The Noodliest of Mums

[disclaimer: i have no children] I rise from the depths of the void, once every blue moon, to post a random variety of things that have no correlation or causation.

[noodle-mum]

I live to hear people scream my name with increasing levels of disapproval and panic

[noodle-mum]

The amount of money I would pay to swim in water from an 80's movie...

[teddywesworl]

i do write for attention, actually, because that's a normal reason to create art

[teddywesworl]

did you hear about that actor performing a play in front of a crowd? clearly only doing it for attention

[teddywesworl]

im trying to say something and im not gonna say it in an empty room

[that-catholic-shinobi]

Moment of silence for Panic! At the Disco I guess

[consoleyourself-deactivated2025]

By Fall Out Boy

[that-catholic-shinobi]

How does it feel to be the funniest person on my dash today

[crankyteapot]

BUG RACE

🪱

🐌

🐛

Voting ended onJan 19, 2023

[crankyteapot]

the competition is intense

[firepestle]

[puipui-official]

"Un-uhlaive? UN-UHLAIVE? Ma'am, that man has been killed. He has been MUHDUHED. To DEATH."

[froginapicklejar]

[thoughtportal]

[nocontextveggies]

Merry Christmas

[darlingsterns]

i’m watching an art theft documentary and they’re interviewing this art history professor from new york who was asked to go with the fbi to authenticate a rubens that had been stolen but it was a sting operation so they had to pretend like they weren’t the fbi, that they were some private buyer about to pay $3.5 million for it, and the fbi was like “this is a VERY delicate operation because you never know how they will react to what you have to say so let the agent do all of the talking, don’t say a word to anyone just nod if it’s the rubens, the last operation we did the guy in your position got shot because things went wrong in a second” and then it cuts to the professor’s interview and he says “i wasn’t going to fly down to miami to be a part of an undercover fbi sting operation to handle what could be rubens’s aurora and just NOT say anything. i was gonna have to ad lib a little” and then he tells the interviewer that when he & the fbi agent got to the hotel while he was examining the painting he started lecturing the other people, first on how badly they had wrapped it, and then about like how it had been painted, the history of it, what the subject was and what she was doing, etc etc, and he was like “i hadn’t taught a class on rubens in 15 years, so for me it was like being back in the classroom except my students couldn’t leave” 

[darlingsterns]

at one point during the deal the professor turned to the woman selling it and he said “isn’t this just the most beautiful rubens you’ve ever seen outside of a museum?” (because the fbi had told him earlier that this piece had been stolen from a museum) and THEN he said “where on earth did you get it from?” and the group of people the woman had with her was like taxidermy-fox.png but the woman was like “inheritance” can you IMAGINE the fbi agent about to have a fucking aneurysm when this random guy you’ve brought in just to nod if it’s the right painting not only starts giving an impromptu lecture but then he asks how they got it

[h1king33k]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0B4Zm-Aa74Y&t=2613s

[drek-odradek-deactivated2022031]

omg BLESS YOU for the link and the time stamp that was as glorious as described by the OP

[bythestardoggedmoon]

Y’all failed to mention that HE posted the video HIMSELF and liked every single comment oh my god

[nitghowl1600]

Ok but if you keep watching, the FBI agent asks the professor how sure he is that the painting was the real deal and the professors says “I have two sons. I often wonder where they really came from. I don’t wonder where this painting comes from.”

[lightsaber-life]

hate to be that guy who reposts twitter screenshots but im obsessed with this answer. he is so fucking correct

[goresevraq]

if this ruins the bit stop reading bc im going to start rambling about the gonch boots themselves

so. the boots in their goncharov'd state don't exist on taobao, but the patches do--as "korean import hand sewn patches". they're on one specific storefront and nowhere else, which leads me to believe that they really are from korea. most likely someone decided to jazz up a shipment of knockoff patagonias with the gonch patches and sell them back to the anglophone market (?? but why). thats not the point though the point is this shop specialises in fabric and patches, which lead me to this absolute fucking gem

[image ID: Fabric printed with illustrations of cats at a conveyor belt sushi place.]

also this was the recommended application of the patch and its very cute

[image ID: a close-up on the bib of a pair of black overalls with the Goncharov patch at the centre. the buckles are heart-shaped.]

[butch-king-frankenstein]

The funniest thing about the original Goncharov post is that I have seen people do exhaustive amounts of research in order to discern that it's a misspelling/mistranslation of Martin Scorcese's "Gomorrah" and then go "well this explains everything" while never once questioning why it's on shoes

[vergess]

I forgot most people wouldn't understand it on sight, tbqh. Professional blindness.

The thing that matters is not that it was on a shoe, but that it was on a machine embroidered (or machine woven I wasn't looking that close) label.

What happened is, someone at the labels-for-boots factory ran a cool looking piece of text in a language they didn't understand through either an OCR program, or any number of similar software to convert text in a photo to a digital format that can be fed to the embroidery machine.

It came out with good visual balance so off it went, to be sewn onto boots.

The text was from the English language poster of the film Gomorrah.

It was run through an OCR intended for use with both Cyrillic and Latin alphabets, but was not set to recognize English properly, hence some dead giveaways like 'production' becoming 'prdhhhco' and, y'know. The title. Goncharov.

It might have been ripped from a JPEG online but given age of Gomorrah, I would bet it was scanned off an old movie cover or movie poster.

It's on a shoe because shoes often need a big fancy label or decal to make them pass for branded products at a glance. It's the same principle as those "CUGGL" shirts in the "GUCCI" font.

Anyway this happens all the time when clothing is made for both English and Russian speakers by people who do not read either language. It's a lot of fun to browse AliExpress and try to guess what the original text was.

[cosed]

i plead oopsies dasies your honor

[visit-ba-sing-se]

love how this whole “new people coming to tumblr now” situation has exactly the vibe of strange showing up in the saloon of an old western town and stepping on the creaking floorboard

[visit-ba-sing-se]

”Listen up, Stranger. Since you already stumbled in here, there is a few things you should know. First of all, this is a lawless land. There is no algorithm, and there are no ways to control which posts get traction. They do, or they don’t. Second, we do not do well with influencers here. You can try, but you won’t last long. They never do. Third, no one trusts a stranger who hides behind a default icon and only watches from afar. We have dealt with those before, and it did cost us. If you want to gain trust, talk to and support your fellas, and they will eventually return the favour. Finally, we like real fights in here. This is not a place of where you get unalived. This is a place where you die.”

[visit-ba-sing-se]

[klapollo]

its december third and i just gotta ask all of you one question

[klapollo]

[moonkitty]

this meme is only a year old and yet it still feels like its been half a decade since the last time ive seen this image

[meanya]

The time has come once again

[scribbly-z-raid]

Heading to class

[but-the-library-of-alexandria]

an underrated detail in pride and prejudice is that elizabeth bennett was home alone on the day darcy proposed because she had a headache. can you imagine. this was in the pre-painkillers era. you're at home with a headache and then this asshole walks into the room and tells you he loves you and wants to marry you even though he hates your whole family and you're beneath him. imagine having to deal with that while also having a headache. she doesn't even have ibuprofen