The Lurker

I am simply here to browse art and create. That is all. Please don't perceive me too hard. I use any pronouns and will often use them interchangeably for myself. If I have you blocked, it was most likely me trying to avoid HEAVILY NSFW topics because they make me uncomfy. I'm a huge art lover of all kinds. Film, photography, traditional, digital, 3D, however I do not accept AI as a form of art and I will block you if you use it. I love making OCs for my fandoms. I love it so much!!! I love characters as an exploration of trauma! Yippeeeeee!!

[nooneispresenttodaysorry]

Little Things that Make Me Happy

This post will be updated every time I think of something. It serves as a reminder that the things in my life aren't all bad. Just a little something to keep me going!

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My cat eating - My cat went through a very intense health scare a couple months back. She stopped eating and drinking and lost nearly half her body weight. She's better now but seeing her eat and play still give me a little shot of dopamine every time.

PDA - I know it grosses some people out when they see public displays of affection, but I find it very sweet. Two gals holding hands, a guy kissing his girlfriend on the head before going to class, guys with a hand on the back of their buddy's chair, a child being carried, teenagers who still hug their parents bye, girls doing each other's hair, heck anyone hugging someone else bye, it's all very sweet to me. I don't think anyone should be ashamed of showing their love; platonic, romantic, familial, it's all so beautiful.

Stimming - My own stimming is fun but seeing other people stim is one of my favorite things too. We can be all fluttery and happy and silly together. It's great!

Stickers on mobility aids - They absolutely rock! I am currently sewing patches onto my knee braces and I'm so excited to show them off. It's so fun to decorate parts of yourself.

Getting excited over art - It's a beautiful thing. It's even more beautiful to be able to tell the artist how well they did.

[tboy-cock]

was talking to my gf about my fear of dying young for being trans and my mom putting my deadname on my gravestone, and she said "i hope that never happens, but if it does, i will carve your name into your grave myself if i have to." and i think theres something extremely raw about that sentiment and trans community in general. you can kill only our bodies, but you cant kill transsexuality

[tboy-cock]

big update: shes now my fiance (:

[tboy-cock]

hi this will probably be my last update on this post but my gf has become my wife

[epicsause-official]

since its june i wanted to admit that about 3 years ago i made what is probably my biggest contribution to the internet

[bigmammallama5]

happy pride

[nooneispresenttodaysorry]

I had a dream last night that I accidentally used chatgpt to look something up, but I've never actually used it so because my brain has no idea what it looks like, chatgpt looked like the old google pages but every single article title was either clickbait or blatantly wrong to an absurd degree, like not even trying to be correct. The only indicator it was chatgpt was large black text in the same font as the logo for Marlboro cigarettes at the top of the page that simple read "Chatgpt".

I'm very proud of my subsconscious.

[cheglok-art]

Kākāpō believes in you ☀

[nooneispresenttodaysorry]

Rambling about TADC before the last episode comes out (I'm not very smart so all of these theories are probably wrong)

TW: Discussions of body dysmorphia, implied sexual assault, implied abusive relationships, mentioned suicide, the normal hopelessness that this show talks about, and spoilers for all of TADC!

So, starting off with something that just recently clicked for me, but I relate to Zooble a lot more than I thought I did. I struggle a lot with my body image and dysmorphia. One of the worst thoughts I used to struggle with was with my face. I thought it looks wrong, like a mismatch of random parts. I looked wrong every time I looked into the mirror, like each part of me was taken from someone else entirely and mushed together into an ugly conglomerate. I have gotten a lot better over the years, so I almost forgot about this old insecurity of mine until recently when I was looking at fanart of Zooble. Before that, I never really understood the whole changing parts thing of the allegory. Like it made sense on paper, but in practice it never clicked for me until then.

There's also Pomni. Since episode 3, I assumed Pomni had some sort of abusive partner or friend, solely based on the line of "He just wants me to suffer" and her interactions with Gummy Goo (I know, not too strong of a theory but shhh just wait). It's canon that she hates touch, and, in the show, she shies away whenever people try to touch her, which is shown throughout almost all of the episodes. This theory was confirmed for me in the most recent episode, episode 8. The scene where she's mauled by the gummies really struck me. It's from someone she trusts and connected with, and soon, she's being held down by multiple men who are literally consuming her. To me, I tend to associate assault with consumption, imagery of animals tearing apart one person. There's also the helplessness in that scene; she's being yanked back and forth between them. It also makes me rethink her attachment to Gummy Goo at the beginning of the show, someone she found comfort in and connected with very deeply to the point where she tries to connect with a version of him that no longer exists. Maybe a reflection of the "he" who wants her to suffer.

Jax is a trans woman who sunk so deeply into toxic masculinity in order to protect herself from the ridicule of her peers. I almost feel like the circus for her was aggressively trying to get out all of her feelings towards how the world treated her under the guise of nothing she does mattering. And now she feels hopeless now that everything is setting in for her that "holy shit, this is real, oh shit". I also don't think she hit anyone with her car, I think she ran away and that's what the roads were meant to reference. Or maybe she got kicked out.

Ribbit I have absolutely zero theories for. Ribbit uses She/They though, so maybe Jax had something to do with it in that way? If that makes sense? Maybe that's where Jax's volatility comes from. What if that's why Ribbit abstracted? If Ribbit was so confident in themself, yet she still didn't feel loved enough even as her true self, then maybe Jax picked up the wrong message. That instead of picking up "supporting someone fighting an uphill battle is the best thing you can do for someone, and that being yourself is more important than what others have to say", she thinks "being yourself exposes you to criticism and it killed my friend, so I must hide this part of myself". I'm very off, I think. I don't think I'm right at all, but I don't know man. It just struck a chord with me that Ribbit is seen laughing at Jax in her hallucination yet Ribbit uses non-gender conforming pronouns which means if Jax is trans... did she maybe just not know? I don't know.

And now, theories for the last episode. I worry about the abstractions, but also, it's dark now because the sun is gone, and they aren't aggressive in the dark, so maybe they'll be chill and the main cast can get some closure like Kinger did (sorta). I mean Kinger also took the bucket off and was fine, but that could've been because Cain was modifying his mind if that's true, but it also could be a sign that it's dark enough for the abstractions to be calm? It also could just be everyone going into the void together. I can totally see the resolution being to accept death and the uncertainty that comes with it. In a story about finding meaning in stagnant life, that also means accepting death for what it is. The crew doesn't die alone at their own hands like how abstraction is a metaphor for suicide, subdued by the beautiful hallucinations that abstraction brings, instead they all go together. They go into the void, accepting uncertainty for what it is and then it's like an open-ended ending where we don't know what happens either. That or they escape and Kinger has to stay behind for some reason. Like he's the solution and stuff. Which I will be very upset about because he's my favorite. But if that's what the narrative calls for, fuck it we ball. Maybe Jax at the end starts exploring herself a bit as a nice little message of "hey! it's never too late!". I don't know, I'm excited though!

[nooneispresenttodaysorry]

Updates on Ace Attorney in Tomodachi Life: I have good news and bad news

Maya and Fran now have a mutual crush on one another, but both are too scared to tell each other, so it's been like weeks and they're acting like a couple, but NEITHER OF THEM WANT TO CONFESS!

Meanwhile the boys confessed within three days of meeting and are now having relationship problems. Nick loves Miles, but Miles is starting to think that he's annoying so they might break up..

So while the actual couple is arguing, these two are just doing domestic shit while not even dating:

Can you two just kiss already? PLEASE

[nooneispresenttodaysorry]

They finally confessed but someone interrupted

Yes! Finally!

Wait, who's interrupting?

SHADOWHEART FROM BALDURS GATE THREE?!?!?!?

Maya made the right decision (she doesn't even know Shadowheart so I don't know what the plan was???)

[seven-oh-four]

tomodachi life should have a morality slider in character creation. so you can create characters who are jerks, to create more friction and have more interesting interactions. and if they meet the right person, an evil person can have a change of heart, or a good person can be corrupted to the side of evil

[nooneispresenttodaysorry]

I think my miis should be allowed to kill each other

[nooneispresenttodaysorry]

Announcement for both blogs

I plan to major in a science field for college which I am currently sorting out, and in order to major for a science degree, I have to take a certain math test to prove that I have the capacity to succeed in classes like that. I'm so nervous, I don't even know if I want this degree anymore, I don't know what else to do though. So, I guess I'm going through with it because I don't have a choice and my parents would never let me drop out of college after I got this far.

I don't want this, but I feel stuck and discouraged frankly after my conversation with my college advisor. I suggested an art degree as a backup, and she point blank told me "That's a waste of money". So. I guess this is my life. I mean; I guess work isn't supposed to be enjoyable anyways so it doesn't matter.

Point is, I'm going to be really busy until summer break. I still want to work on my creepypasta stories, my world building, and my game, but I don't know how much time I'll have. We'll see, I guess. Finals are coming up. I was so excited for my future until I spoke to her to be honest, now I feel sorta hopeless again. I don't know.

I'm sorry if this post is a little gloomy lol, today was just a bad day.

[nooneispresenttodaysorry]

Update: My boyfriend is emotionally immature and makes me unhappy so I'm leaving him before college, my life isn't worth wasting so I'm becoming an art major with a minor in entomology, my cat's 10th birthday is coming up so you better tell her happy birthday, I'm going to take as many art classes as I want at a community college before going to a four year, my advisor is an idiot but my art teacher gave me one hell of a pep talk, I'm graduating with a 3.88 GPA in high school and a 4.0 in my college courses aka I deserve to make as much fucking art as I want, summer is going to rock, my body is beautiful, my soul is bright, and I am going to kiss God on the mouth.

Let's rock and roll folks.

[nooneispresenttodaysorry]

Updates on Ace Attorney in Tomodachi Life: I have good news and bad news

Maya and Fran now have a mutual crush on one another, but both are too scared to tell each other, so it's been like weeks and they're acting like a couple, but NEITHER OF THEM WANT TO CONFESS!

Meanwhile the boys confessed within three days of meeting and are now having relationship problems. Nick loves Miles, but Miles is starting to think that he's annoying so they might break up..

So while the actual couple is arguing, these two are just doing domestic shit while not even dating:

Can you two just kiss already? PLEASE

[nooneispresenttodaysorry]

Hiii! I suck at naming; may I have some naming suggestions?

I am making a little world inspired by DND where the main focus is on an adventuring party where different kinds of monsters are trying to be heroes (and failing miserably). I need names for my characters. I want them to be very gimmicky since this story is a horror comedy and I love campy names. The characters' species and class type are as follows:

A wizard slime girl. Nerdy but confident, specializes in dark magic. Very peppy and positive, she enjoys dressing like a magical girl while performing terrifying acts of necromancy.

A werewolf barbarian girl. Aggressively protective and stern, graceful when in wolf form but brash in human form. She tries to act like a lone wolf but is wayyy too attached to her party members for this act to seem even close to legitimate. She feels more at home in her wolf form and doesn't see her affliction as a curse at all.

A demon paladin girl. Noble and devoted, she is frankly just trying her best to be a good leader but a coward at her core. Took an oath dedicated to protecting her wife.

A bard mimic. A sweet looking young thing, she uses a cute appearance and honeyed words to get her way. She seems unintimidating at first glance, when in truth she is the most calculated and smartest of the bunch.

I also have a cleric vampire lady who I have already named. Her name is Carrie Sheridan, which is meant to be a very obvious nod to the Carmilla story to give you an idea of the vibe I'm going for.

[nooneispresenttodaysorry]

They have names!! Thank you to everyone who suggested names and provided me with brainstorming ideas! Any name suggested by someone else will be mentioned accordingly. :]

Wizard Slime - Jellina Ambrosia (suggested by lukeferrous) 

Werewolf Barbarian -  Valeria Lupus 

Demon Paladin - Viven Timens

Half-dragon (not shown because tumblr kept deleting her part of the post for some reason?) - Mung  (suggested by imonthemoonitsmadeofcheese) 

Bard Mimic - Echo (suggested by lukeferrous) 

[mawofthemagnetar]

What do you mean “chat” is now referring to ChatGPT and not twitch chat? What? What? What the fuck? No?

When I address chat I am speaking to a presumed Greek chorus of real human people shitposting on their lunch break, not a machine that devours lakes to covert electricity into slop.

[nooneispresenttodaysorry]

Sailor Moon was the very first anime and manga I ever interacted with and now I am permanently tainted. It then inspired me to read the Tokyo Mew Mew manga which also ruined me for the rest of my life.

What I mean is I apologize for just how many of my OCs that I will eventually share in the future that will be magical girls or magical girl adjacent. It was drilled into me during childhood and now they're the only anime trope I will ever care about.

[nooneispresenttodaysorry]

Hiii! I suck at naming; may I have some naming suggestions?

I am making a little world inspired by DND where the main focus is on an adventuring party where different kinds of monsters are trying to be heroes (and failing miserably). I need names for my characters. I want them to be very gimmicky since this story is a horror comedy and I love campy names. The characters' species and class type are as follows:

A wizard slime girl. Nerdy but confident, specializes in dark magic. Very peppy and positive, she enjoys dressing like a magical girl while performing terrifying acts of necromancy.

A werewolf barbarian girl. Aggressively protective and stern, graceful when in wolf form but brash in human form. She tries to act like a lone wolf but is wayyy too attached to her party members for this act to seem even close to legitimate. She feels more at home in her wolf form and doesn't see her affliction as a curse at all.

A demon paladin girl. Noble and devoted, she is frankly just trying her best to be a good leader but a coward at her core. Took an oath dedicated to protecting her wife.

A rogue dragon girl. Blunt but sweet and friendly. Despite being the largest member of the party and super clumsy, she is extremely stealthy and uses her rogue abilities to steal gold for her horde. She is ditzy and a free spirit.

A bard mimic. A sweet looking young thing, she uses a cute appearance and honeyed words to get her way. She seems unintimidating at first glance, when in truth she is the most calculated and smartest of the bunch.

I also have a cleric vampire lady who I have already named. Her name is Carrie Sheridan, which is meant to be a very obvious nod to the Carmilla story to give you an idea of the vibe I'm going for.

[nooneispresenttodaysorry]

I have finals for my ceramics class and man... I have to take a vase larger than my head home to paint it over the weekend. </3

I feel like those cooking majors who bake banana bread at 3:00am as their way of cramming homework.

[nooneispresenttodaysorry]

The boys are here now