My cousin from NY came up to visit with his girlfriend on sunday and stayed the night. It was fun until everyone went to bed ..Â
Somehow to conversation of Bipolar being a real thing came up. My cousin started saying it’s not real and that you can just change your mind like that, think a different way.Â
“No joe, that’s not how it works. It’s a chemical imbalance in your brain. You can not just fix it.”
“Yes you can. How did you think of cutting yourself?”
“Well, I saw it in a movie.”
“Exactly, you didn’t just think of it on your own. So, you can change the way you let things out, Like instead of hurting yourself. Go work out”
“And how did you think of smoking pot? Someone was like hey try this and now your addicted to it. Cutting is a social disease. The more you talk about it the more people get the idea about it. And it is addicted just like smoking pot. Because smoking pot isn’t actually addicting the high is. The rush of the cut, the blood is what makes people do it. Nothing can make you feel the way the blade does. “
He kept going and his girlfriend was getting mad and telling him to shut the fuck up. She jumped in and started talking to me. She rolled up her sleeves and told me she understood why I cut. It felt nice to finally have someone understand instead of my cousin standing up and yelling at me. I’m lucky I got two words in with him without interupting me after every word. He starting saying something else when eating disorders came into play ..Â
“You don’t understand how it feels to look in the mirror and hate every part of your body”
“No joe, not everyone obesses about the number on the scale and every calorie in every bite of food they put in to their body so much that they don’t let any food into their body, so much that the second they eat they puke it up or take more laxatives then normal. So, No not everyone does that.”
That shut up him for a little until he then said something about him having a drug problem. To which I said I have been there two. We yelled for a whiled more. I said that his dad was Bipolar and I also yelled at him that he was too. I feel bad for bring up his dad because his dad wants a divorce know why .. BECAUSE HE’S BiPOLAR AND STOPPED TAKiNG HIS MEDS.!!!!!!!!!!!!
I pretty much said to him that I couldn’t take this conversation and was going to go down stairs and cut. He let me. He fucking let me.Â
And I did. That’s probably wrong but oh well.Â
In the end, I think he is just scared of admitting that bipolar is real because if he does then that can mean that he can has it and if it’s not real then he can’t have something doesn’t exist. Â
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