Living In Delusion

Multifandom, i write sometimes

[nonexistent-nerd]

.✦ ݁˖Masterlist! .✦ ݁˖ •ᴗ•

Last updated: 11/4/2026

A/N: Used to be @/nonexistent._.introvert Had to revamp and update all the links!

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Pedro Pascal Characters masterlist!

-> Joel Miller (TLOU), Javier Peña (Narcos),Reed Richards (Marvel)

Ryland Grace (Project Hail Mary)

Bittersweet Petals

Quantum Entanglement

Leon Kennedy (Resident Evil)

Us against the World

Vows

Miguel O'Hara (Marvel)

Seat Partners 1,2,3

Alternate Reminders 1,2

Bad Mood

Anomaly

Stephen Strange (Marvel)

There for You 1 , 2

Confessions

Strangers

Christmas Love

Only Love can Hurt like this

Bruce Wayne (DC)

Bridge of Tears

Nanami Kento (JJK)

Sparks

Sherlock Holmes (BBC)

Cruel Summer

[nonexistent-nerd]

Will you ever write smut?

Nope, at least I don't think so in the near future. Maybe I'll change my mind about it one day...

[nonexistent-nerd]

Binary Stars (2)

Pairing: Ryland Grace x f!reader

Word count: 2.3k

Content: Sequel to Binary Stars (can be read as standalone) Childhood friends, mostly platonic (for now), pure fluff!, some sad Ryland but comfort!

A/N: Guys, i was flooded with work and i genuinely have no idea what's gg on in life but I finally was able to have some time to sit down and write this!! Sorry if it's a little messy, I'm trying my hardest to plan where I'm going with this but it's gonna be a bit of a slow burn. Also I was really afraid of writing Rocky and messing up how he communicates. Gave it my all and did my best.

Part 1

“They’re like- ‘Whoomp there it is!’” Ryland lets out a laugh again while presenting about the Astrophage. You bury your face in your hands. That man hasn’t changed. You watched as Stratt immediately does damage control for him and guides him back to his seat. 

The second-hand embarrassment he gives you every time he presents…

================================================

“We used centrifugation to then separate the DNA- fun fact, they actually used the centrifuge to make butter during the civil war.” Ryland lets out a small laugh as he shares that fact excitedly. 

The silence was loud, a few awkward smiles appeared in the crowd but not a laugh to be heard. Ryland claps suddenly, to fill the silence before making finger guns and then relenting to just gesturing to you. “Um- hah, my partner! Shall now share with you… um, our findings.” he adjusts his glasses and laughs, shooting nervous glances to the stoic looking professor sitting at the back. 

You had to take a deep breath before you strangled your dear childhood friend and molecular biology lab partner. Ryland was never the best at presenting. Stoic, serious looking people tend to scare him as much as he tries to ignore it. Despite being in academia, his presentations were always filled with at least some form of informalness, more to put himself at ease than anything else. He also gets nervous whenever someone looks uninterested, even till the point where he’ll start speaking softer and softer and then get marked down for it or get gestured to go louder. By then, he would either be way too loud or way too soft with no in between. 

Ryland was thankful for you. He did presentations with a script, to prevent himself from going off the rails but you didn’t. He always admired your ability to just ‘wing it’ with such professionalism. No scripts, just you and the audience. Just you and whatever you wanted to share,speaking with such charm while balancing whatever kind of tone was required.

“Ryland Grace!” You hiss at him when the both of you walked out of the lecture hall. He immediately ducks, anticipating that you would hit him playfully but you didn’t. Instead you covered your face and rubbed at your red face. “Ryland was that fun fact really- it was so out of the blue.” You scold him. He rubs at his neck bashfully. “Well, I just saw people yawning and got nervous and started rambling again! You know I tend to… get anxious whenever I think people find me boring.” Your features soften at that. “You know they don’t find you boring…” You murmur. “People don’t yawn when you talk.” Ryland points out. “They do, you just don’t notice. You're hyper fixating on people when you present when you should be just thinking of the presentation.” Rylands lets out an indignant huff, not wanting to admit defeat.  

“So… no more fun facts for presentations?” He asked. 

“Do whatever you want, as long as it helps with your nerves. Was thinking about it, I would rather you act like a clown than you just breaking down halfway through.” You answered. 

Ryland laughs, nodding. “That’s a good one.” 

======================================

Your eyes shoot to the worn out white sneakers with simple red lines on his feet. Converse sneakers. You narrowed your eyes at it and then looked up at him with a raised eyebrow. 

“Is that from college?” Ryland looks down at his rather worn out sneakers and splutters. “Pshh, no.” he rolls his ankle around to admire the sneakers. The stitching has partially came off, it’s a little gray around the edges but it was comfy! “What do you take me for? Wearing my college sneakers till now?” You give him a small grimace and a skeptical look. “This is the same shoes you had since college, or maybe even before college. It literally” You point at the shoes, “Looks the exact same.” 

“Its not the same pair per se, but it is the same pair. You know, depends on what your answer is for like The Ship of Theseus paradox, like if this sneaker is still the same pair of sneakers when it’s parts are new-” You let out a loud groan to cut him off, his nerdy ramblings. “Just answer the question, are these new then?” Ryland shrugs, his lips a thin line like he’s genuinely pondering it. “Um, these are newer sneakers from college, but I re-bought the same design.” 

You cackle. “You’re 35 and wearing the same design sneakers from back in college? Never changed huh.” Ryland throws his arms up again, a habit from whenever he feels defensive. “They’re comfy! And at a good price! And they lasted me a long time! I just like what works!” Ryland’s voice is getting louder with each defence. Ryland’s eyes land on your shoes. You immediately cross your legs in an attempt to hide the crocs. 

“You’re not dragging my crocs into this!” You point at him, daring him. Ryland huffs, “And why can’t I? You’re the one talking rubbish about my choice of shoes in SPACE by the way.” “My crocs are in a different league to your random sneakers that look like they are on the verge of breaking on you. What then? It’s not like we have a shoe shop here.” You cackle, trying to use laughter to mute out the obviously agitated Ryland who is still on about how his sneakers are better than crocs.

Moments later, he’s lying in his bed next to yours. “You’re right, what do we do when our shoes break? Or even, when, if anything needs repairing?” “Well, got no choice but to just adapt without it.” You answer, your eyes not leaving the pages of the random book you found that is keeping you entertained for now. “What if it’s a ship part?” He asks softly. You put down the book and turn over to look at him. “Please tell me this is just a hypothetical.” He shifts to look at you, a small reassuring smile. “Mmh, just thinking about it since we were arguing about the shoes.” “Well, we die. It’s not like we’re ever meant to make it back.” You answer truthfully, although a little grim to hear. Ryland keeps quiet, you can tell his brain is working overtime again, running through every possibility. A curse that befalls on geniuses, their brains never stop working. 

“Dying isn’t too bad, I mean, imagine if it was the toilet that spoils.” You shudder. “Can’t even touch wood now because there’s no wood.” You laugh at your own joke. He laughs softly next to you, although you can tell he’s still feeling a little upset over the fact that the both of you aren’t making it back. 

“At least we’ll have each other right? Till the very end?” 

“Till the very end.” You answer. “Nowhere to run in space.” You add with a small laugh. 

“You’re ruining the moment.” Ryland points out. 

“Wouldn’t be me if I’m not.” You replied. Ryland laughs at that. 

=======================================

Ryland was sitting by the window, looking out to space. “Ry-” You placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. The both of you had just given the best farewell and funeral you could to the two astronauts on the same ship that didn’t make it. He gives a small nod, his eyes looking like he’s lost in the deep space himself. You carefully at next to him, hugging your knees while you glanced over at him. Ryland will talk when he wants to. 

“You just need someone to be brave for…” Ryland looks at you, and then back to the window. 

“They all had people they loved back on earth, and yet, they chose to come up here.” He hugs his knees tighter to himself, like the little boy who you knew back then who hid under the desk whenever there was a thunderstorm. “Did you have pictures too?” You asked. He looks at you and hands you one singular picture. 

It’s just Ryland at the aircraft carrier in the ocean. He’s staring at the camera with an attempt of a somewhat goofy pose. All alone. 

“Just plain old me.” Ryland says. A hint of sadness in his voice. 

You stood up and then returned with your own pictures. “Here’s mine.” You handed him two pictures. A small smile broke out on his face. The first was a startled looking Ryland, taken moments after his solo picture. Your hands were on his shoulder, like you had just snuck up behind him and scared him. There was a playful look in your eyes. The second was a picture of him leaning towards you, his arm around your shoulder, resting a small peace sign on your shoulder. He had also deliberately bent down so you could give him bunny ears with your hand. Both of you are smiling like a bunch of idiots. 

“These are the pictures in your luggage?” Ryland asks, his eyes not leaving the pictures of the both of you. You shrugged, “Um, there were a few more but I didn’t want to make you sad since you had only… One picture.” Ryland lets out a bitter laugh. “There was also this.” You handed him a picture of the both of you as kids, he was piggy backing you. He laughed, “You fell off shortly after.” He reminisces. You snort at him, “Because you lost your balance.” You pointed at him. “You can’t blame me! You were way too heavy for a 12 year old kid.” You hit him and he just laughs out loud. 

“Don’t worry, I can piggyback you now.” He playfully flexes his bicep. “That’s because the nanny bot shocked your muscles while we’re on that induced coma.” You deadpanned. Ryland just cackles again, “Getting buff in my sleep, feels like a dream.” Ryland looks back at the pictures. Despite the years that the both of you didn’t talk as much, the years after he moved out. He can’t deny that you’re the one person who always had his back. 

The one person who would always be warm and familiar to him. 

==================================================

“I’m like one of the villains in the Superman movie. I’m just like trapped in hell!” Ryland jokes, his face plastered against the xenonite wall that Rocky is currently instructing the both of you to build for him. He spins around, letting out laughs, you can’t help but be amused by his antics. 

“Rocky no understand.” The computer speaker beeps out. 

“Superman, well, he’s someone like you, from another planet who comes to earth and like, with his superior genetics, saves us earthlings many times from various disasters.” You tried to explain. “We can watch it together in the ‘don’t go crazy’ room.” Ryland suggests. A series of high pitched musical tones came from Rocky, what seems like his excitement being vocalised. 

“Rocky Superman! Will save earth from Astrophage killing sun.” Ryland lets out a huff of disbelief at Rocky’s words. “Superman is a handsome guy, you’re just a rock that looks like a spider.” A series of dull tones erupted, “Grace is leaky space blob.” You cackle at Rocky’s comeback and Ryland rolls his eyes. “Well, if I’m leaky space blob so is she!” Ryland defends, dragging you down with him. Rocky shifts around in his ball, his finger tapping against the xenonite wall at Ryland. “Grace no gentleman. Rocky is gentleman.” Rocky then rolls towards you and lifts himself up at you from his ball. “Rocky only see beauty.” “Aww thanks Rocky.” You gently pat the ball. Ryland scoffs again as he joins another xenonite wall together. “Now, you’re just sucking up to her.”  

Rocky rolls towards him, purposely knocking lightly against his leg which made him yelp. “Incorrect, incorrect. Grace stupid, wrong way.” “You can’t just run me over-” Ryland gasps. Rocky ignores him, making different pitches and tones at the xenonite glass he had apparently just connected wrongly. “He definitely learnt that from you, it’s because you keep hitting me!” Ryland scolds you. You shrug. “It’s the only way you ever listen.” 

“Orientation incorrect, Rocky go in, Rocky die. Grace stupid. Must fix.” Rocky continues. You snicker at Ryland while helping him carefully disconnect the wall. “You’re bossy.” Ryland gestures to Rocky as he gets up. 

“Rocky no understand, explain word.” 

“B-O-S-S-Y BOSSY!” Ryland replies childishly. A series of frustrated musical chords erupted from Rocky. You look over to the computer which only displays "♪♫♬". You needed to assign a word for Rocky. “Ryland! Is he cussing you ou? Because it sounds like it.” Ryland immediately rushes to your side. “You are NOT assigning him curse words in this translater.” He swats your hands away from the computer, using his larger frame to shoo you away. “Why not, why are you restricting his ability to curse.” You huff, he shakes his index finger at you. “Nuh uh.” 

“Human focus bad. Species inefficient. Rocky unable to move in quickly.” Rocky complains, rolling his ball over to the both of you. This time it’s your turn to scoff. “You know what, Ryland is right. You are bossy.” Rocky lets out another series of frustrated musical chords. Ryland points and even bends over to laugh. “Hah! Now he’s cussing you out.” Ryland then straightens up, like he had just processed Rocky’s words. “You didn’t even ask permission to move in, you just started construction in our space. In our world we call that colonization…” He then looks at you and gasps out your name in alarm. “WE’RE TAKING ORDERS FROM AN ALIEN TO BUILD HIM A HOUSE IN OUR SHIP. ARE WE BEING COLONISED?”  He runs his hand through his messy blonde hair. “This is the plot of some alien takeover dystopian movie!” He says in a half joking tone but you know him well enough to know that he is entertaining the slight possibility that Rocky may just take over the ship. The anxiety is getting to him.

“You’re really just an idiot in space.” You sigh as you start getting back to work. 

“Rocky move in, work together and watch sleep. Efficiency. Grace clumsy, always fall in tunnel, inefficient.” 

Ryland lets out a loud groan at Rocky’s words. Your laughter resounding through the ship. 

It’s times like these that it doesn't feel so lonely out here anymore. A sense of normalcy filling the space.

[nonexistent-nerd]

Binary Stars

Pairing: Ryland Grace x f!reader

Word count: 2.5k

Content:Childhood friends, mostly platonic (for now), pure fluff!

A/N: test run of a potential series of ryland being in space with a childhood friend,Then he can't tell if he likes her or if its the forced proximity. But then it just became cute fluffy moments with Ryland again.

“We’re sharing a room?” You exclaimed in surprise  while staring at Ryland who’s sitting with his arms crossed on the additional mattress that has been moved into your tiny living space onboard the ship that’s sailing the oceans. He’s just sitting there, quietly admiring his new cramped space. Two single mattresses, practically joined together with how close they are.  Two small writing desks sat flushed against the other wall. There’s two separate clothing rods that were more of a random pipe that they repurposed. 

Ryland sits upright from his mattress, bumping his head against the low ceiling. “Ow!” he leans back again while massaging the spot that hit it. You had to suppress a laugh. “Anyways, I didn’t choose this, they told me that I was staying here.” Ryland explained. “But I think they know we… know each other.” He murmurs, reaching for the medicated balm that you keep by your bedside, which is just the floor next to your mattress. You let out an annoyed sound but he continues just rubbing the medicated balm to his head anyways. “Ryland.” You call out while climbing into your mattress next to his. “What are you even doing here? I thought you’re a science teacher.” Ryland looks up and sighs, then he falls back onto the pillow. “I was kidnapped here.” He rubs his face letting out a long and loud groan that annoyed you to no end. Why does he always drag out his words? “They came to the school I was teaching at, went all like ‘we need you’, then when I tried to just return home some burly FBI agents threw me into a van… then!” He props his head up with his hand while leaning on his side to look at you. “They brought me to this lab to study Astrophage, figure out what it is and when I did I was thrown onto this torturous helicopter ride here.” His face seems to pale just at that memory. You laugh thinking about his journey here. You knew he didn't do any kind of rides well. “But why you?” You asked, “I mean- it’s not like you’re in academia anymore, like academia with scientists.” Ryland shrugs. “They said they read my stupid thesis and were like ‘hey that might be what the astrophage is! Let’s give that idiot a chance.’” You snort at his words before turning over to face the wall instead while pulling up the blankets. Ryland reaches over to switch off the one overhead light in your room that was either too bright or too dim with no in between. “Night?”

“Night Ryland.” 

“You know this feels like a sleepover.” 

“Please shut up Ry.” 

“You know the kind we had as kids.” 

“Shhh.” 

He lets out a small laugh before he pulls his blankets up to cover himself too. 

—------------------------------

Ryland and you grew up together. His grandparents lived beside you and he grew up with his grandparents. The both of you went to kindergarten together, got the cute pictures together where he was labeled as your kindergarten boyfriend. Especially that one picture of both of you after your graduation performance where he’s dressed in a blue button up and you in a red shimmering dress. 

After that, the both of you were practically stuck together and going to the same schools. You were appalled when he picked life sciences as a degree while you did chemical engineering with a specialisation in biopharmaceutics, which means that the both of you shared some classes, he was even your lab partner for some labs. 

“Isn’t it crazy how we always end up together?” Ryland starts from the microscope. You’re at the biosafety cabinet preparing culture media. “Please phrase that better, you almost gave me a heart attack.” He lets out a chuckle. “I mean… we grew up together, went to school together, chose different degrees but still somehow ended up in the same classes and labs, chose different career paths and now we’re here, trying to save the world while on some shady ship in the middle of the ocean.” You didn’t answer, focused on trying to keep track of the volume of liquid you had to transfer. 

“It’s like all roads lead us to each other.” He continues rambling.

“Ry, everyone always thinks we’re attached romantically and now I know why. It’s because you talk like this.” You scold him.” He throws his arms up in the air. “I’m just saying, it’s like our lives are intertwined-” “Grace.” You used his last name and he shut up immediately. 

“My parents still ask about you by the way.” You tell him. His eyes widened, a small warmth fluttering in his heart knowing that. Ever since his grandparents passed and he moved out of that town, he sort of lost contact with your family and you. It’s nice knowing that he still matters, that he wasn’t as forgettable as he thought he was. “They keep asking me to ask you to come have dinner with us.” He pulls a stool to the computer by the microscope. “So why didn’t you? You have my number.” You shrug, mixing up the contents in the culture tube. “Felt weird reaching out after so long… and you live hours away.” You didn’t know if  he had a family, if he already had someone waiting for him at home. You didn’t know much about the Ryland who stood before you. Strange, there was a time where he would tell you everything and you to him while lying next to each other. Oddly reminiscent of when he told you about his trip to this ship in your shared cramped quarters. 

“I would have come.” Ryland admits softly, fidgeting with his glasses, pulling it from his face just to fidget with the temple hinges. “Could book one of those travel buses…there’s one that leads back home.” Home. He still calls it his home. The old town where the two of you grew up in. The people who he loved and cared for were there afterall. His grandparents, your family, and you. His humble apartment in San Francisco a shell of what he used to come home to, laughter, people asking how he was and the smell of a homecooked meal. His apartment was just him ,his microwavable meals, and sometimes the cat that lives near his block. 

“Well then, you’re invited once” You gesture to this lab, to this ship. “Once all this is over. Geez, be prepared to be bombarded with questions.”You tease, you hear a small laugh. 

“Shit!” You cursed loudly. Ryland had to suppress the urge to remind you of your foul language. A teacher’s instinct. “What happened?” He wheeled his stool to your biosafety cabinet. You grimaced, holding up a culture tube that had way too much volume in it compared to the others.

“I need to redo this, accidentally added too much-” You let out a pained groan. “I hate serial dilutions.” He chuckles softly. “Do you wanna swap?” 

You hit his arm instead, he yelped. “It’s all your fault! You keep talking to me.” His eyes widened. “How is your mistake MY fault?” He emphasised. You groan again, pulling your arms out from the cabinet and then removing your gloves. You slapped his arm again with the gloves before tossing it in the biohazard bin. “I’m gonna go get some water.” 

Ryland shakes his head, taking your chair and deciding to help you instead. 

You haven’t changed much it seems. 

—---------------------------------------------------

“Oh NOOOOOo!” Ryland bellowed while running to the glove box and tossing the cylinder in. 

“I’m stuck with an idiot in space… yay…” You murmur sarcastically. The stars outside the small window mocking Ryland’s and your plight. Ryland has just opened an unknown alien cylinder in the open and now the lab reeks of ammonia. You immediately pull a mask over your features and hand him one too to which he gives you a sheepish thankful smile for. 

“I already told you to open it in-” You sigh exasperated. Ryland makes an annoying mocking sound and his hands mimic a puppet. “Come on, you've always been such a hater since young, I thought you were just hating on my brilliant ideas.” You elbow him but he narrowly ducks it, his eyes widening and he tilts his chin upwards at you, like you’re proving him right even now. “Brilliant ideas?” You snort. “If the ammonia was strong enough this would be the end of us and humanity.” You lean over his shoulder, curious to see what’s inside the cylinder too. 

“We’re the same age and yet you are soooooo naggy.” Ryland teases. “You’re naggy too! You keep scolding me with that teacher persona of yours.” You argue back, he had called you out for using curse words, you teased him for cursing like a family friendly cartoon. 

“You’re naggier.” He argues back and now the both of you are in a childish debate about who’s naggier, bringing up times from all periods of each other's life. 

"We can settle it the old school way. With a game of chess." He suggests. "Then you would win." You deadpanned.

"Exactly... which proves I'm right that you're naggier."

—-------------------------------------------

“My brain is fried, Ry!” You huff as you lay down on your bed. “Please… Just one more game, I just want to try this new strategy-” Ryland pushes the chessboard onto your bed, already rearranging the pieces. “Ry, you just wanna win! I am terrible at chess and you know it. We have been playing for so long and I haven't won!” You complain, annoyed that you even agreed to let Ryland teach you how to play chess for this hang out. “You won… once.” Ryland corrects and you roll your eyes. “That’s because you let me win.” He opens his mouth to argue but shuts it instead. You have seen through his ploy to encourage you to keep playing with him, but a small part of him was happy when he saw how overjoyed you were. 

“One last game… Please?” He asked, his eyes looking up to you like a sad puppy. 

“Fine.” You relent and sit up. 

Another groan escapes you when Ryland takes his own sweet time analysing the chess board during his turn. “I can’t tell if you’re trying to bait me to-” “Ryland, I’ve been just moving my pieces for the sake of it, stop overanalysing it. I’m not playing with strategy.” He looks up, studying you. “Ok then. I’ll take this free pawn then.” He moves, knocking your pawn off the board. You cheer, it’s finally your turn. You moved another piece and then you sigh when you realise he’s going to take another decade. 

One funny thing you realised about Ryland was that he has tunnel vision whenever he’s focused. With a mischievous smirk, you sneakily removed a few pieces on his side while he was concentrating if he should move his bishop. You started with removing a pawn, he’s so focused that a small pout sat on his lips. He didn’t realise, and then you started getting bolder and removing his rook. 

“Wait how? I thought I was doing quite well!” He gasped when you checkmated him. Ryland grins at you, proud that you finally beat him on your own accord. “I guess this strategy isn’t as foolproof-” His smile vanishes when he realises you aren’t smiling as brightly as you did when you first won. “I swear! I didn’t let you win on purpose this time.” He throws up his hands defensively. You finally let out a laugh, then a cackle, and then you’re bending over laughing. Ryland laughs too, infected by your infectious laughter although he’s very confused about what you’re laughing at. 

“Ryland Grace! You’re such an idiot!” You point at him and cackle. 

“Yeah… That was a bad move…” He murmurs. 

“Ryland, I have just been tossing your pieces to the graveyard during your turn. How did you not notice?” You admitted still cackling, gesturing to the number of pieces he lost despite not remembering how he lost them. His eyes widened in understanding, “You what?” He gaped. “You filthy cheater!” He called you back and you  stuck out your tongue at him. 

“Doesn’t change the fact that you’re a loser! You lost to me.” “You literally cheated.” He argues. “And- this is the first game you won despite playing for hours.” You roll your eyes. “Hmm..” You put a hand to your ear “Do you hear that? The complaints of a sore loser?” Ryland huffs and shoves you. You laugh, unable to stop. 

A playful idea sparked into Ryland’s mind as he watched you laugh. His eyes landing on the otter plush on your bed. Then with one snatch, he takes the otter plush and dashes out your room. 

“Ryland Grace! You give back Owen now!” You demanded chasing after him. 

“Owen the otter? How old are you again?” Ryland teased while running. 

“15 and so what? Owen has been with me since we were 7” You shout, giving your all to finally catch up and tackle him to the grass on your front yard and snatching the plushie back. 

“That explains why he looks traumatised.” Ryland lets out a wheeze as he tried to catch his breath. You gasped at him, hugging the plush to your body. “That was a low blow.” Ryland laughs as he gestures to the back of the plush head where there were some badly done stitches that you did for it. 

“I hate you Ryland.” 

—--------------------

Ryland lets out a laugh when that memory resurfaces upon seeing the small version of a otter plushie on your bed. It wasn’t the same plushie as the one you had but this one was definitely portable enough to bring to space. 

“Are you judging Owen again?” You asked with a small laugh from your bed. Ryland snorts, “Of course you kept the same name.” He says from his bed capsule next to yours. The both of you used to sleep with the entire bed in the oval compartment for privacy but then it got kind of claustrophobic. “Come on, you name your things ‘thingy 1 and thingy 2” You call out on his lack of creativity. “It fits them!”He argues

 “Inanimate objects by the way.” You remind him. 

“So is Owen.” 

“He’s special.” You huff puppeteering the plushie to look offended and angry at Ryland. He snorts. “ Weird you still are so attached to a plush to bring it to space.” 

“And you brought your planet bean bags. So you have no right.” You caught him juggling them once while waiting for an incubation. “You forget that i was kidnapped here. Against my will.” Ryland reminds. You remained quiet, your memories are still foggy when it comes to how you ended up on the Hail Mary. 

“Guess some things never change.” Ryland reaches over to pet Owen on the head. “Like this otter’s presence in your life, just watching you sleep. A little creepy.” You swat at his hand. 

“And like how I still hate you because you’re so annoying."You murmur. 

Ryland snorts again. 

“And yet we’re now on a suicide mission together so we actually spent our whole lives together and will die together. How poetic, could say we’re practically soulmates.” Ryland wiggles his eyebrows playfully. 

“Ry, please shut up.” You sigh as you turn to your side. 

“You’ll miss me if it gets quiet.” Ryland laughs.

[nonexistent-nerd]

Teacher Ryland Grace Headcanons!

A/N: a little different from what I usually post but it’s been on my mind for a while. Hopefully thinking of his headcanons strikes me with another idea on what to write..

Is a good listener because growing up people said he talked too much so he became quieter and introverted over the years. But he rambles uncontrollably whenever he opens his mouth.

Definitely the type of teacher to have snacks and sweets in his drawers. To rewards his students and himself. He prefers lollipops because he can take it out of his mouth to talk. (Also traumatised from when he had a honey drop in his mouth and a student came in between breaks to consult him. He almost choked on the honey drop and the honey drop almost flew out at the student while he’s talking.)

Sits at an empty table instead of the staff table during lunch so that his students could come talk to him easily and he enjoys listening to his students casual conversation than his colleagues talking about work.

Has a calendar in his class marked with all his students birthday so he can celebrate their birthday with the class with a happy birthday song and more candies

Switches up the seating chart every semester to encourage his students to make more friends and gets hated on for it so now he spins a wheel to determine the seating and then claim that it was “fate”

Definitely cries when he reads his happy teachers’ day cards

Used to stick up all his teachers’ day cards on a small board but when he ran out of space he felt bad for having to choose which cards to pin up and remove so now everything is just cherished in a box that he opens and reads every so often

Casually mentioned he likes dark chocolate and now he receives way too much of it for Teacher’s Day (he shares the dark chocolate during classes with his students because he’s afraid they would expire before he can finish them)

Tried a 90% dark chocolate in class once and realised it was way too bitter for him. A student captured a video of his reaction and made gifs and memes out of it.

His students tease him about his iconic reaction to dark chocolate and even asked him to reenact it. No matter how hard he tries, he can’t truly recreate the essence of that moment.

Gets a little sad when he comes back to school during holidays to settle some matters and realises how quiet the classroom is without students.

[nonexistent-nerd]

The One that got to Space

Pairing: Ryland Grace x f!reader

Word count: 4.4k....

Content: Roommates to ???, fluff all the way till the last 2 sections.... (might wanna skip that if you just want fluff hah...) , the one that got away trope (do yall get the play on the title)

A/N: Started off from cute fluffy moments while living with Ryland and then me being me decided that nothing good lasts forever and ruins that happiness.

gif by projecthailmarys

The most exciting part of Ryland’s quiet life is you. His roommate. 

Not like you’re his partner or anything, but a platonic roommate who lived in the same apartment and who he shared rent with.He liked coming home to your various shenanigans, whether it be a simple movie night in, dinner or just a stupid retelling of your day. Hell, even just seeing your various trinkets that decorated his living room was enough to put a smile on his face. Especially the little plushies of a fox and an otter that you placed in front of the TV, claiming that it was the both of you. 

When you first found out your roommate was going to be a guy you were rather cautious and skeptical. The number of horror stories of harassment and potential dangers of sharing a cheap apartment with a guy was countless. Luckily, Ryland was just a very… awkwardly charming man who loved watching space documentaries in your shared living room. An interest that you shared with him. 

It started when he came home early. A few friends and coworkers invited him to watch it together but he refused, knowing they would just use him as a knowledge bank instead. So he returned home early just to catch NASA’s live broadcast and enjoy it peacefully by himself. 

To his surprise, he found his roommate already sitting on a cushion on the floor, your laptop perched on the coffee table. The TV is already broadcasting live. You were watching the live stream while finishing up on your own work. You turned and met his eye, both your eyes drifting to the television. 

“Oh sorry, did you want to watch the TV?” You asked, already shutting your laptop, prepared to move back to your room. Ryland shook his head, “Um, I wanted to watch the broadcast too.” You can’t help but narrow your eyes at him, was he just trying to be polite? Ryland sat down on the couch, watching quietly, yet his eyes glistened with a spark unique to a kid’s childlike passion and interest. “You like… space too?” You asked, deciding to make conversation with your rather quiet roommate who tends to keep to himself. He nods, “My students likes space too, makes concepts easier to comprehend and remember if I tell them about it.” You raise your eyebrows at him, “Isn’t this a little complicated for middle schoolers?” Ryland just laughs, “It’s a teacher’s responsibility to make concepts less complicated.You’ll be surprised how much they know.” He speaks fondly. You can tell he genuinely loves teaching. He eats his microwaved spaghetti meal and you make a  mental note that he seems to be surviving on heat up meals from the convenience store nearby.

—----------------------------------------

Ryland stood in front of his trusty microwave. It was way too old and made a terrifyingly large noise whenever he started it up that made it sound like it may explode anytime. He stared at his heat up meal twirling in circles in the microwave, a rather sad and low point of his life. Ryland Grace, 33 year old man watching as his pitiful microwavable meal twirls in the microwave. 

You step into the kitchen too, eyeing his figure and then to the third microwavable meal he had for three straight days. You move past him to the fridge, pulling out actual ingredients like veggies and the bacon you bought. “H- hey, cooking dinner?” Ryland starts awkwardly. You nod, still judging him. 

“You planning on just becoming one with the preservatives?” You commented sarcastically at the extremely high content of sodium and preservatives that are found in his heat up meals. He lets out a laugh, feeling sheepish at being caught in his predicament. “My ingredients will spoil soon, I’ll just cook everything, help me finish them.” You stated plainly, refusing to see him eat another heat up meal. Ryland bounces on his feet, feeling a little bad knowing that it was just an excuse for him to eat your cooking. “You don’t have to cook-” you don't answer, just point to the olive oil in the cupboard, “I know but I want to. Pass me the oil.” Ryland listens, pushing up from the counter he was leaning on just to pass you the oil. The sound of the microwave’s bleak beep to signal his food was done, you glare at him enough for him not to even think of taking it out of the microwave. “Um, it's mac and cheese… we can share it alongside your dinner?” He suggests, you sigh reluctantly, not wanting to waste a perfectly good meal too. Soon, the kitchen fills with the rhythmic sounds of your knife hitting the cutting board, the sound of a loving homemade meal he hasn’t had for years. 

Ryland hovers awkwardly as he watches you cook. Not knowing how to help and sitting outside just feels wrong. Instead, he reaches for his phone and starts playing the music he heard coming out of your room on late nights instead. You smile and hum approvingly, asking if he had a similar taste in music. Conversation flows, the awkward silence vanishing. The smell of garlic fills the kitchen, Ryland can’t help but sigh appreciatively, it's been awhile since he smelled that too. 

“Ry-” You move aside so he can taste test, you fed him a small bite of the carbonara you were making. He leans in, his eyebrows flying up in amazement and eyes widened as he beams. “Mmh this is really good!” He gives you a thumbs up, he’s already craving for another bite, his stomach growling in protest. You laugh, “Better than your heat up meals?” “Way better.” he confirms. 

The both of you sat together during dinner, making idle chatter about your day. Ryland is a good listener, he listened to you ramble about an unsatisfactory encounter even when he finished his food. The moment he spots your empty plate, he stands up and immediately brings the dishes to the kitchen. When he sees you following him in he immediately waves you away with a smile.

“You cooked, I’ll clean.” 

You nod, now it’s your turn to linger awkwardly around him. Is this the time for you to return to your room? 

“So what happened after that?” Ryland asked, with genuine interest at your half finished rant. You looked up, surprised that he was still curious, you thought he was just entertaining you. Ryland however looks at you with big eyes, still nodding, urging you to continue. You had to bite your lip so a huge stupid grin doesn’t cross your features. You grew up with people who claimed you overshared and that you tend to overreact when you reenacted your stories. However Ryland doesn’t seem to think that way, he seems to genuinely enjoy your stories, and find it rather amusing when you dramatically reenact the scenes. 

He makes you feel seen. So instead of retreating into your room like you usually do after dinners, you find yourself lingering around the living room, just to spend some more time with him. 

—---------------------------

You were a workaholic. 

Ryland notices whenever you have a deadline coming soon. 

You wouldn’t linger in the living room, he would barely even see you outside of your room other than to use the washroom. There would be a stockpile of energy drinks ready in the fridge, empty cans filled the bin. Along with another stockpile of… chocolate milk? It confused him.During the weekends he worked on some dioramas for learning in the classroom on the big dining table when he spots you. You walked out of your room at 11am, not even acknowledging him like you usually do and bring a few bottles of chocolate milk into your room.

During lunch, he gently knocked on the door, asking if you wanted take out. You shook your head, dismissing his offer. You never walked out of your room after that even when he was eating his lunch. At 3pm, he finds you walking out again to get more bottles of chocolate milk. 

By the time its dinner, Ryland finds himself fidgeting relentlessly. His feet tapping, his hands were shaking too much to stick things properly knot his diorama. He lets out a frustrated sound, taking a sip of water. His eyes drift to your closed room door again, the emotions that he was suppressing bubbling up like boiling water. 

Ryland hasn’t seen you eat any actual food all day. There was a chance you were eating in your room but he doubted it. You didn’t like eating in your room, fear of inviting pests. You were strict about food in your room too. Did you even eat? Ryland was about to knock on your door again when the door swung open. You were carrying a plastic bag, filled with empty energy drink cans and chocolate milk bottles. You smiled at him, finally acknowledging him properly as you moved past him to toss your garbage. You let out a huge groan as you stretched before turning to him with a casual “Whats up?” Like you didn’t spend the whole day cooped up in your room, drifting in the hallways like some ghost. “Wanted to ask about dinner.” Ryland answers, a worried look still on his face, wondering if you even ate. 

“Dinner?” Your eyes lit up, “I could eat anything right now, I’m starving.” You tell him happily. He sits down and pulls out his phone, handing it to you so you could order delivery. There’s a furrow between his eyebrows as he scans your features, trying to figure out what’s wrong. 

“Did you even eat anything today? Like real food.” He asked. 

You gave him a sheepish smile.

Ryland gasped, his eyes widening in horror. “You just starved the whole day?” You huff at that, feeling defensive. You can’t deny you tend to forget about time and hunger when you get focused. “Well, technically, the chocolate milk was very filling.” Ryland went silent, the dots finally connecting in his head. When you get busy, to save time, you literally put yourself on a liquid diet, which seems to be those nutritious chocolate milk that kids drink to promote growth development. Sure, theoretically you were still getting the nutrients in but- Ryland lets out a loud sound of protest, this feels very wrong! You worked so hard that you didn’t even want to eat a proper meal? That you were practically only giving yourself the privilege of having dinner? And who knows if you even sleep with the amount of energy drinks you’re consuming. 

The sound of your growling stomach snapped him out of his thoughts. Ryland used to think he wasn’t in the right place to be lecturing another adult about their lifestyle habits, but when he figured out your situation, he couldn't help it. The words flowed and soon he’s nagging at you like a concerned teacher about your unhealthy habits. 

The next day, Ryland is at school working his job as a teacher. You walk out of your room, having had a 4 hour sleep. You opened the fridge, about to obtain your meals for the day, the chocolate milks when you noticed a tupperware instead labeled with your name. Your chocolate milk pushed to the back of the fridge, making you bend over and stretch just to reach them. The tupperware was packed with a simple ham and cheese sandwich. 

“”12pm lunch! Not 3pm or after… I’m watching you.” there’s a doodle of exaggerated narrowed eyes and a finger pointing at her. “Expecting a picture of evidence of you consuming the sandwich or face the consequences.”

A laugh escaped you at Ryland’s antics. He made you a sandwich with his limited culinary skills, just to make sure you were eating more than just a liquid diet. 

Ryland kept fiddling with his phone, waiting for his phone to ring with a notification of yours. It comes at 1pm, an empty tupperware and a selfie of you taking a bite of his sandwich. Your cheeks puffed up like a squirrel as you chewed. He chuckles softly too, replying quickly with a thumbs up of approval. “Will buy back dinner, the ramen you like down the street. You’re obligated to eat with me by the way, take it as a wellness check to make sure my roommate hasn’t starved or worked to death in her room.” 

“Mr Grace got a girlfriend!” One of his students sung in a teasing voice. He startles and sits up in his chair. “Hey, what’s up? And stop speculating.” His eyes narrow at his student. His student just lets out a giggle. “You were making those heart eyes at your phone.” His student mentions to which he scoffs. 

“I am not.” His voice cracks at the last word, only earning him more laughter. 

——————————

Grocery store runs went from individual separate runs, to going together but paying separately, and now Ryland is offering to hold your basket. the both of you putting whatever you guys need into the very same basket. 

Ryland wasn’t a snacker, nor did he find it a good financial decision to spend some money on snacks. However ever since you moved in, he found himself sitting more often with you in the living room where you snacked. The both of you would then share the snack you’re having. 

“Ry- look! Should we get this? It sounds pretty delicious.” You take out a bag chip bag from the shelf. He studies it , it does sound pretty good.

“It’s not spicy…” you reassure knowing he doesn’t take spice well. Ryland chuckles, thinking back on that memory when he had a bite of your hot and spicy chips and had to down your chocolate milk stock to help himself. You laugh along with him remembering how red he turned, how he was pacing around the room and was sweating from a single chip. 

“Let’s get it!” He tilts his chin towards the basket he’s holding and you squeal excitedly as you throw the bag of chips in. 

It was weirdly domestic. Him helping you reach the top shelf for items, the both of you just casually putting items into a shared basket. The subtle brushing of fingers when you both reach for a common item. You pull out the digital shopping list they made just to cross check if they got everything. Your eyes narrow amused when you see, “Coca cola Lollipops,” and “Coffee (The good kind) on the list. “I’m all for the lollipops but please explain what is this the good kind of coffee.” You tell him. Ryland laughs, moving past you to drop two bags of coca cola lollipops into the basket knowing that the both of you love it. (And he likes giving it out to his students as a small reward sometimes) Ryland then stands in front of the instant coffee aisle and picks out a $3 bag of instant 3 in 1 coffee. “Remember how we tried to save money and got this last time?” He raised his eyebrows, “This is practically coffee flavoured water.” He grimaced at the thought of it. “Took a while to actually finish that abomination.” Ryland then raised a hand at you, his palm facing you like he’s trying to give you a sales pitch. “So idea! We-” he gesture with a finger to the both of you, “Get this!” He picks out a $8 instant coffee with a reputable enough brand. “This one that seems better, and is apparently made with real coffee beans!The good kind of coffee.” He circles the marketing point on the bag. You laugh, “Ryland, all coffee powder is made with coffee beans.” You deadpan. He huffs, putting the bag into the cart anyways. “You don’t know that for sure, and I already made up my mind.”He defends. “You’ll be taking that out of your own account and not our shared money for living together.” You tell him. Ryland bumps his shoulder against yours playfully, “Nahhh, I’m sure its good enough that you would want to drink it too.” You roll your eyes, “And if it's another one of those coffee flavoured water despite the price?”  

“Stop raining on my parade.” He murmurs with a small pout. “You don’t see me raining on the digestive biscuits that you’re addicted to even though it's for old people.” 

“It is not for old people.” You huff at him. “You didn’t complain when I used it for my cheesecake.” 

“That’s because it’s cheesecake!” Ryland defends, throwing his hands in the air. Despite the petty argument, you realised that he had already put the biscuits into the basket. You laugh softly, he notices and murmurs “it’s because it’s on the list.” 

“You definitely like my digestive biscuits.” You tease. Ryland pouts petulantly and just walks off in long strides, pretending to busy himself with the other aisles. 

—----------------------------------------------

Ryland came home the other day to complete darkness. He couldn’t help the disappointment that settled in his chest. You must be working late. He walks in and notices theres a faint glowing light coming from the kitchen. Ryland furrows his eyebrows, was it one of your glow in the dark figures or some new lamp you bought? 

The glowing light came from a candle. Ryland turns on the lights, just in case something decides to pop out of the dark… to notice that it's cake. “Happy Birthday Ryland!” written in frosting with a messed up doodle of a smiley face. 

“Happy birthday Ryland!” You shout, absolutely startling the poor man, he jumps and his glasses fall down the bridge of his nose again. He lets out a girly scream as he clutches at his chest. You pointed at him, doubling over in laughter at his reaction. Despite your uncontrollable laughter, the thoughtfulness of your actions for me eventually settled into his heart. He smiles warmly as he stared at the cake, how long has it been since he actually celebrated his own birthday? 

“How did you know when was my birthday?” He asked, still admiring the cake. “You told me when we were talking about horoscopes.” He eyes you from over his glasses, “So that was a ploy.” You nod before dragging him behind the cake and snapping a party hat over his head. He lets out an ‘ow” when the string snaps against his chin. Then you play a stupidly kiddy version of happy birthday that makes his whole face turn red, especially under the warm light of the candle. 

“You know this is very embarrassing-” He murmurs, his head down. You huff, “that’s the point, now look up to the camera heh.” You position a camera in front of him. He relents because despite all the complaints, it's been awhile since he had a true birthday. Ryland then surrenders to the photoshoot you give him, making goofy exaggerated pleased faces at the camera, and a few actual genuine grins in his party hat.

“Happy 40th birthday?” You tell him again. He rolls your eye at your childish teasing. 

“34.” He corrects. 

“Close enough.”

Ryland lets out a small laugh. Then you look up and notice the light reflecting off his eyes. 

You gasped in horror, one that makes him look up in shock too. “Are you crying?” You ask. His adam’s apple bobbles and his lips quirk downwards as he tries to suppress a frown, then he turns away to face the wall while wiping his tears off with the sleeve of his shirt. “M-maybe.” 

“Ryland why are you crying?” You let out a nervous laughter, not being good at comforting anyone. He turns back and another sound escapes him. You tap his shoulder awkwardly as comfort, “Ry…” 

“It’s just… Haven’t celebrated in a long while.”  he murmurs softly, his fingers fidgeting with the fabric of his shirt. “And it’s even- i don't know… I thought i was used to not having birthdays and ‘too old’ for birthday celebrations.” He makes quotation marks in the air. “But it’s pretty nice… knowing someone remembers and celebrates it.” Ryland admits shyly. You smile at him. 

“Can I… um… hug you?” You ask, your ears turning red immediately. Ryland’s brain seems to short circuit at that question. His eyes widened but before you could backtrack. He steps closer and circles his arms around your shoulders. You do the same around his waist. It’s a little awkward,both of you not wanting to overstep any boundaries, but it does help.

“Thank you for this.” He murmurs into your ear. Ryland feels you relax into his arms. 

“You’re welcome, Ryland. We’ll celebrate every year from now on.” You declare. 

His laugh reverberates in his chest and to you. “You set the bar rather high, how would I match up to this for your birthday?” He teased. You laugh. 

“You’re never out-celebrating me Ryland Grace.” 

—--------------------------------

“Happy Birthday Ryland…” You murmur while fidgeting with the lighter’s button. The flame dances on the lighter. The candle before you melting, the glow illuminating the words “Old man Ryland (Happy 40th).” The lights were off, you sat in darkness with his cake. Your head resting on your arm. 

You stare at the fox plushie before you who’s wearing a mini party hat. The one you said was him in memory of the fox cardigan he had. Your otter plushie sitting next to it too. “You would have really been 40 this year…” You say to the plushie. “40… wow, If you were here maybe I’ll make a few awful jokes about having a mid life crisis. Almost there… then I’ll wish you happy 50th instead.” His fox plushie doesn’t respond, just sitting there humped over. You straighten it again, trying to lift its head so it stays upright. It’s almost like the plushie can sense hsi absence too. You sigh, continuing on your monologue. “It’s cheesecake this year. In memory of the cheesecake you enjoy so much whenever I baked it, paired with the digestive biscuits base that you give me so much shit for. I’m  convinced you liked it though. At least in cheesecake form.” You smile softly, in the darkness you can almost hear his outraged comments at that. 

You cut the cake, bringing the two plushies to the small balcony of the apartment and settled it on the table there. You then stared at the skies. 

Ryland wasn’t here to stop you from making impulsive purchases anymore. However you had a feeling he would be sold for what you bought. Even if it has a horrifying price tag. You sigh as you settle into the stool. “Look at this !” You look at the fox, and reveal the telescope that now sat in the balcony. “I could definitely play this hefty purchase off as your 40th birthday gift. It’s a milestone afterall!” 

You adjusted the telescope, smiling softly when you get to some stars and even Venus!

“Happy birthday my roomie. Hopefully maybe. One day I’ll get lucky enough and see you through this telescope.Hah…” You can’t help but laugh at how unrealistic that wish was. You wiped at the tears gathering in your eyes, staring at the rare but now framed pictures of him and you around the apartment. You tried to blink back the tears while your lips quivered. 

“Rent’s getting expensive without you to share it with me.” You admit softly into the star filled sky above you. “You think the landlord would sell this place to me?” You sigh, fiddling with his fox plushie. Tears fell again, you didn’t mind moving out but this place was all you had left of Ryland ever since he went on that suicide mission. Even 5-6 years of his absence didn’t give you enough courage to clear out his belongings, you could probably save much more money if you had just moved out. However you couldn’t bear seeing his things being tossed away. Nor seeing his emptied out room. 

It would be accepting the fact that he’s gone. 

But what if he was still on his way home? 

You take a bite of the cheesecake, hoping the sweetness would distract you from the sadness and loneliness of your once shared apartment. You don’t know when or if you would eventually move on from this apartment, but for now, you would like to live selfishly for a little longer, pretending that Ryland was still around to share your burdens and life together. 

He was just a roommate. 

But he felt more like a partner in your life. 

—-------------

“You know, my mum used to tell me the brightest star in the sky is the person we miss most.” You told Ryland one day while out on the balcony. He looks over to you, studying your melancholic expression. “She said that they’re the brightest because they’re powered by the strong emotions you have for them, tied along with all the memories.”You continued. He hums, appreciating the beauty in that explanation. “That’s a really good theory.” You nod. “I think so too. One of the reasons why I was so fascinated with the stars.” You told him. He beams next to you, the very same sparkle in his eyes shining, the same one that shines whenever he rambles passionately. 

At that time you thought it was because of your mention of the space he loved. If you only knew that the sparkle shines whenever he looks at you. 

“You ever think we will become stars to each other?” You asked metaphorically. He understood. He always does. 

Do you think that one day we’ll just be memories to each other? 

Would you miss me then? 

“Everyone’s bound to be a star one day.” Ryland answers. “Nobody stays forever.” 

“But would I be your brightest star?” You ask dangerously. He laughs, one that hides the sadness behind the thought of ever losing you, when times up. “I think so.  I don’t have many people in my life. Would say you’re… close.” he says. His heart was hammering with all the emotions untold. The truth untold. 

This isn’t the time. That’s what he tells himself every time. Too afraid of risking anything. 

“I think you would be my brightest star too.” You tell him with a bittersweet smile. Not wanting to dwell on the thought of losing him too. 

Ryland Grace… your roommate who’s now the brightest star in the galaxy. 

[nonexistent-nerd]

Pedro Pascal Masterlist! (˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶)

Last updated: 11/4/2026

Joel Miller (TLOU)

Series:

Paper Stars Masterlist

Train Ride 1 ,2

Hug Me 1 , 2

Angst 🛑

Sign of the Times

All of You

Words of Love

Fluff! ☁

About You

Injury

Christmas

Apologies

Romantic Gifts

Fondness

Jealousy

Snores

One Kick

Lost

Its Complicated... (mix of both angst & fluff, bitersweet fics)

Fears

Twilight Zone

-----------------------------------------

Javier Peña (Narcos)

Weddings

Busy 1 ,2

History

Deserving

Back to December

I Can See You

----------------------------------------

Reed Richards (Marvel)

Birthday Wish (angst ver)

Birthday Wish (fluff ver)

[nonexistent-nerd]

Quantum Entanglement

Pairing: Ryland Grace x f!reader

Word count: 3.8k

Content: Lab partners from university meet again, but this time both of you are teachers. Lingering feelings, mutual feelings but they never tell each other Ryland and you being awkward losers, absolute fluff!

A/N: I'll write a part two if there's a demand. Absolute fluffy fic to compensate for my very angsty fic Bittersweet Petals. I do a stem degree so PHM meant so much more to me and I love writing for Ryland grace . He is single handedly pulling me out of my writing slump

Ryland was in class, running over the lesson plan for today. His glasses askew on his nose bridge , his eyes focused on the solar system diorama he made which hung across his classroom. Serving both as decor and teaching materials. A coffee mug on his desk with the free 3 in 1 coffee he could get from the staff pantry. His mug had “Te Ac H Er” on it, in periodic table elements. A gift from one of his students that long graduated which he thought was pretty funny albeit nerdy and corny. His eyes drift to the windows, appreciating the quiet before the students start flooding the halls. 

There’s a small knock on the door. The furrow in between his brows appeared, he checked the clock in his classroom, 7.30am, still a little too early for class. Maybe it’s a student who was seeking consultation early? “Come in-“ he calls out.

You opened his classroom door meekly, peeking your head in. “Hey - sorry- am I bothering you?” Ryland sits up in his chair upon seeing you, “Yea yea no- come in!” He invites, almost standing up already. You close the door behind you as you walk in, your eyes fascinated by the intricate diorama of the solar system that hung on his ceiling, complete with labels. Ryland scratches the back of his head “so uh- how can I help you?” He asks, hovering around you. You look back at him, tearing your eyes off from the diorama. “Oh- I just- wanted some feedback on this lesson plan. Tried to wing my first lesson but well- uh- we may be abit behind.” You chuckle, you might have spent too much time, over emphasising on the chemical structures of carbohydrates and fats. Ryland laughs, taking your lesson plan and reading it. “Well- did you figure out the students preferences? Even if you’re a little behind, if the students absorb it better then it may pay off in the long run.” You shrug, “They’re a little quiet, some questions here and there. Well, I’m a little awkward, trying to be enthusiastic for them, it’s- uh- not rlly working out for me.” You admit sheepishly. Ryland regards you from the top of his glasses that was resting below his nose bridge. “You nervous?” You look at him, feeling embarrassed at your incompetency as a teacher. You let out a sigh. “Obviously. Kids scare me.” 

Ryland smirks, you can tell he’s trying very hard not to laugh at you, and is trying very hard to press his lips into a thin line. 

You scoff at his reaction, tossing the earth looking bean bag at him. Ryland burst out laughing. “Come on- you used to wing presentations without even a script and now you’re scared presenting to kids?”  

“It’s different, presenting isn’t that deep, but if I’m the reason whether a kid understands this concept for the rest of their life. That’s a lot of pressure.” Ryland sits up, moving so he faces you and just looks at you. You wave a hand at his face, like you’re trying to shoo away a hallucination. 

“Stop doing that.” 

“Do what?” 

“Give me a psychological evaluation based off what I said.” 

Ryland laughs, “Why did you think I’ll do that?” You shrug “because you look like my teachers when I shit on my skills. they start giving me a psychological evaluation and then try to give me therapy. It’s like a teacher thing.” Ryland tilts his head in amusement. “You’re a teacher.” He says. “Well, haven’t unlocked that level.” You tell him. 

Ryland swallows, filing his psychological evaluation for you for later. He looks through the lesson plan you handed him. “This is really well done for what it’s worth. I don’t think the issue is this.” Ryland leans in. “You just gotta have more confidence in yourself. If you’re nervous, the kids feel it too. They’re highly empathetic. If your enthusiasm isn’t genuine, they feel it too.” You look at him, the distance between the both of you way too close. Your eyes fight the urge to drift away. 

The bell rings, the chatter fills the environment again. Ryland pulls away, pushing back on his chair which rolls him to the whiteboard away from you. He clears his throat awkwardly.  “You’ll do good. I believe.” He tells you, giving you a somewhat awkward yet encouraging smile. You get up too, “Have a nice day Ryland.” You say. You walk out his door to find a group of giggling students who you try to ignore. Hoping you’re not the subject of their conversations. 

Something feels wrong.

Something is wrong.

Your heart rate was accelerated. Your cheeks are red.

Vasodilation? 

Your phone beeped with a text message.

“We having lunch together?” - Ryland

“Sure.”

“I’ll save you a seat then. :)” - Ryland 

You didn’t notice the small smile you had as you pocketed your phone. 

————

“Remember what we learnt today! About sound waves! I’m gonna give a simple test next lesson- on how to interpret sound graphs!” Ryland says, deflating slightly when he sees some students already rushing out for lunch. He quickly cleans up his desk, keeping the equipment he used today back to their rightful boxes. It was a good day today, he went through the content slightly faster and was able to give them an early 5 minutes head start for lunch. 

Ryland picks up his wallet and walks past your class. Just next to his. You’re talking about amino acids. “Must we learn all 20?” A student of yours asked. Ryland stops,  watching your class from the corridor. You laugh, “Sadly yes- there will be questions on amino acid structures in your semester test.” You confirm. A loud wave of groans and complains come from the class. “Come on- we’ll go through it together. Just before class ends, I’ll teach you how I memorise them.”

You turned to the board, drawing all 20 amino acids from memory. “This looks daunting right?” The students nods. You chuckle and draw a few lines, breaking the 20 amino acids into distinct groups. 

“There, six groups. Aromatics, non polar, polar, acidic group, amino groups, sulfur group.” You look at the class, “Memorise one group a day, it’s doable right? Now there’s at most 4-5 in each group only. Then test yourself. And this way you remember the properties of each amino acid too. All you need to earn you 25 marks on your test.” Some kids nod in understanding, some frantically trying to copy what you wrote on the board. The others sigh, looking reluctant to memorise structures. You chuckle softly, remembering your time as a student. “Sadly this is the only shortcut we have, it’s still a lot of work I know but I believe all of you can do it! Tomorrow I’ll test you on all the non polar group- I’ll pick names so study up everyone.” You tell them. Just in time as the bell rings and the students hastily pack up to leave for lunch. 

“Mr Grace?” Ryland looks over to see a student who’s standing next to him, having caught him just watching you from the corridor. “Do you have a crush on her?” A few excited giggles escaped a group of girls from nearby. He sighs, “Hi Rekha, I am merely- passing by her class.” Rekha looks at him, “You've been watching her… kinda creepy- like a stalker.” Ryland splutters at that, “I am NOT a stalker.” He establishes, then look around frantically when a few more students turn their way. He pushes up his glasses again. “I am merely making sure she’s ok- teaching is new to her you know? Like how I check up on all of you during class! To make sure you guys understand concepts.” Rekha laughs, looking into your classroom too. “It’s ok Mr Grace, crushes happens all the time. And you’re a little old to be still alone.” Rekha teases. Ryland groans, he did not just get mocked by a 14 year old. “Rekha- me and her- professional- friends- no relationship.” He simplifies. Then he sighs, throwing his hands up. “And you, don’t you have lunch to get to? Instead of you know- gossiping?” Rekha hums “All the best Mr Grace!” She cheerfully skips back to her friends, excited to report her findings on Mr Grace and the new teacher’s relationship.

“Oh Ryland! Hi-“ you greeted him just as you stepped out of your classroom. Kicking the door close with your feet, your hands full and ready to return the dioramas you borrowed from the science department. Ryland quickly turns around, offering to help you with some.

“Hey- you seem to be doing well.” He comments, eyes looking at the chemical structure diorama in his hands now. Ryland is still a little red from being teased by his student. Luckily for him, you don't seem to have noticed it. You smile “Yea- you’re right. Tried to be more confident and you know, just be myself… hah- tacky but yea. The students seemed to be more expressive now.” Ryland nods, glad that you figured things out. “The structures helped visualising too. Wonder who made these, these are really good- although it is kinda old and some of the picks are poking out-“ you tell him, still trying to force the tape back down on one of the parts. 

“Yeah they’re pretty old. I should start making newer ones.” Ryland comments casually. 

“You made them?” You asked, excited with a hint of disbelief. Ryland’s ears turned red, he stands a little straighter. “Uh yea- I made them. Figured it helped for my class- then the other teachers wanted to borrow it so I just left them in the department for anyone to use.” He says, like it’s no big deal. 

“You’re incredible Ryland.” You tell him, your eyes shining in genuine admiration. 

Ryland cheeks turn pink, he laughs awkwardly and splutters incoherently. He has never been good at taking compliments and it has been awhile someone complimented him on his work. 

A small comfortable silence falls between the both of you, his eyes sneaking a glance towards you. A radiant smile on your features as you greeted some students, a walking sunshine. 

He looks down, trying to press his lips into a thin line to hide the smile that tugs on his features. He holds onto the models tighter, it has been a decade since he last saw you, but why does he feel the same as back then? Why do you still make his heart accelerate and melt his brain to total mush? 

A stupid schoolboy crush just resurfacing because he felt lonely. 

Yup that must be it. 

—-----------------------------------------------------------

The both of you only worked together during labs and strictly for this capstone project. However, with this project essentially being a paired thesis paper, the both of you spent more time together. Long lab sessions and discussions which you had with him either during these lab sessions or through text. This time was no different, but with the deadline being tomorrow 12pm, the both of you were determined to complete everything by today.

There wasn’t much more to do, just some refinements. Ryland, the stubborn perfectionist was however, not satisfied with the reliability of the results so he suggested adding one more experiment, to increase the accuracy and reliability while also increasing the relation of your experiments to the topic at hand. Despite your arguments that it was too rushed adding a whole new section, he insisted on it which explained why you’re here at school on your off day since 10am, surviving on energy drinks and cup noodles from the convenience store downstairs. 

Ryland was working on the calculations and data interpretation while you cleaned up the mess, sitting by the biosafety cabinet to ensure everything was wiped down. It was near 8pm, you fidgeted around on your seat, trying to hide the growls from your stomach. You sigh inwardly to yourself, as much as a good team the both of you made, you wish he would just do stuff somewhat sub-par. Ryland always strived to the best of his ability, something you admired, but not motivated enough to follow. 

“Hey, come look at this-”.Ryland calls out your name just as you were disposing your gloves into the biohazard bin. You hummed a soft “Gimme a moment,” while gesturing at basin where you were washing your hands. Instead,he moves from his place to stand beside you with his laptop, before he could ask anything you gesture again to your soapy hands. He gives you a sheepish smile before taking a seat at the lab bench nearest to the sink. 

 “Does this sound weird?” He asks when you walk over while drying your hands on a paper napkin. He was hoping you would help proofread the section he just finished adding in. Your eyes scan his words, you naturally pull yourself in front of his computer, he moves away to give you space. The both of you in perfect coordination. You fix some errors and help rephrase his thoughts into simpler terms. “There, should be simpler to understand now.” You tell him. He reads your revised version and grins. “It’s like you read my mind.” You shake your head, “Nah, but I can indeed translate your weird nerdy smartpants language.” You tease. 

Karma hit you fast for your teasing. Your stomach let out the most embarrassing loud and long growl despite you squirming around hoping to mute it. Ryland looks up, a small look of disbelief and amusement on his features that such a sound is escaping you. Then he turns back to his laptop, his whole body shaking with the effort to hold back his laughter. You resist the urge to hit him, instead you rubbed at your red face. “Hah… may be a little hungry…” You say, trying to disperse the tension. 

“Yeah… a little huh?” Ryland teases, an eyebrow shooting up. You let out an annoyed huff. 

“Shall we go grab dinner then?” He asks, a little too casually. Especially considering the fact that you have never hung out with him unless its for work, and never outside the lab. “I mean- if you want to- or we can just go home and have dinner separately… hah… I mean we should just end this lab session and work on this at home you know?” He rambles at your silence, he has never been the best at silences. His face turning red too. 

“Um, the cafeteria would be closed by now. We may have to hit up Mcdonalds.” You suggest. To your surprise, he readily closes his laptop and shrugs. “After you!”

Dinner with Ryland was… weird. 

The both of you sat in relative silence while eating. Not that you were complaining, considering the both of you seemed to be wolfing down the food that was essentially your first actual meal of the day. Ryland’s eyes will meet yours every so often and one of you will awkwardly break the eye contact, you can tell that he was fighting the urge to talk about work and instead choosing to remain silent. 

Ryland finishes his food before you. Empty tray, his burger gone, his fries left with a few crisps and with how fast he was swallowing each mouthful of his drink, it would be a matter of time till he just awkwardly watches you while you try to finish your fries. He clears his throat, then run his hands through his tousled hair. 

“How’s the food?” he asks after a moment of pondering. You shrugged, “Good enough… Mcdonalds standard you know?” You let out a small laugh, desperate to try to ease the awkward silence that was threatening to befall the both of you. Ryland chuckles, a little too loudly for it to be casual, he starts humming “yea…” and nodding, you can almost visibly see his mind working for another conversation topic. 

“I heard Clyde broke up with Rachel.” You started, then regretted it. Ryland never seemed like the type to be into gossip, but maybe you’re a busybody who blurted it out because you knew he was close buddies with Clyde. His eyes widened slightly, nodding again, “Yeah, after two years. Thought they were the ideal couple of all time.” You bit back the remarks about how she was probably using him for clout. Afterall, a popular jock and a cute artsy girl was always some common plotline in books. “Do you know why?” You asked hesitantly. “I mean if you can’t share- bro’s code or something I get it.” You immediately back pedaled, you must sound like such a gossip girl right now. You let out another inward sigh, cursing yourself out. 

“I didn’t ask.” Ryland stated casually. You scrutinized him for awhile, trying to figure out if he’s keeping to bro’s code or that he simply did not know. 

“I mean- I only found out yesterday! If you want to know, I can try asking-” He rambles again when he sees your blank expression just studying him. You wave and shake your head at him,”No no-” 

Yup, he definitely does not know anything, and maybe it's time you accept that boys never question anything to your dismay. Explains why Ryland responds to you so dryly and void of all personality, like he’s replying to a formal work email. Ryland found out only yesterday despite being buddies with Clyde, you almost want to laugh at the irony. The whole school probably already knew like a month ago when rumors of them acting awkward around each other floated around school. It was confirmed three weeks ago when she removed all the photos of him from her social media and he went back to a default profile picture and an empty profile. Ryland was a whole month behind on the gossip mill about his own friend. 

“W-what about you? Any love life going on?” He asks, his stutter betraying his nervousness. Ryland had blurted it out without thinking,but he can’t deny that he was curious. You shake your head, giving him a few more awkward laughs at your pathetic love life. “Um no… don’t think anyone sees me that way, and I don’t either. Like- I’m not looking for anything right now.” 

Ryland had to suppress the smile. You’re single yay! Wait, that's not right, why is he secretly relieved? He fidgets with his fingers, deep down he knows why. Maybe… just a small possibility- he had a teeny winy crush on his long time lab partner which is you. Just a harmless crush, nothing more. 

“I thought you and Kelly had a thing.” You asked. His eyebrows shot up in surprise. “No, why did you think that?” You shrug, “You’re usually a pretty quiet guy, she talks to you during lab rather casually and you reply… rather intricately. I don’t know the both of you seemed close.” Ryland shakes his head, desperate to clear up the misunderstanding. “No, we haven’t actually talked in a while. I think I was just rambling off the top of my head like I usually do.”Ryland casually misses out on the part where he suspects that Kelly was using him for free tutoring and that he distanced himself pretty quickly after he caught on.  You suppress the urge to argue with him, that he doesn’t actually ramble around you and is usually rather quiet. That failed.

“Ryland, are you… um- scared of me or something?” 

Ryland shoots up in his seat, he splutters and chokes over his own words. His eyes as wide as saucers. “No, of course not. Why would you think that?” His voice cracks slightly. You laugh softly at that. “I don’t know… It’s just everyone who knows you said you’re a rambling nerd and that you talk too much but around me, you’re quiet, we only talk about work and strictly work…” You drift off. The small insecurity that Ryland may be like the other guys, the kind of guys who only talk to girls they found attractive. Your thoughts flashed an image of Kelly, taunting you, Long hair that framed her face perfectly, a charming magnetic smile…

If only Ryland could tell you. If only he had the courage to just tell you. You made his heart beat too fast and too loud, that his heartbeat fills his eardrums when you’re around. How a smile naturally creeps up to his lips and his eyes morph into heart eyes when he sees you, that he can’t seem to tear his eyes off of you. You make the words die in his throat and all he can do is just stop and stare at you, like you’re everything in this world. 

Yeah that would sound pretty creepy. 

Before he could say anything and calm his panicking mind. You checked your phone and gave him a reassuring smile. One that didn’t quite reach your eyes. “I think I have to go, it’s getting late. Let me know what else we need to complete and I’ll work on it when I get home.” You tell him while standing up, taking your tray to the tray return. 

I think I may have a crush on you.

No that’s stupid, he needs to be more confident. 

I like you. 

“Bye Ryland.” You wave to him, breaking him from his thoughts. 

“Oh- b-bye!” His voice cracked again to his utter embarrassment. 

“Have a safe trip home…” His voice became a decrescendo as he realised that you’re long gone. 

—----------------------

Ryland stares at the picture of the both of you in graduation gowns. It’s been more than a decade… what were the chances that he would see you again, being his colleague at the very same school he was teaching in? 

He smirks as the memory of graduation day hits him. How his friends encouraged him to go get that photo with you. He couldn’t help the stupid grin when you agreed so readily and even asked him to send you the picture. He admires the picture again, you looked the same, you haven’t aged a day, you looked even more radiant if that’s possible. Ryland sighs at himself, he was lanky then but he had gotten somewhat lean now. His features have matured and a few wrinkles decorated near his eyes and forehead.  

“Can I?” His arm hovered over your shoulder. You nodded. His smile got brighter when he awkwardly and nervously put his arm around you and onto your shoulder. His heart soared when you leaned into his embrace, your head tilting into his frame. Your smile paired with your signature, rather dorky, peace sign. 

Ryland finds himself staring at the picture like a school boy again. He slaps at his own face to remind himself to get over it. 

He needs to get over you.

[nonexistent-nerd]

Bittersweet Petals

Pairing: Ryland Grace x f!reader

Word count: 4.3k....

Content: Angst, unresolved feelings, its complicated, friends?, no resolution, living with regrets, potential plot spoilers for the movie

A/N: I've been dying to talk about this movie since I watched it.... ABSOLUTE MASTERPIECE...explains the longest fic I've ever written.... I cried writing this, Ryland Grace as a character just means too much to me. I have so many drafts of him that lead to nowhere so let me know if you guys would be interested...

Ryland sits on the beach, feeling the soft sand while listening to the sound of the waves. The waves crashed into his feet. For a synthetic Eridian made environment, this beach came really close to the real beaches back on earth. Or at least what he can remember of it anyways, it’s been 15 years since his departure from earth. 

Ryland held onto the wallet that whoever had packed his luggage so generously packed in for him. The clear ID pocket in his wallet had a polaroid of a bouquet of small blue flowers. A caption written in presumably sharpie, “Forget-me-not” with a small heart drawn next to it. Ryland remembered how much time he spent trying to figure out the significance behind this picture when he first woke up on that ship with no memory of his identity.

Was he someone who liked flowers? Were his favourite flowers forget-me-nots? 

No… That wouldn’t explain why his heart clenches like it’s aching for something. There was an emotional significance tied behind this picture of flowers in his wallet. 

Forget-me-nots (Myosotis) symbolize true love, enduring affection, memory, and faithfulness

The furrow between Ryland’s eyebrows appeared as he tried his best to remember. Was he attached? His heart skipped a beat, yeah, maybe he was. He can’t remember exactly who she is but he does feel happiness upon seeing the flowers. He feels the butterflies in his stomach even if he can’t put a face to the memory. 

“Grace, have mate question?” 

Ryland replays the conversation he had with Rocky. He remembers more now. 

—------------

It started from one argument. From when he felt like his life was spiralling out of control, that everything in his life was changing. The change overwhelmed him and scared him. He went from being a somewhat brilliant molecular biology scientist to an idiot sprouting nonsense, hoping for an audience to humor him,  a clown prancing by the streets to attract audiences to the circus. 

“Ryland, you’re giving up just like that?”  You questioned when he broke the news about quitting academia, about quitting being a researcher. “I’m not giving up- look,” He looks at you, like he’s trying to make you understand. “I’ve been discredited as a researcher. In academia, no trust= no investments which also equals no research to be done.” Ryland looks away, he won’t admit he isn’t upset, but what else can he do? “My time as a scientist is done! And I mean- being a teacher isn’t bad, inspiring the future generation.” He tries his best to make you look on the bright side but your look of disbelief and skepticalism reminds him of the same looks he gets everyday from everyone else. His heart constricts, it especially hurts coming from you, someone who he cares about. “Ryland, you love being a scientist.” you argue weakly, feeling more unjust for him. Science is ever evolving, sure, his claims went against the fundamental science concepts but why couldn’t they be more accepting? Theories are always evolving, many scientific concepts have been proven false or expanded upon with modern technology. Why couldn’t they give Ryland a chance? 

“What do you expect me to do huh? Get an organism who doesn’t depend on water to prove them wrong?” Ryland snaps, he hated the look on your face now. Like he has lost his mind, like all the previous works he did were not real, that he is just an idiot afterall.  You went silent at his words. You looked away, Ryland never raised his voice at you. The guilt settled in soon for Ryland too, he stepped closer to you and lets out a sigh. “I’m sorry I-” He started but you cut him off. 

“It just feels like you’re running away.” You murmur. 

Ryland eyes widened. The anger consumed him before he could process it. 

“So you think I’m a coward, like everyone else in this world. You think I’m an idiot too huh.” 

“Ryland, that’s not what I meant-” 

Ryland lets out a bitter laugh. “You’re just like everyone else.” he bites out, running a hand through his tousled hair. You bit your lip hard, being compared to everyone else who hurt him, who distrusted him when it’s so far from the truth. Feeling like you’re being accused of a crime you didn’t commit, you turned defensive. “Grow up Ryland. You’re living in the clouds.” 

The silence was loud, but you had enough of the man you love throwing himself a pity party and giving up his whole life just because of this. The same incident that great scientists go through but persevered through. Newton was mocked for questioning gravity, Dr Robert H Goddard was considered an idealist when he first presented about rockets moving through a vacuum. Ryland wasn’t a laughing stock to you, he is a scientist who is on the verge of a big discovery but is choosing to run away instead. 

“You need to start facing reality head on, Ryland. Life isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. You were confident and believed in what you wrote at the start right? So why are you letting people dictate your thinking now? Letting them shoot you down? This isn’t the scientist I fell for. What happened to the stubbornness that you always had? Why are you giving up so easily?” 

Ryland looks at you, he swallows the lump forming in his throat at the sight of the tears in your eyes. “It’s easier said than done.” He murmurs. “You’re not even going to try Ryland, you’re straight up leaving the field.” 

“Is me being a teacher what bothers you? That you went from dating a scientist to some mere junior high teacher?” Ryland snaps back. He didn’t mean it, he didn’t mean to reduce to someone who merely cares about prestige and titles. He knows you aren’t that kind of person but when push comes to shove. He couldn’t control what escaped his mouth.

The pain flashed through your eyes like the lightning in the nightsky, gone in a split second. You squared your shoulders and took a sharp breath. 

The eyes that looked back at him made his heart drop in fear. It was cold. 

“I guess the both of us had different visions of each other in our minds.” 

—-----------------------------------

The breakup was quiet, if the both of you went into specifics, neither of you actually mentioned a true split. Everything just happened. The growing distance between the both of you. It was a peaceful, quiet conversation after, the both of you agreed that the two of you had differing opinions and goals and then just separated. No arguments, no shouting, no tears. Just a silent surrender from the both of you and the acceptance that comes with losing. 

Ryland sat beside you on the beach. “I got your call.” He says, you nod, smiling at him politely. He makes a mental note that he is no longer granted the privilege of seeing the soft smile you reserved for him only. His heart aches slightly at that. Rylands knows the words that was left unsaid, “Thanks for coming.” reflected in your eyes. You didn’t think he would actually turn up today, at the very same beach that once held such memorable happy memories. 

“How’s teaching?” You asked, like the argument had never happened, like it hasn't been almost a month since the both of you argued, since the both of you even talked. Ryland was never as good at pretending like you are, but he tries anyways. He didn’t have the right to just rant now, you didn’t owe it to him to listen anymore. “Good, I quite like it. Really fun.” He says, pushing up his glasses. His eyes kept darting to the tree nearby where he locked his bike to, like he was afraid of it being stolen. “That’s great Ryland.” You tell him, he can’t tell if you’re genuinely happy about it, considering how you didn’t want him becoming a teacher. 

“I actually saw you the other day at the art store, buying paint and styrofoam. Some art and craft project?” You asked. He should have known, you were always an artist, the both of you went to the same art store to get coloured markers for your many drawings. More questions bubbled in Ryland’s throat, why didn’t you say hi? Why didn’t he notice you? Instead he settled on an awkward “Yeah- um…” He ponders how much to share,if he was maybe boring you with the details of his new life as a school teacher. “Planning to make a diorama of the solar system, figured it might help students better visualise and remember, makes explaining concepts easier too especially since we’re starting on dynamics and you know gravity vs vacuum, it would probably be more interesting to relate it to space because who doesn’t like space-” He pauses, realising he’s rambling again. You just smile at him, “I think I would have loved it if I was a student.” You reassured him. He beams at that, nodding. 

The sound of waves crashing reminded that the both of you have yet addressed the elephant in the room. The decision if the both of you were going to try again or move on from each other. 

“So about us-” The both of you started at the same time, then laughed together too. Being in sync even now, it was a rather bittersweet realization. 

“How was the past month?” You asked instead, hiding the true question. If it was better to go your separate ways. Ryland lets out a breath, his eyes falling to the sand instead. “Lonely, haven’t been alone like that for a long time.” He references how long the two of you have been together, ever since college. He then looked at you, “But i think I needed the silence to you know, figure things out by myself, to truly think everything through. Think it helps with the slowly settling into my role as a teacher.” He waits, hoping you would share your experience too. 

“Yeah, I haven’t been alone for a long while either. There’s times where I would see something and instinctively take out my phone to snap a photo and share it with you.” You admit, he wanted to tell you that you should have, that you still could. “But I think we spent so much time together, this break was needed, to truly figure out if we’re together because its- right? Or if we were together more of an obligation, to not break the routine we already created for each other.” 

It was a stupid question. The both of you were right for each other. You don’t think you could find someone who understood you and listened to you as intently as Ryland would. He doesn’t think anyone else could tolerate his nerdy ramblings and then asked good questions that further encouraged him to talked about his interests. However, both of you couldn’t deny that the circumstances has changed. That the both of you had become the long unforgiving curse. 

Right person, wrong time. 

You wanted to settle down with someone stable. Ryland wasn’t providing you with the safety he once promised. He was suffering from imposter syndrome and was lacking a lot of the confidence you once fell for. Sure, he was still the same person deep down, but you knew that his self pity made it harder for him to love you as much as he once did. It was hard to love when he didn’t think he deserved you. 

Ryland was at a turbulent time of his life. Everything was changing and if losing you was part of the change, he would accept it. He didn’t want to lock you down with him. If you feel like you could do better, then he will let you go. Afterall, the both of you are in the same field, he doesn't want to dim your opportunities just because you’re associated with him. 

“Friends? Or is that- weird.” Ryland suggests after that long talk. You smile, “Yeah,friends.” then you leaned in and hugged him. He doesn’t question how the fox cardigan got wet from your tears, instead he swallowed the lump in his throat and gently held you. 

No more living together, no more morning kisses, no more late night cuddles. 

Just whatever friends do. 

When the both of you pull away, he looks away and pretends to be cleaning the lens of his glasses, subtly wiping the tears from his eyes. 

—------------------------------------------------------

Friends were the easy way  out for the both of you. Deep down, you knew that the both of you would never truly just be friends. Maybe it was a dangerous way of keeping that flame alight, the chance for something more again. 

Ryland sees you again just before he was drugged against his will and thrown onto Hail Mary. 

(He doesn't know that then)

He walks past the flower fields, having heard that you’re now working at a botanic garden. A researcher studying the effects of plant extracts on human health. He can’t help but think about how much it suits you, working with nature while also trying to make a difference. Ryland found you squatting next to Gardenias, sketching them and labelling each part. Your drawings had details annotations on each function and even when the flower was cut open. He gently calls your name, breaking you from the flow state. You stood up in surprise, not expecting to see him on this day. 

Ryland sits opposite you in the cafe. It’s a pretty cafe that surrounded itself with the flowers from the garden. He sips on his coffee, fiddling with his fingers a little. “What earned me this visit Ryland?” You asked, an encouraging smile. He runs his hands through his hair, letting out a loud groan. He rubs his face a few times like he’s mustering the courage. 

“Do you know about the whole Petrova Line and how the sun is dimming-” He starts, peeking at you nervously through his hands. “Oh, about how the earth is ending? Yeah- heard its top secret information but it doesn't take much to figure it out. They just don't want us to panic, but without the sun, crops die, food gets less and soon we all die from starvation.” You summarise for him. Ryland nods, straightening up in his seat. “Long story short, remember the stupid study I made-” 

“It’s not stupid. The one about how life can exist without water?” You cut him off. Ryland can’t deny the skip in his heart. About how much you still believed in him even now. He tries to brush off the small flush on his face from that. “Yea that.” Ryland taps his fingers on the table, “Um, now they recruited me for that mission. To find out what's dimming the sun. They think there’ s a chance it may be life form that- that I may be right basically.” Your eyes light up, and despite the irony that the sun is dimming, he felt like the world got slightly brighter again. It’s been so long since he saw that look of admiration for him. Especially from you to him. 

“I knew it, Ryland! So were you right? Um- so you’re coming back to academia or- I mean- this is huge Ryland! I’m so proud of you, let me treat you to this meal-” You genuinely looked so happy and excited for him. His heart softens, even while working on this mission, he can’t help but feel like he can’t compare to all the scientists working on it too, but you, you were always too dangerous for his ego. You always made him feel like he was at the top of the world.Everything was possible with you. That’s what he once always said, and he always believed in. He keeps quiet for a while, just listening and memorising how happy you are for him. A selfish desire, but a moment he treasures close to his heart. 

Ryland gently taps on your hand, bringing you back to earth. He clasped his hands together and leaned in while looking at you with pleading eyes. “I have a favor to ask then-” You urge him to go on. 

“Can I put you as my emergency contact?” 

The silence from you came more from shock. Ryland spiraled “I mean- because I don’t know I think it is some procedure, they want a record of everyone working on it and you know- the Astrophage, the thing dimming the sun contains a lot of energy that can- kaboom you know? Never know what happens haha- but they require me to put in an emergency contact.” He rambles, “And you know- I don’t have any Immediate family, and it’s pretty pathetic but I’m all alone and even if I do- perish- no one would care-”

“Okay.” you tell him. 

He blinks, once and then twice at you. Ryland didn’t think it would be that easy to convince you. 

“Do I need to sign anything or-” You ask and he nods, pulling out the documents. 

He watches you as you fill the documents in. Ryland can’t help but ask, “Can I know why you agreed so readily?” “Because you’re my friend- why would I reject-” You answer him, looking up like he’s asking the most obvious question ever. The small silence stretches on before you admit softly to him. 

“Also because- if you do…” You blink a few times, not wanting to entertain the possibility. “Perish… I want to know.” You tell him. “I would care.” 

Ryland doesn’t hold back the tears at hearing you said that. He rubs his eyes, grateful that the both of you are in a somewhat secluded spot in the cafe. “That means a lot to me.” He tells you. You rub at your neck, blinking back the tears. Just like that, the feelings he had for you that he buried came rushing back, he wanted you back, he wanted to be yours again. So many years have passed since that day you both deemed being friends was easier, even when the sun dimmed, his feelings for you never dulled, never changed. You held his hand, a small comfort. He let himself enjoy it, even squeezing it again. You pat the seat next to you, he takes it, moving from across you to beside you. His eyes look at you for consent, you nod. He pulls your hand to his lips, gently pecking it with trembling lips before letting you pull him into an embrace, you hold him as he cries silently, like the time he did when you hugged him on that beach. 

“Honestly, I’m scared…” He admits softly into your neck. You gently run your hands throug his hair. “I know…” You tell him. You know, he has never been good with changes, suddenly being entrusted with such a responsibility, one that determines the earth’s fate… you couldn’t imagine the toll it took on him. 

You spent some time catching up with Ryland over a meal after. Ryland eventually thanked you for everything, making a few more corny jokes before he left. You grinned as you waved goodbye to him. 

That day, a singular red spider lily bloomed in one of your gardens. You were confused about it, a few colleagues called it a miracle since it sprouted at a place which is out of its native locale. Despite how your colleagues called it a miracle, you couldn’t help the sinking feeling that something is very wrong. 

Red Spider Lilies bloom along the paths of departing lovers who are destined to never meet again.

When you found out about Ryland being sent off to space, your heart cried out for him in agony. Worry consumed you not to mention the unease of it all. You knew there was no way he would have agreed to go so it wasn’t a surprise when you found out he was eventually thrown onto the Hail Mary against his will. Despite the ethical concerns, what can you do to help him when he has already been shipped off to space? Yet your heart cries for him. Ryland must have been so afraid. 

It was a curse you knew him as well as you did. 

A curse that you’re probably the only person who knows his deepest darkest fear. 

The fear of death

He was sent to space on a suicide mission, destined to probably- die alone. 

Ryland Grace became your biggest regret, the one who got away, the one who haunts you every day.  You can’t help but cry for him and worry for him. Deep down you knew he was as good as dead. 

You should have fought harder for the both of you. 

—------------------------------------------------------------

The frame of a younger happier version of the both of you sat on your night stand. A picture of him in a nerdy shirt that says “I had potential.” Paired with a motion graph, his glasses hanging way below his nose bridge, yet he beamed next to you, his eyes on you instead of the camera. You’re beside him, his arm around your shoulders as he pulled you closer while you held onto a bouquet of forget-me-nots. Your favourite flower ever. A smile so big on your face that your eyes crinkled into upside down “U”s. It’s your favourite picture of the both of you from when the both of you were dating, now on your nightstand, taken out from the box of memories you kept from your time together. 

You groan when your phone rang early in the morning. An unknown number. You were about to just reject the call when you mispressed and picked it up instead. You cussed softly as you sat up, rubbing the sleep out of your eyes. 

The person on the other end greeted you formally and confirmed your name. The next words knocked any kind of sleepiness out, instead you questioned if you were dreaming. 

“I’m calling to update you about Dr Ryland’s Grace condition. I think you might want to hear about it.” You sat up straighter than ever. 

“Is he-” You pondered if you should remain pessimistic or optimistic. “Coming back?” You decided instead. 

“We’re not sure… but we received updates about his time on the Hail Mary that signals that he is alive and well. We will send you the updates but please keep it confidential, as mentioned in the NDA you signed when you became his emergency contact. His current whereabouts are unknown, and his state is… up for interpretation.” 

The videos came soon. You played one and let out a small huff, then the emotions hit you all at once. Hearing his voice again after 15 years, hearing his sarcasm and dry humor. The tears fell from your eyes but you can’t help but laugh along with him, as though he’s telling you the updates himself. He documented every step, about how he met an alien, proving his career ending research paper to be right, about how he got lucky that the alien is friendly, about how he has the alien named Rocky as company. He goes on about how he figured out how to communicate with Rocky, then the whole visiting the Petrova Line, noticing the problem, how he and Rocky worked together and is now sending earth enough Tauamoeba to fix the sun dimming issue. You spent the rest of the day just rewatching it and listening to his voice again. 

It was a bittersweet feeling, knowing he may still be alive, knowing that he seemed to have made a good alien friend which made him feel less lonely. Even if it meant knowing that you may never see him again, never actually be able to tell him that you never stopped loving him.

Maybe in another life, the both of you could be together again.

—------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ryland places a bouquet of synthetic forget-me-nots against the sand, letting the waves crash into the fragile flowers. Once he told Rocky about the flowers' importance to him,Rocky had some scientists and his feedback to make him these synthetic flowers that were close enough in looks to the real flowers. 

“We should have worked out…” He murmurs into the ocean, watching as some of the petals get washed away by the waves, hoping the waves may carry his sentiments to you. Ryland hugs his legs, letting the tears fall silently. 

Rocky had brought up going back to Earth… that they had enough fuel and had a ship ready for him should he want to. Ryland thought long and hard about it, eventually he decided he wanted to go home, to you, to see you, to tell you everything, including his feelings for you that remained unwavering. 

There was one problem. 

Time Dilation

He spent a day or two calculating everything, even redoing the calculations to ensure his accuracy. 

By the time he got back to earth, you would be in your 80s while he was in his late 40s to early 50s. You would have moved on, maybe found a family for yourself. It won’t change the fact that the both of you would be leading different lives. Ryland's hands shook, can he handle it? Seeing your youthful face now covered in wrinkles, your black hair turning more white than black.

What if you were in a wheelchair? In a hospital bed? Or even worse, already buried peacefully, returned to nature? His tears fall, his body shakes, the one person who truly cared and loved him. There’s no reason to go back if not to you…

“I think I’ll stay here…on Erid…” He tells Rocky.  Maybe even all this, he is indeed a coward who can’t face reality. 

In another life where he was a normal guy who didn’t get shipped to space. 

In another life where the both of you were honest with each other and fought hard for each other. 

In another life, the both of you will be together.

The blue petals of the forget-me-nots get washed away by the waves… the sentiments of his and yours will shine bright like stars in the night sky. 

[nonexistent-nerd]

Us against the World

Pairing: Leon Kennedy x f!reader

Word count: 1.9k

Content: Angst, , fluff, T virus infection, Leon beating himself up, hiding things from each other under the pretense of protecting each other.

A/N: I need to stop writing at such late hours and just sleep like a normal person. Almost 2k words !! crazy feat for me.

Leon sits alone with a bottle of whiskey at his side, lost in his own thoughts. It’s a post mission ritual he had, claiming that he didn’t want to put you through a withdrawn and avoidant him, didn’t want to go home to you all volatile and risk hurting you with silence.Eventually, you compromised and allowed him this moment of solitary to clear his thoughts as long as he promised to at least inform you that he was safe and sound after his mission.

His memories flash with images of the people he couldn’t save, his eyes staring at the ring on his hand. He could almost still see the black veins that tainted these hands due to the virus, could still see the worry and fear in your eyes that you try to hide when you hold his hand. He remembers how close he was to death on this mission. The black spots slowly spread from the edges of his vision, the metallic taste of blood in his throat, the piercing pain with every breath. 

His heart clenches, you must have been so worried, so scared for him. He takes a swig of the whiskey, swallowing the lump in his throat while the whiskey burns its way through his system. 

Leon wants to go home to you, but he knows from the thoughts on his mind, he’s not ready yet. You can’t see him like this, all frowns and weighed down with burdens. Leon doesn’t deserve to see you until he can safely give you the affection you want and express himself openly. 

Instead, he sends you a simple and concise message. “I’m safe. Healthy too.Be back by midnight. Long story.” 

Now, he just needs some time to work out some deals with his demons. To process his afterthoughts and emotions. Agent Kennedy will soon be Mr Kennedy, your husband. 

—--------------------------------------------

It started from random bruises appearing around his body. By then, Leon has already been informed that it may be the “Raccoon City Syndrome” since he is on the list of high risk patients due to his exposure in Raccoon City. However he brushed it off when you noticed, saying it was from training. 

The coughing followed close after, the lethargic feeling settled in his bones, a dry and scratchy throat and his body temperature increasing soon betrayed him. It didn’t take long for you to put things together. Leon was an idiot for trying to hide it anyways, you were a viral immunologist afterall. You were researching the very same latent strain of T virus as soon as it made itself known. 

Leon’s relationship with you was complex to say the very least. The both of you are so insistent on protecting each other that many matters were left unaddressed.You wished he would just let you love him openly, that he doesn’t need to hide anything from you, but you know deep down that he wasn’t pushing you away, just keeping you safe. Something you would do too if you were in his shoes. He pretended not to notice the worry and fear slowly consuming you, you pretended not to notice how he became weaker every day. He started hiding his bruised skin from you with long sleeves, pants and gloves, hating the way your movements freeze and your eyes widen in horror and fear at how fast the virus is moving when you see his blackened veins on his hand. You would wait for him to fall asleep before slipping out of his arms to work on more research, desperate to do anything to try to help him. 

In front of each other, Leon and you pretended everything was normal and lived in an illusion of domestic bliss while wearing strong fronts. Behind each other's backs, the both of you crumbled and silently seeked solace in each other as time ticked by. 

“A fatality rate of 100% 2 hours after Stage 3, 0 survivors so far.” 

This statistic haunts you every second, every minute and every hour. 

Leon, the love of your life, now a literal time bomb. 

You wanted to cry, to curse at everything in this world. Hasn’t he gone through enough? But you didn’t, pushing everything down and focusing on the research instead. He didn’t have time for you to cry and throw a pity party for him, nor does he want you to. 

—-----------------------------------

“I’ll make your favourites when you come home.” You told him before he left for this mission. If he ignored the general feeling of malaise that engulfed him,  he could almost believe the normalcy in your words . The hopeful smile on your face, your eyes crinkled up into smiley lines, a happy mask which hides the fear, the worry, the trembling lips and the tears that threaten to fall.  The truth was undeniable between the two of you, the moment before his departure, may be the last memory the both of you would have of each other. 

“I love you.” 

“I love you too” 

No tears, no apologies. None of you wanted your last memory to be filled with pain and regret, both of you wanted to remember each other's smiles, happy and fulfilled. 

—--------------------------------------

Rain pummeled against the roof of the pavilion Leon was now stranded in, drowning everything else in the distance. Every flash of lightning igniting a memory of you,the smile that masked the trembling lips that threatened to spill your fears, the exhaustion behind the dark eye circles below the eyes he loved so much, your pitch getting higher and your voice cracking subtly whenever you’re close to crying. The lightning like a spotlight to all this evidence of just how much pain he put you through. The sound of thunder which followed after like a gavel being hit, delivering a “Guilty” verdict to him for being a shitty husband. For putting you through hell despite how much he loves you. 

The seed of doubt germinates under all these emotions again, about how you deserve better, about how he’s wasting your time. 

“Leon!” 

He can vaguely hear it, you calling out to him. Leon shakes his head, it must be his imagination again. 

“Leon!”It’s louder and closer now.Your voice cutting through the ugly thoughts in his mind. He looks up to see you, in a hoodie with the hood over your head, drenched head to toe despite the umbrella you were holding.His breath hitched.  Leon stands up instinctively and you crash into his arms, dropping the umbrella by his side. 

“Leon…” You murmur into his chest and he feels his heart melt. His figure leaning down to engulf you, his hand gently pressing your head further into his torso. His nose buried in your hair, inhaling the scent he’s so in love with. He lets out a deep breath against the top of  your head, feeling the tension leave his body. His arms tighten around you, like he’s using you to ground himself to reality. You’re the sun peaking through the dark clouds in his life. “Idiot… it’s raining-” He gently scolds. “I know- alone time, but I couldn’t sit still anymore-” Her voice cracked, “Worried.” She forced out. 

You pull your head back, your hands carefully wrap around his face as you scan his face. He looks younger than you last remembered. The shine in his eyes returned, sparkling brightly like a star. His neck now covered in reddish pink and blue veins, no longer bruised. Leon just smiles at you, watching you softly as your eyes scan him, the realisation that he’s truly ok slowly hitting you. His fingers closed around your hands. You look down and squeeze his hands like you’re in disbelief. Skin to skin, no more black veins. The wedding ring sat snugly against his finger like it never left. 

“I’m okay.” He reassures while pressing a kiss to your forehead, unable to hold back for any longer. You opened your mouth but no words came out, instead you pressed yourself to him harder and he chuckled softly. Then he felt it, his shirt getting damp and not from the rain or your drenched clothes. 

You’re crying. 

The guilt fills him in again, the worry and fear you must have lived with all alone while he’s on the mission. He gently rubs your head, his chin resting on top of your head, “It's ok.. It's all ok now.” He coos. 

Leon’s heart clenched, the lump in his throat refuses to go away as you clung onto him harder and your body breaks down from keeping everything in for so long. Soon, he finds himself shedding tears along with you. 

It’s the first time the both of you even cried in front of each other. Tears always fell, but th both of you always made sure the other didn’t have to witness it.  Leon's tears fell when he tried to memorise your features while you slept every night, it fell when he realised that if the virus took him, he would be leaving you all alone in this world, to deal with everything yourself. Your tears fell onto the research papers and the notes you drafted about the virus, knowing just how much pain and suffering Leon is going through but being helpless to it. It felt refreshing, to be in each other's arms, and openly expressing your sadness. 

“This isn’t how I wanted our reunion to go-” Leon started. His arm over your shoulder while sitting on a bench in the pavilion with you.His hand gently rubbing your arms, making sure you stay warm despite your drenched clothes.The both of you watching the rain patter relentlessly against the ground. “I was supposed to come home with you know- maybe flowers, and all smiles. Then we could cook dinner together and have a date.”He says with a small laugh. He was supposed to make you happy, not cry with you while stranded in a random pavilion while intoxicated with whiskey. 

“No worries,no place I'd rather be now.” You answer unwaveringly, like you never doubted the both of you. His steady heartbeat like a melody to your ears while your head was on his chest. 

Leon snorts. “Even with the rain? The fact that we’re both drenched?” He knows you know what he meant under the gentle teasing. Did you really not regret being with him? Despite everything he put you through? Despite knowing you could have had an arguably happier normal life without him? 

“Especially with the rain.” You look up at him, his eyes soften. “Reminds me that it’s just us, against the world.” You continue with a grin. One he couldn’t help but reflect back. At that point, he understood what you meant. No secrets, no masks, no hiding from each other. 

“Mmh, definitely my favourite version of us.” he hums while staring at you. A silent promise, to stop hiding from each other. 

Leon will be ok, you will be ok. Everything will be ok.

It's the both of you against the world. 

—---------------------

Extras-

“You still blush when I stare at you for too long.” Leon teased, his finger poking your reddened cheeks. You puff your cheeks out at him, your eyebrows furrowing. “And you still stare at me with those- those eyes.” You accuse. 

His eyes widened in amusement, his lips quirking up mischievously. “What eyes?” 

“You know damn well Mr Kennedy.” you huff. He laughs while pulling you closer to him. “It’s because no matter how much I stare at you Mrs Kennedy.” He pauses for effect. 

“you’re still so gorgeous it’s unbelievable.” He answers smoothly. 

[nonexistent-nerd]

Vows

Pairing: Leon Kennedy x f!reader

Word count: 1.5k

Content: Angst, breakups, fluff, happier memories, lingering feelings, (Some spoilers for requirem?)

A/N: Here's my take on Leon's ring heh. I haven't acutally played requirem so pardon me if there's some mistakes with the lore. Also first time writing for leon! Not very happy with the ending but well- i did my best.

Leon never expected to see your name again after almost three decades. 

His heart stopped when he saw your name next to the words “Lead Researcher of Elpis” 

When he finally got his breath back and the dark spots faded from his vision. He can’t help but laugh to himself at the irony. 

Even without you by his side physically, you would always be the one who saves him. Always there by his side, taking care of him.

Leon opens a locker near that lab and his eyes widened when he realised who exactly this locker belonged to. A lab coat hung inside it with your name on it. His fingers brushed the name when he realised there was something inside the chest pocket.

The very same ring he gave you back then was in it, now turned into a necklace. His heart softens. You kept it. You never tossed it. He knows that working in a lab means you weren’t able to wear rings which is why you turned it into a necklace. 

It all started almost three decades ago, from the ring tab on his coke can. 

—-------------------------------------- 

“Give me your hand.” Leon says, facing you. You took a sip from your coke, eyeing him suspiciously but you gave him your hand anyways. Leon gives you a reassuring smile as he pulls your hand closer to him. 

“Close your eyes” He tells you, his lips quirking up in anticipation. “What are you up to Leon?” You sigh softly but close your eyes. 

There's a soft sound of his metal can being placed onto the floor. He gently holds your hand like a knight would for a princess. You noticed the feeling of a ring being pushed onto your finger, its weight resting snugly against your ring finger. “Open your eyes.” Leon instructs. You look down to your finger to find the ring tab of his metal can sitting on your finger. You laugh at his antics. 

“It almost feels like the real thing doesn’t it?” He asks with a boyish smile. “One day it will be.” he says with conviction, like he has already been dreaming about it. You chuckle, flexing your fingers against the sunlight and admiring it. 

“That’ll be nice…” You murmur softly. 

“Yeah?” Leon looks at you, his eyes softening as he notices the soft smile on your face as you admire the ring tab on your finger against the light. 

Leon Kennedy made a vow to you that day. 

—--------------

On your second year anniversary, Leon booked a semi fancy restaurant. One that he could afford on his limited allowance he got as he trained to be on the police force. You turned up in a simple dress, one of the only formal dresses you own. Leon’s breath hitched in his throat all the same, you always looked like a goddess to him. He hastily got up from his seat and pulled your chair out for you before pushing it back in. You laugh, “Leon, we been together for two years.” You remind him that he doesn’t really need to act all that formal for you anymore. “Doesn’t change a gentleman’s etiquette.” Leon tells you. 

You picked up a menu, noticing a lot of stares. You gave Leon a shy smile

“I think we’re overdressed for this restaurant…” 

He looks over to the other patrons in the restaurant who is staring at the both of them, not from envy but with judgemental looks. He was in a whole suit including a black tie and you’re in a champagne dress. The other patrons are merely wearing long pants and button ups or more casual dresses or outfits. Leon clears his throat, looking back at the menu. “The reviews said this place was fancy…” He looks embarrassed at himself. 

You never shame him, you just laugh it off. “Guess we can win ‘best dressed’ here.” 

That’s what he loves about you, how you always effortlessly reassure him, how you effortlessly brighten his world and make him forget everything else with a smile. 

At the end of the date,he brings you to the rooftop bar with a breathtaking view. He guides you to a more private corner, away from the music and the other patrons. Something the both of you always loved doing together is talking in front of beautiful scenery. 

You then took out from your purse a pocket album of every polaroid the both of you took. Each page decorated with stickers, doodles and words. Leon grins, “This is incredible- and incredibly adorable.” He tells you. You lean in and give him a small peck on his cheek. 

“Happy two year anniversary Leon.” You tell him. 

A look that can only be described as lovestruck crossed his features. 

“Right my turn-” He snaps out of his daze, not before pressing a small kiss to your lips and tucking the pocket album safely into his pocket. “Close your eyes.” 

Just like last time, a weight was pushed onto your ring finger, although this one felt more firm and heavier than the ring tab. When you opened your eyes, a simple silver ring with a blue gem sat on your finger. He looks at you nervously, like he’s worried you might not like it. You notice the matching one on his finger. 

“Leon-” You gasped in surprise, wondering where he even got the money to get you this. “I mean- this is a promise. I know I'm nowhere in the right place to even marry you now, hell just this ring itself took like 3 months of my allowance but- one day, I’ll definitely marry you.” He rambles nervously. You look at him, and then you can’t help but hug his neck and throw yourself into his arms, nodding enthusiastically as though he had already proposed. 

“Ok Leon. I’ll hold you to that.” 

—----------------------------------------------------

Time had a cruel way of tearing good things apart. 

It wasn’t anything explosive. Just two adults growing apart. The both of you got busier, lesser time spent together and soon, you realise your goals and visions didn’t align anymore. 

The opportunities came, you were given a chance to go abroad to further your research on viruses, a job that required you to be on the go. Leon was given a spot on the Raccoon City police department. Neither of you were willing to compromise. Afterall, the both of you were still young and wanted to chase your own dreams. A long distance relationship was something the both of you realised was only prolonging what must end. 

“So this is it then?” Leon asked as he handed you your luggage. You mustered your inner strength and gave him a smile. “This is it.” You confirm. He looks away, trying to keep his sadness within, just like you are. 

“Do we just-” Leon pauses, it hurts even thinking of  this possibility. “Just- move on from each other?” You nod. “Yeah, we don’t owe each other anything now. We can move on with other people if we wanted to.” You tell him. 

Leon wanted to fight, wanted to tell you that you cutting all kind of ties between the both of you hurts him more than any fight he can take. Wanted to fight that he could never find someone like you, no, he wanted you. Not anyone else. 

But now was not the time. He swallowed all his unspoken words and just took these last moments to memorise the features he loved so much. 

“Would you wait for me?” You ask him softly, a selfish question, but one that mattered to you all the same. 

His eyes widened, in surprise which you mistook as disbelief. You opened your mouth to take that question back but he stopped you. 

“Subconciously? I think I will be waiting for you forever.” He answered truthfully. 

Your eyes scanned his. It’s like he has a trance on you when you stepped forward and selfishly kissed him softly again. One last time. His breath hitched before he kissed you back like he’s taking his last breath. 

“Do you want me to? Wait for you?” He asks, his eyes boring into yours as you pulled away. 

You shake your head. “You deserve to be happy Leon, do anything that’ll make you happy.” You held onto your luggage and willed yourself to move away from him. 

“Take care Leon, and thanks, for the best years of my life.” 

 The truth is that airports have seen more sincere kisses than the wedding halls

The both of you were close enough to a happily ever after right? 

—------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Leon takes off the glove that hid his ugly rotting hands. He flexes his hand like he can’t believe that the hand that was no longer plagued with black veins belongs to him. He then takes out the ring from his pocket and slips it back onto his finger. He hasn’t worn it in decades but he likes keeping it on him. A reminder of the woman he loved with all his heart. 

The ring he gave you and found back again today sat around his neck. A reminder of the woman who always saved him. Both literally and metaphorically. 

Leon walks away from the aftermath of everything. His mind set on finding you again. 

This time, he’ll keep his vow to you. 

He has and always will be yours.

[nonexistent-nerd]

Bridge of Tears

Pairing: Bruce Wayne x f!reader

Word Count: 1.2k

Content: angst,unrequited love, moving on, bruce chose selina

A/N: Using my expertise to write angst for my fav billionaire superhero after my long absence. Never actually published a bruce wayne fic before so kinda nervous.

You don’t know when Bruce started noticing your feelings towards him. 

You don’t know when you even started developing these less than platonic feelings towards him. 

“I cooked you some of your favourites.” You tell him with a smile, handing him a small bento box. He looks up at you, giving you a small smile,the kind he gives out generously to the socialites at social events. “You didn’t have to, Selina and I already had lunch.” You can’t help the disappointment that pools at his rejection. “Well, uh, you can just keep it and maybe warm it up later when you’re hungry?” You suggest, fiddling with the handles of the bento box nervously. He smiles politely again to you, like you’re just another one of the girls who try to get his attention. “It’s ok, I think you should give it to someone who needs it more than me.” 

The implication was clear, he wasn’t just talking about the food or your acts of service for him. 

Your heart drops. The smile on your face vanishes, you straighten up, your face turning warm in embarrassment. “Yeah…” You purse your lips as you put the bento box back into the paper bag it was in. “Yeah, maybe I should.” you murmur while turning away. “Have a good day Bruce.” You tell him before shuffling out of his office, biting on your lip to hide how it trembles. You blink back the tears threatening to fall as you walk out of Wayne tower. Strange, has the world always been so dark and grey? 

“You never danced?” Bruce teased, one arm holding your waist and the other your hand as he sways with you to the classical music. You huff, knowing he’s referring to your lack of skill, to the fact that you’re practically tripping over your own foot. “I can only work with what I have.” You shot back, implying he’s not guiding you well. Bruce chuckles, his arm casually tightening around your waist and pulling you closer to him. His hand firmly holding your waist as he guides and steps with more confidence to lead you. 

When the music starts to slow indicating its end, he makes sure to slowly and gently dip you backwards. Your breath hitched, his face so close to yours that you could feel your breath and his mingling together. He gives you a charming smile and you find your mouth falling slightly ajar at just how handsome he is under the soft lighting of the ball room. If you closed your eyes…

You tossed and turned in your bed, to rid your mind of these memories. These memories that were way too dangerous, where the both of you danced a fine line between platonic and romance. You forced your eyes shut when the intrusive thought came. What if you’re the only one who felt anything in those moments? What if Bruce never thought anything of these interactions? You know he isn’t good at expressing his own emotions, but maybe it would be easier to move on if he just gave you a straight rejection. Or if he never started opening up to you. 

Was it all casual? When he would nag at you for not taking care of yourself. When he would casually give up his jacket for you when you shivered next to him. When he let you spend the night at his house after the both of you talked for hours on end. Or when he skipped patrols to celebrate your birthday or other special occasions with you. You rubbed at your eyes, were all those memories just lies that wove together and formed the illusion of love in your eyes? Just like that, all the happy memories the both of you shared crumbles into dust before you. You swallow the heart ache that follows after. 

Being lonely wasn’t all bad. You didn’t have to second-guess his every action, your mood didn’t sway according to his. You stop to admire the leaves falling off the trees, signaling the coming of fall. Time didn’t stop for anyone, despite everything, life goes on. You smile to yourself, maybe you were meant to be lonely because you enjoyed the peace that came with it. You enjoyed not having to depend on him, the stability and control you have as a single person was incomparable compared to the constant overthinking you felt with him. 

He was out of your league anyways. Bruce Wayne is a billionaire playboy philanthropist afterall. You’re a normal person, an ordinary background with a life that you could say shared similarities with most of the middle class in Gotham. It was a miracle you even became as close to Bruce as you once did. 2 straight lines intersecting once and never meant to meet again. 

Your eyes follow a fallen leaf that was blown by the wind to a screen in an electronics shop which was playing the news. 

“Bruce Wayne spotted with a mysterious lover at Wayne's Gala.” The headlines read.

There he was, dressed sharp in his suit. His hair gelled up, looking every bit the rich CEO he is. Next to him, holding his arm was Selina, in an elegant black gown. It looks like she whispered something in his ear before placing a small kiss on his cheek. His ears go red and he coughs after, trying to mask how flustered he is.

Your lip trembles again, you closed your eyes, your fists clenching by your side as you looked down at the pavement. You shoved your hands into your pocket. You pull out your phone and your fingers hovered over his contact button. 

“Thanks for everything. I’ll see you when I see you.” 

The message sent, your tears falling from your face onto the screen, blurring everything else. 

The bridge before you was nicknamed the bridge of tears,The bridge where people said their final goodbyes. You wanted to laugh at the irony. Taking a deep breath, you close your eyes as you let yourself indulge in the memories you had with him one last time. Your tears fall and disappear into the stone, darkening it with grief while you willed yourself to take steps forward. 

You crossed the bridge, each footstep cementing your memories with him into each stone on the bridge then blurred with tears. Almost like a painful reminder that it was in the past.

You let out a shaky breath when you reach the other side, closer to home. You spared one last glance at the bridge. There wasn’t comfort, only anxiety that you seemed to have lost something important, that you have left something crucial behind. 

You turned and walked away from the bridge. Not because you were ready to move on, but because you know staying on it would only bring about more heartbreak. 

“Wishing you all the best.” He replied. Not knowing you had already removed any trace of him from your life.

[nonexistent-nerd]

Birthday wishes (pure fluff)

Pairing: Reed Richards x f!reader

Word count: 1.6k

Content: Pure fluff, celebrating Reed's birthday. Can be read as stand alone but it's an AU of the original Birthday Wishes which is why the introduction is the same but without the angst that follows after

A/N: Lowkey, when I thought of happy endings this is what I had in mind first. Reed actually treating the reader right and the way she deserves. So have this for now as I write a part 2 for the angsty version of birthday wishes. I'm having some trouble and a case of writer's block for that one.. so have this to tide yall over.

The clock ticked relentlessly, it was almost 6. You ran through the checklist in your head as you stared at the scene before you. The words “Happy birthday” hung across the cabinets behind the counter. A few blue balloons floating next to it and a beautiful cheesecake with buttercream frosting sat on the counter, his initial “R” as the candle. 

You pulled out a box in your pocket, revealing a ring. The inside of the ring was engraved with a drawing of him he left on one of the notes he left behind on your bedside table when he left for work early. A matching ring with a drawing of you instead sat beside his. It wasn’t a particularly good drawing, art wasn’t Reed’s best qualities considering he still draws stick figures. The only quality defining the both of you was the beard he drew for himself and the long hair he drew for you. You teased him about it but he’s secretly amused at how much you liked the little goofy drawing he did. You smiled just thinking about his reaction to this ring, hoping he may find it as amusing yet meaningful as you did. 

The sound of the keys unlocking the door made you panic. It was rare that he would come home early considering his workaholic tendencies. You quickly turned off the lights and cursed under your breath when the lighter refused to light the candle on the cake properly. 

“Hey- I brought home some of the cake the members surprised me with, thought you may appreciate it more than me.” Reed starts talking the moment he steps through the door as he removes his shoes. He paused for a while, and scanned his surroundings cautiously when he noticed the unusual darkness. Reed calls out your name in question, why aren’t you home?

“Happy birthday to you…” You sung as you walked out the kitchen in a messy bun, a hopeful smile on your face as you brought the cake to him. The alert expression on his face quickly softens and his lips quirk up in amusement. He admires you as you sung him a birthday song, the light on the candle illuminating your excited face while he follows you into the dark apartment. “Happy birthday to Reed!” You finished the song, turning on the lights to reveal the decorations. 

Reed lets out a surprised sound, a small hint of blush on his face. He murmurs your name in awe and with affection. “You didn’t have to do all this… you know I don’t really-” You shake your head, pressing a finger to his lips. “I want to, and by the way it’s really sad to not celebrate your own birthday.” he scoffs lightly at that, “It is not that big of a deal.” You shake your head again and lead him to the cake. “Tadaaaa, we’re celebrating it this year!! Happy happy birthday Reed.” you make dramatic gestures, swinging your arms around in big motions and shimmying it in front of the decorations. An amused laugh escapes him and just wraps his arms around your waist and pulls you closer. He kisses and rests his lips on top of your head. “Thank you, for doing all this. I love you.” Reed presses another kiss onto your temple, his voice soft and gentle. “I love you too.” You repeat back without hesitation. “Come on- make your wish!” you pull away to which he just tightens his arms around you, preventing you from escaping. “Uh uh” he clicks in tongue, “My wish has already been granted.” he tells you with a cheeky smile. You roll your eyes affectionately at him, “Be serious..” “I am serious!” He defends. 

Reed turns you so that your back is against his chest, his arms still tight around your waist. He closes his eyes. 

“I wish… for many more happy birthdays with you.” He whispers and blows out his candle. A pink blush colours your cheeks. “You’re not supposed to tell me, it won’t come true.” You pout at him. He lets out another light hearted scoff, “I’m a man of science, I believe in statistics and right now hmm… since I love you dearly, definitely a true statement, and you love me too… it seems my wish is already on its way to becoming true.” He clarifies. “Nerd.” you playfully call him. Reed pinches your side, causing you to yelp and turn back around to face him. “This nerd is making you blush real red now.” He teases immediately, tracing a finger across your cheek to which you swatted his finger away.

“Try the cake. I baked it myself.” You tell him proudly as you hand him the knife. Reed cuts it, his eyes focused on cutting the cake into perfect equal servings. “Mmh I can tell.” He hums, referring to your disheveled look. You let out an offended gasp. “I didn’t think you would actually come home earlier on your birthday! You’re always late…” Guilt flashes across his eyes, he really should stop making you wait for him because he can’t put his pen down. “Luckily, I was dragged out of lab real early today because the team planned a surprise for me too.” he says as he gestures to the leftover cake he brought back home for you. “They also made sure I didn’t step back into the lab, and well, other than the lab the only other thing I was looking forward to was seeing you again.” Reed smiles charmingly at you, giving you a playful wink. You laugh at his actions as you take a plate with a slice he had set for you. “I should thank them then.” Reed pouts at that, “How about your boyfriend who saved you a slice of cake and came home early?” You shake your head, “That’s bare minimum.” he pouts further as he sits down across you and eats the cake. “Cruel” he murmurs playfully. 

Your eyes eyed his reaction in anticipation. He hums, “Mmh it’s good.” “Can’t you give me more to work with? I thought you gave good feedback.” You huff at him. He chuckles at your frustrated tone, “A little too sweet.” He comments. You frown immediately, “I knew I added too much sugar-” Reed cuts you off, “Must be because you made it.” He flirts, you keep silent and he looks at you. “You know… because you’re sweet? So you made the cake sweeter? Ah-” he rambles. You laugh at his nervousness. “I got it, Reed. Just thought it was corny.” You tease. Reed frowns. “I’m trying my best, I thought women liked those lines. Damn- Johnny-” You laugh even louder and his ears go red. “You've been taking lessons from Johnny?” “Not taking lessons come on- I just listened when he goes on one of his talks.” Reed defends. 

Reed’s lips can’t help but spread into a wide grin when he comes out of the washroom and you’re already lying in bed, all tucked in. He dries his hair with the towel with one hand as he climbs into bed with you. “I have a present for you.” You tell him excitedly, he immediately drops the towel onto the bedside table and cages you in between his arms. “Oh? Hopefully it’s you?” his eyes lower and drift across your body. You gently tapped his nose, “No.” He looks back at you with a disappointed expression and let you push him off of you. He collapses next to you with a dramatic sigh. From the bedside table, you retrieve the ring box and hand it to him. “Happy birthday Reed.” you tell him again. Reed looks at you, question in his eyes before he opens it. A chuckle escaped him when he spots his badly drawn stick figures engraved onto two rings. “What’s this?” he asks with an amused grin. “Your present! Isn’t it so cute, we have matching rings now.” You tell him while laughing at the drawings. Reed laughs as well, “I’m gonna get laughed at when people realise my best artistic abilities are these stick figures.” His eyes admire the workmanship of the rings, “But don’t worry, I’ll never take it off.” he quickly reassures. You take the ringbox from him and take his hand, gently slipping his ring onto his finger. “You gotta seal it with a kiss.” Reed tells you. You raised your eyebrows in question. “Hey, I don’t make the rules, you gotta seal it with a kiss.” he insisted. You shake your head but relent, kissing the ring and knuckle. He grins satisfied and does the same for you. He holds your hand in his, admiring the rings side by side as he sits closer to you. From under the ringbox, you pull out a chain. “Oh and this is for when you can’t wear jewelry in lab, at least keep the ring on you alright? No excuses.” You reminded him. Reed chuckles, surprised you remembered the lab rules. “Yes maam” 

Reed stares at your face for a while, just admiring your features. You watch as his eyes soften and he leans in. His lips capture yours gently, and he kisses you softly. He pulls back with a dreamy smile, “I love you, thanks for this very happy happy birthday.” “I love you-” Before you can finish, his lips capture yours in yet another kiss while he holds your hand. The feeling of your new matching rings rubbing against each other are now the promises of a happy future together.

[nonexistent-nerd]

Twilight Zone

Pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader

Word Count: 2.5k

Content: friends with benefits, moving on.

A/N: I had severe writer's block for this fic, it sat uncompleted in my drafts until i finally sat my ass down and completed it. Inspired by the song. Was a tough write ngl but i tried my best and I loved this song too much.

Twilight Zone

: a situation or conceptual area that is characterized by being undefined, intermediate, or mysterious.

--------

The moonlight lit up the streets of Jackson as Jackson goes quiet for the night. The weather was perfect enough for a walk to shut off your brain for the day so you put on your coat and stepped out of your home. You took a deep breath, taking in the quiet surroundings and the cool breeze that graces you. While bouncing on your feet lightly, you plucked in your earphones and fiddled around with your walkman. A subtle smile on your face when music starts playing. 

There weren’t any people on the streets, barely anyone at all except for the passing residents of Jackson who’s on patrol duty or nightwatch. Despite the only light source being the moonlight and the rare few street lights that were part of an improvement project for Jackson, you recognised him, —-Joel Miller. He’s in his usual brown jacket, the grey in his hair shining against the moonlight. Joel is walking towards your direction, not because he’s coming to say hi, but merely passing you. If this was any other day in the past, you may have turned on your heel and headed another direction to avoid him, but not anymore, you continued your direction towards him. There wasn’t any reason to hide from him or avoid him anymore. After all, the both of you are practically strangers now. 

Your arm raised without thinking, like a habit, but it lacked the enthusiasm it used to have when seeing him. This time, it was hesitant, not sure how he would react.When his eyes didn’t even meet yours, you pursed your lips and pretended to tuck a stray hair behind your ear. When he was passing you, Joel met your eyes for a split second and immediately looked down when you met his eye. Instead, he pursed his lips and gave you a curt nod of recognition. 

No worry about your late adventures, no nagging about your unhealthy sleep schedules, not even a pause in his steps. 

You cast your eyes down at the pavement, you always admired his ability to do that. How he could withdraw himself till the point of no recognition, how he could always act like there was no history between the two of you. If you didn’t know any better, you would think that whatever you two had then was some dream you came up with to feed your delusions. 

It can’t be a dream when you can still remember his scent on your sheets, the weight of his body against yours and his low gravelly voice that greeted you in the mornings after. 

It seemed like a dream to you, but to Joel Miller it might as well be a nightmare. 

He never could stand being weak and vulnerable, he hated the domestic mornings that followed after because it reminded him of times when he was weak. He hated how his heart skipped a beat whenever he saw you smile, when his heart almost stopped when you murmured that you love him in your sleep. It scared him, you can’t love him,he won’t let you, nor will he allow himself to love you. Love makes people weak, its a weakness that can be exploited and in this harsh world, he refuses to give himself or take any risk of any pain. He’s protecting you. That’s what he tells himself. 

Joel and you were two people from two different dimensions. He grieved his lost ones and manifested the pain into hatred and anger, he pushed the pain down in his heart and forged himself a heart of steel. One that beat purely for survival. On the other hand, you manifested the pain into strength to continue your days, you remembered your lost ones fondly, you cried when things got too much, when you started to miss them. You didn’t hide your feelings, your heart beat for the people you love, you couldn’t help it. So when you met him, and matters escalated to a no strings attached arrangement,things got messy. 

Oil and water could never be mixed, same with you and Joel. The only thing the both of you had in common was stubbornness and the refusal to change. He wasn’t willing to let you in, to allow himself any feelings for you. You wanted to love him, even if he didn’t want to reciprocate it, you wanted to be allowed to do things for him, to show that you cared. He hated those actions. Arguments broke out, harsh words exchanged, and yet the physical aspect of your relationship brought the both of you back into each other arms. 

Joel was hot and cold. He was soft when he held you in his arms, talking to you softly and gently about his day. He was gentle when he woke up in the morning and kissed your forehead before getting up. It gave you hope that maybe one day he would embrace this domestic lifestyle with you, that he would love you like you do him. Then, like a switch was flipped, he goes back to minding his own business throughout the day, stopping every few times for a friendly conversation that revealed nothing about what goes on behind doors and on bad days he raised his voice and demanded that you keep in mind that you had agreed to a no strings attached arrangement,not a relationship, not even a label. 

You fell for the softer side of him. The one whose eyes soften when he sees you smile, when he carved you some figures when you shared with him about your interests in fictional characters. The one who listened to your complaints and solved them for you without even you knowing. Did that side of him exist or was it all an act? 

—---- 

“Hey, wake up” Joel used the back of his finger to gently rub against your cheek, rousing you from sleep. His other hand drawing shapes on your thigh. “I made you breakfast, pancakes. You mentioned you were craving them.” You let out an annoyed sound as you turned away from him, earning a chuckle from him. “Come on,” he leans down to peck your forehead, you hum and tiredly sit up. He smiles triumphantly at that, giving you a hand to help you up. “I promise my breakfast is good. Pancakes is my signature.” You rub at your eyes, stretching with a groan. “Why so domestic today? Did the sun rise from the west?” you teased sarcastically. He shrugged. “Trying to hit my quota of being nice for the day.” he matched you, earning a laugh from you. 

His eyes searched yours eagerly with a slight hint of nervousness. “How’s it, been some time since I made them-” He trails off, letting out a relieved breath when your eyes light up upon tasting the pancakes he made. “Woah, where has this pancake making talent been hiding?” You took another happy bite. Joel smiled proudly, the rare times he shows off that handsome boyish smile of his despite his tough looks. “Heh, you underestimate me darlin’” 

“Careful. You’re making me fall for you.” you tell him playfully. The tense silence that followed made you cringe inside. “I mean- the pancakes are really good.” you correct yourself, afraid to even meet his eye. 

“I got it the first time” he answers, his boyish smile now vanished and replaced with his usual scowl on his face. You pursed your lips, there goes the man you loved. 

—-

The sizzling of the pancake you’re making brought you back to reality. You shook your head to clear the memories from your mind. Joel was never the man you thought he was, the signs was all there clear as day. You compared the man you thought he was and the cold brutal survivor that he truly was, they might as well be two different people. A sigh escaped you, if you could go back in time, would you warn yourself first that Joel wasn’t the soft domestic guy you thought he was? You pursed your lips as you flipped the pancake, you didn’t have the right to act like he was leading you on. You tried to fit into his image of you too, you played by his rules, you tiptoed around your feelings when you’re with him. You didn’t express your feelings around him, instead pushing it down, knowing he didn’t like dealing with the mess that was emotions. 

—----

Joel Miller sat on the chair on his porch, strumming his guitar nonchalantly as he nursed a whiskey. His fingers naturally played the rhythm of your favourite song, he paused at that memory.

“So, you finally learned the full song?” you asked excitedly as you sat across from him. He lets out a chuckle, while strumming a few notes to check if his guitar was tuned. “Had to refresh my memory, been awhile, but I think I got it now,” he tells you. “Better not disappoint me, I’m ready.” Your eyes scan him with anticipation. He smiles, inhaling before he starts strumming the familiar tune. 

He started softly, like he was unsure if he was on the right track. Joel studied your reaction nervously, then your head started bobbing the tune, and he smirked, it’s going well. He reached the chorus where he had to bite back a laugh when you started belting out to the song, he watched you for a while, his fingers strumming for you.While you danced and pretended that you’re holding onto some microphone. You tapped on his thigh excitedly, egging him on to join your duet. He shook his head in amusement but relents, and soon enough the both of you were singing like it's some makeshift karaoke. 

“Woo, you’re great with the guitar Joel, even awakened my singing talent.” You joked. He playfully shivers and grimaces at your words. “Wouldn’t say a singing talent, more of a performing talent. Was rather off tune in some parts, but I appreciate the stage presence.” He teases. You pretended to be hurt, “It’s part of the art.” The smile on your face still radiant, his heart warms at the sight. 

The happy memories were quickly accompanied by the swift messy end to your relationship. The same arguments, the same harsh words, the same reminder that your relationship had no labels, but this time, the both of you didn’t go back to each other. This time, it ended for good, like the past year was a mere dream. He put his guitar down and sipped on his whiskey, wondering what had gone so wrong so fast? There must be a better way that the both of you could have ended. 

The inevitable ending that deep down the both of you anticipated. The intentions the both of you had for each other was different, even if it both centered around the topic of intimacy. You wanted real genuine love, he wanted temporary solace.At the end of the day, the both of you became what each other needed and built a sanctuary out of it. A sanctuary built on lies, the lie that you wouldn’t be attached to him that way, the lie that he could love you the way you wanted to. 

—--------------

You were sitting in the medical bay, it was criminal how morning shifts at the medical bay required you to be there at 4am to do stock checks. You yawned as you squatted down at the store room, counting the medical supplies available and taking it down. 

There’s a knock on the door, “clinic’s not open yet, unless you have an emergency like you’re bleeding out-“ you sighed, not even turning to look at the person. 

“Tommy told me to come.” 

You still, taking a deep breath before you turn to face him. “Joel.” You greeted. He pursed his lips, giving you an awkward nod. Your eyes scan him as you move past him. “What’s wrong?” You asked him as you took a seat at your desk. He rubbed his neck then sat  down on the examination table. 

“Uh-“ he doesn’t know how to start, then he pulls up his pants to reveal the scrape on the side of his leg. You stared at it for awhile “don’t look infected but ill clean it up.” You tell him while reaching for the medkit. Joel seems to puff up his chest at that “Told Tommy it ain’t anything serious yet he insisted.” “How did you get it?” You asked while gently dabbing the injury with alcohol. Joel seems to go quiet at that, you resisted the urge to roll your eyes. You must have hit a sore spot. Joel doesn’t respond to any answers he reckons too personal. 

“Just a fall.” He responds to your surprise. “At home?” Joel made out a grunt and then said “Here and there.” You raise your eyebrows in question, “This is a fresh wound and patrols start at 6.” Joel grumbles under his breath. “At home.” he confirmed begrudgingly, earning an amused smile on your face. The seasoned survivor was clumsy and hurt himself in his own home. 

“Ain’t nothin’ funny.” Joel grumbles at you. “If you say so.” you mused back. 

The silence that followed was heavier. Considering this is the first normal conversation you had with him since you both went your separate ways, it was inevitable. 

“How ya been?” Joel asks, coughing over the awkwardness. You smile as you tossed the cotton away, “Mmh pretty good, you?” he nods back in response. “Been thinking about you, bout’ us.” he admits, causing you to pause. “I’ve been thinking about us too.” you admit softly as you tossed the gloves into the biohazard bin. “Yea?” He responds. “It’s strange, I don’t usually get hung up on the details of the past.” you tell him, walking him to the door. He nods, understanding what you meant. “Not because I-” he stops you before you can answer. 

“I get it.” he tells you with a smile. His eyes looking into yours. Reminiscing doesn’t necessarily mean hoping to go back, but just as a simple indulgence of happier times. 

“Don’t be a stranger” his eyes seem to tell you.  

The both of you are on the same page. 

You smile back at him, nodding, understanding what he meant. 

“See ya around.” Joel bids as he leaves the clinic. “Thanks for the help.” he adds. You playfully salute him back, he lets out an amused chuckle before turning his back on you. 

The chapter between the both comes to a close, it wasn’t about longing for what could have been,you can’t force something to work. You watch his retreating figure into the night, the moon was setting, the darkness of the night fading away. If this was the past maybe you’ll shout his name and shoot him back with a playful remark,  but you don’t. You’re happy with how things are now with Joel. An acquaintance, not necessarily strangers with a history anymore. 

The both of you were no longer in the twilight zone. You turn your back and walk back to the medical bay, a relieved smile creeps onto your face. It’s surreal what Joel and you had, like some kind of dream. You don’t regret it, but you won’t miss the pain and messiness of it all either. 

Sometimes, I just can't believe

You happened

[nonexistent-nerd]

Birthday Wish

Pairing: Reed Richards x f!reader

Word count: 2.9k

Content: angst, heartbreak, insecurities. Reed and Sue

A/n: Its been a long time, but this idea haunted me for weeks before i finally forced myself to write it. Finished it at 3 in the morning. First time writing for Reed, I haven't watched first steps yet so bear with me if there are any inconsistencies

The clock ticked relentlessly, it was almost 6. You ran through the checklist in your head as you stared at the scene before you. The words “Happy birthday” hung across the cabinets behind the counter. A few blue balloons floating next to it and a beautiful cheesecake with buttercream frosting sat on the counter, his initial “R” as the candle. 

You pulled out a box in your pocket, revealing a ring. The inside of the ring was engraved with a drawing of him he left on one of the notes he left behind on your bedside table when he left for work early. A matching ring with a drawing of you instead sat beside his. It wasn’t a particularly good drawing, art wasn’t Reed’s best qualities considering he still draws stick figures. The only quality defining the both of you was the beard he drew for himself and the long hair he drew for you. You teased him about it but he’s secretly amused at how much you liked the little goofy drawing he did. You smiled just thinking about his reaction to this ring, hoping he may find it as amusing yet meaningful as you did. 

It's 7pm. You already kept the cake back into the fridge to preserve its freshness. You were no stranger to Reed being late. He was always a workaholic. You called him a few times, sighing softly. As much as you tried to understand his workaholic tendencies, you couldn’t help but be a little disappointed, he did promise to come back earlier today. The rings weighed heavily in your pocket, your eyes flying to the door every few minutes, just waiting for him to come home. 

The sighting of lightning flashing across the sky and the sound of a loud thunder alarmed you to a potential storm. You grimaced, wondering if the storm had reached Reed first and if he was driving safely. Weird, it was supposedly clear skies for this week according to the forecast. 

The sound of the keys unlocking the door pulled you out of your thoughts. You jumped up in excitement, running to the kitchen to retrieve the cake from the fridge and quickly lighting the candle. You carefully brought the cake out to meet Reed, gasping softly in surprise when he’s already at the counter looking at you. 

“Happy birthday Reed!” You wished, a bright grin on your face as you surprised him. 

There was no surprise on his face, not even a hint of a smile, no words. The furrow in between his eyebrows deepened and his eyes could barely reach yours.Something was very wrong. 

“Hey-” you set the cake down on the counter carefully. “What’s wrong?” you walked up to him, opening your arms in case he needed a hug. His eyes scan the cake, then the decorations you put up around the kitchen and finally you. 

“Let’s break up” he says firmly, like he’s giving orders. This isn’t the Reed you fell for, this is the leader of the fantastic four. 

The thunder that resounded through the apartment masked the sound of your heart cracking and the surprised and hurt whimper that escaped from you. You stared at him, is he doing this out of fear? Pushing you away to keep you safe? Or did something go seriously wrong between the two of you? 

You reached out for his hand that was by his side. He lets you guide him to the couch but pulls his hand away when you look at him again. He can’t face you. The both of you fell into tense silence as the rain poured, the lightning lighting up the living room every few seconds and the sound of thunder roared. 

“Break up? Is something wrong? Did I-” you took a breath, ur heart shattering as you looked away hurt. “Did I do something wrong?” you asked, your voice cracking sightly. Your mind spiralled with possibilities, did he find your constant check-ins annoying? Was it because you didn’t respect his workaholic tendencies, what boundaries of his did you cross without knowing.

“You’re good, great even. Its not you- never your fault. You deserve better.” He replies, like he had practiced, like he knew you’ll pin it all on yourself. “Reed, I want you not - better, I- I’m sure we can talk-” You immediately reassure him, your words laced with a hint of desperation. You don't want to lose him. This must be his insecurities talking, you can fix this, the both of you can overcome this. 

He says your name with such gentleness, such vulnerability, forcing you to look at him, forcing you to stop rambling. He pauses, thinking carefully of what words to use, to express himself, one of his weaknesses. 

“My feelings for Sue are coming back. Or maybe it never left, I don't know,but I know I-. I know its unfair to you, so- let’s end this on good terms.”

He watches as the light in your eyes flicker and extinguish like the candle that has gone out on the cake at the counter. He watches helplessly as tears fell from your eyes and your heart shattered into a million pieces. His heart aches as he hears a pained whimper from you and you start shaking. His hand reached out, but he clenched his hand into a fist. He’ll do more harm than good, even if his intention was to comfort you. 

“You want to love her again, not me.” He didn’t know if you meant it as a statement or a question but he nodded anyways, he had to be honest. He caused enough damage by being with you. He should have known he would never have fully gotten over Susan. You wiped at your tears before staring him in his eyes, like you wanted to see him fully, or maybe you had already started memorizing his features. He met your eyes, it's the least he could do. 

“Have you ever loved me?” This question physically pained him. His eyes flash with pain, he opened his mouth to argue, to say he did, but even now he wasn’t sure. Did he? Or was he just using you as a replacement? His mouth closed in defeat. 

You looked over the decorations, the cake, the effort you put into this relationship and then to him. The man you loved with all your heart. “Does this hurt you as much?” you murmurs out again. This break up, does it affect him as much as it had did for you? Or was he simply relieved to be able to love Sue freely again? He remained silent, just looking at you with eyes you saw as pity, but he meant as regret, regret for breaking your heart, regret for not being able to love you fully like you wished. The silence was for the better, you didn’t know what answer you wanted to hear. A yes would mean he’s hurting too, but sadly you couldn’t hate him even now. You just wanted him to be happy. A no, would mean he never truly cared about this relationship, but it would mean he would be happier without you. 

You took a deep breath, holding the tears back, forcing the emotions back. 

“If that is your wish, to be able to love Sue freely again. Then I’ll grant it. As long as you’re happy.”

Another steadying breath, summoning the courage as you tried to smile at him. Tear glistening in your eyes. 

“Have a happy birthday Reed.” —-----

You sat on the beach, watching the sun set. Music playing in your ears, you never realised how much of Reed has integrated into your daily life until you realised that you can’t even go two songs without listening to a song he liked, or one that reminded you of him. At first, you skipped past the songs, but now you reached the stage of acceptance where you just listen to it. They weren’t bad songs, just tainted with the memories of him. Afterall, you have been on a two week vacation since his birthday and the break up, no contact no internet. You’re tired of running away from him, there’s no escaping him when you spent the last 2 years of your life revolving it around him. There’s no escaping the “what could have been” when the rings you made for the both of you still sat in your drawer. 

“We can travel the world, even outer space if you’re up for it” You can hear him, even the laugh that followed this promise. “We have a lifetime ahead of us together. No rush right?” he had said while holding you close by his side. You smile softly, its a bittersweet memory now. The promises that never quite made it. Then the insecurity and jealousy crept up again, whispering in your ear. He probably made the same promises, maybe more to Sue too. Maybe you were really just a replacement for her until he’s ready to face his feelings again for her. Were you just a projection of her for him? You hug your legs, shaking your head, trying to rid your mind of these thoughts but it only got louder. 

“What did Sue have that you didn't? What was missing?” the negative thought spiraled in your mind. Digging into your deepest insecurities and putting you down for it. She had powers, she understood him. She wasn’t useless during missions, wasn’t helpless like you. She had the training to be in space, you didn’t. The simplest comparison hurt you the most. She was undeniably attractive and beautiful, she is a confident strong woman who could hold her own. You were the complete opposite, preferring to keep to yourself, quiet and shy. Most people didn’t cast you a second glance, didn’t even remember you existed. Your mind flashed a painful memory of when you went as Reed’s date for a conference., when one of the people brushed you off and asked Reed where Sue was instead. What people said about you being Reed’s rebound after Susan, that he decreased his standards and settled for someone to handle his heartbreak. Reed had reassured you, despite his limited knowledge with handling emotions, he started expressing his affection for you more openly,buying you gifts and spending more time with you to proved that he loved you then, that he chose you. That’s what you believed. 

The jealousy and  insecurity clawed deep and rooted itself in your mind. That was an illusion, maybe with Susan he was actually more open and vulnerable, maybe what you deemed as his weaknesses wasn’t weaknesses with Sue. Maybe he just wasn’t with the right person to be himself truly. Maybe he just fit into the image you had of him, the image you had of him that was an illusion. 

You plucked out the earphones like it was terrifying you, like it was the one whispering these hurtful words to you. You walked over to the waves and splashed your face with some water as you forced your mind to focus on the sound of the waves crashing and the hint of salt in the winds. 

It was a curse to have loved Reed. You weren’t allowed to love him anymore, nor could you bring yourself to hate him. 

You thought about the day of his birthday. The heartbreak and memories hitting you like a tsunami crashing onto you. A day of happiness and wishes, and he decided it was the time to end it all. He tainted his own birthday in an attempt to free you and himself from a relationship that couldn’t work. Not anymore, not when his heart was with Sue, and yours with him. 

You remembered the myriad of emotions that hit you, confusion, frustration, sadness and disappointment just to name a few, but who were you to deny him of his birthday wish? 

So instead of fighting, you smiled wryly and wished him all the best, while granting his wish of a clean break. 

—-- 

“Reed, there’s a letter for you. No return address or name of sender though.” Susan walked into his office, dropping the letter onto his desk. Reed frowned, “Odd.” he simply commented as he looked at the letter. Susan pecks the top of his head, “Don’t work too hard.” she tells him affectionately. Reed smiles softly at her, "I'll try not to. Thanks.” He answers as Susan leaves his office. Giving him the privacy to read the letter. 

He scrutinised the letter for awhile, trying to figure out who sent it and if it’s worth his time. He contemplated tossing it as junk mail but his curiosity won instead. He opened it, and he felt his heart stop. 

“Dear Reed,congrats on the wedding” that handwriting- it’s been almost a  few months since he saw it. He didn’t know if it was cruel but after talking to Susan and that she was okay with it. Reed sent you an invite, a wedding invitation to Susan and his wedding. Maybe he just wanted to make sure you’re ok, to see if you’re doing well considering you vanished from his life after his birthday. He unfolds the letter with shaky hands and anticipation. 

“I won’t be able to make it, but I wish the two of you a happily ever after.” You signed off with your name, he can tell from the scribbles that you had wrote more but had cancelled it out. His fingers traced the word “wedding” ; it had been smudged, the exact position too precise to have been anything else but tears. His heart cracks at that, you were still hurting even after so long. He rereads the letter a few more times. He shouldn’t still be thinking about you,especially with the wedding coming up, but he have been. Not feelings of course, but about his relationship with you, the questions you brought up during that faithful day echoing in his mind. He sighed; then picked up a pen as he pulled a blank paper, scribbling. You deserved some ending, some resolution. Even if it isn’t the happily ever after you wished for. 

————-

“I thought about us a lot. I tried contacting you a few times but failed, but since you received my wedding invitation. I would hope you receive and read this one too. 

You asked me on that faithful day, on my birthday two simple questions. I wasn’t able to answer you then but after deep reflection, I can now. 

I did love you, you weren’t just some replacement. I loved you for the cheerful, forever optimistic innocent woman that you are. You were so untainted by this selfish world of ours, I loved you truly. 

And it hurt me to have to break your heart, but you deserved the honest truth. You deserved someone who could love you with all his heart and it wasn’t me. I’m sorry I didn’t realise the depth of my feelings for Susan sooner, and prevented our relationship from going any further than friendship. You wouldn’t believe me but seeing your pain that day hurt me just as much, and despite it all, there weren’t any shouting or fighting, just a quiet acceptance and wishing me the best. You were always so selfless, always putting other people first. Your calm reaction only made me hurt more, I wished that you would take it out on me, instead of trying to shoulder the burden by yourself, but I understand I lost the right to share the burden with you then. It further cemented the fact that you deserved someone who could love you as much as you did me. 

I hope you know that our memories together were as real as our relationship. I appreciate and will remember each one fondly. You’re a great woman. I’m sorry that I’m not able to give you the happily ever after you wanted and I hope you find the one who would give you the happily ever after you deserve. Thanks for loving me even when I couldn’t love myself. 

Thanks for loving me with all your heart.

     -Sincerely, 

       Reed

———-

You wiped the last of your tears, and gingerly placed his letter into this old metal cookie tin. Along with the photos of him and you. Lastly, from your dresser you retrieved the rings you made specifically for him and you for his birthday. The ones that you had wished to be a symbol of your relationship and has been garnering dust in the months you've been apart. The same rings you avoided for months because you didn’t want to be reminded of him. You take one last look of your memories with Reed, the man who you loved with all your heart, your first love and your biggest heartbreak. It was a bittersweet journey, but he moved on, ready to start a new chapter of his life as a married man. 

You don’t know if you’re ready but you have to. You have to move on. Time waits for no one. You take a deep breath and cover the contents with the lid. Then you squat down and bury it under the tree. The tree where the both of you once sat under. 

“To a lifetime together?” You asked with a laugh 

“Always, promise.” He answered confidently. 

That seemed so long ago. 

What a pity we can’t choose who we love. 

[nonexistent-nerd]

Lost

pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader

Word Count : 2.1k

content: Joel giving you life advice and assurance, him being your comfort.

A/N: It's been a hella long time, this may be a little too personal of a story but I have had a rough few months. And this was a little fic i wrote to comfort myself with my fav comfort character. Finally decided to post this in hopes that it may help someone ahaha.

 “Have you ever wondered what it would be like if Ellie grew up pre-outbreak?” Joel’s eyebrows raised in curiosity. “Why the sudden deep question?” He questioned you back as he sipped on the steaming hot cup of coffee in his hand. You shrug, “Just a thought.”  

   Joel and you sat on his front porch, just watching the sunset over the horizon, a beautiful backdrop for Jackson’s village. He ponders your question for a while before sitting up in his chair, “You mean if she didn’t grow up during the outbreak, but before, when we didn’t have to worry about the infected?” He clarifies. You nod as you stare off into the distance, watching the various villagers go about their days. “I mean, she’s 18 this year. If life was normal she would probably be going off for college this year. Not- not going out for patrols and helping out around town, or even fighting for her life every time she’s out of Jackson.” You continue adding on. Joel hums, “College huh?” He lets out a small laugh at the thought of an education system. It had been too long since he had last heard about any form of education. “Mmm, she would probably be going off for college, like every other teenager back then, where she would figure out her life from there.” Joel hums as he imagines what it would be like in an alternate universe. 

   “Do you think she would be happier than now? If let’s say she had the chance to go to a college instead of fighting for her life.” You ask again. Joel places his mug down on the table separating the both of you. “Probably, I mean I never went to college properly but it would probably be better than fighting for your life.” You look at him as he answers, “You really think so?” Joel’s eyes widened and he let out another laugh, “Come on, who in their right mind would prefer our life now to back then?” You simply smile and laugh a little. “We only think that way because we had them to compare to, Ellie only knows life throughout the outbreak, she’s been fighting since she’s young, learning how to defend herself and survive. Even now at 18, she’s been doing the same things as she did since young, it’s a form of normalcy for her.” Joel turns his body to face you, “What’s your point exactly?” He asked, not quite understanding where you’re coming from. You meet his eye for a few moments, trying to search for the right words to voice your opinions. 

    “Becoming 18 was the scariest part of my life, and arguably the hardest part of my life too. That’s saying a lot since I literally survived 20 years in a stupid zombie apocalypse.” You laugh, and Joel gives you a judgemental look, he can list down a list of worse periods of his life compared to turning 18. 

   “Becoming 18 brought about so many changes in my life, I had to prepare myself for college, choosing a major, being in a completely new environment, new friends. I just felt so pressured and overwhelmed with everything. However for Ellie, ironically enough, she’s in a more stable environment than she has ever been. Jackson is the safest it gets around here, she can live a semblance of a normal life here, hanging out with friends, indulging in her hobbies, and doing typical teenage things. For someone go fought for their survival everyday, Jackson is practically a safe haven. Personally, I know 18-year-old me would have done anything for some semblance of stability back then.” 

  Joel just stares at you for a moment, he clears his throat upon noticing that you seemed to be getting a little emotional just thinking about it. “My life changed when I was 20, 18 wasn’t bad for me, I knew I wanted to be a musician so a music degree was the way to go but I had to drop out when Sarah’s mum got pregnant with her. I worked tirelessly to afford a wedding and eventually, our life together with Sarah, balancing college on top of multiple jobs would have killed me.” He shares with you, looking away as he realizes you’re trying to subtly wipe the tears that are forming in your eyes. “One moment I was a college student and then suddenly I was thrown out to the adulting world without any prior warnings, forced to adapt and overcome. Plus the pressure from both sides of the family regarding the pregnancy, fuck I thought I was gonna lose my mind.” Joel continues. “As much as I say that, it taught me to appreciate the small things in life, sure i have my regrets but seeing Sarah.. having Sarah turned out to be the biggest blessing of my life. No matter how much life hated me, it was easier every day when I see Sarah, she was the light in my world. It made all the shittty things I went through worth it.” He says confidently, you can see the pride shining in his eyes at the thought of Sarah. Your hands reach over to give his hand a little encouraging squeeze. Joel used to have trouble even talking about Sarah, but he had came a long way since then.  

  “I’m sorry I went on about my grandfather's story, it’s your turn.”Joel chuckles, he picks up his mug to take another sip of his coffee, you had always been a cheerful person, he was curious about how your life was at 18 for you to tear up just thinking about it. 

  You sat there silently for a few moments, then you inhaled deeply, trying to muster the courage to tell Joel. You never had the opportunity to share what you went through prior to this conversation with Joel. 

   “I didn’t have life as tough as you but I don’t know, I just felt so lost you know? I didn’t know what to do with my life.” You started, your body tensing up just at the memory of it. “I was so afraid of suffering in my chosen major if I ended up not liking it. I didn’t want to waste my time studying something I didn’t like. Then I spiraled and thought that if I chose the wrong major I would be condemned to a job or industry I hated. I couldn’t bear spending my time on a job that I didn’t like. I just felt so doomed and trapped at that point in time, I was so lost, I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life.” Your words started to leave your lips at a faster pace, just the memory of it evoked some overwhelming emotions inside you. Joel moved the table separating the both of you immediately and shifted his seat right next to you. He revealed his bare palm to you, a soft invitation for comfort. You placed your hand in his immediately, letting out a sigh of relief when he held your hand tightly, giving your hand a few squeezes to ground you. “It’s okay, you’re fine now.” He murmurs softly. Silence fell over the two of you as you took a few steadying breaths and he patiently waited. 

  “You didn’t talk to anyone about this? About how lost you were?” Joel questioned, a worried look on his face. His hand still holding yours. You shook your head, “Not in detail anyway, I tried asking in general. My dad caught hints of how I felt, he just kept telling me about how it's normal to feel lost and that I’ll figure it out along the way, but I just couldn’t shake the feeling of anxiety.” Joel’s eyebrows furrowed, this made him wonder if Ellie or Sarah had ever felt anxious before and he had just never caught on. “I started spacing out a lot, I couldn’t remain in silence because if there wasn’t something to occupy my mind, it would go back to overthinking about the future. I knew I wasn’t in a good place, but I felt my feelings were invalid since there were people out there in worse situations than me. So, I- I just smiled a little bigger and laughed a little louder, trying to mask how I felt inside.” Joel lets out a breath at that, “No one should ever feel like their feelings are valid. Just because you’re in a better situation doesn’t mean that you don’t deserve to feel that way. The feelings and pain you went through still affected you and hurt you, it was real.” Joel says firmly, a determined look in his eye. He firmly believed in that statement. You gave him a soft smile, “I just wished young me knew that, but knowing my stubborn ass, I would have continued to spiral anyways.” 

  Joel stretches his legs, letting out a grunt as he does so. “Have you ever thought of taking a gap year? To figure out what you wanted?” He suggested. “Thought about it, my dad didn’t like the idea of me wasting a year, he said the longer I waited the value of my grades loses and it would be even harder for me to get into college.” You answered. Joel let out a scoff, “It’s not a waste, it's better than you impulsively choosing a major and then regretting it for the rest of your life or even possibly destroying your mental health more trying to do well in something you found no joy in.” Yion shrugs, “At that point of time, I didn’t even want to commit myself to further studies, knowing me, I would have just settled for any job as long as it was stable even if it wasn’t the best choice financially for the long term.” 

   “There is no such thing as a stable job, every job has its own pros and cons. What matters is the fulfillment you get from it.” Joel answers. He would know, everyone around him didn’t like the idea of him becoming a musician because it took a stroke of luck to even do decently well and stand out in the industry but Joel knew for a fact that he wouldn’t enjoy anything else as much as he would being able to perform for people. It was the whole reason why he went ahead with his music degree. He would never know if it would turn out to be a choice he regretted since he had to drop out to support his family but until now, having the opportunity to study music was one of the best decisions he made. You sigh, “Well I felt like I had tunnel vision. I just saw myself on a path that led nowhere. Maybe I was in a bad place altogether too.” Joel hums in understanding. “You made it this far, even pulled through a whole apocalypse. Can’t say many people did the same. For someone who claimed they’re weak, you did make it 20 years in surviving an apocalypse. You laugh at the irony of it all, “Hm, turns out I did better when there weren’t many options. The only way to survive was to live, I didn’t have any other path to walk. The world narrowed it down for me.” Joel smirked, “Oh, how kind of them.” He replied sarcastically. 

   “So, do you think Ellie would be happier going off for college?” You asked again, linking back to the original question. Joel smiles, his eyes twinkling as the tangerine sunlight highlighted his features. “She would be happy as long as she finds the most suitable pacing for herself to move through life,” Joel concludes. “Life only seems fast-paced because everyone else moves at a fast pace but that doesn’t mean everyone can keep up. Determine your own pace and progress through at your own pace. It’s the only way you won’t feel stressed and pressured which tend to equate to you being content.” 

   Joel finishes his coffee. “Feeling lost is normal, it usually happens when you think you’re left behind and everyone is moving tenfolds faster than you. However, life was never meant to be some race to be the fastest, you could always set your own pace and continue moving forward. Being slower is better than pushing yourself past your limits and ruining yourself in the process.” 

   You look at him with admiration. Then you cleared your throat and laughed a little to lighten the tension. “Joel, that was really wise.” He looks over to you as he clears his throat too, trying to hide a small hint of a blush. “Heh, must be the old age catching up.” He murmurs. 

   You stare onward, looking at Joel and then to the various villagers of all ages living their lives in Jackson. You smile subconsciously. 

   Everything does work out in the end. 

[nonexistent-nerd]

Sparks

Pairing: Nanami Kento x f!reader

Word Count: 2k

Content: Hurt/comfort, takes place when nanami was still a salaryman

A/N: I am in mourning, this was supposed to be a full angst fic but I couldn't bring myself to continue the pain

   Kento rubbed his eyes. The figure “22.34” on the clock in the office was practically the only other light source other than the glare of his computer screen. He closed the tabs on his screen, stretching in his seat. Another overtime, another missed dinner with you. His eyes glared at his desktop’s wallpaper, it was meant as a form of motivation but now it seemed to taunt him. It was a picture of Teluk Cempedak, a beach in Kuantan that he really wanted to visit. 

   Kento unlocked his phone while standing in the elevator. His heart sank when he was greeted with many missed calls and messages from you. His grip on his phone tightened slightly, meetings after meetings and then the never-ending work, it had slipped his mind to inform you that he was going to work late again. The messages got less frequent and he could almost feel your disappointment when he read your last text. 

     “You’re working late again, aren’t you? Please take care of yourself, don’t skip dinner. Come home soon.” 

    His finger immediately pressed on the call button, he let out a sigh when he was led to voicemail. You must have fallen asleep already. Kento leaned against the wall of the elevator, a small smile tugged on his lips at his own wallpaper. It was his favourite picture of you, from when the both of you took a short trip to Hokkaido from Tokyo.

=========

   “Have you not been on a flight before?” Kento questioned, you have been bouncing on your feet with a wide grin on your face the whole time the both of you were at the airport. Your eyes darted in all kinds of directions, desperately trying to take everything in. You were like an excited child and he found it rather adorable of you. “Hmm?” You answered him while taking a picture from the window of the airplane seat. “You just seem very excited.” He said, a soft smile on his face as he admired you. “Do I?” You let out a laugh, “it’s just been a very long time since I traveled.” You explained. 

   Kento felt his heart skip when you looked at him. He couldn’t help but stare at your eyes which were practically sparkling at him. He loved your eyes, he loved hearing you talking about something you’re passionate about simply because of how your eyes would light up. However, the eyes that stared at him now, as cheesy as it sounded, were practically stars in the night sky. His smile got wider as he bent down to look through the small window. “If traveling brings you so much joy, why don’t you travel often then?” He asked simply out of curiousity. You shrugged, your smile fading a little. “Time. Time is always the issue isn’t it?” You let out a humorless laugh. Kento hums in agreement. 

   His eyes studied yours, a soft smile tugging on his features. “We should travel more often.” He says. He would do anything to watch your eyes sparkle with intrigue as you take in your new surroundings. Your face buried behind a camera as you tried to capture each and every moment. 

   You looked back at him, your eyes turning into crescents as you nodded excitedly. “Let’s travel the world Kento.” You laughed. He hums. 

   “Let’s.”

==========

   Kento promised, at least he promised to himself that he would bring you around the world. He would do anything to see that sparkle in your eye. 

   It has been years since that trip, each year he only got busier. Engagements, business trips, and the promise of a promotion filled his schedule. He was climbing up the socio-economic ranks swiftly.

  He should have known that there was no such thing as a free “lunch” in this world. He should have known the price was too much for him to bear.

   The home he came home to was dark and cold. A slight breeze greeted him as he passed by the windows and into your shared bedroom. Kento’s steps were heavy with exhaustion but as he approached the door, he stilled. His fingers tingled with a familiar energy, a part of him that he tried so hard to suppress for the past few years came rushing back. Kento swallowed, cautiously swinging the door open. His trained eyes immediately spotted the inky black curse darting around in the shadows. The curse didn’t scare him, he knew that he was trained to deal with worse, trained till the point where sorcery was basically instilled as an instinct to him. What scared him was the frequency of curses surrounding you, like it was bred off your negative emotions. 

   With one swift action of his hand, the curse was exorcised. Kento let out a sigh of relief, his eyes falling to your sleeping figure on the bed. His heart sunk, watching as your shaking figure slowly relax, your grip on the sheets of the bed lightening. You didn’t notice him when you sat up, letting out a shaky breath. Adrenaline still pumping through your veins from the nightmare you had. Kento decided to make his presence known, his heavy steps alerting you of his presence. You rubbed your face and wiped the tears that were blurring your vision, turning around with a smile to say hi to him. Kento remained silent, leaning over you to turn on the lamp on your bedside table. In the warm light of the lamp, he got to see your face clearly. The red swollen eyes, the tear streaks that illuminated under the warm light and lastly, how the shine in your eyes was nowhere to be found despite the smile that was on your face. He clenched his jaw, how did it take him so long to notice? How many times did he just accepted your facade as it was? 

   You noticed how Kento’s gaze hardened, how his eyes scanned every feature of yours. You bit softly on your bottom lip, too embarrassed to face him. Too embarrassed to admit that you were crumbling without his company, that you were selfish and wished that he spent more time with you instead of being a slave to his corporate company, 

   You missed him, you missed how things were when he wasn’t obsessed with working. When he squeezed in small dates in between his little pockets of free time. Those were the words you didn’t tell him because you knew the reason why he was so motivated, so driven to work. It was all for the both of you. 

   But it didn’t feel that way. At all. The man who sat in front of you, with his sunken cheeks and eyebags and the lack of a twinkle in his eye was a mere shell of the man you had fallen in love with. 

  When did the youthful and carefree shine in both your eyes vanish?

   “What’s wrong?” His hand reached out to tuck the loose strand behind your ear, his palm resting softly on your cheek. You tensed, wincing slightly. His touch was like the initial burn of warm water before you slowly relaxed into his touch. Kento felt the guilt eat up at him, how long has it been for his touch to seem unfamiliar? 

  “Kento…” your voice was hoarse and it only broke his heart further. You remained quiet after, not quite finding the right words to tell him. Then the tears fell again. His thumb proactively swiped it away, he swallowed hard. It hurts him to see you like this. You wrapped your arms around his neck and pull him closer, he’s quick to reciprocate, one hand going to the back of your head and the other to your waist. You buried your face in the crook of his neck.

   “I missed you.” you muttered, your tears wetting his shirt. “I miss you.” you muttered again and again against his skin, like a prayer, for him to come back to you. Kento’s eyes widened, his heart skipping a few beats. “I miss you too.” He replied softly, leaning his chin against the top of your head. 

   How long has it been since he had you in his embrace like this? How long has it been since he unconsciously worked himself to the bone for both of your happiness when it was having the opposite effect on both of you? How long has he neglected you till the point where your negative emotions gave birth to the curses that kept you company without you knowing? How long have you been putting on a strong facade in front of him? The never-ending questions haunted him and cracked his heart. He was single-handedly ruining his relationship with you in the belief that he was doing better for you. 

    Kento held you tighter, the consequences of his actions catching up with him all at once. The tears that fell because of him and the relationship turning sour. He could only hope that he had the ability to fix it all. He could only pray that it wasn’t too late yet, that you would forgive him. “I’m sorry.” He says, cradling your face, his eyes baring into yours. Your vulnerable eyes turned into a look of understanding. You knew what he was apologising for, all the times he had neglected you, he’s sorry that you had to go through it all yourself, he wants to be there for you. 

“I never blamed you.” You muttered softly into his chest, a huge burden lifted off his chest at your words. “You never did, but I shouldn’t have put you through that pain.” He says, his thumb drawing circles on your back. “You were supposed to be happy with me.” He added on, a slight edge to his voice like he was disappointed with himself. “I am happy.” You told him. Kento shakes his head, “I made you cry, I made you face the world alone. I should be there for you, you shouldn’t be suffering by yourself.” He says, his thumb wiping away the stray tears. “No matter how small or big the problem is, tell me. I want to bear it all with you.” Kento tells you. You held onto him tighter, he’s asking you to not put up a front for him. “You have enough on your plate.” You reply. Kento sighs, “There’s no such thing as enough when it comes to you. I want all of you, and that includes your problems and emotions. Don’t hide it from me.” 

   You made yourself meet his eyes, those brown eyes that you loved. “Then let me share your burdens. Let us work together, to travel the world.” You promised with a genuine smile on your face. Kento looked taken aback for a moment, then a soft grin tugged on his lips, his eyes crinkled ever so slightly. 

   It was like a flower bloomed in his eyes, the light in his eyes returned and his eyes turned into crescents as he grinned. 

   “Let’s.” He replied. 

   You brought it back, the same light from back then. You lit his world up again. 

  “I love you.” Kento confesses. You stare at him, a grin on your face as you press a chaste kiss to his lips. One that he thought was too fleeting for his liking. “I love you too, with all of my heart.” You told him. His heart lifted at your words and the shine in your eyes returned. 

======

   Nanami Kento  had always been an overachiever. He wasn’t satisfied with just the shine of your eyes returning. He wanted to see the same excited look on your face as when the both of you traveled. He made it to work early that day and handed in his resignation letter. 

   When you woke up, you were surprised to see him still at home. Before you could question him, he said “Let’s go on a short trip. To Malaysia.” His heart soared when he saw the same childlike sparkle in your eye and the big grin that erupted from your features. The very same he had captured in the picture which he used as his wallpaper. 

   He didn’t have enough for a world tour yet, but he knows now that he has enough to make you happy and that was enough.