confusedpimp

21 yr old Australian shitposting. all my favourite works go to @/fictagsys 😊

[kosmogrl]

[doomdaysdecays-deactivated20251]

me: if only there was a fruit that looks like an apple but is actually a pear

the baffling papple:

[lesbeid0u]

[crabussy]

-> listening to a jaunty country style song -> hear the lyrics wrong -> pause. frown. go back a few seconds to relisten -> hears the same fucked up lyrics -> check the actual lyrics to see what it ACTUALLY says

-> oh!

[writingdose]

being a writer is fun

[sexboobomb]

I want to learn more exclamations that aren’t strictly just religious stuff. “Jesus Christ” this, “oh my god” that, nah I want something fresh.

What are some of y’all’s favorite exclamations that aren’t about god?

[sexboobomb]

first submission and we're already off to a fantastic start. absolutely love this one thank you

[sexboobomb]

ok its time for the challenge round now we want nominations that arent about sex either actually

[mbrainspaz]

had a friend who used to make new ones up on the spot. The only one that stuck with me was 'good golly jelly beans'. If something catastrophic happens I go for 'that's not ideal.'

[foldingfittedsheets]

@chekhovs-tantrum

Absolutely not letting you leave these in the tags.

[kushblazer666]

[yourfriendfrogs]

[anglaised]

not fully related but thats also y when i see yall on here like “awww i wish we had purple people or people with horns or people with neon green eyes….💔” im like. yall cant even handle black people…yall cant even handle caring about people like 5 shades darker than you….u want the world to be ‘whimsical’ or whatever yet ur completely fine with white supremacy 😭 evil ass individuals u cant handle a cyclops or a fairy u cant even handle hip hop!!!!

[maja-paja]

[black-pill-becky-deactivated202]

hitting you hitting you hitting you hitting you hi-

[lesbianredpanda]

[i-fuck-audis]

MY FUCKING CAR

[aroace-ryland-grace]

eva stratt you are the most interesting character in all of fiction ever eva stratt they could never make me hate you

[mournfulroses]

Enomoto Seifu-jo, transl. by Kenneth Rexroth, from Written on The Sky; Poems from the Japanese

[beardedmrbean]

Periscope up

[birds-in-posts]

Green heron (Butorides virescens)

[flareonfloof]

birds have secret bones we're not allowed to know about

[pangur-and-grim]

accidentally stayed up until 2. they got so tired waiting for me to go to sleep

[pangur-and-grim]

[nitewrighter]

Ozempic scares the shit out of me. You're telling me there's a drug that takes away both the craving side of hunger and targets the brain's rewards center for eating. You're telling me it takes the joy out of eating and it turns you into a skeleton. Why did we turn The Curse of the Black Pearl into a drug. What the fuck.

[nitewrighter]

I actually want to thank the diabetics coming on this post like "actually it genuinely is a great treatment for diabetes and it hasn't affected my mood or my enjoyment of food. The real issue is it's getting abused as a weight loss drug which also makes it scarce and more expensive for those who can genuinely benefit from it." Kind of reminds me of the time my brother got permission from our family psychiatrist to try my ADHD medication and his reaction to it was "what the fuck are you on. WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU ON. WHY DO I FEEL LIKE CRYING. YOU'RE ON THIS EVERY DAY!?!"

Body chemistry! It makes a big difference in how your body processes a drug! What can be genuinely helpful for some folks is The Curse of the Black Pearl for others!

[cardassian-artistry]

[pangur-and-grim]

I told my little nephew that I'd wave at his airplane when it flew over my house today, and he very calmly and politely explained that it wouldn't be possible to see me due to the limitations of human vision. I said he just had to squint real hard, and he took a deep breath and went into the toddler version of "see, what you're not understanding–"

[pangur-and-grim]

[pangur-and-grim]

it is actually haunting me that I forgot to wave. if he looked out the airplane window, he wouldn’t have seen me…..