Oct 18, 2023
My deepest darkest fantasy is that I collapse on the street and I am rushed to the hospital. They perform a bunch of tests and find out I am severely deficient in some kind of vitamin. Then I start taking the vitamin and I become the happiest cleverest person alive because all my problems were caused by this one deficiency
Moreover, everyone gathers around to be tremulously compassionate and discreetly admiring: all this time, you lacked the Vitamin? And yet you persevered?
#this HALF happened to me#i had a grand mal seizure in the mall a few weeks ago completely out of the blue#it was in a jewellery shop so there was CCTV it looked freaky af#woke up on the floor three minutes later not knowing where i was surrounded by concerned faces#one lady was on the phone to the ambulance saying “yeah her face and lips turned blue”#and i was v confused and weak but also lowkey thrilled#and then the paramedics turned up and one of them was young and handsome with floppy hair and blue eyes#so this was turning into a very good day#one romantic ambulance trip with the handsome paramedic later however the reality became five hours waiting in ED#it was in fact determined that i am B12 iron and zinc deficient#sadly however that was deemed unlikely to be the entire cause#medication interactions might also be to blame#but anyway i had a great few days being called brave and stoic while actually thoroughly enjoying myself#“wow that must have been sooo scary”#how do you say “for my parents yes it was*#“but it was a marvellous adventure for me bc i have an unhealthy disrespect for my own health and mortality”#it's the sort of thing i used to wish would happen at school#when i was so overwhelmed by anxiety that i felt crippled but couldn't say that to the nurse#so faked migraines instead so i could rest in the sick bay#or like i used to hope that I'd break my arm or have a nasty accident or something#so that I'd have some kind of externally justifiable reason for not coping and being exhausted etc#love that about mental illness - the shame of not having a visible excuse for suffering#anyway the paramedic did not propose marriage#but it was a fun little romantic scenario to be delusional about
