Anonymously putting my thoughts out there

I'm just trying to journal my thoughts and experiences without fear of repercussions and without hurting the people I mention.

[nooneinparticularworld]

Journal #10

I've been dating encounter #25 for some time now. He doesn't understamd me but I like him well enough. I still think about encounter #23 quite a bit, I wonder if he thinks of me. Encounter #24 was an old HS classmate, he's nice enough but not what I was looking for. Had sex with him out of morbid curiousity. He had just gotten out of a long term relationship too.

[nooneinparticularworld]

Journal #9

something bad happened last night.. my tinder date picked me up and we slept together. When he finished i noticed he had cum on me, I’m not sure at what point he took the condom off. But i’m scared he stealthed me. Then he didn’t want to take me home so i had to pay for an lyft and i didnt know the gate code so i had to jump the fence and ripped my jacket. I cried in the lyft and then when i got home. I unmatched with him but i shouldn’t have so i could ask him what he’d done. I’m not sure what to do now...

[nooneinparticularworld]

Journal #8

Ugh why do I fall for any person who gives me the smallest shred of attention?? Encounter 23 is everything I want in a boyfriend. He has good taste in music, he’s tall, cute, funny, and he wears patches and loves stick n pokes just like i do! The only problem is that he’s got his own stuff going on and doesn’t want to date. I don’t even think I’m ready to date again but the thought of him with anyone else just kills me. I’m acting defensive and mean and I know it’s pushing him away but I just can’t help it because I feel so strongly about him. Maybe it’s better if we end it now, save myself from the heartache later.. 

[nooneinparticularworld]

Journal #7

I’ve been sending a lot of time with encounter #23. I really like him but I don’t know how he feels about me. He’s not affectionate at all and that makes it super hard to gauge how he feels about me. I’m just way to vulnerable right now for uncertainty. 

[nooneinparticularworld]

Journal #6

I met with encounter #22 and we had sex twice. He never tells me when he cums, I’ll just be getting into it and all of a sudden he stops. But atleast I finally had an orgasm when I got on top of him. We ended up meeting my friends at a bar and it kind of irked me that he asked me to pay for a round of drinks. He has a job right now and I don’t so I didn’t like it but I still paid. He also did this thing where he ate some fries my friend got without asking, which i thought was rude. I want to date someone who is nice, generous, and isn’t afraid to show affection and I don’t think that’s him.

[nooneinparticularworld]

encounter #23

I met with someone else from tinder, I thought he was really cute and I liked his style so we spent some time at a park drinking and watching a movie in his car then we went to his apartment. We ended up spending 4 days together. It took him quite awhile to kiss me and I feel like he’s hesitant to initiate contact even though we had sex 4 times. The first 3 times he lost his hard-on and couldn’t finish. Finally the 4th time he was able to cum but I wasn’t able to orgasm, it might have been because his dick is on the small side. I really like him though, we have a lot in common. The funny thing is he quit working at his job before he met me just like my ex did, same store and everything just 4 years later and at a different location. My mom said he looks like a younger version of my ex. I really wish I knew how he felt about me and that we hang out again.

[nooneinparticularworld]

Tinder picture don’ts

- Don’t make your first picture a pet picture. No one is looking to date you dog.

- Don’t wear things that obstruct your face, ie: sunglasses and hats.

- Don’t make your first picture a group picture.

- Don’t exclude pictures of yourself.

- Don’t include outdated photos.

- Don’t use photos with filters exclusively. 

- Don’t post any photos of you in close proximity with the opposite sex.

[nooneinparticularworld]

Journal #5

So encounter #22 bailed on me. I waited a couple of days to see if he would text me first but he didn't so I texted him. We made plans to meet up on the weekend but on friday I texted him and he was down to see me but then he suddenly changed his mind and said he'd see me sunday. It’s now sunday and he hasn’t hit me up. I’m pretty sure he only wanted a one time thing. Him being distant only makes me want him more. But I think if he actually liked me I’d just get bored.

[nooneinparticularworld]

Journal #4

I just realized something. I never want to have sex when I’m happy. I have sex when I’m sad and i need a distraction. It’s never about arousal, it’s about someone paying attention to only me and wanting me badly. I have such a fucked up relationship with my own sexuality, no wonder me and my ex broke up.

[nooneinparticularworld]

Journal entry 3#

I went on a date with two guys from t****r. The first was a disappointment, he has shorter, older, and not as cute as I thought he would be. He was also quiet and I kept beating him at the arcade. Not only that but I paid for the first round of games. I didn’t even kiss him at the end of the date. When I got home I felt this sense of dread creeping so I hit up encounter #22 but he ended up declined my invitation, I get the feeling he doesn’t like me as much as I like him. He’s everything i want: strong, cute, funny, dominant, and he has his own car and place. Instead I asked date #2 to keep me company. He was funny and smart, but I kept having to make the first move. I had to hold his hand first and at the end of the night i had to kiss him first. It would’ve been a nice date if I hadn’t have wanted to have sex. I spent the whole date waiting for him to make a move and he just didn’t. I’m feeling vulnerable and I needed someone to want me and he just didn’t deliver.

[nooneinparticularworld]

Journal entry 2#

I recently got out of a long term relationship and one of the reasons i'll miss my ex is that he’s the only person who has ever made me orgasm, and even then it was like 6 months into our relationship. I had slept with 20 people before him so that’s saying something. Maybe it’s because he was always able to keep going for a super long time and was really considerate. He really was a diamond in the rough. One of the issues in our relationship was our sexual incompatibility, I hardly ever felt the urge to have sex. I’m not sure why that was but I really hope we find each other again when we’re on the same page.

[nooneinparticularworld]

Journal entry #1

I find it super hard to feel empathy. At times I feel like a selfish narcissist who will never truly love anybody. It’s not normal to base your affection for someone around what they can do for you, is it? I think it has to do with my relationship with my father. Since he lived out of town, I didn’t see him often and when i did he’d usually give me gifts or money. I think I made a connection between male attention and what they can do or give me. I hope one day I become a more genuine person.

[nooneinparticularworld]

encounter #22

I don’t really know what this blog will be. I think I’ll write about anything I can’t put on my main blog. I really hope this stays anonymous because I want to be as honest as possible.

I’ve already met someone on tinder, is it wrong that I’ve only had it 2 days and i already met up with someone? He was super nice. He brought me to his place and made me food. He was like super eager to go down on me and finger me, he also kept trying to turn me around. I couldn't figure out why he didn’t just have sex with me but once he took his shorts off it all made sense. His penis was on the shorter side, not necessarily small but nothing impressive. He also penetrated me without a condom for a second which i didn’t like, he ended up wearing a condom after that though. He also came before I did twice. The second time we had sex his dick slipped out and got bent while i was on top and it was utterly embarrassing. I tried to forget about it by switching positions but he had already cum when his dick got bent. He had pretty hands and he smacked my ass which i liked, but he was a horrible kisser. Mouth wide open and way too much teeth, his lips were super chapped as well and that didn’t feel great. I don’t really think I’m his type so i don’t expect a second “date”. I think I fall in love with everyone I sleep with. I would definitely see him again since I’m lonely and he makes me feel good about myself.