okay, listen for a sec. We all know the “”“"American”“”“” Harry Potter universe houses are trash for many, many reasons. One of the reasons is that America is too big to have just one wizarding school where there are only 4 houses, right? so I propose that we in MA instead start sorting ourselves into these exclusive New England houses I made up as I wrote this post:
-Dunked Donut (those who are loyal to their ideals, strong-willed and hardworking but susceptible to black-and-white thinking)
-Duck Boat (those with a hunger for life experience, sharp and analytical but also impulsive and desperate for thrills)
-Lobster (those who are blue-blood types with a taste for power and the intelligence to lead effectively but tend to be overzealous and can’t appreciate the subtleties of teamwork)
-Murphy, they’re literally just the Dropkick Murphys we made a whole house for them and none of them even attend the school it’s just in case one of them shows up one day
Florida Houses:
-Sunburn -Gator -Pub sub -Gun
California Houses: -In n Out -Chili Peppers -Redwood -Drought
Tennessee Houses:
-Mountain Dewds -Cowboys without Horses -Drunken Housewifes -Dead Deer Collectors
Oregon Houses:
- Sasquatch - Dysentary - Hippies - Hipsters
Missouri Houses:
-Tornados -Corn -Suburban Deer -Mosquitos
New York Houses:
-Bacon, egg, and cheese -Road Rage -Constant Yelling -Pizza
Nevada Houses:
-Air Conditioning -Stripper Glitter -Chlorine Hair -Indie Band
wisconsin houses:
- cheddar - gouda - mozzarella - the green bay packers
Ohio houses:
- corn corn rotate soy - Hell Is Real - industrial river pollution - buckeyes
Texas houses:
- piney woods - black gold - cow manure - big hair - Keep Austin Weird
(We need five, because everything’s bigger in Texas)
Illinois houses:
- Cubs - Sox - Bears - Blackhawks
D.C. Houses:
-I work on the Hill -Fugazi -Taxation without Representation -Mumbo Sauce
North Carolina Houses:
-Deer in the road -Cookout -HB2 -Tarheel
Virginia houses: - racism as heritage - tobacco field - Richmond smog - nova kids
Indiana houses: - Southern Pretenders - Cornfields - Colts - Pawnee isn’t Real
Maryland Houses:
Crab
Utz Chip
Waterbilly
Chessie
New Jersey houses:
- Deep Fried Everything - Pork Roll - Jug handles - Middlesex County Jail
And it’s located on the Newark Bay Extension , because you need a little magic to get through that mess.
Alternative Jersey Houses: * North Jersey * South Jersey * Jersey Shore * I’m like in the middle? Not the exact middle because I’m like south of the Raritan Bridge and I could get to the shore in less than an hour unless traffic is bad wait, do you know where the Freehold Raceway Mall is? I’m by the Freehold Raceway Mall. Yeah! There!
Michigan houses: -Deer -Da Yoop -Faygo -Unending lakes
Alabama houses:
- Bammer Jammer - Weagle Weagle - Wally World - Lynyrd Skynyrd
Pennsylvania houses:
- Horse Carts - Founding Fathers - The House of Inappropriate Names (with common room passwords such as Blue Balls, Intercourse, and Big Beaver) - Wawa
(and I think that the CA one should be amended to add either the Quinoa or Kale house, just sayin’)
Connecticut houses:
-Taxes -Nutmeg -Rock wall -Subway Sandwich
Louisiana Houses
- Daiquiri Hut
- Rob Perillo
- Mosquito
- Ya Mom and Dem
