"how to cherish your own shadow" 🔒 (E) by notthequiettype (15,525 words)
Nolan thinks about praying. He thinks about TK, how good it's been to have him here, how easily they move around each other. He thinks about the stretch of days ahead of him once TK heads home. TK looks over and smiles, soft and crooked, and Nolan imagines leaning in to kiss him, pressing their bodies together. He smiles back.
"an illicit divide" 🔒 (E) by notthequiettype (2,851 words)
TK unbuttons his shirt, opens his belt. He turns around and Patty's still standing in the doorway, a shoulder against the frame. "You coming over?" "Can't," Patty says, and drags his socked foot along the threshold between their rooms. "Against the rules."
"but i pinky promise i'll try" 🔒 (E) by another (12,152 words)
Nolan comes across one guy, just a scant two miles away, who actually has his face in his profile picture, which is a refreshing change. He’s cute, longish dark hair with a sneaky smile, and his name is Travis. Nolan has never started a conversation with anyone before, but again: antsy and horny.
"how winning is done" 🔒 (M) by jolach (8,823 words)
Travis isn’t buying it. “Nah,” he says. “You’re not good.” He sees Patty whip his head around, ready to start shit, which normally Travis would be into, but– “You’re fucking...” he searches for a word, “awesome.” “Trav–” “You were a fucking monster out there tonight, that call was bullshit–” “Oh my God–” “You’re better at COD than me, I’ll never repeat that–” “–you don’t have to, we both know–” “You’re a goddamn smokeshow, you bagged a fucking NHL captain without even trying–” “Jesus fucking Christ,” Pat says.
"hear the river say your name" 🔒 (E) by notthequiettype (2,481 words)
"Howdy's got plans, so." Pat says it like it's a whole explanation, low and easy. It's been a while since they've been in the same room, but the way they talk to each other, the half sentences and shorthand, it's all still there. They're good to go and Pat's leaving it up to him.
"teach me how to cry" 🔒 (NR) by notthequiettype (693 words)
TK knows the second he hits the ice his season's done.
"Combative" 🔒 (E) by notthequiettype (3,517 words)
"You know you could just fuck me without setting weird little benchmarks for yourself." "Yeah, but like, if I don't have a goal, how do I get better?"
"when i see your light shine" 🔒 (E) by notthequiettype (4,700 words)
Patty says, "Hey" and TK pulls him into a hug, lets himself hang on slightly longer than is chill. Patty just spreads his big hand out between TK's shoulderblades and holds on back. When they pull back TK says, "What the fuck are you doing here?"
"this will be our year" 🔒 (E) by notthequiettype (4,380 words)
When TK turns back around, there's a tall, handsome guy leaning on his elbow on the bar, two fingers rubbing at his temple under his shaggy hair. "What can I get you?" "What's the least annoying thing to order?" "For real or like how people are always asking bartenders what they like to make?" The corner of the guy's mouth twitches a little. The tops of his cheeks are flushed. "For real."
"absolute ultimate" 🔒 (E) by heroics (4,669 words)
It’s a kind of ritual, now, that Travis and Pat spend at least the first night of every road trip at the hotel, bickering over the Discovery Channel.
"dial this lover’s heartache" 🔒 (E) by notthequiettype (5,219 words)
TK hits Pat, 21, 7km away and pauses, mostly to size-up the bass hanging from his hand in his profile photo. TK swipes right because he likes Pat's wide, open-mouthed smile, like he's in the middle of a laugh, and the soft curve of belly sitting at his waistband in another shot. TK's not expecting the match to pop and it startles him into dropping his phone on the counter.
"just like this" 🔒 (E) by jesuisgrace (1,144 words)
TK plays beautifully. He knows they should wait, but when TK rips his helmet off after the game and flips his disgusting, sweaty hair back, he wants to eat him alive.
"Slow and low" 🔒 (E) by bitter_leaf (10,451 words)
“You really gave that girl a lap dance, eh?” “I fucking said I did, didn’t I—” Travis starts, irritated, because he just told Patty not half an hour ago that he did and— his stomach drops through the floor. Oh fuck. Oh shit. Oh no. No no no.
"take down some summer time" 🔒 (T) by manybumblebees (2,507 words)
Summer is lake days and fishing and coolers full of beer, the boat kicking up spray in its wake, and Nolan coming to stand next to him on the deck in his too-short shorts, holding his forearm next to TK’s and complaining about his Irish skin, which burns and freckles but never tans.
"it's hard to look right at you (so here's my number)"🔒 (E) by backseats (2,914 words)
“Why’d you, like…” Trav tries to kick his brain back into conversation-mode, momentarily distracted by the way Patty’s flushed all the way past his throat, down to the divot of his collarbone. “Why’d you call me, man?”
"Motivation" 🔒 (E) by connectknee (4,696 words)
Kevin knows when to back off, the article said. He knows just when to shut up and leave Patty alone, something Travis has never known how to do.
"Strange Torpedo" 🔒 (E) by connectknee (31,270 words)
In which TK is the unconventional first-grade teacher in charge of Nolan’s niece, and Nolan is trying to figure out what to do with his life after crashing out of hockey.
"Dead reckoning" 🔒 (E) by murkya (10,768 words)
Patty came over after lunch, one eye hecticly red and his jaw occasionally grinding about as if something was wound too tight inside and he was stuck on trying to work it free.
"History, and other forms of strife" 🔒 (M) by murkya (16,925 words)
Summer of ‘26, Nolan got traded to the Flyers. That was fine, just great. Shit happens.
"don't let me fall behind" 🔒 (T) by growlery writes (2,187 words)
It happens quickly, too quickly, but this is how it ends: the guy is on the ground. The guy isn’t moving. Nolan is safe. There’s a knife in Travis’s side. Nolan is safe.
"keep it on a high note" 🔒 (E) by notthequiettype (3,915 words)
Nolan has never been a particularly tactile person except for with the people he's been closest too. Nobody's expanded those boundaries like TK and Nolan likes the ease of it, that he has someone around all the time who he likes to be close to.
"hold on to your aftertaste" 🔒 (E) by notthequiettype (8,305 words)
Kevin stops him at the door. "You are my beautiful, gay, virgin friend. And we are going to go take care of the one part of that description that's bothering you." It's strangely heartening and Nolan follows him in.
"Cheetle" 🔒 (E) by notthequiettype (7,061 words)
Nolan made Travis kind of stupid in all these strange, inarticulable ways that didn't really have anything to do with how smart Travis wasn't, but instead were about like, how he felt.
"see you in the depths" 🔒 (E) by eversincewefellapart (6,718 words)
"You're a virgin?" TK repeats incredulously.
"my heart is thrilled by the still of your hand" 🔒 (E) by callabang & manybumblebees (3,139 words)
Patty tries a lot of shit to help with his migraines, but TK still isn't expecting to hear that he’s doing a “chastity cleanse” because Tazer said it would help him to “reset his mind.”
"save your first and last dance for me" 🔒 (E) by manybumblebees (21,374 words)
They're several hours, a slow dance, and too many bright orange shots that taste of cinnamon and paint thinner into their joke date to G's wedding when TK looks up at Nolan and says, "Marry me." And that's just their first wedding of the summer.
"play with fire till your fingers burn" 🔒 (T) by manybumblebees (6,048 words)
Nolan goes through his first NHL camp knowing three things about the guy in the next stall: 1. He talks a lot. 2. He likes to fish. 3. The ducks in his tattoo are named after the Ninja Turtles.
"port stanley is for lovers" 🔒 (T) by manybumblebees (7,518 words)
“Imagine–” Nolan chokes out, trying to stop laughing long enough not to totally butcher the delivery on this. “Bro, imagine making a whole town think we’re hooking up because you couldn’t shut up about me.”
"i'm dying, i'm dying to touch" 🔒 (E) by anonymous (2,023 words)
Patty won't look at him. He's not paying any attention to TK, sitting there shooting the shit with Raff like TK doesn't even fucking exist. Fuck it. Fuck him. Fuck this.
"like home" 🔒 (T) by anonymous (4,595 words)
The entire season feels like it’s going on in the next room, like Nolan’s watching it through a one-way mirror. Him on one side, hockey on the other. And then it stops, the whole season, the structure he's been clawing himself along and against, and... It's not a good week.
"if you leave the light on" 🔒 (M) by countthestars (7,753 words)
“Do you really want me to come to Winnipeg?” TK doesn’t mean to blurt it out, but he’s not good at being subtle or holding back or thinking through any of the possible terrible consequences for his actions before he’s already done them, so. The question’s just. Out there. Ball in Patty’s court.
"the new three's company" 🔒 (M) by blaahaj (3,000 words)
There are probably better ways to seduce your teammate than asking him to have a threesome with you, but this is working out alright for Travis.
"let's get drunk, i’ll pour my heart out through my mouth" 🔒 (M) by anonymous (7,139 words)
Holy fuck, did he pick someone up last night? Travis isn’t in the habit of waking up with strangers, not really, but at least he’s in his own bedroom, that doesn’t— Wait. He knows those shoes.
"a line that we can just go cross" 🔒 (M) by whiskey_in_tea (3,266 words)
Travis thinks about when he chipped his own tooth: how it felt to run his tongue over the unfamiliar jagged edge of it, over and over and over again. That’s the only reason he got it fixed, is because he cut his tongue on it, worrying at it, and that seemed unnecessary. That seemed, like, bad. He imagines saying to Pats, I’m worried about your tongue.
"I'm Your Wreck" 🔒 (M) by whiskey_in_tea (7,126 words)
“If I was gonna,” Nolan says. “With a guy. Why would it be you?” “Because you love me,” Travis says, smug, shit-eating grin on that ratfucker’s face as he walks over to where Nolan’s sitting on the bed. Nolan tries desperately to trace how this night got so out of control so quickly and comes up with only: this is what happens when you make friends with the craziest person on your crazy-ass team.
"wild thoughts" 🔒 (M) by whiskey_in_tea (6,996 words)
Nolan watches Travis’ hands, browned from the summer, scarred by fishing hooks and trigger pulls and ice burns and god knows what else, as they finish putting dinner on its plate. That’s the thing about Travis: he understands how to make the life he wants for himself. He’s not stupid, except about the things he’s fucking stupid about.
"working for it all the time" 🔒 (E) by whiskey_in_tea (8,105 words)
It’s just, like, Travis thinks, as Patty lets go of his wrists and they walk inside together, Patty saying something about dinner plans. With other guys, there’s this static zone between them. Travis doesn’t think about it because there’s nothing to think about. But with Patty… it could happen. Just technically. It is possible. The door is open, he thinks, for the possibility of something. Not that he wants something to happen. But Travis has to admit that he thinks about it. He does.
"Surveilled" 🔒 (M) by notthequiettype (639 words)
The thing about TK is that he doesn't lack impulse control; it’s that his impulse control was getting in the way of his life, so he just kind of learned to suppress it.
"Horseshoe Lake" 🔒 (E) by notthequiettype (5,386 words)
"So, what, you just came over in the middle of the night to like, end our lifelong friendship?"
"Eye to Eye" 🔒 (M) by canary (4,077 words)
Five times TK asks Nolan to talk about it, and one time he doesn’t.
"never have i ever" 🔒 (E) by anonymous (5,653 words)
“Never have I ever kissed a guy,” he said, without really thinking about it. Nolan didn’t respond right away, and Travis realized about five seconds too late that that was probably a really weird thing to say.
"same building, different views" 🔒 (E) by atswimtwobros (5,636 words)
Patty’s not always easy to read but Travis can tell that he hates this, being held down while Travis just looks at him. He can feel Patty’s pulse thumping in his wrists.
"haven't left your bed since" 🔒 (E) by heroics (6,002 words)
"So, is it a rule that all bassists have to be really stoic and hot?" Travis asks.
"second sun came past the glass" 🔒 (E) by heroics (3,614 words)
When TK glances at him across the elevator, Nolan leans against the wall and lets himself stare back. They start going up, agonizingly slow, dinging past each level. He really hopes nobody else comes in.
"headed your way with the devil on my fucking shoulder" 🔒 (E) by eversincewefellapart (5,434 words)
They've been rooming since September and TK had tried valiantly, in the beginning, to strike up a friendship. When that seemed impossible, he attempted to go for a casual acquaintanceship at the very least. But Nolan consistently and coldly turned his advances down each time, shrugging into his big purple and yellow Laurier sweaters with his snapback pulled low over his eyes. TK has still never seen him hang out with anyone. He apparently runs a one-man show.
"only demons come to mind" 🔒 (T) by manybumblebees (3,727 words)
Next to Nolan, TK’s slamming his gear around and swearing, and that, too, is becoming routine.
"sunlight on our clean clothes" 🔒 (E) by sarcangel (19,923 words)
“Turns out I have a thing for centers,” Travis started. It came out pretty good, just a little wobble. “Or, um. Mostly one center. A center. Like, 6’2”, born in Winnipeg. Virgo. Likes cabins, dogs, weird music with violins and shit—”
"great expectations" 🔒 (E) by atswimtwobros (5,287 words)
It's starting to give Travis a little bit of a complex, is all. or: the small dick fic.
"Close ain't close enough" 🔒 (E) by bitter_leaf (33,590 words)
They’ve only got three nights left before they head back to Philly, training camp starting up a little over a week after that. With a heavy heart, Travis realises that he’s gonna head back home and have to deal with this same stupid flickering torch that he’s been carrying since Patty got put on long term IR that just will not go out, no matter how much he tries—and fails—to ignore it.
"Call me out (bring you home)" 🔒 (M) by bitter_leaf (19,319 words)
Nolan’s gaze flickers periodically to the rear-view mirror as he barrels down the highway, one shaky hand shoved under his thigh, the other slung over the wheel. The road is quiet now that he's clear of the city but he can’t bear the thought of getting pulled over and having to roll his window down for some bored traffic cop, tell him he’s heading across provincial borders in the middle of a pandemic to get Manitoba’s favourite son to rail the existential angst out of him.
"break my bones" 🔒 (E) by anonymous (3,387 words)
Nolan’s been here enough times that he heads straight to the counter. He does a double-take when he sees the new barista, then immediately kicks himself for being obvious. It takes a surprising amount of concentration to order coffee while acting like he's never gotten off to videos of the guy getting fucked to within an inch of his life.
"pictures of success" 🔒 (E) by whiskey_in_tea (16,171 words)
“The trick,” Travis is saying, “is to get past where the waves are breaking.” He gestures to where the water is rising like a wall in front of them. “See how it comes up and up, then it starts falling in on itself?” The ocean crumbles, collapses, sprays them with spume. It seems angry. What’s it so angry about?
"all candor and style in the crook of your smile" 🔒 (M) by p3trichor (12,031 words)
It’s a photo of Nolan on his knees with someones’ fingers in his mouth, lips slick with spit. Travis flicks by it almost too fast and he’s only got seconds to decide if he wants to screenshot it, if he wants to just give up the ghost right then and there.
"but your heart got teeth" 🔒 (M) by countthestars (6,619 words)
Patty’s gonna wolf out. Travis has never seen him do it before.
"i saw you in the water" 🔒 (E) by LouLa (24,944 words)
“Why are you always collecting my garbage like a weird, violent crow?” Nolan asks, bewildered. Travis doesn’t have an answer for that, he just shoves at Nolan’s face instead.
"Nothing to Prove" 🔒 (E) by canary (42,342 words)
Nolan picked a college based on two criteria. One: That it didn’t have a hockey program. Two: That it was in some random corner of the southern USA, where the air was thick enough to bite, and football was the only sport anyone talked about in October. He should have known his dumb ass was still going to fuck it up.
"Sugar Honey" 🔒 (T) by canary (3,904 words)
TK had always liked color. TK had always liked Patty. TK had always liked it when Patty smiled, and it seemed like he smiled all the fucking time in Winnipeg.
"How the Future Knew" 🔒 (E) by canary (63,728 words)
It had been some stupid, throwaway picture from the gym. He’d been shirtless, taken a selfie in the mirror between sets. Nolan hadn’t been thinking about it, really, just like, oh, my abs look pretty good for this late in the season, and he’d thrown it on the gram. It had made some horny Canadian’s “boys next door thirst trap compilation” post on Tumblr. Nolan hadn’t heard of Tumblr before but apparently it was a thing. He’d gotten like, thirty DMs about it.
"the space between your words" 🔒 (E) by TheNorthRemembers (18,189 words)
Travis visits Nolan during the offseason and starts spiralling into his insecurities after being told by Nolan's sister that she doesn't like him.
This made me honestly cry. Really good angst.
"Things We Missed" 🔒 (T) by makeit_takeit (4,622 words)
It was literally, unquestionably, like - the dumbest thing he’s ever done, hooking up with Hallsy. Because Nolan is very - . Like, extremely, super, totally, literal-hours-of-his-life-lost-to- conversations-on-this-topic aware, that Travis Konecny is mad jealous of Taylor Hall.
"Made of Glass" 🔒 (M) by makeit_takeit (14,689 words)
Inside the locker room it’s pure chaos, noise and people and Nolan immediately feels overwhelmed by the sheer volume of it all, both literal and metaphorical. His heart lurches and his gut tells him immediately, this is a bad idea, and you don’t belong here.
"Last Ones Standing" 🔒 (E) by makeit_takeit (22,772 words)
At the bottom of the ad there’s a link, and Travis finds his finger hovering over the screen, lip still caught between his teeth. “I mean,” he says very reasonably, speaking out loud to his empty apartment like some sort of possibly-crazy person, “just applying doesn’t mean anything. Maybe I just fill it out, and see what happens. It’s not like I’m really gonna get picked to be on TV, come on.”
"Just Getting Started" 🔒 (E) by canary (10,719 words)
Several things clicked into place. “Are you trying to court me with Bud Lite Lime?” Nolan asked in disbelief. “Dunno,” Travis said, with his crooked smile. “Is it working?”
"body's in trouble" 🔒 (E) by cloudsandpassingevents (55,915 words)
“I don’t know,” Nolan finally mumbles. “I’m not, like, trying to – ” the rest of the sentence gets stuck in his throat. He takes a sip of tea to force it back down. “Like. I wouldn’t do anything drastic. But, like.” He gestures vaguely at the air between them. “If you had a bike that was broken, you wouldn’t just keep it around anymore, you know? Like, it’d just be useless. You’d throw it away. So, like, if your body can’t do stuff that it’s supposed to be able to do, then…” he trails off, chewing on the corner of his lip. “What’s the point, you know,” he finally finishes.
"when the night falls" 🔒 (E) by anonymous (16,519 words)
In which Travis is strangely fascinated by the moody guy who keeps showing up at his coffee shop right as he’s closing. Well. The dude is hot. It’s not that complicated, actually.
"River for the Sea" 🔒 (E) by LoveLeah (39,152 words)
It’s not that Nolan’s, like, hugely fucking into Travis. He literally barely knows him, but obviously he’s hot, tan and athletic with nice hair and pretty eyes and this dark tattoo just dipping out from under the sleeve of his t-shirt, wrapping around the thick muscle of his bicep.
"Bathe with You in the Sea" 🔒 (M) by LoveLeah (2,549 words)
“Chase told us something,” his mom says. Travis' body feels fire hot under his parka, sweaty and closed in. “He says he thinks you didn’t come because--Travis, he says you told him you were gay.”
"Breathing Room" 🔒 (E) by makeit_takeit (16,149 words)
“I dunno, dude.” Travis chews on the inside of his cheek, rubs his hand over the whiskers on his chin to feel them bend and slide and prickle under his fingers. “You ever just get tired of being in the city all the time? Just seeing like – airport, hotel, arena, bus, airport, and that’s it?”
"faith between our teeth" 🔒 (E) by waytoobright (10,602 words)
For Travis, it feels like home. He knows the streets up and down every block, and he’s been working at his family friend’s hot dog stand since he turned fourteen and was legally allowed to work in the state of New Jersey. He’s got friends who work at other restaurants and shops down the boardwalk and everyone still comes back every summer. They all come rolling into town during the first few weeks of sun and sand, and then the summer really begins.
"The Strangest Trip" 🔒 (E) by makeit_takeit (19,562 words)
Pat’s at the bar, back turned to the speeches. He looks like always: big, beautiful, perfect in his almost-pink-but-still-technically-taupe suit. Hair slicked back off his face, jaw clenched and trying hard to hide how much he doesn’t want to be here, gripping his wine glass a little too tight. Just looking at him, Travis can feel the almost desperate pull in his chest, the longing.
"Two Halves of a Whole Idiot" 🔒 (E) by littleconnections (19,089 words)
Nolan's hair is getting long too, flicking into his eyes and Travis sits on the shore and watches, the pulling in his gut both familiar and not. What if I kiss him, he thinks.
"Friends Don't Look At Friends That Way" 🔒 (E) by Matriaya (5,519 words)
Travis knows as soon as Sara suggests a threesome that he's gonna pick Patty. Obviously. Patty’s his best friend, and they see each other’s dicks like every fucking day at the rink, and he’s definitely walked in on Patty boning a chick before, so it will just be like that only… together.
"Hot House Grapes" 🔒 (E) by LoveLeah for Matriaya (7,636 words)
Even after TK told him; after he found out he and TK both liked guys, he hadn't thought about TK as anything more than just TK. Like, he hadn't thought he wasn't hot, but he'd just never thought that much about it at all. Then they came back from the summer after their junior year, and Nolan walked into their dorm, and TK was sprawled out shirtless on the bottom bunk, dark tan and smiling, and Nolan took one look at him and was like: oh.
"Twice As Many Stars" 🔒 (E) by TheNorthRemembers (230,251 words)
“Told you,” Nolan says, and it’s meant to be teasing but somehow his voice trails off into something softer at the look on Travis’ face. It’s not really surprise or shock like Nolan had expected, not entirely anyway. There’s disappointment there too, mixed with defiance and sadness. “You can’t save everyone.” The character's death screen is still showing, and it feels mocking in a way Nolan didn’t quite see coming. “I had to try, though,” Travis still says, unmoving for another second before he musters up a smile and presses the controller into Nolan’s hand. “You always gotta try.”
Long and oh so beautiful. Heart-wrenching at times, but really good. Heed the warnings.
"in the name of being honest" 🔒 (E) by coastalhighway (51,655 words)
From the moment the Flyers had stepped on the ice, Nolan had tried to catch TK’s eye, tried to make him fucking look at Nolan, but— The entire goddamn time. The entire goddamn game, TK never once met his eyes.
"Coming Undone" (E) by Linsky (3,184 words)
For the record: Travis does hook up. A completely normal amount, even. He finds girls on Tinder and totally does go out with them. Just, that’s a lot of work, and sometimes he’s tired from hockey, and it just seems easier to stick to messaging. It’s still sort of like hooking up.
"latibule" (E) by wolver (40,601 words)
"You're Nolan Patrick, right?" The guy presses on whether he gets an answer or not (he doesn't), "Bro, it's sweet we get to play together. You're fucking sick; your stick-handling skills are off the charts, my man, this is gonna be so sweet." Nolan can fucking feel the vibrations of Travis stifling a laugh, but of course Travis isn't going to throw him a rescue line like the fucker that he is. All Nolan can really do is stare blankly -- his first choice of words are highly inappropriate and he smothers them into an unintelligible mumble.
"before the wave hits" 🔒 (E) by anonymous (16,477 words)
It's not really a big deal, is the thing. It's just that Travis thinks it's kind of weird that they've been best friends for three years and he's never seen Patty's dick.
"let's get tangled up together" (E) by wolver (3,236 words)
Patty's back. A slice in the life from training camp.
"he's kinda quiet (but his body ain’t)" 🔒 (E) by thestarsatnight (2,956 words)
Nolan is looking at him and with soft, knowing eyes, because he knows exactly how taxing it is sometimes to manage anything past getting up, breathing, and going back to bed.
"Tazete Tazone" 🔒 (M) by soupbowlfulofsins (7,464 words)
One drunk kiss does not a bromance make. So obviously, Travis and Nolan step up their bro-kissing game.
"So long, Honey" 🔒 (E) by TheNorthRemembers (11,649 words)
Nolan and Travis have been friends since they've been kids and in love almost just as long. Nolan is a hockey player, but Travis isn't, but Nolan still comes home to him every off season.
"wouldn’t know where to start" 🔒 (M) by anonymous (7,090 words)
Travis just keeps pressing, keeps touching Nolan the same way he always has, and waits for it to stop feeling normal. It never does.
"what we do when we stop thinkin" 🔒 (E) by Matriaya (6,687 words)
Travis leans up and presses a kiss to Nolan’s cheek, right smack in the hollow of it, where the fuzz is starting to creep up. It’s no more than a second, lips on skin, barely a glance, but he can’t quite meet Nolan’s gaze as he pulls away. “For good luck!”
"Good For You" 🔒 (E) by TheNorthRemembers (40,282 words)
Travis finds out that Nolan has a big dick and becomes obsessed with it, discovering some stuff about himself along the way. Nolan mostly just enjoys the ride.
"Does Anybody Know" 🔒 (E) by thestarsatnight (3,509 words)
Kevin was beaming at him. “Better believe we’re gonna celebrate that hatty once this pandemic’s over, TikiBar.” “Sure, sure,” Travis said, bobbing his head. There was a lot he’d told these guys over the years, a lot that he’d shared with this team, but some things were just for him, even in the jumbled up excitement of his brain. Instead, he said, “Plenty of time for you to catch up, Hayesy,” and Kevin’s answering laugh was enough.
"Rattling Cages" (E) by LoveLeah (48,562 words)
Nolan gets ditched, wears short-shorts, and tries to figure out his head. Travis buys a dildo, spends $2000 on Etsy, and makes a folder for all the Nolan pictures on his phone.
"worn but young" 🔒 (E) by grace (28,525 words)
Somehow though, with Patty it’s all felt different so far, though he would never have guessed it would in a thousand years. Travis keeps looking back to check how far ahead he’s gotten and every time Patty is right there with him, pacing him quiet and calm. Acting like it’s normal to want the things with a friend that Travis wants, the constant closeness, acting like Travis isn’t bothering or taking from him at all. It makes Travis feel giddy inside, like bubbles fizzing.
This is so well-written. I absolutely love Travis's POV here—how he lets Nolan steer them together.
"shines when the sunset shifts" 🔒 (E) by grace (15,391 words)
Nolan feels all the things he’s been wanting to say to someone and can’t rise up and crowd in; a pressure, a weather system. I thought I was better. I’m not doing well. It is happening again. It will happen forever. Instead he says, “Does that hurt?”
Nolan's POV here is so breathtaking.
"born to be crazy, born to be wild" 🔒 (E) by anonymous (6,353 words)
Nolan was not throwing himself a pity party. Was he injured? Yes. Was he injured for the seven-millionth fucking time? Unfortunately. Had he succumbed, under the covers in the wee hours of the morning, to his weakest impulse, searching his name on Twitter? Also yes. Had that sent him into a shame spiral? Obviously.
"if you need me, i'm the same as i was" 🔒 (T) by donderwolk (4,719 words)
TK clears his throat, tries to go for sultry again then, but it’s part of the bit now, a little in-joke between the two of them, says, “What are you wearing?”
"i miss this time, last year" 🔒 (M) by donderwolk (18,048 words)
Travis calls him about two hours after the news drops, says nothing for a whole ten seconds, then comes out with just a, “Nolan.” It’s less a word, and more a sigh. A strange and desperate thing. They haven’t spoken in eight months.
This was undeniably beautiful, heart-wrenching, and introspective.
"stuck in my head, heart, body" 🔒 (E) by donderwolk (2,434 words)
God, what would TK even do if he just — showed up? Pretend, Nolan thinks. Knows, really. He’d pretend, at least for a little while, that Nolan standing on his doorstep in fucking Haddonfield unannounced and on Valentine’s Day was the most normal thing a guy could do.
"sing it in my sleep" (M) by fadeastride (3,954 words)
It takes three days after leaving the bubble for Travis to check his phone. He deletes most of the texts unread, but there's one from Nolan that just says, "You should come see me."
"the most exciting thing I'd ever known" (T) by fadeastride (3,072 words)
The first time Nolan starts to actually think about it, they're in Claude's backyard for some kind of "welcome spring" barbecue that's really an excuse to drink too much cheap beer and cook meat over a fire. Nolan's four, maybe five, beers in when he tells Travis that he's got the balance of one of those goats that walk sideways up mountains and that he could totally walk the fence like a balance beam. "You cannot," Travis says, smashing another bite of hamburger into his mouth.
"any thrill will do"🔒 (E) by hackysack (8,372 words)
Pat copes with it the same way he’s been coping with every other part of the Philadelphia break-up: he goes on Grindr.
Nolan watches out of the corner of his eye as TK gets more and more jittery, before he finally springs to his feet, presses a kiss to Nolan's cheek, and announces, “I've gotta go jerk it so I'm not sitting here with a boner all game, 'kay?” Nolan doesn't know what drives him to say it, but the words are out before he can stop to think about them. “You can do it here, if you're quick about it.”
"occupying space" 🔒 (E) by toxica939 (4,278 words)
Nolan loves him. The thought’s like a bruise. Something better left to poke at later, press down on, see if it hurts.
"I Wish That It Was Easy" 🔒 (E) by littleconnections (10,393 words)
Getting stuck in a time loop has never made anyone realise their feelings any quicker.
"Someone Else's Solid Ground" (E) by Linsky (21,757 words)
I found this interview that Lewis and Nico did in 2008 at the Bahrain GP. They were looking through photos of each other and talking about each of them. Highly recommend watching this, there’s an German translator talking over them at times so you can’t hear what they’re saying. But just hearing the parts that you can, like them wrestling in their hotel rooms - they even wrestle with each other a bit at the end of the video!
something we don’t talk about when we talk about nico rosberg, and honestly even though it involved being a horrendous cunt, is that he did what generations of drivers have tried and failed to do - he refused to be made second driver and still walked away with his championship.
like think about that. there are so many people in my memory, and many more before that, that fell to that hurdle by accepting their fate or switching teams and making the wrong call, or just never quite getting there. you’ve got valtteri and daniel and mark webber and felipe massa and before that you have rubens barrichello and david coulthard and eddie irvine and so on and so on. and they either had some moment of quiet resignation to it or they let it completely destroy them, sometimes both.
nico rosberg was the part of the foundations of mercedes. he was there since it took the name mercedes and was brought in to play second fiddle to michael fucking schumacher, and then he outdrove him every damn day, when the mercedes wasn’t championship contention material but was outclassing the rest of the midfield. i remember it so well when you had button and hamilton at mclaren, vettel and webber were at red bull, and alonso and massa were at ferrari. you had no idea what was gonna happen with that top six but you could count on one thing like clockwork, nico rosberg would be seventh, making that scrappy little bastard of a car sing.
and then lewis arrived when schumi left and people assumed nico would play that second fiddle like he hadn’t won them the lion’s share of the points with schumi in the other car. no one gave him his due. and then the car was a winning car and he was suddenly a winner, someone no one had ever rated from that stacked as hell grid. and lewis already had his championship. he wanted more, sure, but he didn’t need to prove that he had it in him the way nico did with his dad and everything else hanging over his head.
let’s not beat around the bush, mercedes wanted him to be second driver. toto came in with lewis and didn’t respect what nico had achieved under ross brawn. lewis was already a championship winner even if nico knew the car and the team much better. certainly the management at mercedes were never on his side once toto took the reigns. and lewis must have expected it somewhat too, it’s just how teams work. and his long-standing teammate at that point had been jenson, who had just as many championships and seniority in the sport, which made them as close to equals as possible and also frustrated lewis no end at that time because on some days he was second driver. it was owed to him, at last, to have a teammate whose only job was to prop him up.
i’m not saying if it was the right decision, or the ethical decision, or a decision that he doesn’t deeply and intimately regret, but the point at which nico had to say to himself no, lewis isn’t allowed to do this to me, no i won’t be second fiddle, not even to my best friend, must have required such strength of conviction like sport has never seen. and yeah it’s sad to think that a championship ended a friendship that old and that caring, but reframe it for a moment. what must it have felt like to escape out from under the thumb of schumacher who was never ever going to support nico, who could be affable outside racing but had a long history of being the meanest of sports on the grid, and think finally, a friend, someone to support and care for me, someone who wants me to win just like i want him to win, and be told no, it’s just the same as it was. like yes this is work, but imagine what that would do to you in any career - a fellow artist, a fellow businessman - to be told that your friend, in any context, sees you as an obstacle to overcome, or even worse just a tool to get ahead.
like we make fun of that - look at the man that sold his soul for a championship - but so did everyone else, so did lewis even. we have no idea who went first in sacrificing the friendship to the flames but we do know it was the first time nico ever fucked someone over in the sport. he’d never driven a winning car before. lewis had, and lord knows he learnt well enough from fernando, from jenson even.
nico had never had the opportunity to do it, and even when he was teammates with schumi, it was a noticeably sedate schumi racing in a midfield car. there wasn’t a championship for him to snatch at like he had done before. and that must do damage to you, as someone that’s never been at that kind of desperate infighting team before. and to have someone who is supposed to love you more than anyone else on the grid right there in it, in your first true experience of it? ooft.
then you think about him retiring, right after he’s finally done it. he must have wanted to step away before hand but imagine that friendship up in smoke and to go away empty-handed, with nothing to show for it. so he says no, i have to have this championship. all this had to have been for something. think about keke, who won one world championship pretty much by accident. how he won because the front runners on the grid that season died in those cars. and what had just happened to poor old jules. and how keke has always insisted that nico is his greatest achievement, not his championship, his son. and nico has just become a father. think about how important his daughters are to him, how much he loves them. how he was burning down his relationship with vivian too just to get this stupid title, these stupid trophies.
and maybe some part of him thinks i can fix this, i can have lewis back if i just put the weapons down, if i walk away. but lewis doesn’t see it like that - he sees it as cowardly, that nico took something from him and didn’t give him the chance to get it back, even though held already proved over and over and over that he could beat nico, that he was definitively the better driver. but nico only had to be better once - keke won his championship with a single race win to his name that season and it was enough. goddamit it was enough. and even if it hurt him to give up being in that car, nico had things that were more important. just once was enough for him in a way it never could be for lewis. lewis has nothing else, no partner, no children, no real friends at that point. of course he could never understand. maybe he envied nico in that moment, for once to be enough, but lewis never had that luxury.
god it’s so tragic, but nico really did achieve the impossible.
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