Carandang Nicah @nicahcarandang04 - Tumblr Blog

I am 16 years old and a Senior High School student now. The first photo was after my Dada's Birthday party. We went to a resort just to continue the party but Dada was not there anymore since it was a little bit far from our home and ayaw niya na 'yung mahahabang byahe kaya hindi na lang siya sumama. But I still enjoyed it since we were with our Aunties who just got home from Australia for a long time. The second pic was me who got a new haircut and I was really disappointed at that time because it was too short. I don't think it suits my face though I gaslighted myself that it was okay and it will grow rin naman since I paid quite expensive for it, hayy. But don't worry, humahaba na rin naman siya ngayon and even said to myself that I will never be impulsive in making decisions especially when planning to cut my hair.

Throughout the years, I have learned a lot of things that helped me to improve myself and to become what I am now. I know that 'yung journey ko is malayo pa pero kakayanin para sa pangarap at sa mga sacrifices na nagawa ko na. Pagtapos ng bawat pahuway, padayon muli.

So I still have glasses here but I barely wear it na lang. Siguro susuotin ko na lang siya when I'm going outside or for fashion na lang rin. Anyways, this year (2021, 15 years old) gained me a lot of confidence since I saw a lot of changes and improvements in myself. But I still get anxious about how I look especially kapag lalabas ako ng bahay. I am in my 10th grade here and I am very proud of myself dito kasi I managed to handle my time and still be in the honor's list knowing that my mental health got even worse kasi naninibago ako sa adjustments and sa new system of education during the pandemic. It was really surprising that I even made a group of friends with my new classmates that I don't think I can be friends with. I was also thankful to them for helping me out and sa hindi pag-iwan sa'kin every time na hindi ko nakukuha 'yung mga lessons. Mixed emotions pa rin ako sa year na 'to and it was indeed a roller coaster ride for me.

This is the time when I finally got the chance to be with my friends after almost 2 years of lockdown. I nearly cried when I saw them because I missed them so much! Iba pa rin kasi 'yung nakikita ko sila sa personal kahit na magkakausap kami palagi through online. I noticed na nag-iba na 'yung way ng pag-uusap naming magkakaibigan. It's like hindi na puro kalokohan pero we're now open to talking things about our life, our dreams, and our goals. Some of us even had a love life and we were so happy kasi nakikita na namin kung paano kami magmature sa mga bagay-bagay. I also got the chance to take care of myself since I was just inside our house the whole time because the protocols and rules and regulations to go outside were strict back then. Pero ang depressive pa rin nung mga panahong 'to kasi I started being away na rin to my parents and it was so hard for me because I can feel the awkwardness between us every time I am with them. In spite of that, the only person I remained close with is my Dada. She was the only person who knows what I am feeling every single time. Gano'n pa rin kasi siya even before, lalo na kapag alam niyang may gusto ako sa mga gamit niya or may gusto akong bilhin, willing siyang bilhin o ibigay para sa akin. She knows me more than anyone talaga.

Seeing this photo makes me sad because I remember the times when I had to hate mirrors to avoid seeing how I look every single day. Feel ko kasi mas mai-stress ako and my breakouts would be even worse kapag nakikita ko sarili ko sa salamin. Sa tingin ko nangyari 'to sa akin kasi nagsabay-sabay 'yung pressure sa school, sa family, and sa self ko. But I was lucky to have my friends because they were with me through my hard times. They were the ones who saw my worth as a person. Aside from that, I still got the chance to achieve my goals and received a lot of achievements because of myself. Marami rin akong masasayang na-experience through out my Grade 8 kasi naging stronger 'yung bond naming magkakaklase because of our Adviser na si Ma'am Rosario. She made our High School life better kasi pinafeel niya samin lahat 'yung surprises and even sa excitement kapag papasok kami araw-araw. Although we didn't finish seeing each other until the end of the school year due to the Volcanic Eruption and the CoVid-19 started, Grade 8 will always be the best school year for me and no one can replace that.

As I entered High School (I was 12 years old here), I became conscious to myself where I don't feel comfortable doing things I want anymore like making a lot of new friends. But before the year 2018 ended, I unexpectedly made a genuine friendship not only with 2 but really with a lot of people! This photo was taken at my classmate's place kasi nagcecelebrate sila ka-fiesta-han ng Taal and she invited me. I was really uncomfortable here dahil nahihiya akong picture-an nila ako pero they were hyping me up, telling me things that would boost my confidence, and thanks to them I gained it back. Naging comfortable ako around them and even became my 'constants'. At the same time, I lost contact with my old friends in Elementary, but I became used to it since I was also busy making new memories with my new friends. Thankfully, my grade 7 was filled with joy and happiness with the best people I could ever ask for!

I started being active on my social media accounts when I turned 11 (2017) and I am embarrassed to tell you all this but this was my 'Jejemon' Era since I learned how to use filters, editing tools, and other kinds of stuff nung mga araw na 'to. Eto nga yata 'yung pinaka maayos na picture ko compared to all those pictures I have posted online dahil puro 'wacky' at ka-'jejehan' 'yung karamihan. But I gained a lot of friends here because my classmates were also active on their social media accounts so we usually messaged each other whenever we don't have classes, especially on Weekends or Holidays. I even had online friends because of the application I've played since ina-allow rin nung app na makipag-usap sa mga players na makakalaro mo sa game na 'yun. I feel nostalgic kasi I think this was my best year where I can still be unbothered sa lahat ng bagay at malaya akong gawin lahat ng gusto ko nang hindi iniisip ang sasabihin sa akin ng iba.

I really hated taking a pic in public before, that's why my posture and face were like this. As usual, mom forced me to smile because it was our Recognition day but we were too early so mom had the time to take me a pic. We were in the Gazeebo here as we waited for the awarding to start. Not to mention but I studied at Butong Elementary School since our house was 3 minutes away from there. I suddenly missed going here dahil marami rin akong memories dito since kinder palang ako ay dito na ako pumasok. Oh, I actually posted this picture online since someone said I looked cute here but I changed the privacy now so no one would bring this up neither my old pics. From what I remember, this outfit was my favorite because my mom bought this and like my Dada, she loves buying me clothes but they have different tastes in style.

This was my first communion picture during my fourth grade. When my parents got separated from their marriage, my Dad converted my religion into Roman Catholic. So my Mom was not here at that time, nor was my Dad because he was back working abroad. But I was with Ate Ma-e who is our family's close friend. She was really nice and took good care of me although we are not that really close. I was really anxious at that time since I do not know what to do exactly as it was my first time and clueless about everything even though we had a practice before. But thank God that I made it successfully without making a mistake. It was a mixed feelings since I was born with different religion and grew up with different beliefs and cultures. By the way, I am 9 years old here (year 2015). At first, it feels different talaga kasi iba na 'yung place kung saan ako magwoworship kay Lord pero na-feel ko ring winelcome Niya ako ng buong puso nang hindi ako hinuhhusgahan o kung ano man. Isa rin ito sa naging memorable event sa akin.

Every time our Aunties return to the Philippines, they would always bring us to the Mall and spoil us everywhere like going to the arcade and spending a lot of money for us to be able to play a lot of arcade games. But since I got a little older, my preferences changed. Back then, I used to like riding a kiddie ride but I found it really boring and not fun anymore. I liked video games and multiplayer games more, especially Tekken while playing it with my family or friends. One of my favorite characters here is Law. Even though he is not like the other characters with supernatural powers, he can be stronger than them. I even mastered his skills and combos pero limot ko na siya ngayon kasi marami ng nag upgrade sa kaniya. Aside from this game made me happy, it also created a stronger bond and connection between us. (picture was taken in 2014, 8 years old)

Perhaps no one would believe me if I say that I am not happy in this picture. With that smile that reaches my ears and narrows my eyes, while I am surrounded by my dear cousins, I cannot deny how I was enjoying this moment. This was during our family getaway at Skyranch Tagaytay in December 2013. I can be seen holding a bamboo flute which, to tell you frankly, I never actually mastered except the intro part of the song "My Heart Will Go On" by Celine Dion. The fees in Skyranch are quite expensive, but thanks to our aunts overseas, all expenses were shouldered by them just to let us feel the joy of Christmas. If I may flex, Dada loves to spoil me by buying clothes, just like I am wearing in that picture. Maybe the design of this dress does not suit my taste now but at least it was from a very special person so I still like it.

Here I am again in my awkward smile pose. I noticed that I do not smile that much when someone is taking a picture of me unless it is Mom. I just feel comfortable kapag siya lang 'yung nakakakita. Just to mention, this photo was taken at my nephew's Birthday party, in the year 2012 (6 years old). Knowing I am a shy type of kid, my Dada, which is my Lola would always volunteer myself to the parlor games without me knowing so I had no choice but to join them. Even though I was forced to participate in those games, I was also enjoying it because people would cheer for me to win. I got more determined to win because the prize was a plastic bag filled with candies, which was my favorite. Nevertheless, I want to thank Dada for encouraging me sa mga ganitong bagay and I did not regret this because it taught me to mingle with other and made new friends.

(2011, 5 years old) As a Daddy's girl before, I idolize my father for being able to drive our motorcycle. So every time we are going to the arcade, I went straight to the kiddie rides and get on this motorcycle 'thingy' to act like my father. My mom would laugh at me while taking me a photo. There is really something in me that would choose this ride over other games that suit me more. Maybe I just like the way it moves my body like I was riding a horse? Or gusto ko lang talagang magmukhang kasing strong ni Daddy kasi parehas na kaming kayang magdrive ng motor, ang pinagkaiba nga lang kaniya need lagyan ng gas, while ang akin need ng token para gumana. Pero habang iniisip ko 'yung mga nangyayari dito, I felt sad kasi hindi na ganito ka-genuine 'yung saya ko kapag nakakapunta sa mga ganitong lugar. I feel like kahit paulit-ulitin ko pang sumakay sa rides na 'to, I will never be this happy again katulad nung batang 'yun.

Prove that I am a Jolli girl! Anyway, these photos were taken in 2010, so I was 4 years old here. This memory (the first picture) is still vivid to me. I performed a poem about how hard being a Nurse is and at the same time, how strong they are. I was really nervous that time so my Teacher, Sir Red held my hand to calm me down. Thankfully I overcame it and even received an award. I then saw my Mom clapping while giving me a look that she was 'proud' of me. As a reward, she brought me to Jollibee after we got home. Being a kid, I was happier to hear that we are going to Jollibee than to hear that people liked my performance. At that time, I felt that I was the happiest person on Earth because I got the chance to eat at my favorite fast-food restaurant and saw my Mom how proud she was of me.

These are two different pics but I was three years old here. I remember whenever we got the time to have a family bonding, they would always choose Jollibee because they knew that I really love there and also the bee guy, of course! Pero dahil nga walking distance lang rin ang Hair Salon sa Jollibee, pagkatapos na pagkatapos namin kumain, Mom would bring me to the Hair Salon and ask the Hairstylist to trim my hair para daw mawala 'yung split ends although my hair was already short (see the first pic na ginugupitan ako). While on the other hand (second pic) my Family would always tease me na 'yan daw 'yung default face expression ko like in the picture. But I think it is not offensive for me since it is true naman kasi feel ko hanggang ngayon ganiyan pa rin 'yung default face expression ko especially when I'm studying or busy with something. Hayyy, I miss being a kid talaga.

So this was me way back in 2008 (?) my Mom told me that I was two years old here. Sa pagkakantanda ko, we were about to go to 'Kapilya'. Yeah, I was INC back then and it was our tradition to go to Church every Sunday morning. Palagi ko pa ngang kasama mga pinsan ko para dumalo ng pagsamba 'cause I am really shy when I am alone, even now. In fact, I really hated myself for crying out loud inside the Kapilya before because Mom would not give me a bottle of milk hanggang sa hindi raw matapos ang pagsamba namin. Though typing this now makes me laugh because I remember my Mom's face because of embarrassment while silently scolding me, she was pinching me to shut me down but instead, I cried even more so the people around us were staring at me. I lowkey miss those moments with Mom ('wag lang talaga sa part na kinukurot niya ako para patahanin :D).

August 4, 2007. This was my invitation card for my very 1st birthday. I was so happy when I found this because I realized that my Mom kept this for 16 years. I remember those times when my Mom's sister (Tita Kris) was always the one who was in charge of taking care of me while Mom was busy looking after our store and my Dad was also busy with his work abroad. But they were able to be with me on my birthday, we were complete and truly happy back then. I am also fascinated with the colors of the balloons and everything around me so my eyes were genuinely filled with joy. Aside from that, I received a lot of gifts and toys from my family which I accidentally broke right after because I got excited to play with them. This was indeed memorable for me because I had the chance to be with my parents on a special day even for once.

This is me when my mother gave birth to me, 16 years ago from now. I was only two weeks old here. Wala pa akong kamuwang-muwang at tanging huni at hele lamang ng Nanay ko ang kailangan ko sa mga panahong ito. Ang boses lamang kasi niya ang makakapagpakalma at makakapagramdam sa akin na ligtas at protektado ako. Hindi ko man na natatandaan ang mga nangyari sa mga oras na ito, alam ko at sigurado naman akong palagi akong nasa bisig niya upang patahanin ako mula sa aking pag-iyak. Sa natatandaan ko rin galing sa kwento sa akin ng Nanay ko, mahilig din daw akong magpahele sa Tatay ko hanggang sa makatulog ako. Kung tanging maiibabalik ko lamang ang oras ay sa panahon na iyon ako babalik kung saan hindi pa kumplikado at magulo ang paligid ko. Ngunit masaya pa rin ako sapagkat nagagawa kong balikan ang mga ala-alang ito at masayang naipapahayag sa mga tao ang mga karanasan kong ito.

#2weeksold

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