QUEEN @nilsson-schmilsson - Tumblr Blog

cannot stress enough the importance of having a bucket in your house. a big plastic bucket. helps with housework. helps with morale. get yourself a bucket today

clusterduck28

fuckyeahchinesegarden

spring blossoms in china

teathattast

valtsv

someone: wow, you don't look a day over 25!

vampire who was turned when they were 25 (20 years ago) and really doesn't want anyone to know about it:

valtsv

someone: wow, you don't look a day over 25!

vampire who was turned when they were 25 (200 years ago) and thinks that's the funniest thing they've ever heard:

valtsv

someone: wow, you don't look a day over 25!

vampire who was turned when they were 25 (2000 years ago) and is getting really tired of hearing it:

valtsv

plot twist: they're all the same vampire

valtsv

they're onto us boys

thebootydiaries

character: says "I like bread" that one time

fandom: character has an obsession with bread. bread is character's true love. draws character as bread. every meta joke in fanfic is about bread. the character's room is wallpapered with bread

unstablecryptid

personsonable-deactivated201908

me holding a gun to a mushroom: tell me the name of god you fungal piece of shit

mushroom: can you feel your heart burning? can you feel the struggle within? the fear within me is beyond anything your soul can make. you cannot kill me in a way that matters

me cocking the gun, tears streaming down my face: I’M NOT FUCKING SCARED OF YOU

miaislying

Hey OP? What the FUCK does this mean?

personsonable-deactivated201908

decay exists as an extant form of life

miaislying

That’s a terrifying answer, have a nice day

leannihilation-deactivated20230

I do wholeheartedly believe Wes Anderson is a sick sick freak. I like his movies but I definitely think this guy has like a hidden room in his spacious french apartment that he slips into quietly each night and it is just filled with tiny little doll replicas of all the actors he's ever used in any of his movies and he puppets them around and mimicks their voices and shit. and sometimes he'll text Owen Wilson pictures of his little doll with a comb or something from an untraceable number and pair it with like "see how I take care of you Owen?" and then the following day Owen Wilson will find him at the service table and go, "Geez Wes look at this," and Wes will pretend to be all concerned and horrified but there is this calculating almost eager look in his eyes that unsettles Owen Wilson. and the next time Wes is having a little soiree with all his actors, his beloved beloved actors, maybe Owen Wilson will accidentally get lost on his way to the beautiful bathroom and find that little room and see all those dolls and his throat will hitch with horror. And before he can call Bill Murray or Adrian Brody to look a dark silhouette will appear in the doorway and Wes looks sort of resigned when he says, "I see you finally found my secret, Owen," and Owen Wilson will try and pretend that he's fine with it but they both know better. and Wes will go (the look in his eyes back again) "We both know this can't get out, right?" and he'll grin very suddenly and Owen Wilson will laugh along very nervously and leave the room and eat some brioche and when the evening is over he will rush over to his Prius and frantically click his keys but over the cobbles on the beautiful beautiful street there is the sound of footsteps. and tears are running down Owen Wilson's cheeks but he can't say a word and Wes, emerging from the shadows, will gently touch him on the shoulder and say, "look, I'll drive you to the airport, huh?" and Owen Wilson will try to refuse but they both know it's futile. and, halfway through the drive, Wes Anderson will smile and say, "I'll miss working with you" and then perfectly jump and roll out of the car, wiping off his corduroy pants, while Owen Wilson's Prius swerves into a local patisserie, bursting into flames

gryffon

lego seagull

theirtheretheyre

@todaysbird

lacefuneral

tag yourself i’m hungarian cock gobbler

inthefallofasparrow

I’m Simon

fullmetalfisting

God can you imagine if Donald Trump became president? There’d be like a new bubonic plague and he’d be like “idk drink bleach about it”

fullmetalfisting

Throwback to when I took acid for the first time in 2013 and predicted the events of 2020 like the fucking oracle of Delphi

e-the-village-cryptid

they edited it, this is the original post:

[ID: How can dog breeders sell puppies for over $1,000? Do these puppies shit gold? Do these puppies fight crime? Can they play the banjo? No they’re fucking infant dogs that poop on your things and love you omg. /end ID]

link to a reblog of the original post, this reblog is from 2013

EDIT: OP blocked me for calling them out in this reblog, I can’t reblog or reply to this anymore and my reblog won’t show up in the notes, but if you reblog this from me then your reblog will show up in the notes. I thought maybe they were just trying to be funny and didn’t care if people knew they were lying but they’re like.. legitimately trying to convince people it’s true lol. Sketchy tumblr behavior

swimmingferret

Yahoo paid a billion dollars for this site

void-the-bear

OP EDITED THEIR POST AND BLOCKED SOMEBODY WHO REVEALED IT PASS IT ON

dazeylo

A self portrait

hulksmashley

Literally nothing will ever be as satisfying as the 4 minute long fight sequence in Kingsman: The Secret Service, in which Colin Firth mercilessly wastes an entire Westboro Basptist Church like congregation as the guitar solo from Lynard Skynard’s 1973 anthem Freebird plays in the background.