I'm really curious about what you think about this whole "Jikook is not close anymore" drama. Thank you so much, you always have interesting opinions ❤️
I’m sure I missed some of it, but I did see enough to make some observations. My intention won’t be to stir up more drama or really even remark on KM much, because that’s not the most interesting part to me. The most interesting takeaway for me was noticing the way different attitudes split fairly cleanly into factions.
Simplifying, here’s how I see it. The three main perspectives in the KM/shipping context:
A: The ‘A’ group is certain that KM is in a committed romantic relationship based on what they perceive to be an escalation of KM behaviors. Because ‘A’ is convinced of this, they expect to see more behaviors that continue to validate their position. When there is less KM-related content, and what they see does not validate their position the way they expect, they seek alternative explanations. People tend to resist considering that their own position might have been incorrect, so they explain the circumstances in other ways. In the case of KM, instead of considering KM might not have been in such a relationship, they assume that they were, but something else has changed. They are not as close, or they’re cooling off, or taking a break, or broken up.
B: The ‘B’ group claims no certainty about the nature of KM’s relationship. They see the obvious signs that these men are close and care about each other deeply, but are not convinced there is anything committed or serious there. When there is less KM-related content, ‘B’ remains unbothered. There is not an expectation of KM behaviors that validates a particular position. To them, the amount they see KM is consistent with their whole career. Sometimes more, sometimes less. There is no indication of a change in how KM is attentive to one another, so ((((shrugs)))).
Z: The ‘Z’ group is made up of shippers of other couples who like to antagonize KM blogs. Mostly they message KM blogs to claim their ship is superior or more ‘real’, or perform some mental gymnastics to make KM seem less ‘real’. When there is a lot of KM-related content, their insecurity and compulsion to explain it away is very obvious. When there is less content they use a different tactic of mocking the blogs. This is also transparently foolish.
However, the ‘A’ group has a vulnerability where they internally doubt their own position, but publicly seek other explanations. The ‘Z’ group exploits this. They may send messages to the As expressing faux concern that KM is not close anymore, they’ve noticed it too, they’re wondering what’s wrong, and what might have happened to cause a rift between KM. Ah, they must have argued. They must be having trouble. They’re taking a break. And the As, who are already seeking other explanations and validation, play right into the Z’s hands.
So, you have the As commiserating with other As that something must be different or wrong. And the Zs are amplifying and confirming all the A’s concerns, because it’s a golden opportunity to undermine a ship they don’t like. These conversations and commiserations then perpetuate themselves more and more, grow louder and louder, and it becomes the loud narrative within the KM Tumblr community that they aren’t close anymore.
Meanwhile, the Bs are watching all of this happen with a mixture of amused disbelief, frustration, and ((((shrugs)))).
It should be obvious B is my category. I felt amused disbelief that such drama sprang from what appeared to be nothing at all to me~~no perceivable change. And frustration that we aren’t better about recognizing bad actors (the Zs) who are having a grand old time at the A’s expense.
Now, it’s okay if you’re an A. Some As out there saw no change either and were also unbothered, except to see fellow As in such a tizzy. It’s the As who were bothered that caused such a stir. I have said it before, but I’ll repeat that I think it’s unreasonable to judge any person’s situation or current state of mind based on seeing a tiny fraction of their life. This is basically impossible. This is especially true when they are famous public figures. But okay, if you’re this kind of A, I urge you to be extra-responsible about the narratives you put out there and that your desire to be validated doesn’t sabotage your ability to reconsider your own position. There are a number of A types that used to be so active here, wholly convinced KM had a very serious thing going on. I’ve noticed that many of them have disappeared, gone quiet, or fallen out of interest. I’d hypothesize they convinced themselves that KM were seriously just short of being actual husbands, that when KM didn’t continue to validate those behavioral expectations, they deflated. It took too much mental energy to maintain their expectations or explain away when they weren’t met. But that’s only a thought I’ve had. I could be wrong.
Some of you are As out there, but adopt a B position when it comes to things like this, which I think is healthy. We Bs can do better about remaining positive and unbothered when unfounded or toxic narratives take off. Be gentle when urging As to be careful about Zs taking advantage of them. Try not to let the frustration of this get you down. People should be allowed to express their feelings, even if they might not make much sense to you. If you don’t see the things that As or Zs claim to, don’t feel that you must get caught up in them, or respond to every question or message about it. You can put a stern dismissal out there, then ignore it, and start a conversation about something you find more interesting. Dampen the effect of the narrative by talking about something else entirely. Every narrative will fade with time, but you can help it along by your own choices to engage with what matters more to you.
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