I awoke to a shuffling noise, like dozens of feet shifting across a tiled floor. I tried to stretch, only to notice I was already sitting and unable to move my body. Alarms started going off in my head and my eyes shot open, only to be met by darkness.
“Thank you for participating in Cupid’s Fictional Matchmaking Foundation, where we pair up you lonely humans with the fictional characters of your dreams! We’ve gathered the oddest fictional characters from all crevices of your brain to present to you today! Due to the tendency you humans have to freak out in situations like this, we have taken the liberty of restraining you for your safety and ours. Now, you may be unbound and freed if you choose one of these characters to be forever betrothed to! Good luck and congratulations!”
Confused and dazed by a sudden flood of light, my head whipped around, eyes straining against the light change and darting across the faces in the room. I pulled against the straps binding my arms to the oddly comfy chair, struggling in vain. If I hadn’t awoken tied to a chair, I may have enjoyed being surrounded by every fictional character I had ever liked. Most of the people were hazy and dark, like they were there, but I was only vaguely aware of them. Others stood out as if it were a real person standing before me.
Quite a few characters from Naruto were there, mostly members of the Akatsuki. That was when I was new to the whole anime and manga thing; my starting days as a weeb. I liked every oddity, every weird thing, anything that wasn’t “normal”. I blushed remembering the things my weirdass 13-year-old self said she wanted to do to some of these fictional men.
Hisoka, hailing from a still incomplete Hunter x Hunter, fell into the weird thing I had for psychopaths for a while. Looking back, this had to be the oddest of any of the crushes. I couldn’t think of any good points the jester held. Than again, my love for him had fallen through after he mercilessly slaughtered the Phantom Troupe because he was salty about losing a fight.
There was Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez, from Bleach. I was still on my thing for crazy, and I had classified Grimmjow as “crazy” at the time. I also had a mild obsession with cats... I had grown to admire his perseverance, fueled by his arrogance. How he did everything to spite the people who told him “you can’t”. How he never backed down from a challenge and fought to protect his pride and beliefs. I had wanted to be like that.
Apart from manga and anime, there were a few book characters. Most notably was Iggy, from Maximum Ride, looking how he was portrayed in the graphic novel adaptation. Again, with the oddities. I feel like I had liked him because even being a weirdo with my friends, I still had something wrong, something that still prevents me from functioning fully. It actually comforted me to see him there, and I almost chose him right then and there.
Looking at all the characters in the room made me realize one thing. The broadcast had said something about “oddest” crushes, but about half of these people were normal, sweet, and innocent of any strangeness. Then it dawned on me why every fictional male crush I had had was odd.
andulkaphoto
jbbartram-illu
gummygunk
baratheonpilled
