#grammar issues

[solarishashernoseinabook]

You've heard of people arguing that "they" can't be singular

Well

I've gotten so used to the singular they that I temporarily forgot it can be plural

So there

[ibitchytimemachine]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

Chapters: 22/30 Fandom: Dragon Ball Rating: Mature Summary:

MEDIEVAL AU: Princess Bulma's home is attacked in the night by an unknown enemy. She flees to her homelands strongest ally, the country of Vegeta to beg the King for his army's aid, and finds an unexpected friend his his proud, gruff eldest Son Vegeta. VegeBul, Slow burn.

*Ninja edit: The writer got in touch with me so I can tag her now! @neala-ernswa

Thoughts below the cut. Beware spoilers!

I had a really hard time reading this one. The story is interesting, good. I like the  AU. Vegeta’s character is OOC, but that doesn't bother me. The moments of smut in this fic are really hot. Something about when Vegeta tells Bulma she tastes like a peach did things to me. The moments they are together physically are vivid, romantic, sexy. The writer incorporated things like the Oozaru and characters such as Piccolo and 18 in an interesting way. I like how physically brazen the writer makes Bulma also. Bulma kicks the shit out of Raditz and it is hilarious and after what I am calling Bulma’s heroes journey she fucking kills King Cold. She is badass. The meat of this fic is nicely written, but it is obvious, in the middle chapters especially, that editors were needed. The grammar and spelling is rough. Honestly it did slow me down reading, but I enjoyed the immersion enough that I could forgive the flaws.  I feel like the writer had great ideas, but needed refinement to the style and technique of this story. 

I liked this story, I don't read a story to the end if I don't enjoy something about it, but the thing that really made me want to share this story happens in Chapter 17: The Kings Final Accent (I am pretty sure they meant Ascent, but this is the type of spelling/grammar issue I was talking about earlier). In the story Bulma has lost her whole family. Her father was killed in an attack from the Colds. In her culture, the (I’m fairly sure this is only royal) survivors are responsible for making sure their loved ones get from the palace to the Temple. Because Bulma is the lone survivor of her family she is tasked with doing this by herself. This is almost her hero’s quest. She must pull a cart with her fathers remains up a steep hill to the Temple and push him into flames so he will move on to the afterlife. She struggles. She has doubts. She is alone and resolved to do this in a way that would make her people proud. She falters and a young girl comes to her aid. Not Vegeta, not ChiChi, not a member of the house guard or army. A peasant girl. This was a poignant moment for me personally because it reminds us that no matter what we think we can do, it is important to remember that people care. People are inherently good, and want to help. 

I have really struggled with depression and anxiety and my family situation makes it hard to settle down. We move a lot. I just got to another new city, am trying to ingratiate my daughter into another new school with more new friends. I am job hunting again, while staying home alone with our two year old. My husband works a lot. His job is 40 minutes away (this is where we could afford to live) his schedule has him leaving at 9 in the morning and getting back around 9 or 10 in the evening. He is also working on his dissertation so he is constantly studying and writing. I am not good with making friends. I worry about what to say to people and I worry I am bothering them. When I move away from a place, it is incredibly difficult for me to continue a relationship with the people I have grown close to. So it is safe to say I have no real friends. The few good friends I do have are those friends who you don't really talk to much but the second you get together with its like you haven't been apart. Except I am apart from them. They are on the other side of the country, and here I am trying yet again to start over at 34. I’m not good at making friends online, or ingratiating myself into online communities, so online friends are really not a thing for me. My skill set is quite specialized and the market for my skills in my area are saturated, so I would have to take a low paying entry level job, which adds to the issue of trying to meet people. 

All of the above was a way to say that I understand Bulma’s character in this chapter. I feel her pain. Sure she has Vegeta right behind her, but she is alone in this task. She has friends and people who she cares about and who care about her, however she has no one who truly understands her plight and the pressure she is under at this moment. Vegeta is there, but he has not suffered the loss she has. She is alone in her grief and there are no others who can truly understand her. Then the girl, who Bulma calls pure, identifies that there is this person who is broken and in need and regardless of what society thinks is acceptable reaches out and helps. It is exactly what Bulma needs, support. This chapter was phenomenal. 

I would recommend this story to anyone who wants a VegeBul fic in a high magic type of setting. If you can look past the issues I talked about earlier and want a romantic slightly OOC Vegeta,and and interesting almost Game of Thrones kind of world you may enjoy this fic. 

If you liked this review, after you check out this fic, head over to my A03 and check my stuff out too!

[mentalillnessmouse]

Whtcanutellmeabt having mentalillness?itried tlkingto a friend and hejust said it's all in my head and non existent.&that kinds mademe madand feelworsebecause that can't be the case. I don't just wake up and decide to feel this way. He tried to compare my depression, anxiety,ocd,paranoia,stress, and more to his and he said basically it's not that serious. He was absolutely no hlp. And I'm very angry i couldn't hlp him understand more. But he just shrugged it off. I've been this way for years. -B

Hey anon,

Of course mental illness is in your head; it’s a mental illness. Like, a broken leg is all in your leg, right?

I’m sorry your friend reacted like that; you don’t deserve to be dismissed like that. I would suggest that you speak to someone else for support and avoid talking to that friend about this topic. Getting professional support would be a great idea as well.

You deserve friends who are supportive, anon.

stay strong.

--roboraptor

[fireolin]

Thank you @crowsintheforest and @grammarpedant! 'm never going to worry about my use of 'towards' or 'toward' again!

Seriously it is really good to hear from you both on this. It's hard for me to know in my Aussie corner how things actually are in the US where a lot of my readers are

[laf-outloud]

Thanks for catching my typo, anon! I hate when that happens and it completely changes the meaning. It's fixed now. :)

[theoperativeif]

Hello Im not sure if this is the right place to report missing variables or if you already know of them, but i have noticed a few instances where both Ari and Roads are addressed as nonbinary (actually there were a lot of such cases, but as they only cause a mild confusion about what character you are referring to and don't really break immersion and bcs im lazy i didn't note them xd ) or female even thought they were both male in my playthrough, so I thought i would let you know:

When Ari was holding dead Daria:  Ari turns around, the crumpled and burnt remains of the youngest Cartigan in her arms. Daria.

Roads in the scene where u first meet them:

 "Maybe," he shrug, his smile creeping back onto his lips, as she closes her eyes "but fuck, that a hell of a way to go out. Anyway im Earl."

"Pathetic," Ari and Enola both snort in unison, earning a small chuckle from Mad Dog.  (I was like who the heck is Enola??? xD)

Ari meting Ember :

“Ember you don’t have to do this, please brother.” Ari pleaded, her voice wavering ever so slightly as she raised her rifle.

Visiting orphanage:

It was for an art project, a child was standing next to her, holding up the award for years best painting.

+ There was one more with Ari somewhere at palace i think but i couldn't find it again

Also, i didn't go through all choices, so there may still be some left, tho this should be most of them, but maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea to get some proofreaders? There are a lot of places where u miss an s at the end of the word or have a bit of strange sentences?

Anyway, good work, love the demo, can't wait for the next update. :D

Just wanted to acknowledge and appreciate your work pointing out these errors to me anon, sorry this has been in my inbox for a bit. Love you anon and rest assured It is added to my correction list! <3 You are marvelous.

[nickthemagpie]

Who else checks their grammar with Google Translate? :)

[rubylioness]

This is written very weirdly lol