He was sitting in the booth, picking at his fries. He was only half paying attention to Belle. She was talking about something one of the kids had done at the library. It was sweet and cute really, but all it did was remind him of Bae and the fact that his lad wasn’t alive to do cute little kid things or adult things or anything at all. And that stung ever so much. Bae being gone… well it was the worst thing that had ever happened to him and he didn’t think it was a stretch to say that a lot had happened to him. But he wasn’t thinking about that. He didn’t want to think about that. He didn’t want to ask Belle to stop telling her happy story or break down crying in the middle of the diner. So instead he tried to focus on something else, like his other reason for not pay complete attention.
He fiddled with the fry in his hand, looking down at it as thought just glaring would make it disappear. Because he wasn’t hungry. Or well he was actually. His stomach had been growling earlier that day, protesting the lack of food. But he didn’t want to eat. He could still vividly remember being forced to eat. The meal after Bae had died no less. And it had been meat pie. Meat pie. She’d known what that would do to him too. She’d known he’d use to eat if for a celebration when they had enough money to actually indulge themselves. She’d know how he’d see it, that it would be like she was trying to celebrate the fact that his boy was gone from the world. And she hadn’t cared. Or she had really because that had been the whole point. And now he didn’t want to eat anything at all.
He should be happy with his burger and fries. It was one of his favorite meals. But he found the only thing he wanted was the ice tea. It was almost all gone and he’d not even touched his burger and only forced down a few of his fries. He was starting to worry Belle would notice. Maybe he could claim feeling a bit sick. He did after all, even if illness wasn’t the cause. Or maybe he could try to make some of the food disappear with magic when Belle wasn’t looking. That was what he’d been doing at home. It was just harder here in the diner because he was fairly sure someone would see and he didn’t trust people not to snitch on him to Belle. He’d probably just have to go with being sick.
The door chimed and his head snapped that way, instantly having to look and see who it was and where they were going to sit. He had to keep track of every single person in the diner really, to make sure he knew who they were and where they were. It was the only way he could feel remotely safe surrounded by all of these people. Because he kept expecting the witch to jump out for behind a corner and get his dagger even if he knew that wasn’t possible anymore. Even if he’d made sure it wasn’t possible anymore.
But it wasn’t her. It was Snow. He found himself relax marginally at that realization. Snow was someone he actually sort of trusted. He felt that made sense as she’d come to talk to him countless times in the Enchanted Forest even if she never came to talk to him anymore here. She’d actually listened to him, unlike almost everyone else he’d ever talked to. And so she had his like and his respect and also his trust. Or a bit of it at least. Because she’d trusted him enough to open up to him about countless things and to actually listen to him, so it was only natural for him to trust her a bit in return.
But then he saw it. The tear-stained eyes. She was crying. He frowned, concerned, wondering what could happen that would make her come here crying. Maybe something had happened to Charming? Or Emma? Or maybe she was just having a bad day and had accidentally banged up her car of something. He didn’t know. But he was certainly concerned and if it wasn’t for the fact that he was hyper aware of all the people in the diner, he would have gone straight over to her.
He expected her to go and talk to Granny, or maybe Ruby. But no. She headed straight for him and now he was even more worried. She probably thought she needed a magical solution to some problem and if that was the case then this problem must be very serious. He hated thinking that something bad had happened to her, especially something that was so bad that she had to come to him for help. He didn’t like to see her in pain at all.
When she apologized he freaked out even more. Had she accidentally cursed her family and turned them into donkeys or something? He had absolutely no idea but it was obviously not good at all. And he had the urge to ask her immediately what was the matter, to hug her and tell her it was okay. He could fix it. He had the magic after all, the power. He could make everything better for her, he knew he could. But he couldn’t do that. Not here. Not with so many people watching. He had to keep up his poker face, his wall of protection. He couldn’t let people see past it.
He did stand though, looking into her eyes. “What happened?” he asked her, trying not to let too much concern into his voice least someone find that suspicious. He didn’t need people knowing he cared about someone else, that he was weak. He’d prefer that no one ever find out about that. He couldn’t handle it if someone used her against him.
But he also couldn’t cope with just standing here and letting her cry while he watched on. No, they needed to get somewhere private, and get to his potion supplies so that he could start work on what she needed right away. “Let’s go to the pawn shop,” he urged her, resisting the urge to reach up and grab her arm to lead her there. “And then you can tell me everything. Okay?”
Snow struggled with trying to keep the tears from stopping, but from the way she was blubbering -- they wouldn't. She took deep breaths as she looked down at her friend sitting with Belle. She was taking in every little detail, all the way down to how Rumple's cup formed a semi circle of water from the condensation. She saw everything ; the way Belle's eyes grew wide in confusion and worry, the way Rumple looked confused as she had made her way over to him, how Rumple didn't even touch his hamburger as Belle's was nearly finished. All the little details that anyone else wouldn't have noticed, seemed to be surrounded in a glow of gold, screaming at Snow. She tried to blink away such glow, but sadly, she could not and she felt nauseous, having such a light nearly BLINDED her. ( When in all actuality, it was just her tears enhancing the natural sunlight that came in through the window. ) She gulped trying to get the rock that was lodged in her throat. It didn't budge.
What she wanted to do when she saw her friend stand was to wrap him in her arms and tell him everything that was on her mind. She restrained herself against this because it them being in such a public matter, it would only cause dysfunction and confusion. And no matter how desperately she needed this hug, she kept her arms crossed over her chest. Besides, she knew that if they hugged, she would soon be under scrutiny as to why and right now, she felt bad enough as it is and adding upon that would only make her feel WORSE.
Snow couldn't bring herself to answer his question as to what happened. Mainly because her voice would sound harsh and garbled, and she didn't want to let everyone else who was in earshot know what she had done. She felt EVIL somehow from reading his personal journal. She wasn't the one to go snooping into other people's lives so reading Rumpelstiltskin's journal was by far ( in her words ) rude and uncalled for. Was it really her fault? She didn't go LOOKING for the journal ; It was just laying on the table, OPEN for the world to see and she so happened to read it. But right now, she couldn't think anything through so deciding whether or not it was OKAY for her to read his open journal was immoral. All she wanted to do was to get out of here, away from the watchful eyes of others. She wanted to get somewhere private so then she can tell him what she'd done. She wanted to hug him until he felt better. She wanted to do a lot of things right now, but all she could focus in on was controlling her breathing.
❛ In. Out. In Out ❜ She thought. This did help control her breathing somewhat, the rest was enabled by her tears that seemed so intent on CHOKING her. When she heard Rumple say that they should go to the pawn shop, her eyes lit up and she nodded. Snow did feel rather FOOLISH only communicating with the man by nods, but she couldn't speak for the worry that she would spill everything out right here and now. She smiled graciously, before turning to leave Granny's and head back to the pawn shop.
Once there, she took a few deep breaths ( she managed to control her tears on their walk here. She was rather THANKFUL for that or else, it would've been another ten minutes or so before she finally calmed herself down to speak. ) Her breathing went down to normal and she looked over at Rumpelstiltskin, sadness in her eyes. ❛ I came here in hopes that we could have one of our talks -------- you know, the ones we use to have in the Enchanted Forest? ❜ She said, her voice still a bit rough from all the tears. Snow put her purse on the counter and pulled out the tin full of cookies and the thermos full of tea. ❛ I even brought the refreshments, but you'll have to do with my baking. Henry tried one and said they were good. ❜ She was STALLING and she KNEW it. She was still trying to form the words to how she was going to go about this all. She didn't want him not to trust her anymore and she really didn't want to break their friendship. Their friendship of so many years ------ she didn't know where she would be right now without Rumple. He guided her through the difficulties of being queen with a kingdom you were trying to win over. He, one could say, played a part in shaping Snow into who she was today. And she would ever be grateful because of that.
With another deep breath, she had found the COURAGE she needed to begin discussing what she had done and why she came to him crying. ❛ But when I got here, you weren't here and so, I figured that you were in the back room reading some old text or something. You weren't there either and then I knew that you must've gone out for lunch. However, when I turned to leave, I saw your journal and it was open . . . Now, PLEASE don't be angry with me. I didn't mean to and I promise I don't mean to use anything that you wrote against you. I read it and ---- ❜ She felt the tears prickle behind her eyes and they threatened to spill over. ❛ ---- And I didn't know how poorly you felt about yourself. You're my friend and I thought we could share ANYTHING with each other, but after I read that, it was as if I was meeting you for the first time and it HURT. Then I thought of how many times you put on a smile and I realized that you were only putting up a brave front. And I'm truly, truly sorry that I read your journal, I knew what I was doing was wrong, but I still can't shake off the thought of you hating yourself that much to call yourself those names when I don't think of you that way. I see the good person, the person who is helpful and kind and NICE. Now I know that may not be the thing you need to hear right now but I just needed you to know that. I do care for you Rumple and it would break my HEART if we had to stop being friends over this, I just couldn't stop myself from coming to find you and telling you that. I understand if you don't want to talk to me ever again ---- I just had to let you know how I feel about you, because I wouldn't be here without you. ❜
