“Ellie you don’t mean that. You’re drunk.” You pulled her glass away from her and shook your head at the bartender, signaling him to cut her off.
“I mean it Y/N. I really do.” She slumped in her stool and reached out for your hair and stroked it. You didn’t want her to stop, but you knew if she were sober she wouldn’t want this. So you pulled her hand back down away from your face.
“Yeah okay. Thank you Ellie. We need to get you out of here.” Her flushed cheeks made her look so innocent. If you knew nothing about her you would never guess she was a fighter who brutally knocked people out in the ring.
“No, I'm fine.” She giggled as she said it. She was a cute drunk.
“You’re clearly not.” She slumped over again and this time you had to reach out to steady her back up. “And you’re a lightweight. That kicked in really fast.” You laughed, still holding her up slightly.
“Hey! This is just really strong.” She blinked at you, her eyes bloodshot. You couldn’t tell if it was from her exhaustion or the whiskey. Maybe both.
“Ellie, you’re not fine.”
The bartender slid a water across the bar like he’d seen this exact situation a thousand times. You took it without breaking eye contact with Ellie.
She looked at it like it was insulting.
“I don’t need—” She pushed it away from her. You pushed it back.
She made a pouting face and ultimately took a sip. “You’re bossy.”
She downed the water almost as fast as she drank the whiskey. You laughed a little under your breath at her comment. “So I’ve been told.”
You watched her sip on her water, her eyes struggling to focus on one thing. You kept your hands ready to catch her if she leaned a little bit too far one way, but she never did. She finally regained focus in her eyes only when she looked at you.
“I meant what I said by the way. About the kiss.” She rested her chin on her hand which was now propped up on the bar.
You sighed, you knew she would never really say this stuff to you. No matter how bad you wanted her to. “I know Ellie. I know.”
Her eyes scanned your face. “You know, when I first saw you I was annoyed. I thought you were gonna be just like the others.” She adjusted in her seat. Her feet swung back and forth as she spoke. “But you’re not. You’ve made me feel happy again for the first time in months.” She smiled at the thought.
You just shook your head. “Ellie..” You looked at her waiting for her to take it all back. Say she was kidding. But she never did. You wanted her to kiss you so bad in this moment. And maybe if you had let the moment go on she would have. But you stood up. “Let’s go. It’s getting late.” It really wasn’t. It was only 9:30 but Ellie was so wasted that time didn’t matter.
“Early.” Ellie muttered under her breath.
“It’s 9:30. It's not that early.” She looked up at you as the words left your mouth, making an annoyed face.
“Early.” She said a little louder this time, but still soft.
“C’mon Ellie. You need some water, sleep and probably food.” You left a few bills on the bar for the bartender before you reached for her hand and helped her up.
“Woah.” She mumbled as she fell into you.
“I’ve got you.” You let her lean into you as you walked.
That did something to your chest, you felt it tighten, but you ignored it.
Thankfully Amy wasn’t still at the door or else you would have been bombarded with question after question. You were good at asking them, not answering them.
Once you were outside you led Ellie to her car. You tugged at the passenger side door but it was locked. “Keys?” You turned to Ellie who was now leaning against the car.
“Oh here.” She reached into her pocket but couldn’t manage to get them to come out.
You rolled your eyes, acting annoyed but you really thought she was kind of cute. “Move please.” You dragged her hand out of her pocket and reached in yourself grabbing the keys.
Ellie laughed. “You reached into my pants!” She leaned but caught herself on the side of the car. Still laughing at the situation.
You couldn’t help but giggle a little at her stupidity. You clicked the unlock button on the keys and opened the door for Ellie. “Get in please.” You raised your eyebrow at her.
“You’re not driving my car!” She objected.
“I have to! I’m not letting you drive. Plus, you can trust me. I’m a good driver.” You grabbed her arm and led her to the passenger side door. “Now, get in.”
She didn’t argue it anymore, she got in and strapped herself in, crossing her arms.
You got in the driver's side and started the car. The engine revved and the air conditioning started pumping. Ellie’s already messy hair danced in the air conditioning. Her cheeks started returning to their normal color.
“You good?” You pulled out of the spot and got onto the highway.
“I don’t feel that good.” She rested her head on the window. You tried to avoid anything in the road that would make the car jump causing her head to bounce up and hit the window.
“Okay well your house is about 30 minutes away.” You made the address in on your phone.
She whined. “No, I don't feel good. I don’t like the car.”
“Okay. I have an idea.” You ignored the directions on your phone and drove left instead of right. Five minutes later you pulled up outside of your building. “We’re here.”
Ellie had closed her eyes, not falling asleep though. “Where is here?” She opened her eyes and tried to rub the red out of them.
“My house.” You smiled and got out of the car, Ellie did the same. She looked up at the big building.
“Woah. You live here?” She seemed surprised, but not at the same time.
You nodded and led her inside. She leaned on you on the elevator ride up. You didn’t mind. Obviously. You scanned your key card in the elevator which allowed you to enter your penthouse on the top floor. When the doors opened, so did Ellie’s eyes.
“No way this is where you live. I’m too drunk for this.” You pulled her out of the elevator by her still bandaged wrist.
“Yes way.” You looked around your place. A huge open floor plan with a little sunken living room in the middle of it. Your bed room and guest bedroom to the right, kitchen to the left. Everything was white marble, perfectly clean.
You flicked the light on and dragged Ellie to the couch. “Stay here. Don’t fall asleep. I’m gonna get you some water and something to eat.”
Ellie flopped onto the couch, kicking off her tennis shoes as she did so. “This place feels like a museum.” She continued to look around in shock.
You laughed under your breath. “Deffintly not a museum.”
“It’s just way too clean..” She leaned her head back onto the couch like she couldn’t hold it up anymore.
“Maybe you’re just messy.” You were in the kitchen but if you spoke at the right tone the echo carried your voice all the way to Ellie. You buttered a piece of bread for Ellie and toasted it. Perfect drunk food to settle her stomach. And it was about all you had. You brought it to her with a glass of water, setting it on the table and sitting next to her on the couch.
She sat up and took a small bite.
“No, I’m just artistic.” She said with a mouthful.
She choked on her toast a little but washed it down with a quick sip of water. “Are you trying to poison me?!” She joked, but sounded serious at the same time.
“If I wanted to poison you I would have given you another whiskey.” You held your stomach from how hard you were laughing.
Ellie gave you an annoyed look, but it turned into a smile and she couldn’t help but laugh. She finished up her toast and glass of water as you watched, worried she might choke again. But she didn’t. When she was done she leaned back onto the couch. You pulled a blanket over the two of you, keeping your distance.
“You really live here alone?” Ellie’s voice echoed off the empty walls.
“Yeah?” You said it like a question.
“That’s insane.” She let out an airy laugh.
“It’s just so quiet. What do you even do besides work?”
You let that sink in. You realized she was right. You occasionally went out to see Amy but that was about it.
You looked at your desk next to your bedroom, the only surface in the whole place that looked lived in. This was the first time you’ve sat on your couch in months. You realized you didn’t really have an answer.
“You’re lonely aren’t you?” She didn’t ask it in a judgemental way. She asked like she already knew the answer.
“I’m not-” You couldn’t think of anything to say that wasn’t a lie.
“I just like things quieter. It’s easier this way.” You pulled your legs up onto the couch and crossed them.
“Easier, how?” Her knee brushed yours under the blanket sending a message up your legs and into your stomach. But you didn’t move it away.
Once again you couldn’t think of an answer. “I- I don’t know. I guess I’ve just never lived any other way. At least not for a long time.”
Ellie looked at you, like really looked at you. She looked like she wanted to ask more, like she had so many questions. But instead of asking she just sighed. “I know what you mean.”
“Are you lonely?” You didn’t mean to over step but you couldn’t handle all the pressure being on you.
You thought Ellie would toss the question aside but instead she answered. “I mean everyone is sometimes. But for the most part I would say no. Everyone is either scared of me or wants to be my best friend. Jesse is my best friend. He’s my coach's son so he’s around a lot.”
“Why do you act so awful in front of the press?” You didn’t mean to rapid fire questions. It was just second nature to you. You just needed to know all the answers. Not for the article, you just wanted to know everything about her.
She exhaled. “We’re you just getting me drunk so I would answer your questions?”
You panicked. “What?! No I swear!” But before you could go on, Ellie laughed.
“Fuck you!” You joked. “You scared me.”
“I know.” She leaned her head back laughing. “That was kind of the point. But I think that’s enough questions for tonight. My head is killing me.”
“Yeah.. I’m sorry.” You looked down again.
You both sat in silence for a beat. Until Ellie broke it. “Water.” Was all she said.
You laughed and grabbed her glass to fill it more. When you came back and handed it to her she grabbed it and chugged it all down. “Thank you.” She laughed as she put her empty glass down.
She readjusted on the couch and leaned back, putting her head on the arm rest. You were still sitting criss cross, looking down at her. She held her hands up and winced as she moved them.
She nodded. “But it’s fine. They’ll be better tomorrow.”
“I’ll rewrap them tomorrow. I don’t know if you should practice however…”
“I have a fight the day after tomorrow. I don’t have time for a break.” She sighed. “Don’t worry about me okay?”
“I can’t help it.” You confessed.
Ellie, still clearly drunk, just smiled as her cheeks lit up. You liked seeing her like this. Happy. It was different from anything you’ve seen on TV about her.
“You probably need to go to sleep. I have a guest room right over there.” You pointed to the room next to yours.
Ellie didn’t seem happy with what you said about the guest room. But she hopped off the couch and made her way over there, not before turning around though. “Wait.” She looked back at you, still sitting on the couch. “Can you come in with me? I’m not done talking to you yet.”
You turned away from her to hide your smile. “Yeah sure.” Was all you could manage. Being in a bedroom with Ellie Wiliams was not on your bucket list.
You followed her in there and pulled the covers back, allowing her to climb into bed, you followed her. You both sat on separate sides, making it a point to not touch.
“This is weird.” Ellie finally broke the silence.
“You’re drunk in my house. Everything about this is weird.”
Ellie snorted and rolled over to face you, you did the same. You were still in your work pants and tank top, but you didn’t want to get out of bed for a second. You were scared you were gonna come back and Ellie would be gone. Like it was all just a dream.
“Are you tired?” She asked you.
“Not really. You?”
“No.” She replied. “You know, I never talk this much.”
You giggled. “I’ve noticed.”
“Well at least not to anyone I don’t trust.” She added.
“You trust me?” Her words surprised you.
“I mean, I guess I do. I’ve never felt so connected to anyone so fast.” She scooted a little closer to you.
“Yeah.. I haven’t either.” You noticed her moving closer, but you just stayed still.
“I have a question, It’s okay if you don’t want to answer though.”
“Go ahead.” You held your breath, scared of what she was going to say.
“I think you like girls. I mean I kissed you and you didn’t pull away. So I wanted to ask if you’ve ever dated anyone before. Guy or girl.” She asked it so casually, but this was the question you’ve been scared of.
“I- um.” You couldn’t get the words out.
“Hey it’s okay. You don’t have to tell me right now.” She said softly and smiled. “Don’t worry about it. I just wanted to, I don't know, make sure I wasn’t reading any of this wrong.”
“Reading what is wrong?” You asked her barely before she finished speaking.
“Us.” Ellie looked like she regretted it right as she said it. “Fuck I mean, like. Shit.” She didn’t even know how to cover up what she just said.
You laughed a little, mostly to hide your disappointment. You knew it wouldn’t be like this when you woke up in the morning. Ellie would go back to being the same girl who left you stranded in the locker room after pinning you against the wall. She would probably forget all of this happened.
“I mean.. I do like girls.” Your own words shocked you. “But there is no us. You’re just drunk.”
Ellie rolled over. “Okay. Keep telling yourself that.”
You rolled over and stared at the dimly lit wall thinking to yourself, What am I doing? Before clicking the switch on the lamp and trying to sleep.
The next morning when you woke up and rolled over Ellie was gone. It’s what you expected. But what you didn’t expect was the smell of coffee coming from your kitchen. You removed your legs from under the covers and rubbed your eyes. When you looked over you saw Ellie’s red hoodie laying on the bed. You peeked to make sure your door was shut before you took off your work tank top and bra and slipped the hoodie on over your shoulders.
You got out of the bed and opened the door. You heard footsteps coming from your kitchen which you assumed was Ellie. You tipped over to your bedroom and into your closest. Grabbing a pair of shorts from the drawer. Before you left you looked into the mirror and smoothed out your hair.
When you entered the kitchen you saw Ellie sitting on a stool at the island, two cups of steaming coffee sat in front of her.
“Look who finally decided to wake up.” She smiled.
You walked over to her and grabbed one of the mugs. “Why are you so chipper this morning?”
“That was the first good night of sleep I’ve gotten in months.” She admitted.
You froze for a second before sitting down across from her. The hoodie sleeves swallowed your hands, and Ellie noticed immediately. Her eyes flicked down to the oversized red fabric, then back up to your face.
A slow grin spread across her lips. “You stole my hoodie.”
You looked down at yourself like you’d forgotten you were wearing it. “You left it in the room.”
“Yeah,” she said, dragging her coffee toward herself. “So?”
You rolled your eyes and took a sip of your drink, trying to ignore how warm your face suddenly felt. “It was cold.”
“Mhm.” Ellie leaned her cheek against her fist. “Looks better on you anyway.”
You nearly choked on the coffee.
Ellie laughed softly, but this morning it sounded different. Less messy. Less filtered. She remembered everything. You could tell.
That realization made your stomach twist.
“You remember last night?” you asked carefully.
“All of it.” She took a sip of coffee without breaking eye contact with you. “Unfortunately.”
You looked down at your mug. “Oh.”
“Why ‘oh’?” Ellie frowned a little. “You say that like it’s a bad thing.”
“I just figured you’d wake up regretting everything you said.”
Ellie stared at you for a long moment. The apartment was quiet except for the hum of the refrigerator and the rain tapping softly against the huge windows behind her. Finally, she sighed. “You really think that little of yourself?”
The question caught you off guard.
“You keep acting like there’s no possible way I could actually like you.” She spoke casually, but there was something frustrated underneath it. “Every time I say something real you blame it on the alcohol.”
You opened your mouth, then closed it again. Because she was right.
Ellie sat her mug down gently. “Yeah, I was drunk. But drunk people don’t magically invent feelings out of nowhere.”
Your chest tightened. “I just didn’t think you could ever like me.”
Ellie laughed and picked her coffee up. Taking a sip before speaking again. “And why is that?”
“Because you’re you! And I’m just me..” You looked down, embarrassed.
“We’re not that different, you know. Last night I could tell you wanted to kiss me. And I.. wanted to kiss you too… I remember everything.” She admitted.
You once again, almost choked on your coffee. “No you didn’t. No you don’t.”
She smirked, eyeing you. “And you know what else I remember?”
“No, but I’m sure you’re about to tell me.”
“You saying there’s no us.”
Ellie tilted her head slightly. “You really believe that?”
She moved closer. You could smell the faint scent of whiskey from last night mixed with her shampoo.
“I don’t know. I barely know you Ellie. This could be a really bad idea.”
“I know I know. But I haven’t felt like this in ages. I haven’t been able to sleep without nightmares for months. But with you next to me… I slept peacefully. I don’t know what you do to me and I don’t know if it’s good or bad. But whatever it is I’m gonna hold on to it as long as I can. As long as you let me.” Her voice dropped. She was serious. You couldn’t believe it.
“But if you want me to go away, I will.” She added.
You swallowed hard. “You don’t even know me.”
Ellie looked back at you immediately. “That’s not true.”
“No.” Her voice stayed calm. “I know you hide when you’re uncomfortable. I know you overthink literally everything.” A small smile tugged at her mouth. “I know you pretend to be confident when you’re actually freaking out.”
You rolled your eyes weakly. “Wow. Cool. Love that for me.”
“And,” Ellie continued like you hadn’t interrupted, “I know you stayed up half the night making sure I didn’t throw up or crack my head open.” You did. You turned over countless times to see if she was okay. If she was still next to you.
“That’s just basic human decency.”
“Nah.” Ellie shook her head. “Most people would’ve called me an Uber and gone to bed.”
You looked away because she was being too sincere again. She noticed.
“You really don’t get it, do you?” she asked softly.
Not because they were surprising, but because she kept saying them like they were obvious.
You laughed nervously under your breath. “You make it sound so simple.”
Because people don’t usually stay. You stared down into your coffee before mumbling, “People don’t usually mean stuff like this.”
Ellie’s expression shifted slightly then. Softer. Understanding. “Someone really messed you up, huh?”
“You have no idea.” You scoffed.
You tapped your phone screen and it lit up, 8am. “Don’t you have training? For the fight tomorrow?”
She held up her bandaged hands. “I’m fighting Abby, that girl from the ring the other day. I win every time. It’ll be a breeze. I don’t need to worry about it.” The truth was she just didn’t want to focus on anything apart from you. For the first time since she started fighting, something else was on her mind.
“Ellie, you can’t just go into a fight unprepared.”
“You think I’m unprepared?” She flexed her muscles which made you laugh.
“You’re so full of yourself.”
She shrugged, a smile pulling at her lips.
“I don’t know where to start…” You mumbled. You haven’t seen your best friend, your first and only girlfriend, since you still had acne and glasses.
“Anywhere. From the beginning?” She leaned in waiting for you to tell her more.
“I was in uh highschool and I had this friend, my best friend.” You took a sip of your coffee. Ellie listened intensely. “We became more than friends, sneaking around making out and then she asked me to be her girlfriend and of course I said yes. She told her whole family. But I stayed quiet. My parents were so obsessed with things being perfect. I guess that explains all of this.” You motioned to your bare penthouse.
“It’s really clean.” Ellie said.
“Yeah..” You looked around the place that you call home, even though it never felt like home.
“But it kind of feels like no one lives here.” She added.
“I know…” You adjusted in your seat before continuing. “I was so happy with her. I finally felt like myself. But one day, we were in my room and my mom walked in. She saw us kissing and that was it. She kicked my girlfriend out and I never saw her again. We moved a week later to here in Seattle.” You sighed, the memories all coming back.
“My mom set me up with countless guys, but none of them felt real. I haven’t really been with anyone since. Besides random drunken hook ups and all.” You smiled a little at that, the memories not being so bad.
Ellie nodded. “I’m sorry that happened to you.. That’s horrible.”
“Yeah, but it was a long time ago.” You finished your coffee.
“Sounds like it still affects you.”
“Maybe, but I’ve learned to manage .”
Ellie looked down for a second, jaw tightening slightly.
“I think I would actually lose my mind if someone tried to decide who I was allowed to love. Men are so gross.” She made a face.
You just looked at each other for a second before you quietly said. “You say that but.. You don’t love fighting anymore, but you still do it. Who’s deciding that?”
Ellie looked at you like she had just been hit, right in the heart. Her jaw worked once like she was chewing on the question instead of answering it right away.
“That’s…” she started, then stopped. Her eyes flicked away from you for the first time in a while. You didn’t push. Didn’t fill the space.
She exhaled slowly through her nose. “That’s not the same.”
You tilted your head slightly. “Isn’t it?”
Ellie let out a short laugh, but it didn’t have any humor in it. “Yeah, okay. You’re gonna psychoanalyze me now?”
“I’m not trying to—” You paused, then softened your voice. “I’m just asking.”
That made her look back at you again. Really look. And whatever she saw there made her expression shift. Less defensive, more honest in a way that looked almost uncomfortable on her.
“I do it because I have to,” she said finally.
You didn’t respond immediately. Ellie kept going anyway, like if she stopped she’d lose the thread.
“It’s not about wanting it. It’s about…” She gestured vaguely with her bandaged hand. “Everything. Expectations. People already think I’m supposed to be a certain way. Sponsors, coaches, the press, everyone already decided who I am.” She paused, then added more quietly, “If I stop, I don’t know what I am without it.” That last part hung there longer than anything else.
You felt it settle in your chest.
Ellie swallowed and tried to recover a bit of her usual edge, but it came out weaker than she probably meant. “So yeah,” she said. “I get your point. But it’s not like I chose this life because I’m thrilled about it.”
You nodded slowly. “I didn’t mean it like an accusation,” you said.
“I know.” She leaned back against the counter again, but she didn’t fully relax. “It just hit weird.”
You hesitated. “Maybe one day.. You can just stop. Maybe then you’d be able to sleep at night. Maybe then you could be.. Happy.” You didn’t mean to assume that she wasn’t. You just didn’t know how else to say it.
She huffed out a dry laugh. “Yeah right. Then what would I have left?”
You stared at her blankly. Not knowing what to say.
“I spent years building a life that didn’t feel like mine.”
“Then you can build a new one.” You spoke a little too optimistically.
She smiled. “I like you.”
The words came out so easily for her. Like they didn’t carry the same weight they did for you.
You blinked at her. “That’s your response to that?”
Ellie’s smile lingered, a little crooked, a little tired at the edges. “What?” she said. “It’s true.”
You shook your head slightly, still trying to recover from the sudden shift. “I’m being serious.”
Because she wasn’t teasing anymore.
You each finished your coffee and you picked up the mugs and ran them under the sink cleaning them. Before scrubbing them with some soap and leaving them out to dry.
“You know you don’t have to do that.” Ellie stood up from her stool and made her way over to you.
“Do what?” You said a little nervously.
“Be so perfect.” She closed the space between you two.
“I’m far from perfect.” You laughed sarcastically.
“You’re wrong. You seem pretty perfect to me.” She flashed you that smile and your stomach did flips.
“I think you’re put together in a way that makes people assume you don’t need anything.”
You looked at her. “And you think I need something?”
Ellie didn’t hesitate this time. “Yeah,” she said quietly. “I think you do.”
“And what is it that I need?” You tried to sound flirty but it failed, it’s been awhile.
“Something new in your life, something messy.” She spoke very softly.
“And you’re offering that to me?” You moved closer this time.
You moved even close, but before you could speak Ellie broke the tension. “Only if you stop acting weird every time I compliment you or say I like you.”
You gasped dramatically. “I’m not weird!”
Ellie raised her eyebrow. “Okay maybe I am a little weird.” You gave in and smiled.
You giggled. “Okay. A lot weird.”
“There she is.” Ellie smiled wide, looking at you like she was proud.
You led her to your room to change your clothes, and lend her something to wear.
Your room looked like the rest of your penthouse, bare. All besides the fluffy pink blanket on your bed which Ellie eyed immediately and picked up. “Oh look, some personality!” She joked.
“Put that down! Come here!” She tossed the blanket back on the bed and followed you into your massive closest. “Okay my comfy clothes are over here.” You walked back to the left corner and pointed to a dresser.
“Jesus. How many clothes do you have?”
You winked. “Not enough.”
She rolled her eyes and started looking through the drawers. She chose a pair of black adidas sweatpants and an oversized band tee of The Smiths. She told you to turn around so she could change, so you did.
Once she was done you made your way over to the right corner of your closet and picked out a black tube top and black pencil skirt.
“That’s your idea of an outfit for a casual day?” She grabbed the tube top from you and analyzed it.
You snatched it back. “Yes! It’s cute. Now turn around and shut up!”
Ellie put her hands up in defense. “Okay okay, do your things.” She turned around.
You slipped into your outfit and tapped Ellie’s shoulder. She turned around slowly, her hands still up.
“Damn okay.” She rubbed the back of her neck nervously.
“What happened to the big bad Ellie Williams who hated reporters?”
Ellie let out a short laugh, but it came out a little quieter than usual.
“Hey,” she said, pointing at you loosely. “I don’t hate reporters. I hate when they ask stupid questions.”
“Okay fair.” You admitted.
You walked to the front of your closet and started rummaging through your shoes.
Ellie was standing in your closet doorway, leaning against the frame now, watching you like she didn’t quite know what to do with her hands.
“What?” you asked, catching her staring.
“Nothing,” she said too fast.
You didn’t believe her. “Doesn’t seem like nothing.”
Ellie shrugged, pushing off the doorframe and stepping a little closer again. “You just… clean up nice, that’s all.”
Something in your chest did a small, embarrassing flip.
You tried to play it off. “That’s a very professional compliment, Ellie.”
You walked past her out of the closet and into your room, expecting her to follow.
She did, but slowly. Like she was still thinking about you in the doorway.
“By the way,” she said, breaking the silence, “I don’t hate your pink blanket.”
You glanced back at her, amused. “Liar.”
“You literally called it the only personality I have in this place.”
Ellie smirked. “Yeah. It’s growing on me.”
You shook your head, smiling despite yourself, and sat on the edge of your bed.
Ellie stayed standing for a second longer than necessary. Then she finally sat beside you, but carefully. Like she was still figuring out where she was allowed to be.
The air between you shifted, quieter now that the teasing settled.
“You nervous again?” she asked, softer.
You huffed a small laugh. “A little.”
You hesitated. Then admitted it honestly, barely above a whisper. “Because this feels like it could actually mean something.”
Ellie went still. The teasing disappeared from her face completely.
When she spoke again, her voice was low.. “It already does.”
For a second, neither of you moved.
It wasn’t awkward. It was just… heavy in a way that made everything else feel far away. Even the city noise outside your windows seemed muted.
You looked at Ellie like you were trying to figure out if she realized what she’d just said.
Her eyes stayed on you, steady but softer now, like she wasn’t backing out of it even a little.
“Yeah?” she answered, quiet.
You searched for something safe to say. Something that wouldn’t tip you over whatever line this was. But nothing safe came.
So you said the honest thing instead. “You say stuff like that like it’s not scary.”
A small breath left her nose, almost a laugh, but not quite.
“It is scary,” she admitted.
That made you look at her a little more closely.
Ellie leaned back on her hands, staring forward for a second instead of at you.
“I just… don’t usually say it,” she added. “So when I do, I mean it.”
Your chest tightened. You shifted slightly on the bed, knees brushing the edge of her thigh without meaning to move closer, but neither of you pulled away.
“I don’t know what I’m doing,” you confessed.
Ellie turned her head back toward you. “That’s fine,” she said immediately. Like she’d already decided that part didn’t matter.
You let out a breath. “It doesn’t feel fine.”
“Yeah,” she nodded once. “I get that.”
Then she tilted her head slightly, studying you again, not like a fighter sizing someone up, but like she was actually trying to understand you.
“You’re waiting for it to go wrong,” she said softly.
It wasn’t a question. Your silence answered it anyway.
Ellie didn’t push. Didn’t press. She just nodded like that confirmed something she already suspected.
“Okay,” she said quietly.
You frowned a little. “Okay?”
“Yeah.” She shifted closer, but still careful, still giving you space. “Then we go slow.”
That word settled differently than everything else.
Your voice came out smaller than you meant it to. “You really think that’s possible?”
Ellie’s gaze didn’t waver.
“With you?” she said. “Yeah.”
Just enough that your shoulders finally dropped a fraction, like your body had been holding something it didn’t realize was there.
Ellie noticed immediately. A small, almost relieved smile tugged at her mouth.
You blinked at her. “I didn’t—”
You opened your mouth to argue again, then stopped because she was right.
And Ellie, for once, didn’t look like she was trying to win anything.
She just looked like she had already won.
You spent the rest of the day in your room binge watching Love Island season 6, Ellie stayed close but never fully invaded.
“You know technically I’m working right now.” You realized. “Like I’m getting paid to do this.” You laughed.
Ellie glanced at you from where she was half-reclined against your headboard, your pink blanket now very clearly claimed as her territory.
“Wow,” she said flatly. “Must be nice. I get punched for a living.”
You laughed, tossing a pillow lightly at her.
She caught it without even looking, which made your stomach do a flip for some reason. She tucked the pillow behind her instead, making herself even more comfortable like she lived there.
“You’re distracted,” she said.
“I mean you are sitting in my bed wearing my clothes. It’s kinda hard to not be distracted.”
She laughed and you both went back to watching the show.
A few minutes later Ellie’s leg shifted over and touched yours. Your stomach did the flip again but instead of ignoring it this time, you scooted your whole body closer to yours. You felt her tense up at first, and then ease. She moved her arm so it was resting behind your shoulder.
You couldn’t help but think how your mom would react if she saw this. You cuddled in bed with a famous lesbain MMA fighter. You laughed at the thought which got Ellie’s attention.
“What? You want me to move or something?” A little bit of panic rested behind her voice.
“No no I was just thinking.”
Ellie rubbed your shoulder a little, her bandages barely holding on anymore.
“What why? I’m comfy.” She protested. When you tried to get up she pulled you back on to the bed by your waist.
You laughed hard. “Ellie!”
She moved so she was looking down at you, her hand resting on your waist. “What!”
You tried to get up again but she stopped you. “We need to change your bandages.”
“Oh.” She pulled her hand from your waist and examined them. She groaned. “Fine, but only because they’re basically disintegrating.”
You both got up and you led her to your bathroom. “Sit.” You put the toilet seat down and pointed at it.
“Okay okay you’re the boss.” She sat down.
You opened your medicine cabinet and pulled out your first aid kit, removing the gauze and tape from it. “Give me your hands.”
You carefully unwrapped the old bandages, revealing the cuts that were trying to heal. Dried blood rested in the crevices. You frowned and ran the sink.
“What?” She asked a little playfully.
“They didn’t get much better and you have a fight tomorrow.”
“You’re cute. I’ll be fine. You don’t need to worry.” She smiled up at you from where she was sitting.
You ran a wash cloth under the warm water and brought it to her hands. You dabbed the dried blood until it all came up and set the wash cloth down. Ellie didn’t take her eyes off of your hands.
“You should’ve been a nurse or something, maybe even a doctor.”
You laughed, unraveling the gauze. “Yeah right, as if I’m smart enough for that.”
“I’m sure you’re smart.” She teased.
You cut the gauze and started to wrap it around her left hand. “Then I would have never met you.”
“You’re right. Journalist it is .”
You let out a small laugh, shaking your head as you finished wrapping the gauze around her hand. “Wow,” you said. “So I’m only acceptable as a journalist if it leads me directly to you?”
Ellie smirked. “Exactly.”
You glanced up at her. “That’s insane.”
You taped the end of the bandage down carefully, making sure it wasn’t too tight. Ellie watched you the entire time like she was studying something way more interesting than her own hands.
“We haven’t eaten yet today.” Ellie realized.
You winced at the thought of food. Every time you’ve eaten recently you’ve just thrown it up.
“You wanna get something? I can order it.” She suggested.
“You can get something for yourself.” You deflected.
Ellie was frowning now. “You need to eat, you know.”
You stood up from where you were kneeling. “I know..”
Ellie stood up too. “Hey..” She said it so softly.
You interrupted her. “I’m fine.” And you walked out of the bathroom back to your bed.
Ellie followed. “I’m not trying to fight, but you’re shutting down on me.”
“I’m not I just- I don’t feel like dealing with food right now.”
Ellie nodded slowly. “Okay..”
That surprised you. You looked up at her. “Okay?” You questioned.
“Yeah okay. We don’t have to make it a whole thing.” She lowered herself on to the bed and closer to you. “But I’m gonna stay with you until I see you eat something. Until I know you’re okay.”
“Ellie, you’re gonna have to leave at some point. You have to go home. You’re fighting tomorrow.” You didn’t move back. She was standing so close.
“Not if you don’t eat.” She smirked. “Then you’re stuck with me.”
You sighed and tried to smile. “Thank you for trying Ellie, but me and food don’t do well together.”
Ellie didn’t move back, but she also didn’t close the distance either. She just stayed where she was, steady. “Can I ask you a question?”
You hesitated, “Depends.”
She shrugged. “Fair.” Then softly she asked. “Has it always been like that? You know, with food?”
Your jaw tightened and you looked away. “It’s not- It’s really not that big of a deal.”
Ellie’s voice stayed soft. “It sounds like it is.”
You felt your chest tighten. “I don’t like how it makes me feel.”
Ellie nodded once, like that was enough information for now. That’s the thing about Ellie, she doesn’t push. “Okay.” Was all she said. “I’m not gonna force you to do anything, but I am going to care. Wether you like it or not. You are the first good thing that has happened to me in a long time.”
You pause. You think about all the fights that she has won, all the medals and trophies, but yet she says you’re the only thing that has made her happy. You felt your heart grow inside your chest. This is the first day that you’ve spent apart from your notebook, and you’re starting to feel like your old self again.
You smiled at Ellie, she smiled back. She finally closed the distance between the two of you and leaned in closely, her lips just inches away from yours. “Can I?” She whispered as she asked, her voice shaking a little.
All you could do was nod.
“Say it, say you want me to kiss you.”
“I want you to kiss me. Please.”
So she did. She leaned in and softly pressed her lips to yours. In an instant you were under her, your hands were moving down her muscular back and pulling at her shirt which made Ellie moan into your mouth.
She kissed down your neck, placing soft bites on your collarbone. Her breath was hot, her hands were needy. You haven’t been touched or wanted like this in a long time. You forgot how good it felt.
But before things could escalate any farther you shoved her off of you. She pulled back with a concerned look on her face. “What? Did I do something? Are you okay?” She backed up, giving you space.
You sat up, your hand running through your hair. “Yes, I-I’m sorry.. I just haven’t been touched in a long time.. Not by someone who really wanted me.” The drunken hook ups didn’t matter to you, it didn’t matter what they thought of you. But Ellie? You cared what she thought of you. You were scared she wouldn’t like what she found.
Ellie let out a sigh of relief. “Oh thank god.”
You looked at her, confused. “What?”
“No I just thought I did something wrong, or you didn’t like kissing me, or you realized you were straight.” She let out a breathy laugh.
You couldn’t help but crack a little smile, despite the thoughts going on in your head making you want to rip all your hair out.
“Ew no. And I definitely liked kissing you. That was the problem.” You covered your already exposed tummy by crossing your arms.
Ellie looked at you like she finally got it. The food, the way you were acting. “Oh.” She muttered.
You silently sat there, just looking at her, waiting for her to say something.
Finally she said, “We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.”
Your voice jumped up. “No no!! It’s not that I don’t want to. I want to. I want to really badly. But it’s not that simple. I don’t want you to do this with me and then realize I’m not what you wanted.”
Ellie looked at you, her shoulders losing all the previous tension. “You know I don’t do this with people right? I don’t let them come this close. I wouldn’t just abandon you. I’m doing this because I really want this.” She reached out for your hand, running her fingers along your palm.
You couldn’t help but blush. The feeling was indescribable. You haven’t felt like this since highschool. Ellie layed back down next to do. “Come here, we don’t have to do anything right now. This is enough.” She pulled you close and held you. You closed your eyes and drifted to sleep.
When you woke up Ellie was still asleep. You didn’t want to wake her because of what she’s told you about her nightmares. So you carefully slipped out of her arms and tipped over to the kitchen where your phone was. It was 7pm, you guys had napped for three hours. You weren’t complaining, Ellie needed the sleep and you probably did too. But your stomach complained. It hurt like it was an empty void, begging to be filled.
You thought about opening the fridge but you couldn’t bring yourself to. You hadn’t eaten in a few days without throwing most of it up. The feeling you got after you ate, when your stomach felt like it was expanding, you felt so guilty. You would run to the bathroom and touch the back of your throat until all the food came up.
But you were so hungry, you had to eat something. You rummaged through your fridge and cabinets looking for something that you’d be able to get down. You found some leftover chicken salad in your fridge from when you made the girls at the firm sandwiches last week.
You opened it and grabbed a silver fork. You set it down in front of you and just stared at it. The smell was enough to make you sick. But your stomach was begging for it.
You dug the fork in and picked up a mouthful, you placed it in your mouth and struggled to chew. Not because it tasted bad, but because of how it was making you feel. You liked it, your body liked it. And you hated yourself for that.
But you couldn’t stop, you were so hungry. You stood there in the dim light of your kitchen eating bites and bites of the chicken salad.
You finished the rest of the container. You sat down on the stool and told yourself that you were going to keep this down. You weren’t going to throw it up, you were going to give your body what it wanted, what it needed.
But a few minutes passed and you felt your stomach expand, the feeling you despised. You tried to ignore it, but the tears came. The thoughts came. You felt disgusting. You hopped to your feet and sprinted to the hallway bathroom, shoving your fingers down your throat as hard as you could. Tears streaming down your face. The food came up. Your stomach felt betrayed, but anything was better than what it felt like full. You were crying loudly now, sitting by the toilet in the dark bathroom with your arms wrapped around your knees.
You hardly heard the sound of the door swinging open over the sound of your crying.
But you could feel the bandaged hands that move your hair out of your face and pull you in.
You cried against Ellie’s chest and she just let you until you calmed down. Once you could breathe normally again and wiped your now slowly falling tears away, that’s when Ellie spoke. “Hey I’ve got you.”
You leaned into her chest, the sound of her heartbeat calming you down. “I-I’m sorry I”
“Shh, you don’t need to say sorry.” She wrapped her hands around your head, pulling you in even closer.
“I didn’t want you to see me like this.” Tears still streaming down your face. Your stomach felt like it was eating itself.
“Shh you don’t have to talk about it.”
You sat like that in her arms for a few minutes. The only sounds being your sniffles and her soft voice telling you that’s it’s gonna be okay.
No one in this whole world knew about your battle with food, apart from your mom but she was the one who influenced this.
When you finally finished crying you sat up. “I didn’t mean to drag you into this.. into my mess..”
Ellie’s voice was careful. “I chose to be here.”
“But you didn’t know I was such a wreck!” Your voice croaked, your throat was still sore.
“But I know now. And I’m not planning on leaving.” She held you a little tighter. “We’ll figure this out okay?”
She sounded so determined. You imagined this is how her thoughts sounded in the ring. Her voice told you that she wasn’t going to give up.
“Now, you’re gonna wash up and then we’ll go back to bed okay?” She lifted you up off you floor. You wiped your eyes and then your mouth, drying your face.
You ran your hand under the warm sink water and splashed it on your face. “I need to brush my teeth.” You covered your mouth as you spoke.
Ellie laughed a little and grabbed your hand, taking you back to your bedroom and into your bathroom where your toothbrush lives.
While you brushed your teeth Ellie didn’t take her eyes off of you once. She leaned on the wall, arms crossed. Her hair was a mess from the nap, still in her half up half down that she had it in from this morning, but it was falling out completely.
When you were done brushing your teeth you turned to her and sighed. “If you wanna leave now I get it”
Ellie just smiled. “I think you’re the mess I need in my life.”
Your stomach did the thing. Another 360. She was the only person who could make it do that.
You enter your bedroom and crawl back in bed.
Ellie gets in next to you and pulls you close. “You okay?” She moves your damp hair out of your face.
Ellie smiled which made you feel even better. “I hate to bring it back up, but I gotta eat. I have my fight tomorrow night. Is it okay if I order something?” She looked at you with concern in her eyes, like she was scared you were gonna break.
“Yeah go ahead.” You shrugged. You were okay with food if you weren’t eating it. Most of the time. You just got an overwhelming feeling of disgust, but mostly jealousy.
Ellie took her phone out of her pocket and opened Doordash. She got herself a salad and some chicken tenders.
While you waited for it to arrive you continued to just lay in bed together and watch Love Island. Her fingers drew small circles on your arm.
You were nervous about tomorrow. You had to go back to being her journalist, chasing her around the arena. You liked it better this way, you felt free. No responsibilities, no expectations, no pressure. You just wanted it to be like this forever.
When Ellie’s food arrived it was 8pm. Ellie groaned dramatically when her phone buzzed with the delivery notification.
“Don’t make me move,” she muttered into your shoulder.
You laughed quietly. “You’re the one who ordered it.”
“Yeah, but I didn’t think this far ahead.”
You sat up. “Here I’ll get it for you.”
She pinned you down to the bed by your wrist. “Nope. Stay here.”
You let out a startled laugh as your back hit the mattress again. “Ellie!”
She grinned, still holding your wrist above your head for a second longer than necessary.
“And you were just crying like twenty minutes ago,” she said softly, the teasing easing a little. “I’m not making you play doorman.”
Your expression shifted at that. Ellie noticed immediately and loosened her grip, her thumb brushing lightly over your wrist before letting go completely.
“Hey,” she murmured. “That wasn’t meant to make you feel bad.”
“I know.” You looked up at her. “You just keep… taking care of me.”
Ellie’s face softened in a way that made your chest ache.
“Well yeah,” she said quietly, like it was obvious. “Someone should.”
Before you could respond, she leaned down quickly and pressed a short kiss to your forehead. “So stay,” she added. “I’ll survive the dangerous journey to the front door.”
You rolled your eyes, but smiled anyway as she finally climbed off the bed. You watched her disappear down the hallway, hearing her mumble a tired “thank you” to the delivery guy before the door shut again.
A minute later she came back carrying the bag in one hand and two drinks in the other. “Mission accomplished,” she announced proudly.
“Wow. You made it back alive.”
She dropped back onto the bed beside you, immediately reclaiming her spot against your side like she belonged there now.
“I’m sorry I didn’t ask.. Is that okay?”
“Can I tell you something?” She propped her face up with her hand, looking at you.
“When I first saw you I knew this was going to be dangerous. You had on that little white skirt and I just thought fuck I’m screwed.”
You laughed, “When I first saw you I thought he we go. Is she gonna punch me?” SHe shoved your shoulder a little.
“Hey! I’m not that mean!”
“No, you’re not mean at all.” You slowly ran your hand down her face which made her physically melt.
She opened her salad and started eating, taking an occasional bite of a chicken tender. While she ate you just stared at the TV. You couldn’t look. She had a perfect body. Hell she had abs, and she was still eating all of that. It filled you with envy.
“How long do you have to write this article?” She swallowed her final bite.
“I mean I have access to you for a year, Legally I’m allowed to invade your personal space for 6 months, The other 6 months I’m supposed to spend writing the article, interviewing you, getting whatever I need.” You watched her set the rest of the food down on the bedside table, you felt instant relief.
“Access to me? That’s what they call it?” She made a face.
“Yeah… I don’t know, it's kind of weird huh? I never really thought about it. Normally the people love to be followed and talked about.”
Ellie let out a quiet laugh at that. “Trust me,” she muttered, “most famous people are lying.”
She shrugged. “People like attention when they control it.”
The room went quieter for a second. You watched her mess with the corner of the takeout bag absentmindedly, her expression softer now than the one she wore in interviews.
“You really hate it that much?” you asked carefully.
Ellie looked at you for a moment before answering honestly. “I hate feeling watched all the time.” Her voice stayed calm, but there was something exhausted underneath it. “Like every bad mood, every mistake, every person I stand next to becomes a headline.”
Your stomach tightened slightly at that.
Because tomorrow, that person standing next to her would be you. Almost like she could read your mind, Ellie looked over again and nudged your leg lightly with hers.
“Hey,” she said quietly. “Don’t start spiraling.”
“You literally have your nervous face on right now.”
You frowned. “I do not have a nervous face.”
“You absolutely do.” You rolled your eyes, but your smile gave you away.
Ellie smiled too, then her expression softened again. “I know tomorrow’s gonna be weird,” she admitted. “You’ll probably have cameras shoved in your face just for standing next to me.”
“Occupational hazard,” you joked weakly.
Ellie didn’t laugh this time. “That’s the part I hate,” she said quietly. “Because you’re not just my journalist anymore. At least it doesn’t feel like it.” The sincerity in her voice caught you off guard again.
You looked down at your hands. You also knew that you were more than that. You didn’t know what to say, so you just placed a soft kiss on her cheek and laid your head on her chest.
Ellie stared at you for a second before tightening her arms around you.
“See?” she murmured. “I’m screwed.”
You laughed quietly against her shirt.
For a while neither of you said anything. The TV played quietly in the background, forgotten. Ellie’s fingers traced absentminded patterns along your side while you listened to the steady rhythm of her heartbeat. It felt dangerous how comfortable it was.
Eventually, you tilted your head up slightly to look at her. “You should probably go home tonight,” you said carefully.
Ellie’s hand stopped moving immediately. “What?” she asked.
“You have a fight tomorrow,” you explained softly. “You should get actual rest. Your own bed, your training stuff… all that.”
Ellie stared at you for a second like you’d suggested something ridiculous. “I am getting actual rest,” she said.
You smiled a little. “Ellie—”
“No, seriously.” She shifted slightly so she could look down at you properly. “I slept more here last night than I have in weeks. I wasn’t lying when I said that this morning” The teasing was gone from her voice again. She meant it.
You swallowed. “Still,” you said quietly, “I don’t wanna mess up your routine or something.”
Ellie snorted softly. “My routine is nightmares and energy drinks.”
You frowned immediately. “That’s not funny.”
A small smile pulled at her mouth anyway. “Kinda was.”
Ellie sighed dramatically before pulling you a little closer again. “Look,” she said softer this time, “I know I should probably go home.”
“But…” Her thumb brushed slowly against your arm. “I think I’ll sleep better if I’m here.”
Your chest tightened painfully at how honest she sounded. “With me?” you asked before you could stop yourself.
Ellie looked down at you like the answer was obvious. “Yeah,” she said quietly. “With you.”
Silence settled between you again, but it wasn’t awkward. Just full.
You looked back down at her chest, trying to hide how much those words affected you.
She always seemed to notice.
“So unless you want me gone,” she murmured, “I’m staying.”
You curled a little closer into her without answering out loud.
Ellie smiled against the top of your head. “Thought so.”
The room settled into silence after that, the TV still playing quietly in the background while rain tapped against the windows. You could feel sleep starting to pull at you already.
Ellie must’ve felt it too because after a minute she reached over for her phone on the nightstand.
“What are you doing?” you asked softly.
“Setting an alarm before I forget.” She squinted at the screen brightness. “Coach already thinks I’m irresponsible.”
“True.” She yawned. “But I’m trying to be slightly less irresponsible tomorrow.”
You smiled as she typed something into her phone. “What time?”
You groaned immediately. “That’s disgusting.”
“I know.” Ellie tossed the phone back down dramatically. “Fighters are oppressed.”
You laughed quietly and finally pushed yourself upright. “I’m changing before bed.”
Ellie looked up at you and then immediately away again like she suddenly remembered you were a real person and not just a very comfortable pillow.
It made you smile. “You okay?” you teased.
“You looked away really fast.”
Ellie rubbed the back of her neck. “Can you not make this harder for me?” That made you laugh harder.
You walked over to your dresser while Ellie stayed sitting against the headboard, trying very hard to look respectful and not awkward. Though it was hard when all she could think about was you changing.
“Relax,” you said over your shoulder. “I’m not kicking you out.”
“I know.” She smiled a little. “Still trying to be normal about this.”
“You? Normal?” You grabbed an oversized sleep shirt from your drawer. “Impossible.”
Ellie gasped dramatically. “That’s so mean.”
You shook your head smiling and changed quickly into your sleep clothes before turning back toward the bed.
Ellie looked up at you and visibly softened.
“What?” you asked suspiciously.
She just awkwardly laughed and covered her face with a pillow.
You climbed back into bed beside her and Ellie immediately moved closer without even thinking about it anymore. Her arm slid around your waist naturally now, like she’d already memorized where you fit against her.
“You nervous for tomorrow?” you asked quietly.
Ellie was silent for a second.
You tilted your head up slightly to look at her.
“The cameras though,” she admitted. “People are probably gonna start asking questions.”
Your stomach twisted a little.
Ellie noticed immediately and pulled you a little closer.
“Hey,” she murmured. “I won’t let them be awful to you.”
You looked at her. “You can’t really control paparazzi.”
A tired smile pulled at her mouth. “No. But I can make them scared of me.”
You laughed softly. “That’s concerning.”
You shook your head, smiling against her shoulder.
After a minute Ellie leaned down slightly, pressing a soft kiss against your forehead.
“Get some sleep, journalist.”
You closed your eyes, your fingers curling lightly into the fabric of her shirt. “Goodnight, Ellie.”
The nickname hit you right before sleep did.