No more free rent.

mostly stuff 'bout recovery and being trans

[catsoverloaded]

inline reddit: cats

[velvetvetiver]

How much longer do you want to wait? Sometimes just getting started is enough.

[beloved-child-of-the-house]

i don’t know what other queer folks might need to hear this, but your sexual desire for someone doesn’t contaminate your love for them and it doesn’t mean you don’t respect them or see them as a complete person. and you wouldn’t be better or purer if you could love without wanting them in that way also. queer sexuality is not a contaminant that ruins queer love. 

[thoradvice]

you can fall in love at 30. you can discover your true passion at 40. you can go back to school at 50. you can learn to draw, or paint, or sing at 60. relax. just because you didn’t do most, or any, of the things considered “young adult milestones” doesn’t mean you never will. there’s no time limit on happiness.

[nothorses]

because apparently I have to say it:

Testosterone is not a “violent” hormone. It doesn’t make you “more aggressive” or a worse person, it doesn’t make you “dangerous” or “toxic”.

Transmascs do not need to be “warned of the dangers of T”. We do not need to spend our transitions terrified that we’re going to become a danger to those around us- that HRT is going to turn us into a monster.

Everyone experiences mood swings during hormonal shifts (pregnancy, menstruation, menopause, estrogen HRT, etc.) and while you might have grumpy moments or feel anger/frustration that you need to learn to handle differently, that doesn’t make you a bad person.

Testosterone can change the way you access/process emotions somewhat, but if you’re already thoughtful about how you handle your feelings and treat others, you’re going to be fine. It’s normal to lash out on occasion, by accident, and then apologize & work to do better. It doesn’t make you a bad person. Everyone on HRT is prone to this, and everyone experiencing hormonal changes is prone to this.

Getting HRT should be positive and affirming; you should not have to spend your entire transition terrified of becoming a monster.

[captainlordauditor]

the big danger of T is that needle ouchy

[nomorefreerent]

@sexualy-tea @toowestern23 @concernedterm43 @friendshipteahouse-blog @cristinsilv @kr1g1nqo-blog-blog @gatemass39 @joeya @yaboirileyy @abirdepisode @sallymolay @ftmlegends @mylowmilo @ink-noneofus @ernestvolynec @broken-dreams-are-a-reality @zarayushas @mylovingfeelslike-blog @lesbian-turtles @thehuman-exp @princedavidofealdor @nathanblkr-blog @healthytrees @k-e-n-bearington @shakealittle @wornoutqueer @thekenseyjean @torreymercer @wearytaco @alyssagoddess9 

Ray-Ban Sunglasses

[imanwithoutbowie-deactivated202]

Continue✨ Keep going✨

[dimetrodone]

People horrifically fucking up facts about evolution and genetics too support their stupid beliefs or to seem smart and “rational” is probably one of my big pet peeves 

[bogleech]

Yeah. An enormous number of racists, misogynists, homophobes and transphobes I’ve met eventually whip out something about evolutionary biology and they never, ever, ever, ever have the slightest shadow of even a half-right idea what any of it means or ever cite a claim ever actually made by a scientific study.

Here’s a quick handy reference list or anyone who isn’t sure:

Homosexuality does exist in almost all social species.

“Alpha males” are not a real phenomenon and in fact the most aggressive males tend to be the least reproductively successful.

“Survival of the fittest” simply means that the success of a species hinges on how well it “fits” its environment. It does not mean that stronger or smarter individuals are supposed to succeed. Those things can even be a detriment in nature by wasting too many resources.

“Race” is not a biological concept. Someone who looks different from you has the same human genes, just a different grab-bag of dominant traits.

Evolution is not a march towards higher complexity, more intelligence or even more adaptability. It’s just a fluctuation of characteristics dictated by environmental pressures and mutation. A slime mold isn’t “less evolved” than a hawk, just adapted for success under different parameters.

People didn’t evolve “from apes.” It’s more complicated than that. We are a category of ape, sharing a common ancestor with the other apes.

No human on Earth is “closer” to an evolutionary ancestor than any other. We all descended from the same one.

Neanderthals were also a “sibling” species of ours. We didn’t evolve from them.

Some of us did, however, cross-breed with Neandethal man. It is exclusively non-African races, such as white people, who still carry hybrid human/Neanderthal genes. Whoops, sorry “white purity” skinheads, you’re actually mixed with a whole other species.

[sunny-butch-deactivated20220919]

Some more stuff!

Humans are actually more genetically homogeneous than most people suspect. This is possibly due to a population bottleneck at some point in our evolutionary past. Two chimpanzees from different sides of a jungle are likely more genetically different to each other than any two human beings in the world.

Our big brains may help us use tools, but what was really principal in their development was the need for empathy, communication, and cooperation.

Humans. Are. Social. So social it drove an incredibly energetically costly increase in our brain size.  Don’t believe anyone who says its our nature to fight “every man for themself.” We’re humans, not bears. We fight for each other.

And we always have. Fossil remains are found of ancient humans who bore signs of crucial mobility impairments that lived to notable ages. Some even have sticks or other mobility aids – community care and support is our way. We don’t cast off those with impairments, we stand by them.

Human sexual dimorphism is on a decreasing trend. Our ancestors had greater difference in canine size and overall size. Our dimorphism gap has gotten smaller.

Occam’s razor is the principal that whatever is the simplest explanation is probably the most likely one. Don’t believe someone who says the reason we evolved bipedalism is so that males could carry gifts to females to woo them. Yes, this is a real ‘theory’ on how bipedalism evolved.

Skin tone is an adaptation of UV levels vs vitamin D levels. Both come from the sun. UV is harmful, so where sun is plentiful populations develop a darker skin tone for more protection. The skin needs sun to create vitamin D, so where sun is scarce, the skin tone lightens to allow more sun in. This is literally all it is.

Final thing: No one’s mind is really equipped to fully understand how long a billion years is, or a million, or even tens of thousands of years. Evolution takes place over a loooong time. Its very, very, slow, slower than we can really comprehend. We can’t “stand in the way” of natural selection by caring for our ill. We don’t need to “help” evolution in any way. It inevitably happens, but not on any sort of timescale we could possibly affect, so don’t fall for anyone that tells you not to “stand in the way” of natural selection. That’s fascism, and its utterly pseudo-scientific.

Not to mention natural selection doesn’t have a “will” that you can stand in the way of. Its not an entity with wants, its a millions-year long process. And its impossible for our decisions to “stand in its way.” Our decisions to care for one another are what brought our species where it is, plain and simple.

[fukkce]

[shesgotwhatittakes]

While cleaning out my room I found a paper that my therapist gave me some time ago to deal with obsessive and intrusive thoughts. Sorry the paper is a little crinkled and stained, but I figured I’d post it in hopes that it will help someone like it helped me.

[shesgotwhatittakes]

Here it is again with text for anyone who can’t see the picture

That thought isn’t helpful right now.

Now is not the time to think about it. I can think about it later.

This is irrational. I’m going to let it go.

I won’t argue with an irrational thought.

This is not an emergency. I can slow down and think clearly about what I need.

This feels threatening and urgent, but it really isn’t.

I don’t have to be perfect to be OK.

I don’t have to figure out this question. The best thing to do is just drop it.

It’s OK to make mistakes.

I already know from my past experiences that these fears are irrational.

I have to take risks in order to be free. I’m willing to take this risk.

It’s OK that I just had that thought/image, and it doesn’t mean anything. I don’t have to pay attention to it.

I’m ready to move on now.

I can handle being wrong.

I don’t have to suffer like this. I deserve to feel comfortable.

That’s not my responsibility.

That’s not my problem.

I’ve done the best I can.

It’s good practice to let go of this worry. I want to practice.

[smatter-deactivated20220909]

This was very helpful. I especially like the “I have to take risks in order to be free.” OCD can be scary sometimes (all the time)

[almorasel]

credit: @taurusqueer on instagram

[olderboy-aesthethic]

[theclassicsreader]

“I imagine one of the reasons people cling to their hates so stubbornly is because they sense, once hate is gone, they will be forced to deal with pain.”

— James Baldwin, Notes of a Native Son (via quotespile)

[ingridverse]

Do not punish the behaviour you want to see

I mean, it seems pretty obvious when you put it like that, right?

But how many families, when an introvert sibling or child makes an effort to socialize,  snarkily say, “So, you’ve decided to join us”?

Or when someone does something they’ve had trouble doing, say, “Why can’t you do that all the time?” (Happened to me, too often.)

Or any sentence containing the word “finally”. 

If someone makes a step, a small step, in a direction you want to encourage, encourage it. Don’t complain about how it’s not enough. Don’t bring up previous stuff. Encourage it.

Because I swear to fucking god there is nothing more soul-killing, more motivation-crushing, than struggling to succeed and finding out that success and failure are both punished.

[godwantsit]

[lifeafterpsychiatry]

Dealing With Executive Dysfunction - A Masterpost

The “getting it done in an unconventional way” method.

The “it’s not cheating to do it the easy way” method.

The “fuck what you’re supposed to do” method.

The “get stuff done while you wait” method.

The “you don’t have to do everything at once” method.

The “it doesn’t have to be permanent to be helpful” method.

The “break the task into smaller steps” method.

The “treat yourself like a pet” method.

The “it doesn’t have to be all or nothing” method.

The “put on a persona” method.

The “act like you’re filming a tutorial” method.

The “you don’t have to do it perfectly” method.

The “wait for a trigger” method.

The “do it for your future self” method.

The “might as well” method.

The “when self discipline doesn’t cut it” method.

The “taking care of yourself to take care of your pet” method.

The “make it easy” method.

The “junebugging” method.

The “just show up” method.

The “accept when you need help” method.

The “make it into a game” method.

The “everything worth doing is worth doing poorly” method.

The “trick yourself” method.

The “break it into even smaller steps” method.

The “let go of should” method.

The “your body is an animal you have to take care of” method.

The “fork theory” method.

The “effectivity over aesthetics” method.

[lesbiancolumbo]

having a lot of thoughts about this week’s ask polly

[called-kept]

[Image transcription:

Sometimes human connection isn’t that complicated. Sometimes it’s just about stepping back and asking the other person: “What do I mean to you? What do you see in me? Why do you think we landed here?”

Most people think that love follows some triumphant story line: You meet and you’re in love and everything unfolds according to plan. But love is just two imperfect people, feeling their way in the dark together. Love is a calamity. You fall in love, and it turns out the person you’re with is deeply flawed. You fall in love, and it turns out you are deeply flawed. You think that means nothing is magical anymore, but it really means that the magic has just begun.

This is not the end of a love story. This is the very beginning.

End transcription]