Chapter 18
Chapter Eighteen Worn out places, Worn out faces "There's this place in me where your fingerprints still rest, your kisses still linger, and your whispers softly echo. It's the place where a part of you will forever be a part of me." - Gretchen Kemp "You okay?" I looked up to find Luke looking at me while the others sat down and rested. I was keeping my distance from Nick, mostly because I knew he needed time to deal with Pete's death. He'd come to me when he was ready. "Oh, yeah." I replied quietly as I leaned back against the tree. "I mean other than the fact that Pete's dead and Carver's after us, I'm just peachy." Luke frowned. "I won't let Carver hurt you, or any of us." He slowly touched my shoulder, smiling gently at me. I sighed. "Do you think Nick'll be okay? I mean, when he lost his mom he was so out of it..." Would Nick snap? Luke shook his head. "I don't know, Tasha. That kid's lost a lot." My eyes narrowed. I didn't take to well to the word "kid'. "That 'kid' just so happens to be your best friend, Luke. you really need to stop talking down about him" Luke looked taken aback. "Tasha-" "Luke, since Pete died, you act like Nicks a burden, like hes not a grown man-keep in mind he's not that much younger than you, especially given the fact that I'm younger than both of you and you never called me a kid." Luke averted his gaze and took a deep breath. "Because you don't act like one." "Neither does he! He just lost his Uncle, Luke... You cared about him too." Luke shook his head as an exasperated sigh left his lips."We gotta get moving." Luke muttered as he stalked by me and began walking through the forest once more. I shook my head annoyed, following slowly after him. "What was that about?" Nick asked from beside me as we fell behind the others. "He was being a dick, that's all." I told him as softly as I could. Nick slowly wrapped his fingers around mine, holding my hand tightly in his grasp as we walked. I looked over at him, taking in his features. He looked exhausted- he had bags under his eyes, his hair was a mess under his hat, and his bright blue eyes seemed darker than ever. I frowned as I stared back at the road, thanking God he was still alive That night we had found an open patch in the forest where if anything was coming, we'd hear it well before it got close to us. Alvin and Luke would be on watch for a few hours, then Carlos and Nick. I didn't like the thought of Nick being on watch, but with my injury still affecting me, they wouldn't let me take watch. "You need to rest." Nick said as he lifted up my shirt, checking my wound. It was healing, but slowly. The walking constantly all day wasn't helping the pain. "Okay, okay. I'll rest." I muttered, smiling slightly as I sat on the ground next to him. It was silent for a while. I could hear birds chirping, crickets creaking but no moans or groans from walkers. We were all exhausted, but we had to keep going as soon as the sun rose. If Carver caught us- I'd be dead. Luke and I were the ones who convinced everyone to leave- I wouldn't be surprised if he tortured us before killing us... That's why we had to keep moving. "Tell me about him." Nick said after a while, causing me to look up at him confused. "Who, babe?" Nick hesitated for a moment. "Ben." Everyone looked over at me and I averted my gaze to the ground. "He... was an idiot. Stupid, reckless..." I looked across from me to look into the woods, but instead I met chartreuse colored eyes. Clementine stared at me with a mixed expression. I could hear her thinking that Ben wouldn't want me to talk so harshly. I sighed deeply. "But, he was also sweet. He always tried to help, but ended up messing things up. Ben got a couple of ours killed... I never blamed him though. He thought he was doing the right thing. He was my first love and we thought the world of eachother. Maybe I was a little tougher than him... I took care of him and protected him more physically, but he protected me emotionally, he kept me from breaking down and ending it when things got too hectic…" Tears started to fall down my face. "Um... At first things were fine. We were there for each other, y'know? But after a while... he pushed me away. I guess he felt he didn't deserve me, or something. I still don't know..." I trailed off, closing my eyes as I recalled the fight Ben and I had that ended everything. "I don't feel like talking, Tasha." Ben said quietly from his bed. "If anyone needs my help, come get me, otherwise I just wanna be left alone." "Ben, C'mon. You've been avoiding me-" "I'm avoiding everyone,I'm staying out of the way until someone needs my a hint, Tasha. I don't want to talk. I don't want to talk to YOU or to anyone, so Just leave me alone." I stared at him, saddened by the defeated tone in his voice. I started feeling my heart begin to shatter. "Leave you alone... What do you-" "Let's just breakup, Tasha... It's better this way." Before I could say or do anything, Ben shoved me out of the room, closing the door without a second glance. "It's better this way." "Better?" I asked quietly, tears streaming down my face. "For who? Me or you?" It was such a clear memory... Just thinking about it made me feel all those emotions again. It was nostalgic. Maybe that was a reason when Nick shoved me out I felt so bad; it wasn't the first time it had happened. "We made up eventually, though..." I continued, tears still falling down my face. "But it wasn't the same. All he thought of himself was that he deserved to die, and even I couldn't save him from that..." "We were going to look for Clem... And we had to jump to another roof because there were too many walkers. Ben made me go before him, even though I fought with him he wouldn't give in. So I jumped over just fine. The others were fine..." I covered my mouth with the arm of my sleeve as I tried to quiet my sobbing. Clementine moved closer to me, holding my hand supportively. She had a sad look on her face. "When he went to jump... The railing broke and he fell two stories." My voice broke as I bit into my hand hard, trying to stop the sobbing. "Oh my god." Rebecca said, her eyes filled with shocked. I couldn't look at Nick. I was afraid of what I would see. "I thought that the fall would've killed him, but no... He was alive... these guys in our group, Kenny, and Lee... Well, the three of us went to go check on him to see if he was alive and... and he was..." My voice fell as I wiped tears from my face. "He said he thought his legs were hurt... but when we lifted the debris, we found that he was impaled through the stomach with the railing... We tried to pull him off but the pain was too much for him,he screamed in pain... Over and over... I tried to calm him down and tell him that he'd be okay, that we'd both get through this... But walkers heard him and started coming and he was screaming at me to leave him but I couldn't- I wouldn't leave him to die..." "Kenny pushed Lee and I into a gate and locked it... The walkers swarmed and we heard a gunshot... Ben's biggest fear was becoming a walker, so Kenny ended the suffering for him..." My voice was quiet now, the sobbing had stopped and I was turning sort of numb. "I didn't even get to say goodbye... I didn't... I couldn't save him." Everyone was quiet, including Clementine. I had never told her the story. I knew Omid had told her the short version, but he didn't see what I saw... The blood... God. After that, everyone went to sleep. Or maybe they just didn't know what to say after that. I didn't care. I laid on my side, my back to Nick. "I'm sorry." Nick said after a long while. "I shouldn't have asked." "You wanted to know, now you know." I replied simply. "You don't have to apologize." "I do, though... I didn't want to upset you... I just thought talking about him would help... I didn't think it was that horrible." He admitted, wrapping him arm around my waist as I turned to face him. "It was... And it does help to talk about him... It was just a lot all at once, you know?" I sighed. "I tried forgetting so much, but it's all coming back now." I smiled slightly. "You know? I remember when I saw him for the first time since the apocalypse." "Yeah?" Nick smiled at me. "What was it like?" "I hadn't seem him in a few years, and he looked so different. We were the same age but I was older by a couple of months. Ben was in the forest with his classmate and teacher, I think. We couldn't save the others, but we brought Ben back. He's the one who told us that if you don't destroy the brain, you come back as one of them." "He sounds like a good guy." Nick said supportively, rubbing my side. "This must be weird for you." I grinned. "Having your wife talk about another guy to you." Nick shook his head, a thoughtful expression on his face. "A little, but I'm just glad that you're opening up to me about him." He ran his fingers through my hair slowly. "What about after he died? What did you do then?" "I was a bitter after that." I frowned. "After I got separated from Clem and I was on my own, it was horrible. I can remember having to climb up trees, but the walkers could smell me so I'd have to jump down and run... I risked my life on more than one occasion. I mostly ate berries, that's why I was so skinny when you guys found me." "You're still too skinny." Nick said as he pulled me close. "Find me a medium steak and I'll eat it." I grinned, listening to his heartbeat. "Mmm. That would be good, I could go for some pizza." He whispered, kissing my head. "Mmm! I would love spaghetti. Dammit, why do you have to make me think about food, Nick?" He chuckled, holding me tight as I closed my eyes. "I want you to remember the good things." Nick was quiet for a minute, and I knew he was thinking about Pete. "What about you? Do you want to talk about it, babe?" I asked quietly, pushing myself up to look down at him. "Pete was basically my dad..." Nick said slowly. "Even though I hated how Pete treated me, I loved him more than anything because he stuck by me and always had my best interests at heart even if I didn't believe it sometimes..." I stroked his cheek gently as he spoke, smiling slightly. "Pete loved you too, Nick. He always thought highly of you." "The last moments with Pete... God, it was awful, Tasha... It was very hostile and I can't ever take it back." He sounded so sad, it broke my heart. I ran my fingers along his face, hoping to sooth him. "You didn't mean it, sweetie. Pete loved you." Nick nodded slowly as he wrapped his arms around my waist, his fingers tracing along my back. "I'm thankful that Clem was there... She didn't give up on me." Nick cracked a smile as he continued. "That girl has grown on me in such a short amount of time." I chuckled. "Yeah, she has that affect. Clem is one of my priorities... and you're my number one priority, babe." I gave him a small kiss before laying back down and leaning my head against his chest. "I overheard Clem talking to Luke... She said you wanted to die..." My smile turned into a sad frown as I rested against his rising and falling chest. Nick breathed deeply. "I did... I thought that there wasn't a point, that we'd all die eventually... I thought that... You didn't need me- you'd always have Luke to protect you..." "Nick-" "Clem told me that you loved me... That if I died there, I was giving you a death sentence. She showed me that you were worth all the suffering in the world that the apocalypse gives." Nick ran his fingers through my hair slowly as he spoke. "I'm sorry... I'm sorry that I almost gave up... But I promise, Tasha. I won't ever leave you." I was quiet for a moment. I knew that was a hell of a promise, a promise that isn't certain. But I'd take it. If we didn't have optimism now, we would lose all that we were. A smile crossed my lips as I snuggled closer against his warm chest. "Right back at ya, farmboy." "Do you see anything?" I asked Clementine as she searched the distance with her binoculars. "There's a lift or something!" "That's probably the ski resort." Luke said as he looked at his map. I blocked out the others as I took a deep breath, sitting down beside Nick on a rock. I was exhausted. My stomach had finally almost entirely healed up, but I was having bad stomach pains. I didn't know if it was because of my injury or if it was something completely different. Five days had finally passed, and we had made it to a lake or river. I was exhausted; everyone was exhausted. We needed a break; hell any type of shelter would do us good. Being out in the woods at night left us exposed, and we all needed to rest up. "Clem and I are gonna go check out the bridge." Luke said after Clementine confirmed the bridge looking passable. I looked at him wearily. "You think splitting us up is a good idea?" I asked, standing slowly. "You have a better idea?" He snapped. Luke was back to his 'you hurt me so I'm going to be a dick' attitude, and it made me even more exhausted than I was before. "She's just a little girl, Luke." Carlos said as he stood beside Sarah. It was true, she was a little girl; but she was the toughest little girl I knew. "I can do it." Clementine piped up from beside me, causing me to sit back down beside Nick. "Well, alright then." Luke said triumphantly as he looked at me. "I'm coming, too." Nick said quietly. I jumped up and nearly fell, shaking my head quickly. "No, man. You gotta stay here, take care of her." Luke said as he looked at me, a little too long for my liking. I took a deep breath, walking up to Luke so my face was a few inches from his. "Luke, we both know Clementine's potential, but If ANYTHING happens to her- I'll never forgive you." I spat quietly so only he could hear me. Luke rolled his eyes slightly, leaning down even further. "We'll be fine." "Luke, I'm fine, I can cross the bridge and cover you if anything happens." I turned around and looked at Nick. I could see the worry in his eyes of losing Luke, the last person he knew before the apocalypse. His last anchor before hell broke loose. He also held worry for Clementine, the little girl who looked out for him when he was in his lowest moments. Luke ignored Nick, turning to Clem. "C'mon." I frowned as I watched them walk away. Luke wasn't being a good friend to Nick- sure, he had his reasons, but that didn't matter- they were supposed to be best friends... I turned to Nick who had a disheartened look on his face. I sat down next to him and put my hand on his shoulder "Hey, dont sweat it. Those two are pretty damn tough and not to mention smart. They'll be just fine, it's only a little recon." I offered him the best reassuring smile I could muster. It wasn't much, but it was all I could give him. Nick didn't bother looking at me, instead he kept his anxious gaze at the ground before muttering "Whatever." After half an hour had passed, we all decided it was best to go after them. "We have to hurry, they've been gone for way more than ten minutes with no signal or anything! Dammit, I knew I should've went with them!" Nick shouted as he led the group, gripping his rifle tightly. I was in the middle of the group trying to keep up with his pace but he was walking too fast for anyone to keep up. All of a sudden, I saw Nick run up to the middle of the bridge. We kept our distance under the lead of Carlos. A gunshot then rang through everyones ears. It was hard to make it out, but it looked liked something fell off the side of the bridge. We started walking again once Carlos reminded us that Walkers probably were alerted by the commotion. As soon as I approached Nick, he had an angry look on his face, and it seemed like he was glaring daggers at Luke's back. (Though that wasn't unusual, one of the two was normally glaring at the other. *sigh* Children.) As soon as we were of the bridge, an argument between Luke and Nick began. I was shocked when I heard that Nick shot someone, but if he did it to protect the rest of us then it had to be done. Hopefully. "That asshole drew on me!" "Oh, did he Nick?" "Fuck you, Luke, You've been on my case this whole week!" "And why do you think that is, Nick? Look,I knew Pete was close to you, but-" "Dont fucking talk about him!" "Luke," My voice was cold- ice cold. "You are treading on some mighty thin ice here. Stop talking, now." I warned him. I gave Luke my most stern look I had. Talking about Pete was a lowblow. I heard Alvin ask Clem what she saw. I looked over at her, hoping that Nick was right. "He was gonna shoot, he could've been anybody really." Carlos spoke up "Luke can I talk to you for a moment? Rebecca, you take a rest for a moment" Luke and Nick glared at each other one last time before Luke shoved past Nick to go talk to Carlos. Nick made a beeline to the bench, sitting away from everyone else. I looked at Clem and she had a worried look her face. I gave her a smile "Hey Clem, go check on Rebecca and Sarah and see if there ok, I'll talk to Nick" She nodded and walked to them. I went over and sat next to Nick. "Nick, I know you did what you had to do, but from here on out we gotta think things through, babe. Otherwise, protecting one another won't be easy." I reached my hand over, gently holding his. "Hopefully there won't be a next time." "Hey Tasha, Nick." Clementine said kindly as she walked over to us. "Thanks for having my back, Clem." Nick said quietly, his grip on my hand lessening slightly. He looked over at Luke and Carlos "I bet they're talking about me now, "Luke, he's becoming a danger to the group." I laughed quietly at his impression of Carlos while Clem gave a small smile. "So who was that guy? I swear he looked like he was holding you up." Nick continued, looking at Clem expectantly. "He seemed nice." Clem admitted with a frown. "Dammit...maybe I am losing it, who knows-" "You're not." I told him softly, rubbing his hand with my thumb. "You made a mistake, you thought your friends were in danger, and it ended with a dire mistake, but we've all made bad mistakes,and we learn from it honey." I kissed his cheek and he smiled at me then looked to Clem. "God, I'm hungry...what time is it anyway?" Nick looked at his wrist than without warning, slammed his fist on the bench we were sitting on. "What's wrong?" Clementine asked. I looked at Nick with a raised eyebrow "I left my watch at the cabin, it was Pete's...he gave it to me...it was all I had left of him." I was about to try to comfort him some more when Clementine spoke up "I think I have it, lemme get it for you." Nick gave Clem a hopeful look. "Yeah, I found it at the cabin. Here." Nick took the watch and gave clem a grateful smile "Thanks! This means...thank you, Clem." I gave Clem a big smile and a thumbs up. Nick left to talk to Luke and Carlos, while Clem went into the station to look around. I sat at the bench,feeling another pain in my stomach. I applied some pressure to where it was hurting with my knuckles, trying to knead the pain away. When I felt better I noticed something big coming towards our way from the bridge. I squinted my eyes and saw that it was a whole crowd of walkers coming our way I stood up immediately "Guys, we gotta move! Theres a whole shitload of walkers coming our way!" Everyone looked to me then to the bridge. "Oh shit, we gotta go! Where's Clem and Alvin?" Luke asked. "They're in the station house!' Sarah pointed at the station house than ran to stand next to her dad. As if on cue, Clementine and Alvin walked out. "We gotta problem." Alvin yelled out. "Yeah, we're well aware!" Luke replied as we all ran to the ski lodge. It was nightfall by the time we got to the lodge. Nick went up the hill with Carlos to make sure there wasn't anything wrong with the lodge. Alvin was behind rebecca incase she fell and Clem and Sarah were walking side by side helping eachother get up the hill, leaving me alone at the bottom with Luke. About midway I started getting tired from my stomach cramping. I felt a hand on my lowerback and turned around to be face to face with Luke. "I'm just helping ya, Tasha, you look like you were havin' a little bit of trouble." I smiled a little. Sure, I was still annoyed about his attitude earlier, but I could tell he was trying to make for it. "Yeah, this hill's kinda kicking my ass. Thanks, Luke." I smiled at him and he smiled back, taking my hand before helping me walk up the steep hill until we got to the top. We got to the entrance of the lodge and saw every window boarded up in the front. Nick, Alvin, and Carlos were scouting while Sarah kept Rebecca company. Luke and I headed towards Clementine who was leaning on the railing. Luke looked at clementine and smiled "It'd be good to know of anyone was up there, you'd probably have an easier time gettin up there. It's like climbin' a treehouse..." Luke paused. "A long, tall treehouse... made of metal." I lightly punched Luke on the shoulder, glaring at him slightly. "Ow! Hey, what the fuck was that for?" "Luke dont tell her that!" I shook my head slowly as Clementine spoke up. "I had a treehouse once." Luke smirked at me and I rolled my eyes at him. "Well there ya go!" He said happily. Clem looked away, an annoyed look on her face. "I hated i.t" I stuck my tongue at Luke who just glared at me than turned back to Clementine "Oh.." I watched them walk to the ladder, leaning my arms against the railing. I was going to leave them be and stay where I was until I heard Luke say, "If you fall, I'll catch you...probably." I immediately walked over to the base of the ladder next to Luke "Don't worry Clem, if anything ,I'll catch you, you can rely on me!" I told her. "Heeeey, what're you sayin? Im not reliable?" Luke asked me, giving me a playful shove in the process. I looked at him and with a smug smile. "You're reliable, but I'm more reliable than you." We both began to laugh and I could help but feel happy. I liked it when me and Luke got along. It made things much easier. Luke looked up at clem and he told her the story of how when he was a kid and he would jump rooftops for fun. Clem said that sounded stupid. Soon after, she nearly fell. Luke and I both had our arms out in case she fell. "Clem, get a good grip on the ladder before you keep going, ok? Just take a breath and calm your nerves." I yelled to her as gently as I could, letting my arms fall to my sides. "Just look at me, you're fine!" Luke shouted. Clem looked down and made a face at Luke. "You look like an idiot!" I couldn't contain my laughter. The look on Luke's face was priceless! Luke looked at Clem. "Just climb the thing." I poked Luke's side making him jump a bit "She's right, you know? You do look like an idiot." He looked at me with a grin "Yeah, well I think I look pretty damn cool, especially with this here machete." "Made it!" We looked up to see Clem at the top. "You need anything?" Luke asked her, but immediately as he did I grabbed a hold of his shirt, looking back at the lodge. I could hear loud voices, and I was afraid something had gone wrong. "Tasha, what-" Luke looked back, noticing what I was staring back. "Stay here!" Luke ordered as he ran off to the others. "Luke where-" "Theres more than one light! Luke!" Clementine yelled. "He's by the entrance, Clem! Get down from there, somethings wrong!" Clem climbed down and ran to the group, making her way to the front. I tried to keep up to her, but I was still a few paces behind. The closer I got, I could see Nick holding his rifle, and across, I see three people. I could hear Luke, Alvin, and Carlos trying to defuse the situation and a female voice asking if we're trying to rob them, earning a sassy remark from Rebecca. I began to panic as I saw Clem go to the front, standing there staring at someone then hugging them. Nick was in the way so I couldn't get a good look. I pushed past Luke and Nick slowly. "Clementine,what the hell are you doi-" I stopped in my tracks and stared at the man that I saw as a father. The one who hated Ben, then risked his life to save him. The one who put him out of his misery and made sure me and Lee got out of the alleyway. "K-Kenny?!" Luke and Nick looked at me with a shocked expression "You know this guy,Tasha?" Nick asked. I ignored him and walked in front of Kenny who was just surprised as I was "Tasha?..." I instantly hugged Kenny,tearing up a little when he hugged me back "Oh my god, you're alright darlin'" I smiled and let him go. Kenny looked at me,then to Clem and asked if the group was with us,which Clem nodded yes. He pointed at the lodge and said we can talk inside to which an older man said "Great! I just started dinner! Please come join us". I heard Carlos asking if they didn't mind and then we were on our way,a smile on my face and Clem's, happy that we saw face from our past, connecting Clem to Lee and Ben for me. Nothing could ruin this night. A/N: Thanks for reading :3 Thank you for all the lovely reviews 3 One of my best friends (who just so happens to have the same first, and middle name as me) is working as the editor of my work and she's always been there to help me push through the writers block :3 so thanks BBG! I did not realize how long this chapter is XD well yay! Remember to leave a review! :3 xoxo
