sypnosis : You and Kk were never official. Just stolen nights, hotel hallways, and room numbers. Then you got a boyfriend. And a famous one too. Now every glance across the rink feels like a risk. Every bump feels like more. And when your phone lights up after a game with her room number, the past doesn’t feel like the past anymore. But with everything on the line, will you ever truly be able to resist Kk Harvey? Only time will tell.
pairing : Kk Harvey x fem reader
warnings : mdni, men fuck off (no offence), kissing, jealousy, reader has a stink ahh boyfriend, mentions of alcohol, cheating, manipulation, angstt, a little internal homophobia.., injury, DENIAL, i think that's it, NOT PROOF READ!
random - guys im actually so flippin sorry i just disapeared and this took almost a month to come out... forgive me😞 Also didn't mean to make this so angsty... its ok tho i love some good angst
The street light flickered overhead, reflecting over the dull and cracked pavement where Kk stood. Kk watched as your car pulled around the corner and out of sight, she hadn't moved since you had slammed the door shut.
The wind felt colder than it had before. And in only a loose Wisconsin t-shirt and some sweats, there was nothing to protect her from winter's bite.
Kk exhaled sharply through her nose, running a hand down her face before turning back towards the building.
The hotel was empty, silence stretching. The elevator opened with a quiet ding. Kk stepped inside. She was alone.
The mirror covering the back wall of the elevator caught her reflection immediately.
"Fuck," she cursed, looking at the marks blooming across her neck, dark and obvious against her skin.
She reached up and tugged her collar, but it was no use.
Kk's hand dropped. Her reflection started back at her through the mirror. Lips swollen, hair a mess, hickies down her neck. Her teammates would know something was up from the moment she stepped in the room.
The elevator doors opened into the hallway, silence filling every crack of Kks brain until she felt nearly insane.
But maybe it wasn't the silence that was driving her crazy.
It was always going to end, Kk knew she was insane to think it wouldn't. Whatever the two of you had was unsustainable. And you were right, it wasn't fair to her or to you.
The arrangement was simple. You would come to her door or she would come to yours, you would fuck, and then you'd leave.
No feelings, no strings attached, it was purely physical.
But if that was really true, then why did Kk feel as if she had let something slips through her fingers. And why did her chest ache at the thought.
Kk's hand hovered over the doorknob. The plan was to go to her room and put on a hoodie to cover her neck before anyone could see the marks you had left.
Even the thought of how she'd gotten them. Only minutes ago, pressed into you in the back seat of your dingey car.
She swallowed, then pushed open the door. The main room was still packed, empty beer bottles and laughter filling the space. Kk began walking to her room, but before she could even reach for the door handle, a voice stopped her in her tracks.
"I fucking knew it." Laila exclaimed, eyebrows raised in disbelief as she approached Kk from across the room.
Kk didn't turn right away.
Her shoulders tensed just slightly, the only sign she'd heard the words at all.
"Knew what?" Kk said, too casual.
Laila rolled her eyes. "I'm not stupid." Her eyes scanned over Kk's appearance, then down to her neck.
Kk resisted the instinct to reach up, to cover her neck, but she kept her arms by her side.
"You go into the hallway with her, follow her into the parking lot, then come back half an hour later looking like this—" She gestured vaguely to Kk's neck. "—and you really wanna stand her and act like I'm making shit up?"
A couple heads turned at that, the energy in the room shifting just enough to make it noticeable.
Kk scoffed, turning to face her fully. "You're being dramatic as hell."
"Am I?" Laila shot back immediately. "Because from where I'm standing, it looks like you got real friendly with someone you were just throwing hands with an hour ago."
Silence filled the air, tension crackling like electricity. Kk looked down, looked back up, then bit the inside of her cheek.
"No way." Laila's eyes widened. "It was her."
Kk's jaw clenched. "Drop it."
"Don't lie to me Kk, she did this, didn't she?" Laila's voice dropped slightly.
Kk stared at the door handle in front of her, fingers flexing at her sides. Then she let out a quiet breath through her nose.
"...So what if she did." She muttered.
Laila blinked, then let out a short, incredulous laugh. "Oh my god, you're serious."
Kk finally pushed her door open, stepping halfway inside before turning back, expression guarded now. "It's not a big deal."
"Not a big—" Laila stopped herself, shaking her head. "Kk, you literally fought her on the ice. She punched you in the fucking face."
"And?" Kk shrugged, leaning against the door frame like she didn’t feel the weight of every word. "Just cause we don't like each other doesn't mean we can't fuck."
"Wow." Laila let out a breath of disbelief. "You don't like her at all?"
"Doesn't matter anymore. It's done."
Kk adjusted the beanie on her head, avoiding Laila's gaze. "Yeah, we're over."
For the first time all night, it didn't sound convincing.
Laila suddenly inhaled, eyes riddled with confusion. "Wait—doesn't she have a boyfriend?"
For a second Kk stilled. What could she say?
But it was over, and Kk didn't owe you anything. After all, this was your secret, not hers.
Laila blinked, the words taking a second to land. "Kk."
It wasn't judgmental, nor was it loud, just heavy.
Kk’s jaw tightened as she leaned her shoulder harder into the door frame, like she needed something solid to hold her up. “What?” she shot back, already defensive.
"That's not just some random hookup then," Laila said after a pause. "That's messy."
Kk let out a humorless laugh, shaking her head. "Yeah, no shit."
With that, she pushed past Laila and headed towards the kitchen counter. She grabbed the bottle of tequila sitting half finished and poured herself a shot.
She needed something, anything to take her mind off of it. Off of you, off of the back seat of your car, off of your headlights fading into the distance as you drove away.
Kk's teammates eyed her closely, none of them truly knowing what was happening. All they knew was that she'd left for ages, and came back with hickies trailing down the side of her neck.
"Did you know about her boyfriend?" Laila leaned onto the counter next to her, voice low enough that her teammates couldn't hear over the loud music.
Something twisted in Laila's expression. "Kk, that's not like you." She said, running a hand down her face.
Kk's expression hardened immediately. "Don't start."
“I’m not starting anything,” Laila said, softer now. “I’m just saying, you don’t do complicated. You don’t do this.”
Kk scoffed, pushing off the counter top and stepping towards the tequila, ready to pour another shot. “Well, congratu-fucking-lations,” she muttered. “Guess I don't do the same shit anymore.”
Kk tilted her head back, wincing as the alcohol burned her throat. Then, she moved out of the kitchen and to the bedroom.
She needed to change, to get into something that covered up her neck.
Kk shut the door behind her a little harder than necessary.
The click echoed through the quiet room.
It felt suffocating, like a weight was being pressed on her chest.
Because somewhere between the secret nights, glances across the rink, and hotel bedrooms, something had shifted
And Kk wasn’t entirely sure when it stopped being just physical.
You pressed your key card against the door, pushing it open after you heard the click of the lock.
You had waited in the car for at least 20 minutes before working up the courage to finally head to your hotel room. Evan waited for you there, and you didn't want him to see the redness of your eyes after the car ride back.
The suite was quiet as you stepped inside.
A single lamp swallowed the living room in a dim glow and the window on the back wall reflected the city glow below.
Evan sat on the couch, his head tilted up as you entered the room. "Hey."
Tonight he was wearing glasses, the ones you normally loved. Only tonight, they didn't make you feel a thing.
You slipped your shoes off and headed toward the counter. "Hey."
"What took you so long?" He glanced at you for a second longer like he was trying to read your expression.
Your stomach twisted. "Coach gave an extra long speech, she wasn't happy about the game." You turned away from him, feeling as if he could smell the lie coming from you.
"She wasn't happy about the fight I guess?" Evan stood and took your bags from you, placing them on the dining table.
You plopped onto the couch, hoping that Evan would go to the bedroom and leave you alone. But of course, he followed you, placing an arm on your thigh as he sat beside you.
"Did you get any cuts?" He asked, lifting your jaw and inspecting and bruises or red marks.
You didn't want to be around him, you didn't want him to touch you, not now. His fingers were so soft, so gentle, but lacking any of the fire Kk had.
You resisted the urge to push him away as he inspected your neck. "She must have grabbed your neck or something, there's lots of marks."
You tried to stop the tips of your ears turning red as he inspected the rest of your face. You had a feeling the marks had nothing to do with what happened during the game.
The thought made your stomach sink.
Guilt wrapped around you like a blanket made of spikes. This wasn't right. Here you were, getting checked on tenderly by your loving boyfriend straight after hooking up with your hockey nemesis.
His face was close to yours, only inches. But instead of feeling butterflies, you just felt empty.
Evan leaned in and planted a kiss on your cheek, then on the corner of your mouth. "Maybe this'll make you feel better."
Then he kissed you fully. And you let him.
Not because you truly wanted to, but because this was what you were supposed to want.
As Evan pulled your shirt above your head, images flickered uninvited, her hands, her mouth, the way she’d looked at you like it meant something even when you were trying to pretend it didn’t.
The entire night, even as Evan pressed you into the cushions, breath ragged in your ear, all you could think about was the way you'd done it with Kk.
And how much better it had felt.
The pub was packed, a random soccer game on the tv and waitresses stumbling around with trays of beer.
You sat in a booth with some of your teammates in the corner of the room. Each of you had a drink, talking loudly as the alcohol began to flow into your system.
It wasn't much, just a small post-game get-together. Your team had won 2-0, a great game for your reputation and for the fans.
Leah checked her phone after setting down her drink, sighing in annoyance once her phone lit up.
“What is it?” you asked, the table’s attention slowly turning toward her.
“Nothing,” she muttered quickly, flipping her phone face-down. “Just shit with Malcolm."
Leah and Malcolm had been going out for nearly 2 months now.
Alicia leaned back in her seat, stretching her arms over her head. “God, I need a relationship where the biggest problem is ‘just shit.’”
Leah snorted. “You need a relationship first.”
“Hey,” Alicia shot back, pointing at her. “I could have one if I wanted.”
“Yeah?” another girl chimed in. “With who?”
Alicia opened her mouth, then shut it. “That’s not the point.”
Laughter spread around the table, the kind that came with too many drinks and a good win.
“Honestly,” Leah said, picking at the label on her bottle, “relationships during the season are brutal anyway. Most them don’t last.”
“Speak for yourself.” A girl named Evie said, nudging your arm lightly. “Some people are doing just fine.”
A few heads turned toward you.
You raised a brow. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
Leah smirked slightly. “You and Evan?”
Another girl nodded. “Yeah, you guys are actually really cute.”
“Like, annoyingly stable,” Alicia added, grinning. “It’s kinda gross.”
You let out a small laugh, shaking your head. “Shut up.”
But there was a warmth that spread through your chest at the words. It was warm and comfortable.
“Seriously though,” Leah said. “He’s at all your games, right? He seems committed.”
“Yeah,” you nodded, reaching for your drink. “He tries.”
“Tries?” Alicia repeated, raising a brow.
You shrugged lightly. “He shows up.”
“That’s more than most people get,” Evie added.
You hummed in agreement, bringing the glass to your lips.
From the outside, it sounded right. You liked it when people complimented your relationship, after all, they weren't wrong. The two of you were stable.
Everything with Evan had been picture perfect for months now. Only the frame to your picture was cracked, and no amount of glue was able to put it back together.
The conversation continued at the table. You nodded when you were supposed to, smiled occasionally, put on a performance.
The same one you'd been putting on since—
You took a sip of your drink, a little too quickly.
Leah checked her phone again, only this time she didn't look annoyed, she seemed genuinely worried. She cursed under her breath and began scrolling quickly.
"Malcolm again?" Alicia asked.
"No, this is worse, or better, depends on how you see it."
"What is it?" Alicia leaned toward her seat, attempting to see the phone screen.
"Kk Harvey's injured," she said. "She's the star player for Wisconsin."
You hadn't heard that name in a while. And it landed wrong. You gripped your drink a little tighter, pulse ticking up a fraction too fast.
"Wait what?" Alicia leaned forward. "Is it serious."
"I think so," Leah replied. "Something with her arm and her rib."
"Well this isn't the worst thing for us." A girl spoke up. "At least when we play Wisconsin we won't have to deal with her."
"Yeah, good point." Alicia agreed.
"Oh man, I feel bad for her." Leah shook her head. "We played together at the Olympics, so we're pretty close."
"Hopefully she recovers quickly." You said it a little too quickly, speaking up just to fit into the conversation. Only your voice was stiff and you jaw is clenched.
"I know none of you particularly like her, especially you," Leah, glanced your way.
You tapped you fingers on the table.
"But I'm gonna check on her in the hospital sometime this week, you guys can come if you want."
Your hand was up before your brain had fully processed what that meant. "I'll go—" You stopped yourself, clearing your throat. "We've had some issues in the past, but I want to clear the air between us."
"You sure?" Alicia eyed you for a moment.
You took a sip of your drink, not meeting her eyes. "Yeah."
"Cause if I remember correctly, the last time you two saw each other it ended in a fist fight."
You set your glass on the table, nodding.
But Alicia was wrong, it hadn't ended with a fist fight. Instead, it ended with the backseat of your car and the bitter taste of tears.
You set the glass down on the table steady.
The hum of television danced through the pub, dull chatter mixed with the sounds of glasses clinking and waitresses moving between tables.
You hadn't thought about that night for weeks, at least, you tried not to think about it.
You shouldn't have raised your hand. You knew that.
Really, there was no reason to go.
But the thought of seeing her again had already rooted itself in your chest, stubborn and impossible to ignore.
You had cut her off, number blocked, no loose ends. You didn't need closure, and you needed to reconnect with her like you needed a hole in the head.
But what harm could it do?
All you were doing was checking up on her, not as a sneaky link, and definitely not as a lover, just as a friend. Though, the two of you were never too good at being each other's.
All you wanted to know was if she was okay. After all, Leah didn't know how serious the injury was.
"I'll text her." Leah said.
Within a couple minutes Kk had texted back. "She says tomorrow works, that good with you?"
Leah picked you up in her car at 11am. You didn't have anything on you, just your wallet, phone and some old lip balm you'd found in your pocket.
You hadn't done your hair, and your makeup was simple. You told yourself it didn't matter what Kk thought about you, that wasn't what this was about.
Evan had raised his eye brow when you'd told him where you were going this morning, but he was the last of the concerns churning through your head.
Your stomach felt tight, the feeling you get before going onto a big roller coaster.
"Nervous she might start throwing punches?" Leah joked, noticed your tense shoulders.
You laughed as naturally as you could manage. "Maybe, I haven't seen her in a while so we'll see how this goes."
You turned your head to look out the window. It was a beautiful spring morning, the sun was shining and flowers were beginning to bloom in people's gardens.
You pulled your head out of the scenery as Leah missed her turn toward the hospital. "Leah, isn't it down Hearns Street?"
"Oh, I forgot to tell you." She spoke. "Kk's been let out of the hospital so we'll just be meeting her at her apartment."
"What?" Your eyes widened.
"What?" Leah repeated. "There a problem?"
Yes, there was a problem. You had been to her apartment countless times, and none of these visits were for just checking up on her. Going back there would bring back memories you had long buried.
Seeing Kk was scary enough, but in her apartment? That was much worse.
"You said we were going to the hospital."
"It's not that different from her house." Leah glanced your way. "Relax, you're not gonna get jumped."
You sighed. "That's not what I'm scared about, I beat her in our last fight anyway."
"I'd say it was more of I tie."
You furrowed your eyebrows. "I definitely won Leah, did you see her nose?"
Leah just shrugged. "Yeah it was pretty bloody."
You let out an airy laugh, remembering the fight. Then you turned your head back out the window.
You had begun to recognize the streets that passed by, stomach churning against your permission.
By the time you arrive in the parking lot of the familiar building, an odd feeling has creeped into your throat.
You pushed open the door and followed Leah to Kk's room, as if you didn't know the room number by heart.
"Oh, and I forgot to tell Kk that you were coming." Leah said as she lifted her arm to knock on the door.
"Leah, have you forgotten everything?" You pinch the bridge of your nose.
Leah knocked three times, a fourth for good measure.
Ten seconds later the door flew open.
And it was right there that you knew you shouldn't have come. Because the second you saw her face, for the first time in months, something unlocked the box in your chest you thought was long buried.
Kk's eyes widened at the sight of you. "Why are you here?"
Every feeling came back, swirling and hitting the sides of your skull. The guilt, the shame, the lust, the attraction, everything.
You felt every nerve in your body panic, your fight or flight activated. "What happened to hello?" You kept your eyes anywhere but her face.
Leah stepped inside the room as she talked. "I thought this could be good, Kk, just to clear the tension between you two."
You slipped off your shoes and followed Leah to the living room. You knew Kk's apartment like the back of your hand. You'd been everywhere, the couch, the shower, the bed...
You mentally kicked yourself for letting your mind wander.
The memories came too easily, too vivid. Like they hadn't faded at all.
There was an awkward silence as you settled into the living room. Leah sat on an armchair, quick to cross her legs and get comfortable. You sat on one side of the couch, closer to Leah, and Kk sat on an chair across from you.
The distance wasn't subtle.
"So how have you been feeling?" Leah looked between the two of you like she was trying to force normality.
Kk shrugged, her movements more careful than usual. "Looks worse than it is."
"That's not what I heard." Leah raised her eyebrows. "You didn't come back after second period."
"Yeah well," Kk rubbed the back of her neck. "Hard to play when you can't really breathe."
"And my left shoulder." Kk replied. "But nothings broken, its all just bruised."
"Just bruised." Leah repeated, unconvinced. "You were in the hospital."
Kk rolled her eyes. "It's just precaution."
Leah huffed out a breath but didn't argue further.
A small silence fell over the room. Not awkward, just waiting.
Sun filtered in from the back wall, illuminating the sleek apartment in a warm glow.
You shifted slightly on the couch, fingers lacing with each other nervously.
"Did it—" You cleared your throat. "Did it hurt?"
Kk's eyes flicked to you before you were finished talking. And you felt it, the weight, the focus.
You nodded looking down at your hands. "You should probably take it easy for a bit."
"Since when do you care about my recovery plan?"
Kk was tense, you could sense it. Her jaw was tight and her words had a bite to them.
You huffed lightly. "I don't, I thought that was common sense."
Leah looked between you two as if you were a ticking time bomb, clearly clocking the shift in tone. "Come on guys, be nice."
"We are being nice." Kk replied.
Leah sighed, clearly over it. "I'm gonna go get water, do you guys want any?"
"No." you both said at the same time.
That made Leah pause. Her eyes flicked between you, a suspicious glint in them, but she didn't push it.
Leah stood and disappeared into the hall.
And just like that, it was only you and Kk.
The silence was thick and heavy. You cleared your throat, but your mouth felt dry. Everything you'd been pushing down for months, it was resurfacing, and it wasn't pretty.
And of course, as much as you hated to admit it, Kk looked like a fucking vision. She was wearing a backwards cap, hair tied into a low bun and jaw tight.
But it was her eyes that made you shift in your seat.
"So, why are you here?" Kk leaned back in her chair.
She was wearing the same Wisconsin t-shirt she had worn the last time you saw her. You wondered if she did that on purpose. "Why are you actually here?"
"You know, there's not always a secret meaning behind my words. Am I not allowed to have good sportsmanship anymore?"
"You're always in denial." Kk shook her head. "Some things never change."
"You're quick to assume." You scoffed. "Things are different now, Kk."
You ran a hand down your face, resisting the urge to groan. "Can we just—" you paused. "Can we just try to act normal for once? Like none of it ever happened."
"Okay." Kk looked up. "Normal."
But the second her eyes met yours, you realized that nothing about this interaction was normal. You quickly looked down.
Kk stood and moved, sitting next to you on the small couch.
You crossed your arms. All of these feelings, the nervousness and the adrenaline, you had forgotten how sickening it all was. You swallowed.
"But it did happen." Kk leaned back in her seat. "S'not something I can just forget."
You paused for a second, debating how to respond. "Kk, that was months ago. I'm over it, and you should be too."
"I don't believe you." Kk let out a humorless laugh.
You turned away from her, picking at a loose thread in the couch. "Just cause you're still stuck up on us doesn't mean I am too."
Kk scoffed like you were being ridiculous, but her jaw was tight and fists clenched.
"How's Evan?" Kk leaned forward slightly, expression turning smug.
The topic change caught you off guard, and you stomach tightened at his name.
"Yeah," You said a little too quickly. "He's-uh... good."
Kk lifts her eyebrows at that. "Good?"
Kk continued before you could even answer. "But does he keep you satisfied? Is he fun?"
Kk didn't smirk when you were silent. Instead, she just leaned forwards, ever so slightly.
"Don't even think about it." You said, leaning back.
Kk acted like she didn't hear you. "Do you feel good sleeping next to him at night? Do you want to spend the rest of your lfe with him?"
"And how is this any of your buisness?" You said through gritted teeth.
Suddenly, Kk reached over and pulled you onto her lap, hands resting on your thighs.
You glared but didn't move. "What the fuck are you doing?"
Kk's hand reached forward. You flinched, expecting a punch, a slap, at least a pinch.
But instead, she moved and tucked a strand of hair behind your ear.
Her touch was soft, like she was testing the waters.
"Don't you miss us?" Kk rubbed circles onto you legs. "Even just a little."
You couldn't bring yourself to answer. Because the truth was, you did miss it, you missed her.
Evan wasn't fun, not one bit, and you didn't know if that was because he was a man or if it was just him.
Suddenly, Kk leaned forward and wrapped her arms around you, resting her head on your shoulder.
"Us?" You inhaled sharply, hesitating before leaning into her touch. You blinked hard. "There was never an us, Kk."
You didn't remember a time you had ever hugged her, not once in all your months of knowing her.
You tucked your head into the crook of her neck before you could stop yourself, breathing in her scent and warmth.
You could feel her exhale, her racing pulse. It was all too much and not enough.
Then a thought struck you out of nowhere. This was all part of her game. She didn't actually care, she just missed having you in her pants. But even knowing that, it felt so hard to pull away.
Just as you were about to push off of her, the door to the hallway creaked open.
Leah stepped through the doorway, eyebrows raised. "What the hell guys."
Kk didn’t move right away.
For a split second, her arms stayed exactly where they were around you, her head still resting against your shoulder like Leah hadn’t just walked in on something that clearly wasn’t “normal.”
Then she pulled back, slow, not rushed.
You reacted the opposite.
Your body jerked away, putting space between the two of you immediately and standing up. Without looking at Leah, you sat on the arm chair across the couch.
Leah slowly made her way back to her chair, eyebrows still raised in disbelief. "You guys are so weird."
You left Kk's apartment with a sick feeling in your stomach.
And that feeling didn't go away in the next week. You had forgotten how the guilt and shame felt, and you'd forgotten how painful it was.
It's not like you and Kk even did anything. But the fact you couldn't keep your hands off of each other for more than 5 minutes? It's not what you were hoping to discover through that visit.
It was those feelings that led you to being crammed into the backseat of a car, Evan pressed into your side.
It was packed, with Alicia on the wheel and Leah in the passenger seat. A couple other girls from the team were pressed into the backseat.
You re-applied your lip gloss in your phone mirror, smoothing over your short dress and fixing your hair.
There was a house party being hosted for some hockey girls to celebrate the end of the season, normally you wouldn't have bothered, but after seeing Kk again, you needed a distraction.
The car pulled over in front of a large house. Stepping out of the car, you could already hear the music pumping from inside.
Evan latched an arm around your shoulder and you leaned into him.
The inside of the house was mayhem.
Confetti, unfinished drinks and silly string were littered around the place. Drunks and stoners were grinding on each other to the blaring music.
Most of the main lights were off, pink and red flashing lights filling the room.
Yeah, this was definitely a distraction.
"I'll go get some drinks." Evan yelled over the music.
You looked around the room for any familiar faces.
Then you noticed someone.
Laila Edwards, Kk's teamate, stood at the back of the room. The moment your eyes landed on her, she looked up. You made eye contact for a moment before you looked away.
You tried to play it off, turning and walking towards the snacks, but you felt a presence behind you.
Laila tapped your shoulder and you turned.
Before you had a chance to open your mouth, Laila spoke. "I know what's happening between you and Kk."
You forced your expression to stay neutral, even as your pulse spiked. "I'm not in the mood for this right now." You turned away from her, attempting to leave the conversation.
Before you could even take a step, the 6,0 player stepped in front of you blocking the path. You turned again, and there she was in front of you.
Eventually you sighed, admitting defeat.
"I know you and Kk used to fuck,"
"And, I know you have a boyfriend."
You swallowed, but didn't deny it. "That was ages ago, are you here to discipline me or something?"
"No, I don't really care what mess you dig yourself into." Laila said. "It's your life."
"But" She added, and your chest tightened. "I know you guys saw each other recently. And I don't want you messing with her again."
Laila's expression wasn't teasing anymore, it wasn't suspicious, just firm. Protective.
"I'm not messing with anyone. Kk was the one who was manipulative and shit." You paused. "If anything, she was always messing with me."
"I'm not lying." You said, your voice defensive and heated. "She pretended her cousin was another girl to make me jealous, she tried to pull stuff in front of my boyfriend. She was the issue."
The party swirled around you, light and music and laughter. This was supposed to be a distraction, not a confrontation.
"Or maybe, she was just trying to give you a taste of your own medicine. Think how shit you must have made her feel, going back to your boyfriend every time like she was nothing."
Suddenly, guilt washed over you like a tsunami. You had always felt bad about Evan, thinking about how terrible he'd feel if he ever found out.
But you'd never thought about Kk.
You sighed. "None of that shit even matters anymore. We've been over for months now."
"Really?" Laila started. "Cause that's not what I've heard."
You scoffed. "Why do you even care? This is none of your fucking business."
Laila held your gaze for a second longer, nodding like she'd done her job. "She's my friend, so yeah, it is my business." She said. "and if you try to fuck her up again, we're gonna have an issue."
You just shook your head in disbelief. "Oh, fuck off." And with that you turned on your heel and disappeared into the crowd. Who the hell was she to be telling you what to do?
A voice from behind pulled you from your thoughts.
"Drinks!" Evan exclaimed, handing you a red solo cup and gulping down the contents of his.
By the redness in his cheeks and the wobble in his step, you guessed this wasn't his first.
Evan set his drink on a nearby table and placed his hands on your waist.
You pressed close to your boyfriend, eyes drifting over his shoulder. Then you saw it. Saw her.
Kk was half hidden in the crowd, head tilted slightly back, one hand gripping a girl's waist, the other holding a drink. The girl was laughing loudly, pressing her ass into Kk. She was about as subtle as a brick to the face.
Your pulse raced faster than you wanted to admit.
She was wearing that stupid backwards cap, her hair messy. She looked infuriatingly good. Red and pink strobes flashed over her face. Evan gripped your hips a little harder.
Evan gave you a dopey smile, then he leaned forwards, lips brushing over your jaw, your neck. You let out a small breath, forcing yourself to stay there, to stay present.
This is what you chose. What you were supposed to want.
And so, you tilted your head, letting him kiss you properly.
His lips were soft, hands gentle on your waist. You felt nothing. No heat, no attraction, no lust.
And somehow, despite having your sexy boyfriend all over you, the only thing your mind was wondering was if Kk was still watching.
Fuck, you were doing exactly what Laila told you not to.
Then you felt it, that pull.
You opened your eyes, lips still latched onto Evan. Kk hadn't looked away. Her eyes were dark, detached.
The moment she noticed you staring, she leaned down. And she fucking kissed the girl. Hard.
Evan's hand cupped your cheek, deepening the kiss, unaware of the silent war unfolding across the room. Your heart wasn't into the kiss, not really. It was impossible to be when Kk was looking at you like she could murder someone.
You eyes were still on her.
It felt like a challenge, a dare, a punishment.
Music swirled, red lights flashed, drinks spilled, people danced. It was all in the background. Because all you could see was her.
You had never wanted something so bad.
Kk pulled back just slightly, her lips still close to the girl's. And then, she let go, stepped away, and walked out.
You parted from Evan, watching the girl's confusion as Kk slid open the door to the backyard and sliped out.
You heart slammed against your ribs.
Evan was grinning. "Damn, what was that for?"
You blinked. Everything felt too hot, too cramped.
“I—” you swallowed. “I need some air.”
"No," you cut in. "I mean, you can if you want."
Evan furrowed his brown. "It's fine, i'll go get another drink." With that he parted toward the drinks table, leaving you alone.
You cut through the crowd, shoving past loud and drunk people. You knew this was what she wanted, for you to follow her. But you couldn't stop yourself.
Something clawed at your chest, desperate and raw. Nothing like you'd even felt before.
And as you slid open the backdoor, you knew you'd fallen right into her trap. Kk was on the dark patio, leaning against the wooden railing. like she knew you were gonna follow her.
You closed the door, dulling the music to a muffle. A subtle red glow peeked through the glass door, illuminating the patio.
Kk turned at the sound of your voice, eyes locking onto yours. "Why'd you follow me?"
You walked forward slowly, leaning against the wooden railing next to her. "I didn't. Just need some fresh air."
Kk saw straight through the lie. "Yeah, no wonder you need air after that bitch was eating your face off." She scoffed.
You glared at her. "You're one to talk."
Kk turned away from you, looking out over the patio. "That kiss didn't mean anything, I barely know her name."
The amount of relief that shot through you was gross.
"So you're admitting to kissing random girls to make me jealous? God, Kk, you really haven't changed."
Her eyes flicked over the dark garden, jaw tense. "Oh, fuck off."
A dull silence settled between you. You ran a hand through your hair and turned so that your back was leaning against the railing.
You tilted your head up, eyes drifting over the millions of stars in the sky. "I wasn't trying pull anything." You said quietly. "Evan kissed me, I didn't start it."
"Doesn't really matter." Kk turned, running a hand down her face. Then she stood straight, shifting so her body was pressing you into the railing. Her hands were on each side of your body, locking you in place.
"This is fucking ridiculous." Kk said with strain, like even talking to you physically hurt. "We fucked, you got a boyfriend, we still fucked, we fucked more, you randomly developed awareness, then you left me with blue balls in a shitty parking lot."
She took a deep breath. You dropped you eyes.
"We didn't see each other for months, you randomly appeared at my apartment, and now we're here."
"None of this shit is normal, none of it."
Her face was so close to yours, the intensity of her anger, her passion, all of it was too much.
"Well we aren't normal people, are we?" You placed a hand on her arm.
You were sure Evan was looking for you inside, if not, he was surely looking for another drink. You had been with him for so long, the dullness of life with a man was starting to creep in on you.
It was almost as if your soul had gone dry, like you'd stopped seeing the world in colour.
You were so sick of it, so sick of him.
Your eyes traced the outline of Kk's jaw, the sublte curve of her lips, the loose strands of hair that had escaped from her bun.
For a second, you eyes flicked to Kk's lips, then back up.
Of course she caught it. Kk tilted her head to the side. "That's really what you want? After all of this?"
The ruffle of leaves filled the silence as your mouth stayed shut.
"Remember, you were the one who ended it."
Kk licked her lips subtly, eyes dancing over your face. "We just can't stay away from each other, huh?"
Again, your mouth stayed shut.
Her eyes fell to your lips, shameless as always. Your breath hitched. She leaned in.
Then, her lips were on yours.
The kiss wasn't gentle, it wasn't savoring. It was hungry, starving.
Her hands immediately found your waist, and unlike Evan's they left a trail of heat wherever they touched. You tilted your head to the side and deepened the kiss.
And by missing her for so long, every sensation was heightened. It was everything you hadn’t said, everything you hadn’t touched in months crashing back all at once.
Her hand slid to your waist, pulling you in closer, your bodies fitting together too easily, too familiar. You moved your hand to the back of her head, pulling her closer.
Then, just as quickly as you'd kissed her, you pulled back.
Kk didn't move, eyes still locked on your lips. Her chest rose and fell rapidly, matching yours. "This is so fucked up." She panted.
You swallowed "Like you ever cared."
Kk pushed off of you, her cheeks flushed as she leaned to the side of you. "I can't do this all over again. We're just gonna keep making the same mistakes." She said quietly.
You tilted your head up, eyes finding themselves back at the stars. You convinced yourself they were more interesting than the ones in Kk's eyes. "Then why did you just kiss me?"
"You're saying that like you want us to go back to how it used to be. You were the one who ended this." Kk dodged your question.
"Yeah, you mentioned that, and I agree with you, we shouldn't do this again."
Your focus stayed on the sky above as Kk's eyes traced along your body, your face, your hair. "Then why are you doing, this? Are just leading me on for the fun of it?" She spoke, her voice barely above a whisper.
Your eyes flicked down to her. "Leading you on? That's what you think I'm doing?"
"Well I don't know what the fuck else this could be. You visit my apartment, you follow me outside, you kiss me—"
"Doesn't fucking matter." She ran a hand through her hair, words sharp. "The point is, why are you doing all this shit just to tell me to stop. It's like you're telling me to come over but get mad every time I walk through the door."
"I'm not gonna go blindly into it this time, not unless..." Kk started.
She paused for a second, eyes tracing the line of your face. "Unless you end it with Evan."
You scoffed, ready to push yourself off the railing and leave. Kk's arm stopped you from going.
"You already know I can't do that."
"You can, you're just scared."
You looked through the window and into the party. Everyone looked so happy, it was funny to watch. "You have no fucking idea, what's happening in my life, Kk. It's not as simple as just ending it."
"And if I did," You started, facing fully toward the blonde. "I would lose a caring, stable boyfriend for a girl I could fuck once a month and never tell a soul about. You know we'd never become anything real, Kk. Don't act like that's an option."
Kk went still. Not the kind of still where she was thinking of a comeback, the kind where something actually landed.
Her jaw tightened, eyes flicking away from you for the first time since you’d come outside. “You really think that’s all this is?” she said, quieter now.
You crossed your arms, holding your ground even as something uncomfortable twisted in your chest. “What more could it be? We never dated, we never talked about anything real. It was just,” you gestured vaguely between you, frustrated. “this.”
"Right." Kk said bitterly.
Thoughts swirled around your head like a whirlpool, so many questions and so little answers. Your eyes dropped to the ground. "Kk, I don’t even know what I am,” you said finally, voice lower now. “I don’t know if this is just… you, or if it’s something else entirely.”
“I’ve spent my whole life thinking one thing,” you continued, words coming out slower now, like you were forcing yourself through them. “And then you show up and suddenly none of it makes sense.”
“And it’s not just confusing,” you added. “It feels wrong sometimes. Like I’m doing something I’m not supposed to. Like there’s something off about it.”
The admission hung in the air, something you'd never talked about with anyone. Kk’s expression shifted again, softer now, but not in a way that pitied you.
“That’s not you,” she said quietly. “That’s just everything you’ve been told.”
You shook your head slightly. “It doesn’t feel that simple.”
“I didn’t say it was simple,” she replied. “I said it’s not you.”
You let out a breath, rubbing at your arm like you were trying to ground yourself. “I don’t even know where you fit into that,” you admitted. “Or if you do.”
“Then figure that out,” she said. “But don’t drag me through it while you do.”
Your eyes drifted to the party inside. Evan squeezed through people with another drink in his hand, like he was searching for someone. You bit the side of your cheek. "I'm gonna go back inside." You said quietly.
Your eyes landed back on her. Here, with only the pale moonlight and red lights from inside illuminating her face, she looked perfect.
You wanted to kiss her so bad, so fucking bad.
But that wasn't something you could just do. Not here, with Evan looking for you like a hawk.
You held her gaze for a second longer, then pushed off the ledge and entered back into the party haze.
The music swallowed you whole the second you stepped inside, bass thudding through your chest like it was trying to knock something loose.
Evan spotted you almost instantly, relief flickering across his face as he made his way over, drink already in hand.
You let him hand it to you. Let his arm fall around your shoulders. Let yourself lean in just enough to make it look right. But as the crowd shifted and the lights flashed, your gaze drifted just once toward the back door.
You couldn’t see her anymore. But somehow, it felt like you’d left something out there in the dark.
Like something was unfinished. Something you weren’t ready to name.
hope u guys enjoyed! I swear pt.5 won't take as long to come out🤞🤞
also thank u guys so much for the love and support on the other parts it genuinely means the world!!
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