you walked in circles back and forth between Mary and the Blip-A for seven minutes before it dawned on you that you forgot what you were searching for.
The process of breaking the language barrier is as close to smooth sailing as possible after the arrangement, so much so that after you take off the soundproof earphones when you wake up, a robotic voice greets you.
"Hi friend!"
You take off your eye mask to see Rocky greeting you with a three-clawed wave.
Any semblance of sleep you had in your body evaporates.
"Hi Rocky!!" you coo, voice going up several pitches from excitement as you jog to meet him behind the xenonite, waving at him before turning to Ryland, "You gave him a voice?"
"Makes things a lot easier," he tilts his head, voice laced with sleep. "Welp, guess it's my turn to sleep." He places a hand on your shoulder, lingering before it slips off your bicep, "Knock yourselves out."
"What Grace mean, question?" Accompanied by two taps for emphasis.
"It's an expression, Rock. He means have fun."
There is a void all around you.
No sound, no sight, no feel. No memory of what happened.
Inhale, exhale.
You feel your lungs fill with air before you force it out. That means you can breathe. Good.
There is still no feeling in your fingertips. Nor your face, for that matter, and you worry it's blunt force trauma. Chances of you being treated in some void pool meant for sensory deprivation is quite low. You try shifting your weight somewhere to test where you are. On the floor, probably, until you feel your entire weight pull you down, and suddenly you're like a marionette on a string.
Not the floor, then.
The tension tells you you're strapped in, and—
Blue eyes blown wide with terror flash in your mind. A hand reached out towards you, not your face, but in front of it before your memories cut off.
You yank the safety belt off with pure muscle memory, your entire body protesting as it tries to stand upright, your arm shooting out to find support wherever the panels are.
Your senses come back to you slowly, like static sounding more and more coherent until you stumble upon a channel when searching for one in the radio.
The once muted sound of beeps are now deafening alarms blaring in your ears. The once blurred lights are now blinding as they flash red. The smell of something burning makes you gag.
An inhuman wail makes its way to your ears, and the sight that greets you is of Rocky in the corridor, trying to pull a limp Ryland towards the Lab.
Rocky is out of his space, wisps of black smoke rising out of him. So I no die in Grace and friend atmosphere, you recall. Ryland is unconscious, and probably in worse shape than you are.
You lunge forward before your brain can register what you're seeing.
"Your results are everything I could hope for," Says Stratt, and though her voice remains stoic as ever, you can tell she's impressed as she looks over the report in her tablet, your chest swelling with pride. "To call your body durable would be an understatement. Your performance has not fallen under the optimal metrics in any of the environments we tested you for; not to mention your short recovery time. The textbook definition of sturdy, really."
Your hand hooks into the back of Ryland's collar as you throw your body forward to drag him faster without falling over, barely managing to avoid slamming into Rocky, putting one foot in front of the other with unprecedented determination.
The moment Armando is in sight, you grab the first thing you can reach, which happens to be the insulated blanket Ryland has left lying around, and you flick it in Rocky's direction.
Before you can rasp out the command; ever so smart, Rocky steps onto the blanket, and you waste no time dragging him to his enclosure with all the strength you can muster, even with the world swaying beneath your feet, vision growing dim.
The small wail that comes from the medical bed falls on deaf ears.
"I will make it," you hiss, more for yourself than for Rocky, eyes trained on the clear xenonite, "I've got you, buddy."
Only one out of you three set out on this mission to die. You're not about to let either of them be the ones to die, not when Ryland wants to live. Not when Rocky has a mate, a home to return to.
Your hand slams on something as you lose your footing, though you make sure to curl your arm up, just to save Rocky a few steps.
"Please, God, anyone—" you croak, not having the strength to even lift your head to see if Rocky made it, "Please let them make it. Let them live. Kill me instead. I'll do anything. I'll die, I'll live— anything."
Your world descends into darkness like your plug has been pulled.
"Eye movement detected. Good morning, Doctor Grace."
There is an eery stillness around him.
Blinking to shake off any uncertainties he has, Ryland sluggishly gets up, gaze dropping to a faint trail of black, peppered with red spots, leading out of the lab.
Dread weighs on his shoulders heavier than a boulder as he moves slowly, trying to brace himself for whatever sight that will greet him with each deliberate step.
He sees you first.
Laying face first on the floor, your face is shielded by your arm curling around your head. If he didn't know any better, he would have assumed you had taken a particularly nasty fall but was too embarrassed to get up.
Swallowing thickly, he brings a shaky hand to your neck, resting his fingertips on your pulse—
There is a faint rhythm beating against the pads of his fingers.
He releases a breath he didn't know he was holding, curling in on himself and squeezing his eyes shut, letting his tears fall.
Your other hand reaches out to the xenonite, towards Rocky, and a sob tears itself from his throat when there is a slight move, quiet wheeze of a sound, followed by a thrum.
"Thanks for watching her sleep, pal. I'll take it from here." Hesitantly pulling away from you, he braces a hand against the xenonite, his voice cracking, "I'll watch you sleep, too. But, uh... you gotta wake up, okay? You both do."
HOLY SHIT 😭😭😭😭
I GOT A FUCKING RAISE THE POTATO WORKED WTF
This potato works. Every. Fucking. Time.
Reblogging because it’s a damn potato and I want to encourage people to assume potatoes are magical.
MAGIC POTATO GO!🥔
here we go again
reblogging the golden potato
hoping it will work
that my life will get a perk
Always reblog the potato.
Rebloged.
this took me SO long but i tried to make pope a lil bit grey just to visualise 🫡
is it casual now? pt.2 | cassie mckay
Main Masterlist | Cassie Mckay Masterlist | Previous part
summary: You and Cassie have an understanding: keep things casual. That is, until a misunderstanding pushes you both over the edge, and the truth you’ve both been avoiding finally comes out.
pairing: Cassie Mckay x female!reader
word count: 3.1k-ish
a/n: As promised here's part 2 of 'is it casual now?'. This took me days to write, and it ended up turning out to be much angstier than i had originally intended it to... But anyway, I hope you still enjoy it :)
The rest of the shift gives you no room to breathe.
The ED is chaotic, filled with back-to-back patients, voices overlapping, stretchers rolling in faster than you can clear them out. It becomes the kind of shift that consumes everything that would get in its way, leaving no space for excuses.
You throw yourself into your work, more than usual, clinging to anything and everything, to keep your mind from drifting. Because you know, the second you stop, it will be filed with thoughts of Cassie. And her stupid date.
So, you avoid looking at her altogether, aware that even a glance might undo you. There’s a heavy, sinking feeling settling low in your stomach that won’t seem to go away. One that twists every time the thought resurfaces, that whatever you had with her was never anything more than something temporary, something easy. Just some good old-fashioned fun.
You do your best to push the image, of her with someone else, far away from your mind. The mere thought of it getting under your skin, as you imagine her smiling at somebody else, in a soft and unguarded way, the same way she does in the quiet moments you thought belonged to you.
The rest of your shift, is filled with frustrated moments of restraint whenever she walks into the same room you’re in, since something in you reacts before you can stop it, like your body recognizes her before your mind has a chance to intervene. You have to force yourself not to look up, not to seek her out, not to give in to something that used to feel so natural.
And Cassie notices.
She notices the way you don’t linger near her like you usually would. Or the way your replies are shorter, clipped, and so very professional towards her, in a way that feels wrong between the two of you. And worse of all, the way you don’t even look at her unless you absolutely have to.
She catches herself watching you, searching for you, more than she should. She would take quick, stolen glances between cases, or over a patient’s chart, even across the nurse’s station so that she could see you. Her chest filled with concern, as she wondered what’s happened to make you act like this. Confusion following close behind it as she pondered why you’d asked to change shifts.
But every time she thought about pulling you aside, something would get in the way, or another case, or something important that would demand for her attention. And just like that, time kept slipping through her fingers, and you kept moving further out of reach.
By the time the shift finally slowed down, that unaddressed tension had been stretched so tight, it felt like it might snap.
You’re in the locker room, when she finally finds you. You left as soon as the handoff to the night shift team had been done, and made your way to your locker, rolling your shoulders slightly, to try and ease some of the days tension. You were currently packing all your things into your bag, having put on an oversized sweater on top of your scrubs, preparing yourself for the cool night air.
You felt numb, both mentally and physically, your emotions had been high all day ever since Princess came talk to you. In that moment all you wanted was to go home, lay down, eat some ice cream and watch a stupid romcom, all while mourning for the feelings you arbored for Cassie, as she went on her date. You let out a sigh, as you shook your head, your eyes stinging from the unshed tears you had been holding down all day. You forced your eyes closed, taking a deep shuddering breath, as you calmed yourself mentally. You wont cry at work, and definitely not because of something you knew would happen eventually. Cassie told you it was casual, and you had agreed to it, pushing down your feelings. So really, this was on you, and only you.
But that didn’t make it hurt any less.
You slowly open your eyes as you hear the faint familiar steps approach the locker room. Cassie came to a stop at your left side, “Hey” she muttered tiredly.
You don’t turn to her immediately, as you do your best to calm your beating heart. You reach for your bag that’s inside your locker, like you need those extra seconds to steady yourself. Then you glance at her over your shoulder. “Hey”.
Cassie’s jaw tightens slightly, at the neutral reaction she got out of you. Her eyebrows furrowed as she squinted her eyes, “You alright?”
“Peachy.” The word leaves you flat, your tone bordering polite as you shut your locker a little harder than necessary. You don’t look at her when you say it.
Her gaze lingers on you, searching, trying to read past this invisible wall you’ve so carefully built around yourself. “I heard you’re switching to nights.”
Your shoulders tense, just barely, but enough for Cassie to notice, “Who told you that?” you ask, still not fully facing her, your voice more guarded now.
“Santos did.” A small pause, her eyes narrowing slightly as she watches you. “Is it true then?”
There’s a second where you consider brushing it off, anything to make you avoid this conversation, but you were too tired for that. “Yeah.”
“Since when?” Cassie crosses her arms over her chest as she stared at you, a look of surprise coming across her features.
You shrug, adjusting the strap of your bag against your shoulder, to distract yourself from her unwavering stare. “Recently.”
Cassie exhales slowly, something tight settling in her chest. “Why?”
That makes you stop. You turn then, slowly, towards her, meeting her eyes for the first time since she stepped foot into the locker room. Your expression unreadable as you asked, “Does it matter?”
“Of course it does,” “she replies immediately, a hint of frustration slipping through. “Why wouldn’t it?” You don’t respond, you just stand there staring at her. Cassie shakes her head feeling exasperated. “You didn’t even mention anything.”
A short, disbelieving breath escapes you, something between a laugh and a scoff. “I didn’t know I had to.”
Cassie blinks, caught completely off guard, her eyebrows lifting as her mouth parts slightly, like she’s about to respond but doesn’t quite know how. Her arms, that were crossed against her chest, fell to her sides suddenly, as if the words physically hurt her. The words hanging there between you, heavier than either of you had expected them to be, shifting something in the air that couldn’t be ignored anymore.
She doesn’t answer right away. For a second, she just looks at you like she’s trying to piece together when exactly things started slipping out of her control. She takes a small step closer to you, arms crossing once more, this time loosely like she’s bracing herself. “What’s that supposed to mean?” she asks, her voice low. “We work together. We—” she stops, just for a second, like she’s catching herself before she says too much. “This isn’t exactly nothing.” She gestures between the two of you.
She pauses, her eyes flickering all over your face, searching for something, anything at all, that will give her the answer to this sudden decision you took. “Did I do something?” she asks then, softer, the frustration slipping into something closer to concern. “Because you’ve been off all day, and now this—” her hands lift once more in frustration.
You let out a quiet breath, shaking your head, but there’s no real denial in it. “It’s not just today, Cassie.” Your voice is steady, but somewhat tired.
Her expression tenses. “Then what is it?”
You hesitate, because this was exactly what you didn’t want. It was the conversation you’ve been avoiding, the one that forces everything you feel for her to be out in the open, turning it into something you couldn’t just ignore.
“You really don’t see it?” you ask her honestly, your head tilting to the side as you regarded her.
Cassie frowns slightly, confusion crossing her features once more. “See what?”
A humorless huff escapes you, and you glance away for a second, your eyes glossy with emotion, while dragging a hand over your face before looking back at her. “This,” you say, gesturing vaguely between the two of you. “Whatever this is supposed to be.”
Her shoulders tensed, her posture straightening just an inch. “We already defined what this was.”
“Yeah,” you nod. “You did.”
Cassie’s jaw tightens, and she looks away, finding it difficult to look at you in the eye and pretend that this thing between you was nothing at all. “And you agreed.”
“I know,” you say quickly, your hands flying up in the air, “I did. And I meant it at the time.”
“At the time?” she echoes, somewhat defensive.
You swallow, your throat suddenly tight. “I thought I could handle it.” You took a deep breath and after a beat added, “I can’t.”
Silence falls between you, heavier than before. Cassie blinks, like she didn’t expect that answer. Like she was prepared for anything but that. “What does that mean?” she asks, quieter now.
“It means I can’t keep pretending this doesn’t matter,” you say, your voice softer but more fragile now. “I can’t keep acting like I’m okay with… whatever this is, when I’m not.”
Her gaze sharpens, something unsettling flickering behind her eyes. “You knew what this was from the start.”
“I know,” you repeat, a little more firmly this time. “But knowing something and actually living it are two very different things.”
You take a small step back, “I just… need something different,” you admit. “And I know you do too. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be going out on dates.”
Her head snaps back toward you, Cassie freezes. “What?” The words come out rushed.
“Which is fine, I understand.” You said, trying to sound calm, even though your voice came out strained. “Everything is completely fine, we can just… go back to being friends again.” You forced a small smile, the kind that doesn’t really reach your eyes, hoping it would make it all feel true.
“No, wait –”
“Just, get back to me once you figure everything out, Mckay.” You cut in, your voice sharper now. You didn’t trust yourself to say more without falling apart in front of her.
So, you turned your back to her as soon as those words spilled out of your mouth, and moved towards the parking lot. Your eyes were glossy and your face felt warm with embarrassment.
And this time, you didn't stop.
The cold night air hits you hard the second you step into the parking lot, almost sharp against your overheated face. Yet, you keep walking anyway. Your grip tightens around your bag as your mind spirals over itself, replaying every second of that conversation, every look Cassie gave you, every unfinished sentence that still hangs between you like it means something more.
And it hurts.
God, it hurts.
Because the worst part is that none of this changes how much you love her. If anything, it makes it worse. You love her enough that you stayed when you knew you shouldn’t have. Enough that you ignored your friends' advices. Enough that you let yourself settle for scraps and crumbs of something that felt dangerously close to real. Enough that even now, after walking away, some pathetic part of you still hoped she’ll come after you.
You reach your car with a shaky breath, fumbling through your bag to find your keys—
“Hey!”
Cassie’s voice cuts through the silence of the parking lot.
You close your eyes briefly, exhaling heavily through your nose. Of course she followed you.
Rushed footsteps echo quickly behind you, until suddenly Cassie is there, slightly out of breath, her jacket half slipping off one shoulder like she came after you without a second thought.
“Will you please stop walking away from me?” she demands.
You let out an incredulous laugh, turning towards her. “That’s funny.”
“No, you don’t get to do that,” she says, frustration bleeding through her voice now. “You don’t get to throw something like that at me and then just leave.”
You stare at her for a second, disbelief flickering across your face. “Seriously?” you continue, your voice tight. “What exactly am I supposed to do here, Cassie? Sit around while you go out on dates?”
"What on earth are you talking about?"
The confusion in her voice catches you off guard for half a second, but the hurt you feel sitting in your chest pushes you forward anyway. “You heard me.” You blink at her, “I know you have a date with a patient.”
Cassie stares at you for a beat longer before realization seems to hit her all at once. “Oh my God,” she breathes out. “That’s what this is about?”
You laugh bitterly. “You say that like it’s something insane.”
“Because it is insane,” she says quickly, stepping closer to you. “Where did you even hear that?” Before you could respond, she continued, a frustrated exhale leaving her, as she dragged a hand across her face, her bangs becoming slightly disheveled at that. “Yes, a patient asked me out today. That’s it.” Cassie shakes her head immediately. “And I said no.”
The ache in your chest shifts painfully. Because part of you wants to believe her instantly, yet another part is seemingly terrified to do so.
Cassie notices it, your hesitation, as you heard her words. And something inside her cracked a little. “You really thought I was going out on dates?” she asks quietly.
“What was I supposed to think?” you murmur. “You keep calling this casual.”
Cassie’s face tightens immediately at that word, like she suddenly hates it. “I know.”
“You said you didn’t want anything serious. That you didn’t have space for something like that in your life.”
“I know,” she repeats, seemingly more frustrated now, even though her frustration seems to be aimed directly at herself.
You shake your head, a sob catching in your throat, “I can’t keep doing this to myself.”
Cassie’s eyes soften instantly at that. “What do you think I’ve been doing?” she asks suddenly.
She steps closer to you once again, eyes locked onto yours. “You think this has been easy for me?” she asks. “You think I’ve been keeping you away because I don’t feel anything?”
Your breath catches. “Cassie—”
“No,” she cuts you off immediately. “You listen to me now, because you don’t get to stand there and act like you’re the only one that’s hurting because of this.”
The words hit you hard.
She lets out a shaky laugh under her breath. “You wanna know why I called it casual?” she asks, her voice cracking slightly. “Because I knew the second this became real," she gestured between the two of you, "I wouldn’t know how to live without it.”
You freeze as you stand there staring at her. Your heart stuttering painfully inside your chest.
Cassie’s eyes shine under the dim lights across the parking lot, her composure slipping more with every second she stands there, pouring her heart out to you.
“And I tried,” she admits quietly. "Believe me, I tried. But somewhere along the way, I couldn't pretend anymore.” Cassie lets out a shuddering breath, like those words physically hurt to say out loud after holding them in for so long.
You stare at her, letting out a shaky breath through your now parted lips. Your eyes mirrored hers, glossy with unshed tears, as you heard her, clinging to every word she said like your life depended on it.
“So no,” she says, eyes still fixed on yours. “I’m not going on dates with anyone.” She stops for a second before she adds, “I don’t want anyone else but you.”
Those words settle deep in your chest, and for a moment, neither of you move. The parking lot seems to fall quiet around you, the distant noises of the city fading into something muffled and far away. All you can hear is your own uneven breathing, and Cassie’s, who's standing right in front of you, looking at you like she’s finally stopped internally fighting herself.
“Cassie…” Your voice breaks slightly as you say her name. And you notice something in her expression soften immediately at the sound of it. "...you always had me.” you whisper, your face crumpling at that.
She laughs weakly through the emotion building in her throat. “I know,” she says softly. “I just didn’t know what to do with how much I felt for you.”
You don’t even think before you're stepping closer to her. Your feet almost touching.
“Hey,” you murmur gently.
Cassie lets out a shaky breath as you reach for her instinctively, your hands settling carefully on her shoulders, like you’re still unsure if you’re allowed to touch her this way after everything you've just shared. But the second you do, she folds into you. Her hands clutch tightly around your waist, as she presses her forehead briefly against your shoulder, breathing you in like she’d been holding herself together all day and she could finally let go.
“I hated today,” she admits quietly against you.
A small watery laugh escapes you despite everything. “Yeah. Me too.”
Cassie pulls back just enough to look at you again, her face closer now, eyes searching yours carefully, as you took in a deep breath.
“So we’re really doing this?” you ask softly, still doubtfull, not knowing exactly where the both of you stand.
But, Cassie shakes her head immediately. “I think we’ve been doing this for a some time now.”
That makes you let out a quiet laugh. And then Cassie's expression shifts again, softer this time, as her eyes flicker down to your lips before looking back up to your eyes. Like she’s asking for permission.
You barely have time to nod before she’s kissing you. The second your lips meet, you melt as you feel the months of restrained feelings unravel all at once through your body. Cassie kisses you like she’s been starving for it, one hand sliding up from your waist to your hair while the other keeps ahold of you like she’s afraid you’ll vanish if she lets go.
And you kiss her back just as desperately. All the hurt, the frustration, the longing, it all melts into something warm and paxionate between you. Every feeling you both spent months burying suddenly out in the open where neither of you can hide from it anymore.
Cassie is the one to pull back first, slightly out of breath, as she rests her forehead against yours.
“Hi,” she whispers, as a small grin forms across her features.
You let ou a soft playfull scoff still breathless from the kiss. “Hi.”
Her grin finally breaks into a warm, bright and ungarded smile across her face, that it nearly knocks the air from your lungs. And when she kisses you again, this time, there’s nothing uncertain about the both of you anymore.
he can J on my Schlatt any day
is it casual now? | cassie mckay
Main Masterlist | Cassie Mckay Masterlist
summary: You and Cassie have an understanding: keep things casual. What she doesn't know is that you’ve been in love with her long before this thing started. And somehow, you convince yourself it’s enough. Until it isn’t.
pairing: Cassie Mckay x female!reader
word count: 1.9k-ish
a/n: I'm on a Cassie writing spree!! The part 2 of this is already in the works, even though no one's asked for it, anywayssss... I've been having a ton of ideas, so i foresee more works on doctor mckay in the future... As usual just reminding everyone that english is not my first language, so any spelling mistakes were not intended!
The thing about you and Cassie McKay is that it was never casual. Not to you anyway.
If someone were to ask, you were just another coworker she got along with. Maybe one she confided in more than most. Maybe one she checked in on a little more often. Which was something pretty easy to explain, since Cassie was well known for looking out for people.
What you had going on was defined since the beginning as something casual. Her word of choice, not yours. She’d said it early on, like she needed to get ahead of it before it had the chance to turn into something else. Something real, and deeper.
You remembered the way she’d said it too, not in a cold or dismissive way, but rather carefully like she was trying to soften the blow, you just weren’t sure if it was for you, or for herself.
“We can’t have anything serious,” she had told you, not quite meeting your eyes when she’d said it. “I don’t… I don’t have room for that in my life right now.”
And you had nodded, agreeing with her.
Because what else were you supposed to do? If this was the only possible way for you to be this close to her, so be it. You’d shut down your own feelings if you had to, you’d leave it up to future you to deal with the aftermath of everything.
At first, it was easy to treat it like something light, to bury your feelings deep and set them aside. Because the stolen moments between shifts, the conversations that stretched a little too long in one of your stress relief moments, as you both called them, the occasional touch that lingered just enough to make your chest tighten before you brushed it off and moved on.
You were able to contain them like that for a while.
Except… it didn’t stay that way. Not for long.
What had started off as something you could tuck away, something you could control, slowly began to bleed into everything else. Into the way you moved around the ED, into the way your attention shifted without you meaning it to, into the quiet parts of your day where she somehow always found her way inside your head.
You’d both had promised not to tell anyone about it. But then you felt like you’d combust with the way you couldn’t pretend for it to be casual anymore. So instead of talking to Cassie, and share how you felt, or a solution that terrified you even more, end it. You did the next best thing you could think of. You told your closest friends, Santos and Javadi. They both knew you had feelings for Cassie since you had all started at the same time at the PTMC. You hadn’t told them anything, they just kind of caught on.
So, when you told them about the casual thing you had going on with Cassie, they weren’t as surprised as you thought they’d be, more like concerned and empathetic towards the situation you had put yourself in. Santos, gave you a look that had said ‘you’re kidding yourself’ but still didn’t judge, since she found herself in a similar situation with Garcia. Meanwhile, Javadi was softer but nonetheless honest. “You can’t keep doing this,” she told you once, low and careful, like she didn’t want to push too hard. “Pretending it doesn’t mean anything.”
But you kept going anyway. Against your better judgement.
Because then Cassie would text you, or show up at your doorstep, or just glance at you in that way that made everything else stop around you, and suddenly everything else didn’t matter. It became irrelevant if she never stayed the night, or that she never called what you had real. What mattered was that in those moments, she chose you. And you let that be enough, even when it was quietly tearing you apart.
You were so stupid yet so in love with her, you’d think at night, staring at the ceiling long after she’d left, like it was something you could only admit to the dark of your room without consequence. You’d dream of it too, of you and Cassie in some version of a future that never quite made sense when morning came. The two of you laughing in a kitchen you’d share, her hand brushing yours like it wasn’t accidental, like she had already decided you belonged in her life without needing to say it.
And then you’d wake up.
It’s hard being casual when her jacket hangs on the back of your chair like it belongs there. When your favorite bra lives in her dresser drawer like it’s just another ordinary thing between you. When you’re on the phone comforting her son, ‘cause you won’t be able to make it to the movie night you’d had planned. Like you’ve been folded into her life in all these small, domestic ways that don’t match the word she keeps using.
It’s hard being casual when you’ve memorized the rhythm of her habits. When you know how she breathes when she’s asleep, the way her face softens and how her lashes kiss her cheeks.
And you try. God, you try so hard to be the cool with everything. You never ask for too much, you understand her space and give it to her when she needs it. You hold your tongue even when it’s killing you.
It was just another day, another shift. Everything was normal, or at least the normal the PTMC was known to be.
That is, until Princess comes up beside you, as you’re jotting down on a chart, leaning against the nurse’s station counter. You don’t have to look at her to known she’s eager to deliver some new juicy gossip she’s obtained.
“Hey” she says, and you glance at her acknowledging her presence with a small smile. “You know if McKay’s seeing anyone, like officially?”.
Her question makes you stop, catching you of guard for a moment. Then a feeling of uncertainty makes you think you shouldn’t ask ‘why’ she was asking you that, but your curiosity got the better of you. “No,” you answer her too quickly. Then slower, your voice steadier, you ask “Why?”
Princess’s face breaks into a huge grin. “I heard some patient asked her out. Like, actually asked her out. And she didn’t exactly shut it down either.”
The words that leave her mouth don’t land all at once. They come in pieces, scattered, like your brain refuses to assemble them into something coherent. Cassie has a date. With a random patient. With someone who isn’t you. You swallow hard, as you feel your heart pound fast and hard against your chest. And then, you remember where you are, in the middle of the ED, at work, so you bottle your feelings as best as you can and slowly nod at Princess, who’s still standing in front of you, like it’s nothing.
“Oh,” you manage. “Okay.”
Your feelings flourish against your skin, your breathing shifts like your body has forgotten how to work. And in that moment, you wished it did.
You don’t even realize you’re walking until you’re standing outside, in the ambulance bay, air cold against your sweaty face, hands trembling slightly like they’ve decided to betray you now too. You think about it then, really think about it. About how easy it looked now to put space between the two of you. To break off this casual thing you had going on.
And so that’s what you did.
Cassie tells herself it’s casual because it seems safer that way.
Casual doesn’t ask for definitions. Casual doesn’t demand her to explain the weight she carries when she walks into a room and has to be Doctor McKay, the woman who’s already lived an entire life before she ever started noticing the way you looked at her like she was incredible instead of deeply complicated.
Because, that’s what she was. Complicated.
She had baggage. A son, who was the most important thing in her life. An ex-husband who still unfortunately lingered in the background, much to her distaste. There was also, the job, and the unspoken rule that she was not supposed to blur any lines.
And then there was you. You, who didn’t ask for anything in return. You, who looked at her like she hung the moon. You, who were so good with Harrison. You who were so much younger than she was.
You, who were all she could think about when that patient had asked her out earlier that day. She hadn’t been asked out in so long, that even the thought itself felt foreign in her mind, she was flattered but kindly refused his offer. Because her head was completely filled with thoughts of you.
Even now as she moved through the ED, her entire body sore from yet another hard shift, all she could think about was how she’d want to spend time with you. As she approached the nurse’s station, she noticed both Javadi and Santos huddled up in a corner, talking lowly about something she couldn’t quite catch from where she was. So, she made her way slowly and quietly towards them, placing the chart she had in her hand down in its usual place, now being able to hear properly what they were on about.
“—I can’ believe she’s switching shifts.” Javadi let out a small exasperated sound.
“This will be good for her.” Exclaimed Santos, as she shrugged at Javadis sad expression.
“Yeah, I know.” Javadi sighed softly, “I’m just gonna miss her that’s all.”
“You’re acting like she’s moving to a different planet.” Santos snorted while rolling her eyes, “She’s just switching to nights.”
Cassie furrowed her brows then, intrigued by their low conversation. She had never been a gossiper, but she was exhausted and she had to admit that she wanted to know who they were talking about. So, she made her presence known, and leaned up against the counter, and asked “Who’s switching shifts?”
Both Javadi and Santos heads snapped up in her direction their eyes so wide she was sure they would pop out of their skulls.
Javadi looked towards Santos with her mouth slightly parted in surprise, at Cassie’s sudden appearance. Santos just swallowed thickly and answered “y/n is.”
Cassie’s entire world stopped. She blinked at Santos incredulously. “What?” she questions, like she didn’t hear her correctly.
“She’s asked to switch to the night shift.” Santos answered her, watching her closely, as the attentive person she was.
“Oh...” was all that Cassie was able to come up with.
But inside, nothing about her stayed quiet.
Because it didn’t make any sense, not in the way she understood you, knew you. You didn’t run from things. You didn’t disappear. You stayed, even when it hurt you, even when it was obvious you were carrying more than you ever said out loud.
So why this?
Why take a leap so suddenly?
Cassie knew for a fact that a decision like this didn’t happen randomly. Not with you. You didn’t make impulsive changes.
So, if you were leaving day shift… it meant that something had happened. Something big enough to made want to leave day shift.
Santos watched Cassie more closely, nodding at her once, her gaze hard like she’d confirmed something she’d long had a suspicion of. But Cassie decided not to read into things, her mind too preoccupied with you and this decision you took so impulsively.
Cassie forced herself to nod once, slow and controlled, turned around slightly, and began to walk away. She’d get to the bottom of this soon enough.
sleepy mornings 🤍
This gif is making me SICK
Gif provided by lovely @grant-reilly
