Prat og Poesi

[nomadicfurniture]

What I’ve Learned About Myself from Others

I am fairly obsessed with self-knowledge and uncover human spirits in any way that’s possible. Over the past few years, I find myself continue to discover new things about myself, mostly through personal comments from old & new acquaintances. Though most times, I don’t take comments about me to heart, or more often I would even say no some as it’s deemed more socially appropriate to deny things we like about ourselves and dismiss praises as not to seem conceited. But if I hear the same thing from several people, or something comes from a sincere friend with a thorough explanation, I wonder the possibility that these statements are true

Things others have said more than a few times about me

I am an unforgettable person

I have the ability to make people talk about things they don’t usually share

I can be very direct sometimes even though I am passive most of time

I am confident but at the same time have low self-esteem

If I were to be described as a vegetable, it would be onion

I discover things most people don’t see

I can be aloof and come out as uninterested

I am quite difficult to please

Some that I am still processing and find very amusing

I will be a good dad, and my kids will be just as quirky and hippie as I am

I secretly want to get famous

I come across more like an art student than a science student

I have come to understand most of these things are accurate statements about myself, but I am definitely not all of these things all the time. When I reflect back to moments of listening to other people’s comments on me, I have also learned that I evolved. Perhaps, more thoughtful and considerate than I was as a younger

Not everything that we can know about ourselves comes from our own productivity. Now, the more often I hear about other people’s opinions about me, the more obsessed, and take each and every comment to digest, negative or positive, as it were the final, definitive, universal ruling on my character...

What’s something you’ve learned about yourself? Did you also learn from other people?

[nomadicfurniture]

Even today, I find myself still experience the “love at first sight” or be drawn to all kinds of “unavailable people” in life. This is the part of me I never quite understood well about myself, but it also felt like it’s never a decision to not develop feelings for them. So, I just figured I haven’t found the one yet, or maybe I was to distract myself from other things in life that in my head there hasn’t come to a right time for one lover.

I never thought my past experience had affected me in a dramatic way, since I still have an unrequited longing to people who cannot and will not just not reciprocate my love. Or should I say, the more I understand that the relationship will remain unrealized, the rarer and more intense I find the electricity is ….. I understood that I am not purposely drawn—but sometimes their mixed messages combined with our particular susceptibilities, conscious or unconscious, can lure me in.

When I stumbled upon this video few days ago, I found the message so spot on. It’s not because of psychological ill, as this video stated, someone who is willing to dare to be with someone tougher or more distant because it is an unconscious defense, perhaps against trauma or some past emotional wounding. As I watched it, the memories of past came to my brain. And now I see my pursue for unavailable ones is just a way to not get disappointed or heartbroken like I did before. I got hurt, I ignored it. Am I playing willful blindness, to not change the way I see the world to justify my own failures?

Or if this is due to the society we live in, there is a tendency of linking scarcity to more value.  But the truth is, how often do we get bored of something once we owned it or conquered the hardship. Maybe our brains are constantly seeking higher stimulation. And it’s not the unavailable person is attractive, but the idea and fantasy of not having.

What’s your thought or tips?

[nomadicfurniture]

The Time I Heard from Someone Surprising

It was an afternoon during the lockdown, I got these messages I could hardly believe…

Actually, I’m getting ahead of myself, the text was rather ordinary. It was the sender that blew me away. There, nestled among my other regular contacts, was a person that I haven’t talked to in a while. Peter is someone I was seeing quite often last year; we spent some memorable time together.

Hey, Jasper How’s it going, the messaged started like a perfectly ordinary correspondence. I know it’s a long time since we’ve spoken…… He then goes on saying: I do think about you often and hope all is going well with you. Feel free to update me on how you are. Take care, my friend.

I didn’t quite understand his intention for reaching to me. I know that he has a boyfriend now. But after some messages exchange, we have even pledged to see each other hopefully once this quarantine is over.

Actually, receiving Peter’s messages was certainly not the first correspondence of its kind. Other than close friends and family, in the past few months, I’ve reached out and also received blasts from some.

During early-covid, I got texts from an ex living in the US, “be careful as Australia does its thing to get this under control” He said.

“Hey, I just thought of sending you this message to ask how you are doing and hope you are staying safe in Sydney.” I also sent a message to this Sydney guy who I met once early this year when he was here for work. Last time when we met, we had agreed to go to his favorite Vietnamese restaurant in a month when he comes to Melbourne again, except that domestic travels are banned now, and restaurants are forced to close their dining room.

Over the past months, I have come across more readings on how the lockdown has impacted the way we interact, with our family, friends, housemates, and loved ones. Reading some of the other people’s stories gave me a smile, though it should not be dismissed that there are also people suffering and experiencing great loss and stress.

My friend made it a whole month before texting the-one-that-got-away, a feat in any circumstances. “It actually felt safe since we can’t actually see each other,” she said. “Or maybe it’s that nothing feels safe right now. So I figured, ‘Why not?‘”

There are many people I want to contact, but don’t know how. The barista at my local coffee shop. My favorite barber. The not-so-strangers on the tram I no longer glimpse now as our regular foot traffic has come to a halt.

Back in the day (how I now refer to any time before March), I was always fascinated by the Missed Connections on Craigslist, where I see people posted about the strangers they almost-but-not-quite connected to on subways, in shops, on city streets. Maybe they made an eye contact or brushed shoulders or were reading the same book.

It becomes especially strange to think: now there are no missed connections, only intentional ones. Or, in another sense, all connections have become missed connections. Because we miss them. When you look at it that way, is there a better reason to say hello?

[nomadicfurniture]

Awe

The moment I bought my flight tickets, from Vermont to Melbourne, I was ready to end a fairly significant and beautiful time and space spent learning and growing. I wish there is more I can say other than thank you, to the people I’ve encountered, thanks for hanging around, for their words, support and encouragements.

Those years feel insane, yes, it is completely insane.

Let me try to think of a way to express my emotions and feelings.

I guess it was awe, in an awe of people, of existence, and everything in between, the big or small, awe that the sort of imposed ceilings, limitations on how much we can love, how loved we can be, or just how snazzy we can feel. That limitation doesn’t really exist.

So many things in life are about awareness. I’ve had many people, experiences, chances in my life, but never aware of them, and that's really sad, and it hasn’t really been until I felt things are slipping away, until I really shifted into an awareness mindset and just being so grateful, that, I’ve then truly realized how beautiful existence is.

And that’s how everything has come about.

Like breeze, like these things snowball, you notice a little bit of beauty, truth within someone, situation, or a bit of gratitude here or there, and it just picks up and picks up. And it goes wild.

I’ve realized slowly, over the past few years, my limits got sort of pushed back, and the ceilings are kept being pushed up and up, and every once in a while, there are people, circumstances, environments, and timing that just blow the ceiling off.

 And this is exactly what last year was.

I teared up from pondering, from talking to people on the phone, but knowing that was from being in a space of reflection and reverence for all those things came and gone, things that happened, in there even amongst some hardships and sadness at the time. I really strived to keep the faith that I am guided, loved, and all will be well.

To everyone who has been part of my life, I am so deeply honored to be part of yours. Thank you from the deepest part of my being, thank you for the love and support. Man, how fucking special is that? How special is that?

I always have the thought that every moment is life-changing, and I still think that’s a really nice way to view our existence, that every single moment, interaction, every thought, every conversation, and every glimpse is life-changing. when we give every moment such power, we start to seek the lesson, the love, the wonder that resides within these spaces and you will believe something really special will happen..

Last year was like a peregrination that is life-changing,

and the people I’ve fallen and keep in love with, the environment,

maybe it’s because of my mindset, something is special about this.

And I started to realize more and more, it’s really the matter of perspective, for me to feel seated and complete, with nothing but gratitude,

I also think it has come from my awareness, being aware of how blessed we all are, aware that every one of us doesn’t have any limits to love or how zesty we can feel,

It will just unfold for us, it will blossom right there, completely for the natural world, for existence, the fact that we are not a book, a pencil, or a car. That’s a really really special thing.

You are so loved beyond what you can imagine, and this is crazy but kinda true,

  So savour that, savour it all