Nick the Magpie

Nick is my Nickname

[nickthemagpie]

Checking back on my previous posts, I kinda see that I tend to go on the depressive side, which is... not gud?

Probably not the best first impression (First impression? More like thirtiest impression, am I right, folks?? *dead silence...*) and I am probably one of those sad depressive kids on here, where everyone has heard enough from.

Sad thing is... today I have AGAIN something kinda depressive (?) to say...^^’‘ And I do not care that I am posting it anyways, because... idk, nobody will read it and I could care less about the things I do?^^’ (Until all the shame and regret wash over me in the dead middle of the night and once again my sleep is being robbed by my own fears and insecurities.)

And the thing I want to talk about is...

I am realizing that ‘not eating the whole day’ and ‘not showering for three days’ is not a standard way of living that everyone does sometimes, but something that is due to my affliction. (Also I am not doing it ‘sometimes’, I am doing it ‘always’ ((((: )

And it came to me that I do not even realize that I have an ailment. I think this is normal, I feel fine. I am fine.

However this sickness sneaked into every aspect of my life. So much it became part of it, blended with it. I began to get used to it. But I shouldn’t... Because it controlls so much of who I am, what I can and cannot do...

It makes me wonder which part of me is even me. The more I think about it the more it scares me.

It makes me sad thinking about it. At the same time I also know that this sadness also comes from it. (I also realize that I do not like to call this illness by its name... I feel like... like as soon as someone hears or sees it, they have already judged it and judged me, and they think they now know everything about me.   ...idk...^^’’)

And one of the worst things it does, while it controlls me, is, that people tend to think that it is not the illness that makes me do (or not do) those things and that I should get a grip on and not eVeRyThInG is because of depression. They dont understand that I do not want to be like this either and that I am already doing my best. Even if my best is to just stand up every morning..

...That was long, wasn’t it?^^’‘

[nickthemagpie]

I’m back again, and better than ever!!

That was a horrible joke, I feel like sh*t... No, no, I mean it. If I had the strength to cry right now, I would bawl my eyes out here and there.

I’m not going forward with my life... Not at all...But time doesn’t stop, it never has and never will and now I feel it creeping up to me and driving me into a corner that I KNOW I could get out of, but I just. don’t. do. it.

I’m feeling so helpless, even though I’m asking for help and want to get helped, but nothing works and I don’t know what to do...

I want to escape everything, but at the same time I want to make it. I actually really want to make it...

[nickthemagpie]

Dad: You're grounded, son!

Me: Hello Dad, I am Grounded Son.

[nickthemagpie]

Who else checks their grammar with Google Translate? :)

[nickthemagpie]

I was now looking back at my old post, because if I get famous one day, I do not want to have a cringey Tumblr Account, but I found out I am rather ‘tame’?

Should that word be used with me? I mean... yeah... kinda? Idk...

Welp, anyways: I thought maybe I should give an update abpout myself (even though I have literally 0 followers...), so as to make no one of you worry :) (what the heck did I just say?!)

So... about the concert I was sweating to go to...

I didnt freaking go (: Corona was starting out and family didnt aprove of it (like the spanish lover I acquired after a trip to the supermarket, whom I whished to marry and move together to a remote village in Mongolia. Dont know why they didnt like that idea...) (<- that was a joke, btw)

I couldnt listen to my favorite band for 2 weeks or so, because my heart would break whenever I listened to them and I would cry...

What else... what else...

Ah, I got a new friend! :3 18 years older than me and making heavy sexual implications with me, that are kinda too much, but also really funny and mostly really funny and funny, but dont worry I am an adult, I know how to hurt people (: (<- what does that even mean?)

I also like to talk to myself, maybe you will see more of that, be excited :))

[nickthemagpie]

A child does not fear the fire, when it never got burned before.

[nickthemagpie]

Awww, yeah, delicious nightwater.

[nickthemagpie]

My favorite band is playing in my nearest city at the end of this month, and i. cant. wait. to finally see them!!!

It will also be the first time that I go to a concert alone. I thought that it would be good for me to do something a little brave, a little adventurous. Or rather... becoming a little bit more independent.

I actually asked my friends if it was ok for them that I go alone (I did not want them to feel left out, you know? I dont want them to feel ignored. I care for them...).

But they were like: ‘Umm? You’re an adult you can do what you want? Just be safe.’

So yeah, off I go. ^^ I am pretty excited. And nervous. But mostly excited. I also believe that panic will set in once I am on my way to the concert, that will be fun, yay. (:

I also hope that I dont get attacked or robbed or assaulted or kidnapped or hurt, because I am alone in this big city, all by myself, without anyone and scared to bits. :DDD

Ah, but dont worry. Just like any animal thats driven into a corner, I will defend myself. I aint going down without a fight, beaches! haHAaaaaaa.............

[nickthemagpie]

So many games to play, so little time...

[nickthemagpie]

I see that some of you are impatiently waiting for my promised profile pic...

*crickets zirping* *tumbleweed rolling*

BUT Fear Not, as I will soon aquire the motivation to finally finish drawing it! :D

[nickthemagpie]

I am forever fabulous and no one can change that.

I also think that no one can dislike me as much as I dislike myself. :)

[nickthemagpie]

I’m 20. Is it now time for me to grow up?

[nickthemagpie]

I wish I could choose in real life which character I like to play today, just like in games.

Male musician with unkempt hair and a knack for making music that lets your insides feel like they’re falling just as he drops the beat? My friday pick.

Lesbian middle-aged married lady with a bunch of happy kids and a loving wife? Wednesday to Thursday.

Shy teenage girl, that likes to eat as much japanese sweets as possible, while having the ability to use a bow with the accuracy of a highly trained sharpshooter? Mondaaaay.

Her twin brother? Tuesday is the day for him.

My main life? The weekends.

Obviously they’re gonna have problems of their own. But damn, I wish I could choose which problems I want to have each day.

[nickthemagpie]

For anyone wondering:

Profile pic is coming soon. Not now. But soon.

I will have made it myself.

GRAMMAR! <:D

[nickthemagpie]

I swear, the stuff Im eating these past few days is just like I am trying to brew a concoction inside my belly, with which I will poison the current heir, so that I will inherit the throne.

But how will I poison the heir, if it is inside my stomach? And isnt it kinda stupid to make poison inside oneself? But if it is stupid, shouldnt I continue doing it, cuz if I am so stupid as to brew a poison inside my intestines, than doesnt that mean I am too stupid to be a king?

Just let the natural order take its turn? And let it kill myself? The stupid second heir that tried to make poison inside his stomach?

In either case, even if I succeed in poisoning the heir or kill myself in the process, I will be written down in history. :)

[nickthemagpie]

I just saw that my last post about making a dirty joke in Overwatch got a lot of attention (if you can call 4 people attention....   ...   ...  i do.)

Is this the way to fame? Dirty jokes? Sexual intimation? Hints and links to the actions that involve the nether regions?

Cuz if it is, then count. me. in! :D (giggity, ‘in’)

[nickthemagpie]

Yesterday in ‘Overwatch’ someone asked in the general chat what everyones favorite Golden Weapon was.

I answered ‘a shower’. (: