way of being

Noah Murdock || 23 || Human/Hunter || "It’s a rare person to face who they are and not run from it.. not be broken by it."

[noahmurdoxk-blog]

crestfallenmurdock:

Matt’s eyes moved from Noah’s hand to her eyes, and back to her hand again. He took a hesitant step towards her, but made no move to reach for her. He just… He didn’t understand it, he didn’t know why, but the thought of anyone touching him right now… It made his skin crawl. All he could think about was Alastair cupping his face almost tenderly and- No. He shoved his hands in his pockets, casting his eyes down to the ground. “How long have I been gone?”

For a moment, Noah couldn’t help but feel like another one of her brothers was rejecting her, but she knew better. She knew that wasn’t it. Matt had just came back from hell, and she honestly couldn’t even fathom what torture that must have been. “Two weeks.” Two long, excruciating weeks, that had to have been even longer and darker for Matt. They may never know what those two weeks were like for the other. While her and Matt had always been able to talk about anything, some things were just better left unspoken. She’d listen to him speak about his torments for nights on end if he wanted, just being there for him. But she’d never ask, scared that it would make him relive things he should never experienced in the first place. “An angel saved you. One Tristan and Diana spoke to.” She couldn’t take any credit for Matt’s return, and it honestly shouldn’t matter who had credit. He was back, and the only other thing that mattered was helping him cope.

[noahmurdoxk-blog]

hellishlec:

“You’re right with that,” he nodded, hesitantly putting a hand on her shoulder. “I’ve been told that’s a method of helping someone calm down” he explained with a weak smile, knowing there wasn’t much he could do. “My friends, they’re a lot older then me and they’ll be capable of getting him. I promise”

Noah laughed, tears stinging her eyes as she did so. “It does, it’s an excellent method of calming someone.” She placed her hand gently on the one that touched her shoulder. She... she had never touched a known supernatural this way before. “Thank you.” The innocence and sincerity in his voice and gesture made it so incredibly endearing, but she knew she didn’t deserve his comfort. She used to kill supernatural simply for what they are, after all. Still, she selfishly took the comfort offered to her, saving her festering moral dilemma for another day. “You-  You really know others who can help?” She asked, desperately latching onto the promise he made despite all reasonable doubt.

[kieraknightley]

[noahmurdoxk-blog]

murdcrousmurdock:

There were M A N Y things that Jason would have offered to Lilith and yes, his soul was one of them. If Noah, Tristan or Connor sold their own the cycle would not ever end. One of them would always attempt to save the other - but no one would miss him. The hunter was well aware of the distaste that his children developed and he could hardly blame them for it. As a matter of fact, it made his plan so much easier… at least until Lilith decided that his sacrifice was something she wouldn’t accept. 

“Noah.” He sighed when he heard her laugh. It sounded so far from happy that it pained him and he slowly walked up next to her, placing his arms on the railing. “Matt is stuck in hell. The last thing we can do right now is threaten Lilith.” But that would only last so long. As soon as he was safe he would go after the bitch. “She wanted something we all agreed not to give her.” The hunter gave her a stern look, silently telling her that it was S T I L L unacceptable. “Lilith asked me to trade one of your souls for Matt’s.” He admitted. “It was kind of tempting to sell Tristan, but you know…” Jason’s joke was even lamer than Noah’s had been, but that was all it was ; a joke. He obviously did not sell any of their souls and he would never do it either. They would have to find another way. 

His eyes wandered from his daughter’s face toward the night’s sky above them, but he slowly started to shake his head at her words. “No. You didn’t do anything wrong by making that promise. We will get him back.” Giving up simply wasn’t an option. Not now and not ever. “One failed mission is not the end of it all.” He explained in a quiet tone before he narrowed his eyes, glancing over at her once again. Jason knew his daughter ; he knew that expression of guilt, but he wasn’t sure if he understood what was going on. Was it the girl? Something else? “You are not what?” The hunter questioned in a dry tone, studying her a little more intensely now. 

“Dad...” As she listened to him speak, she immediately knew what she wanted to do - offer herself up. Because of course he couldn’t agree to Lilith’s proposition. What kind of father could sell one of their children’s souls in favor of another? Noah didn’t understand her dad, not after everything that happened with Tristan, but... regardless of how she initially felt about him in that moment, she knew he wasn’t a monster.

Despite herself, Noah laughed, tears in her eyes after making her resolve. His distasteful joke made her briefly reminisce about a time that once was, so she couldn’t help but bask in the feeling for a second. “No, dad. Not Tristan.” She stopped laughing, but the smile from it was still lingered on her lips. “He’s a pain in the ass, but... I want you guys to fix things.” She finally looked over at him, smile now tight lipped as if it would keep her from crying. “He said Matt is the only one he can trust... He needs him. Matt... he holds this family together, so...” She tore her eyes away again when she felt a single tear roll down her cheek. “I’ll do it.” She wiped at her face, turning back to her father with determination in her eyes. “I can do it. It’s okay.” She practically whispered the words as she took her dad’s hand between her own, hoping he would understand her. “You can summon her back and make the deal.” It made so much sense to her... Tristan needed Matt, Connor needed his twin, she was the disposable one. “It wouldn’t be your fault, I’d never want my life on your hands. You wouldn’t be doing it, because I’m asking you to let me.”

Noah had gazed up towards the sky just as her father did, letting his words wash over her. “Thank you.” She chocked on another laugh, feeling so relieved to hear her father say that. “I know we’ll find a way.” And right now, the way she could think of was letting Lilith have her twisted deal. And god, did she want to talk to her dad about everything while they were already pouring their hearts out, but she didn’t want to get sidetracked from Matt... Wouldn’t it be selfish to speak about such things with her father while her brother was suffering in hell? “I’ll talk to you about it someday, I promise.”

[noahmurdoxk-blog]

dianaxwinchester:

“Not brothers, only a sister.” She said, bemused. “but I didn’t grow up with her. My childhood was complicated… “ complicated was better then any other word she could of used, being locked in a basement by her demon mom and the woman’s followers then rescued by hunters. It was an insane tale. And Diana felt no obligation to bring it up. 

“Well, if you ever feel like sharing complicated family stories, I’m your girl.” Noah snapped her fingers then pointed both of her thumbs at herself. “Though... you probably know a lot about mine,” Noah tacked on awkwardly.

[noahmurdoxk-blog]

disinterestedwinchester:

“Funny you should mention that considering I just got out of a job- messy, terrible hours- and cleared my schedule for the foreseeable future,” she smirked while quirking an eyebrow towards her. She was pretty damn cute, that was for sure. It made Laurel want to smile (not smirk or lazily upturn her lips). Then she full on offered her fries up to her and she couldn’t help but break out into a grin. What? She was starving! Who got filled up after one crappy granola bar? Spoiler: no one. She couldn’t be expected to live off rabbit food.

“You have…so many great points there. I don’t think I could possibly refuse,” she joked, reaching out to ungracefully shove a handful of salted goodness into her mouth. While she ate, she nodded at her talk of typical family drama. A part of her wanted to agree, say she didn’t know the half of having disastrous brothers but that…just wasn’t possible. Instead she let out a laugh of her own, nodding towards her.

“Wow, you’ve sure got your work cut out for you, huh? Never a dull day. But hey. I’m sure if anyone’s gonna kick their asses- from a place of love, I’m sure- it’s you, right?” She paused then, another smile playing on her lips. “Like I said before, I was working a job. I didn’t know any of this crap was going to happen,” she waved her hands around them as if to indicate the invisible barrier around Sioux Falls, more or less, “I guess life’s just funny like that. I mean, I guess it’s taking a turn for the better.” Laurel chewed a little more thoughtfully now before remembering to add, “Laurel Alvarez. Just in case you were wondering.”

For once, Noah didn’t find herself trying to stop herself from coming off as flirty, nor was she trying to hand wave away her feeble attempts. The way the other woman bounced off her comments made Noah actually feel comfortable - or at least close to it. And yeah, she highly doubted she was flirting back, but that was A-okay with her. Either way, she still got to say she one-sidedly flirted with a gorgeous, awesome woman who seemed to love eating just as much as she did. 

“Did you?” Noah couldn’t have stopped smiling if she tried. “I think we have to make this happen now. A joint mission to find ever burger place in town, until we can deem one the best.” Instead of asking the woman for her phone, she took the pocket-sized notepad from her back pocket and began to scribble down her number. “Here, it’s a date.” Butterflies erupted in her stomach as she said it, and God she hoped the other woman would just take it as a joke. It wasn’t like she had actually gotten the nerve to seriously ask her on a date, it was still partially just her being slightly ridiculous.

Noah nodded with a smile as they ate away at the container of fries. “Yeah, it has to be me.” She felt conviction as she agreed. Of course it had to be her, her parents had condoned Matt going after Tristan, after all. Watching her gesture, Noah winced and wrinkled up her nose. “Yeah... Maybe we should slowly explore all the food joints in town, who knows how long we’ll be stuck here.” With a little hum, Noah tilted her head in question. "It’s already gotten better for you? There you go, seize the small victories!” She made a little fist and laughed again, trailing off when Laurel told her her name. “Laurel Alvarez?!” Noah placed her hands on her car as she made the exclamation. “Holy crap! I’ve heard about you!” Sure, Noah was working on changing her mindset on certain aspects of hunting, but that didn’t make her any less astounded or excited to see her equivalent to a living legend. “Noah, Noah Murdock. Not nearly as impressive, not anywhere close to whipping out a nest of evil, elitist vampires.” And oh my god, she had just been flirting with a certified badass. Be still her heart.

[noahmurdoxk-blog]

balthalicious:

Balthazar wasn’t following, at least not fast enough but when he did finally catch onto what she was saying he broke out into a grin. He so rarely had anyone who he could pass his knowledge and expertise onto in this specific area. And wasn’t she just adorable? The awe was enough to have his ego sky rocket. “Well, if that isn’t just flattery at its finest. You need not say anymore, my dear. I see you’re more than worthy of learning the secrets of the universe- at least the interesting ones. What exactly have you been doing when the opportunity has presented itself?” He took a sip of his drink, waiting expectantly for her answer. Not for the first time he ignored how contradictory his actions and feelings towards humans were. “Although again I must say, it can vary very much so from person to person. Gal to gal. I do think that confidence is key and conversation! Talking is the backbone of any move you make and you are already rather lovely at that.”

Despite herself, Noah felt herself eagerly listening to this man’s every word. If she found him charming despite her sexuality, then obviously he wouldn’t be a bad person to learn a thing or two from. “Oh, you know... Kinda something like-” She snapped both of her fingers, pointing two finger guns at the man. “What’s a lovely lady like you doing drinking all alone?” She waggled her eyebrows once for good measure. “Then I quickly laugh or say I’m just kidding in case she doesn’t swing that way, or just isn’t interested.” Okay, admittedly, she wasn’t always that bad. Sometimes she could say a smooth line or two, but she almost always felt the need to quickly backpedal or change the topic right after. “I’m hopeless, aren’t I?” Noah felt herself slump forward a little, lazily resting her cheek on her hand. “I just get so nervous around women...” Her voice came out small at the admission. She heard his next words and realized exactly what she had been missing. “Ah ha! Confidence. Yes, I would like to purchase some of that please!” She laughed at herself before shooting him a big grin. “You really think so? That was super sweet, thank you.”

[noahmurdoxk-blog]

mrdickroman:

“I have every reason to be,” Dick chuckled, adjusting his jacket. “Oh, no plan yet. And even if I had one, I wouldn’t go around spouting it out for the world to hear. That’s just… idiotic,” he scoffed. “You can make fun. But, there’s a reason why my kind’s locked away where they are.” 

“Oh, no, I don’t mean if you have one currently. Obviously you can’t share current diabolical plans with strangers. I meant what was the plan you had that got you-” Noah slid her pointer finger along her throat, making what was supposed to be a croak of death. “Yup, confirmed crazed villain. Or wanna be villain. The whole ominous locked up comment sealed the deal.” Yeah, okay, maybe this would end up being a supernatural she’d eventually find herself hunting.

[noahmurdoxk-blog]

brokcnhcartcd:

The giggle fit was slightly embarrassing, but that feeling only lasted for a moment or two. Juliette was sure that it wasn’t because of her, only her situation and that was something she couldn’t change. It wasn’t her lack of knowledge that caused her to ask questions like these, it was the captivity she had been held in. “Oh, okay.” She mumbled before she raised her eyebrows once she actually S A W what everyone meant - for the very first time. “Oh my god. There is everything on there.” Even shows that S H E knew and that meant something. “It’s impressive.” 

“Right?!” Noah had never gotten the opportunity to blow someone’s mind about Netflix, so she couldn't help but take a bit of pride in the fact she got to share this awesomeness with someone else. “You can catch up on decades worth of TV, right at your fingertips.” She tried her best to use a salesman’s voice, directing the decades comment specifically at the woman who seemed to be missing a few years.

[noahmurdoxk-blog]

babylameta:

Okay, that lady had not been talking to him and honestly, she was kinda mean. For the slightest of seconds, he was grateful for the other woman that approached them. Until he saw her face, that was. ‘Joseph, hide!’ It was almost like he was still there, his family being slaughtered right in front of him. The first gunshot had been jarring, the second even more terrifying. The way his family rushed to defend him. And the silver dagger that had gone across his throat. This girl had been there. “I- I-I-I, I don’t know. I don’t know, I don’t- Please don’t kill me, lady, please. Please, I promise I’m not a bad boy, I do good things, I got an A when I was in school and I eat all my vegetables please don’t kill me.”

This was why she was supposed to remain disconnected, why she wasn’t supposed to engage supernatural in conversation. Because honestly, how was she supposed to kill a young boy pleading with her, as if she were some all-powerful god with the right to take his life? “I’m not going to kill you.” At least, she didn’t think she was going to. She remembered being there, helping her family as they took them out one by one. The screams hadn’t fazed her because she learned how to drown them out. “But if you’re back... that means you’re going to kill more people.” And there was the conflict. She understood why her parents did what they did. Some supernatural couldn’t be let roam free. So what exactly was she supposed to do here?

[novakxclaire]

Claire wasn’t big on friends. More accurately, Claire wasn’t big on people. But there were exceptions who had managed to worm their way into her good graces–though not enough, as Alex kept telling her–and Claire was grateful for that. Even if she was currently slightly creepy-watching a girl she’d met at the carnival several weeks ago, trying to decide if it was worth it to say hi. The other girl probably didn’t even remember her anyway, so this was stupid. But everything her sister had told her about making connections and being friendly played on a loop through her head, and she finally walked over. “Hey. You probably don’t remember me, but we played a couple games at the carnival a while ago? I just….saw you, and….thought I’d say hi.” Good job, Claire, you sound like a totally normally person looking to be friendly. God, why was she doing this, again?

@noahmurdoxk

[noahmurdoxk-blog]

Noah adored people. Her life as a hunter could make her feel so disconnected at times; she had to be efficient and cutoff from thinking too much, feeling too much. That’s why outside of hunting she wanted to be free. She had wanted to get to know people in the ways she wasn’t allowed to get to know supernaturals. “Of course I remember you!” Noah beamed, practically jumping in place. Honestly, it didn’t take much at all for Noah to feel like she was already on friendly terms with someone. “How could I not remember you? I mean, no one else seemed quite as intense about popping balloons, or quite as unhappy about having a mouthful of cotton candy.” She couldn’t help teasing her, especially since the other woman seemed to have quite the wall built around her.

[noahmurdoxk-blog]

the-star-fairy:

“but you’re his sister. i know that i could never survive losing my brother. he’s my favorite person in the world,” she replied softly. she watched as the girl pet the puppy. “he does. and i miss him,” she breathed, looking down at her puppy. “he named him for me. copper. cause he knew how much i love disney. and that movie,” she added, almost as if in a daze. she nodded. 

“Yeah... my brothers are my favorite people in the whole world, too.” Matt had always been the sibling Noah was especially close to, their personalities just meshed together. Honestly, the only reason she could even semi-survive losing Matt was she wasn’t convinced she lost him. Noah continued to softly smile as Stella spoke fondly of Matt and his temporary parting gift. “Sounds like he knows you pretty well.” It was sweet, and something she’d definitely love to eventually tease the two of them about. Now just wasn’t the time.

[noahmurdoxk-blog]

conmurdock:

“No, we cannot stab her just a little.” Jason knew that Noah was trying to make a joke, but this matter was too important not to reinforce his statement. They had to be careful tonight. Maybe it was not their O N L Y chance, but it was the best chance they had, given that no other demon would make a deal with them. Ever. That was why he needed both, Connor and Noah, to know that they had to keep their cool. Lilith was not going to make this easy for them, that was for sure, but the more pain they showed the more likely it was that she would not be willing to do anything for them. It was just how demons were. 

Still, the hunter gave his daughter a nod and a small smile, showing her his approval. “That is the game plan, yes.” He agreed with her before he allowed Noah to give instructions to Connor. There was not all that much that had to be done, but it was true ; even his presence counted for so much. Jason was glad that he was here, even if most of his encounters with his children turned out to be an exhausting mess. 

Taking one last glance over everything they gathered, Jason inhaled a deep breath. “And you are sure that you want to stay for this?” It could get ugly, but he would not tell them to leave. They were a family and this was family business after all. “Because I am ready if you are.” 

@conmurdock​

Along with Matt, Connor was the baby of the family.  It was only by a few minutes that he was older than Matt.  It didn’t mean he wasn’t a kid.  A couple minutes didn’t really do anything.  He felt that he needed to prove himself.  As a good brother and a capable hunter.

It wasn’t much but he could do that.  He walked over to the table where it was.  Walking it over to his sister.  "Here you go,“ he stayed close to Noah.

“You can’t face her alone,” he didn’t want his dad to get her.  He wasn’t sure about leaving his dad alone.  Even though he was.. scared about being there.  Not being sure as how he was going to face Lilith.

@noahmurdoxk

In any other situation, she would have turned to Connor, hand covering her mouth, as she whispered ‘We’ll stab her just a little bit.’ If this was about anyone other than Matt... the joking would have been easy, even if it earned her a glare or two. Joking had always given Noah a semblance of comfort, but even that rang hollow at the moment, and the followup joke died before it even had a chance of making it’s way past her lips.

“Thanks.” With a brief smile at Connor, she lit the candles. All that was left was to say the incantation... Noah sucked in a deep breath, closing her eyes for a second. She tried to tell herself that it was okay if this didn’t work. If this didn’t work, they’d find another way. But dammit if she wanted this to work... For this to be it. The less time Matt spent in hell, the better. She had to get him out. She failed him this much already; she couldn’t waste anymore time.

“You didn’t need to ask.” She smiled at her dad, hoping it could still meet her eyes despite how worn they felt. “We’re in this together - for Matt.” And because they’re a family. Despite everything, they were still a family.

@murdcrousmurdock​

[crestfallenmurdock]

“I- I don’t… I don’t get it. What..? Who..?” His own fingers danced along the edges of the hand print on his forearm, like something had almost literally pulled him out of hell. What could possibly cause a mark like that? And why him?

[noahmurdoxk-blog]

“Oh, thank god,” Noah laughed out in relief. She finally felt like she could breathe again; just hearing that an angel would take care of it wasn’t enough. Noah had needed to see the end result, and here it was. Matt; shaken up and shell-shocked, hopefully not broken beyond repair. “Come on,” Noah said softly, holding her hand out to him. She wanted to hug onto him, spin him around, but something in his expression stopped her from doing so. “I’ll explain along the way home.” She liked to think she understood her brother, so she looked over her shoulder as she added on one more thing. “Everyone is still here, so don’t worry. No one did anything too stupid.”

[noahmurdoxk-blog]

irascibleramsay:

Annabell paused, her eyebrows drawn together. “Thou are odd.”

“And you-” Noah lightly flicked her finger down the woman’s nose for emphasis, “are adorable, and pretty weird yourself!” As she put down her finger guns, two thoughts dawned on her. One, that probably sounded way too flirty. Two, she just touched a ticking time bomb. Noah looked down and sighed, “you still have permission to flick my forehead.”

[noahmurdoxk-blog]

conmurdock:

”Most likely.” He sighed in response to his son’s words. To be honest, Jason was not comfortable with the thought of Tristan trying to get Matt out of hell on his own - Who knew what he would come up with in his anger and frustration, but there simply was not any time to worry about that right now. A trip to hell was not exactly a walk in the park after all. 

“All over the place, I’m afraid.” But everything that they needed was here. Yes, the oldest Murdock wanted to summon Lilith the moment Matt told him about his deal, but that wasn’t the only reason. It surely did not always seem like it, but he cared about his children. Their safety mattered to him and Jason always tried to be prepared. For everything. It was the least he could offer when the four of them were born into this business. 

Connor’s question was legit, of course, but unlike Noah he did not stop moving around to gather everything that they needed. It was crystal clear to him, maybe because he had some time to prepare himself for this moment. “Listen closely, both of you. We are not going to try to force Lilith to do anything.” As much as he hated the position they were in, they could not change the facts ; “Right now, we want something from her. Negotiation is our only chance to save Matt.” If they screwed this up he could not claim to have a plan B. At least not yet. “Connor, you can listen to your sister. Noah, you are right. No selling souls… But no acting like something we’re not either.” They were powerful, all three of them, but Lilith was something entirely different. They could not underestimate her. It was far too dangerous. 

@conmurdock​

Connor wasn’t sure there was much that could be done to allow Lilith to free Matt.  What were they going to do?  Plea and beg for Matt to be set free and brought back.  He knew better than to think demons cared about family pain.  

“I know, no selling souls,” he didn’t think he could do that to Matt anyway.  It was too painful for him to experience.  He wouldn’t want Matt to go though that too.

“So what can I do to help?” there had to be something.  

@noahmurdoxk​

Noah knew their dad was right, but her desperation and emotions were clouding her judgement. She wanted to do anything she possibly could to get Matt back, but that didn’t mean recklessness would get them anywhere. If they threaten Lilith, they could lose any chance they may have. It should have been obvious that they shouldn’t flex their muscles at a demon of Lilith’s stature, yet in that moment, it wasn’t.

Whenever her family was in danger, it was like her whole system was in panic mode, hence thinking seemed to come second - if at all. For as good of a solider as she could be, her family has always been one of her downfalls, her weakness. They knew this about her, and that was honestly one of the biggest reasons she needed them throughout all of this. “Are you sure we can’t stab her a little bit?” It was a joke, of course. “You’re right,” she clarified anyway, though she doubted her family needed her to. “I know you’re right. I won’t act rashly. We’ll see what she wants, we’ll listen to her demands, and if she has none, we’ll make our own suggestions.” Despite herself, she looked to their father for approval.

Placing candles on the floor, she turned to Connor. “Hand me a lighter?” She asked with a soft smile. Connor always felt like he had to try so hard, but just him being here was doing more than he knew.

And with that, everything was nearly in place... and soon, all they’d need to do was recite the incantation and brace themselves.

@murdcrousmurdock​

[noahmurdoxk-blog]

the-star-fairy:

stella looked up at the other girl, her eyes full of pain. she hated this. she’d liked matt so much and he had made her smile when not a lot of other people could. he was kind and sweet. stella nodded. “i know i’m not hurting as much as you or tristan. but i do really care about him. and i want him back. he gave me this puppy cause he thought that i’d need something to make me smile after he….but i just want him,” she breathed softly. “but i do love the puppy too,” she muttered. 

A gentle smile appeared on her face as she shook her head. "Hey, no, your pain isn’t inferior to mine, it isn’t inferior to anyone’s. Everything every one of us feels is valid and real.” Glancing over at the puppy, she reached forward to ruffle the top of it’s head. “I know Matt means a lot to you, too. And hey, if you can take at least some comfort in the puppy until we figure something out...” And they would figure something out. “Then I’m sure he’ll be happy to know he helped.”