Niles Caulder's Support Group

One Man's Attempt to Feel Better about Himself; Another Man's Tumble into Torment.

[nilescaulderssupportgroup]

My Great Adventure #80, Part Five: The Chief’s Reckoning

Our Trio is in deep trouble. When in doubt, send the most expendable.

Of course, The Chief has decided Cliff should sacrifice himself. Niles is the hero! Not Cliff! This is how he'll learn to stay in his lane!

"General Immortus would never think that heap-of-trash robot would be useful to anyone or anything." - Reasonable Chief, Niles Caulder

Oh God, Cliff. Dude. Niles is not going to appreciate this. I wish I could go back and stop him. I really do.

Cliff. Niles will remember this.

Our heroes let the villain kill himself. Why? Because it would hurt Niles Caulder's ego to let him live. We don't see it here but Cliff is off to the side, looking at this and thinking deep about his social mobilizing actions. The Chief isn't going to respond well to his heroics, and it's sinking in.

Even Larry wants him gone. But Rita has picked on how this game works. Praise Niles; and when he cuts you, keep praising.

[nilescaulderssupportgroup]

My Greatest Adventure #80, Part Four: Cliff the Hero.

Looks like that official first mission came quicker than we thought!

I'm just going to put it out there that I think the Chief set this guy up. Why else would he point the photo right into the lens of General Immortus' secret camera?

Now we see why The Chief is after this man. No one's allowed a bigger ego than Caulder! Not no one! Also, look at who General Immortus has gathered. Cliff, Rita and Larry are nothing compared to basically anyone in any of those countries. He's gotta go.

Ooo, another reason! General Immortus dared to be smarter than The Chief! It is the duty of the Niles Caulder Support Group to attack, unwarranted, those who would dare to bruise the good man's ego.

Gasp! An eye! What shall the Doom Patrol do? Quick, lets ask our good friend, Niles!

Block its sight! Brilliant!

Not to be sexist, but Rita Farr is really good with her hands.

This just goes to show that the biggest threat to a support group is one's icy temperament.

Cliff is such a good guy. The hero we all deserve. Niles is going to make him pay for that.

Larry shows that he's also a dick, but I see through Rita's fakeness, don't you worry. Cliff deserves better, and he will never get that.

This poor robotic man. Giving it his all and we'll see what he gets for it. We'll all see.

[nilescaulderssupportgroup]

My Greatest Adventure #80, Part Three: This Issue Bombs

Well, they have the bomb now, but what will they do with it?

Okay, not to be ableist, but maybe don't give the bomb to Niles.

He figured this out by putting it to his ear, you guys. This man is a dirty liar. It is so convenient that Rita is perfect for this job, isn't it? Run. All of you.

This is the face and sweat of a man who is deathly afraid he'll be caught in his ruse. It's either that or he really has a thing for the small girls.

That's fine and good, Cliff. Rita is more important than you and your wheelchair-mentioning face.

Niles is glad his ruse worked. He really didn't have time to find a new team.

Wow, Rita, you just really like belittle the work of others, don't you?

Do you people see this? The subtle tinge of a threat. Cliff had two options: Bring up how bullshit that was and face another "moral conundrum" like what just happened, OR coax Niles' bruised ego. No more wheelchair comments. No more tears.

And thus, Niles has fooled three unsuspecting washed up heroes into joining his support group. Notice his slip up at the end there. First official mission? Then what was this, huh?

[nilescaulderssupportgroup]

My Greatest Adventure #80, Part Two: Cliff Steele Tries The Chief.

In a rare attempt at Agency, Cliff Steele tells his own origin.

Of course, Rita has to immediately put him down. Women.

I've been saying it for years: Europeans need to drive on the right side of the road already. Cliff is but one of several American casualties. And as we know, America takes its citizens dying in droves very seriously.

Do not try skiing in a robot body at home. The g-force and momentum generated by your much heavier frame will turn your brains to mush. Look where it got Cliff. Look where it WILL get him.

Niles was threatened by Cliff's social climbing. Quick, Niles, tell him what for!

There we go... Could've done without the wheelchair comment though. Gonna make Cliff pay for that one later.

Conveniently, with their origins all laid bare, our team has their first mission!

Hmmm, that's a very convenient phrasing, Niles. What if the newsman had said "Breaking News!" or "This Just In!". I'm just saying, that is very specific and honestly QAnon has a point.

Yeah, because explosions never travel upward.

Well, sir, you lied to us because your camera crew is clearly on the ground here and I understand my last sarcastic comment has been misinterpreted.

"Why sure, I'll do this! I wasn't complaining about this exact thing 10 minutes ago." The Chief just happens to have a device handy for this occasion? Really? I can tell you that I'd be suspicious. Can't say the same for our friends at Doom Patrol.

Some days, you just can't get rid of a bomb. Will this be one of those days? I'm sure Niles Caulder would never purposefully threaten the lives of his team. Negative Man has got this! Right?

[nilescaulderssupportgroup]

My Greatest Adventure #80, Part One: Origins, as Told By One Niles Caulder.

The Doom Patrol are formed.

This is the very first time these heroes join together. Niles presumably kidnaps them to get them here.

Our story begins with Niles Caulder putting the three unknown members down in order to lift himself up. Unfortunately, it’s not enough to get out of the chair he’s bound to.

Niles mansplains their origins to them.

First, Rita Farr decided that she had had enough of CGI. Unfortunately, she was no Tom Cruise.

After the realization of her lack of Tom Cruise skill, she makes a move that would preclude her from Scientology from there on out: She uses therapeutic vapors to realign herself.

Unfortunately, Scientology was right all along, because Rita is now dying. The film crew spent weeks trying to get her thetan levels higher.

And yet, all they could do was heighten her flesh body. Rita didn’t do to well after this. Because of that bitch Allison Hayes, she could never capitalize on her newfound powers. Shamed she couldn’t even be as cool, she retreated from society.

Up next, Larry Trainor copied what he saw in comic books, and tried to become a hero. Unfortunately, he would not become DC’s First Family.

Instead, he was gifted the ability to have others deal with his problems for him, but only for 60 seconds at a time.

As one could surmise from his wanting to hide away in shame, Larry Trainor willed his Negative Man to save the life of a soldier. The bastard.

But as we can see, Larry is a Glass-Half-Empty sort of guy, so let’s give him a break.