Would you love me if I was a worm?
No, I won't ask you that.
Let me ask you something else,
Would you love me if I hurt you?
Not on purpose, I would rather cut off my own hands than use them to wound you but I have sharp edges I don't know about until someone is already bleeding. I have a mouth that says the wrong thing in the wrong tone and I only realize it when I see your face changes.I have a silence that's worse than any scream, im here but I'm not here, I'm with you, I love you but I don't know how to show it right now.
Would you love me through that?
Would you love me when it hurts even when I don't intend on doing so? Even when it's just me fighting my own demons and losing?
Would you love me if I cried too much? I cry alot. I cry at sunsets, I cry at the way the moon looks when it's full and low and I remember you, I cry until my eyes are swollen and my throat is raw and I look like a drowned person.
Would you still think i was beautiful? Would you hold me? Would you mean it?
Would you love me if I couldn't love you back the right way? Because I don't know the right way. I was never taught. I learned love from movies and books. I love wrong, too hard or not hard enough. I love like a dying star, would you accept that love? Would you teach me a better way? Or would you just...leave?
Would you love me if I drew blood? Not yours, mine.
If I scratched my own heart and offered it to you on a plate, still bleeding. Would you take it? Would you know what to do with it? Or would you look at it, and say, "I didn't ask for this, I don't want this. Take it back"
And I would take it back and shove it back into my chest and go home. Then I would sit in the grey room and I would think, "I am too much. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry."
I don't understand it, I don't understand you. I don't understand how someone can look at a burning building and decide to walk in instead of run away. I am a burning building, I have been on fire since I was a child and everyone I've ever loved has stood outside and watched me burn and said, I'm sorry, I can't, it's too hot, it's too much and then they left.
But you're still standing there, you're still watching, you might even be walking towards the flames, and I want to scream, don't, save yourself, I'm not worth the burns
But I also want to whisper, please, please, please, come closer, I've been so cold, I've been on fire and I'm still cold, doesn't that make you sad, doesn't that make you want to hold me.
If the world ended tomorrow, if the bombs fell and the sky cracked and the oceans rose, would you find me? Would you run through the fire and the flood and the crumbling buildings just to hold my hand one last time?
The bombs are falling, I've been living under the bombs my whole life, the bombs of depression, trauma, of the void that keeps me asking for more. And I am so tired of ducking, of covering my head and waiting for the impact. I want to stand up, I want to open my arms, I want to let them fall and scream that I don't care anymore.
I just want to kiss you before they hit.
Would you kiss me? Even with the bombs falling, even with the world ending, even knowing that kissing me means kissing the fire and the cold together.
Would you kiss me while the world ends?
snowghoul
jbbartram-illu
kianamaiart
janainaart
andulkaphoto
izzy806
