So this Is a sort of a remake of a post from last year, and I just wanted to redo the whole thing
Note: this is pure satire + i wrote about how THEY live their sexualities without the intencion of generalize + they live in early 2000s in the South of Italy so open-mindedness practically did not exist. I make these premises because I don't want to be misunderstood.
As always, english Is not my native language so if i made errors tell me that quitelly and i will correct :)
*Simone Pillon is an Italian political who is firmly against LGBT rights (even though he seems gay himself)
Here’s a playlist for you… Una piacevole serata con La Squadra Esecuzioni 💋 by no22gtwsbuk3wqjd1vd8bg356
Heyo i just made a playlist of La Squadra, a mix of storical and trash italian music other english songs.
The playlist name translated in english is something like: A Pleasant Night With La Squadra.
I think that is a good thing to share to non-italian users a piece of our coulture, expecially maserpieces like "Condorello" by Pippo Swolo, who talks about the suffe of being rejected by our love interest.
BUT THIS IS ALL BASED OF LA SQUADRA'S VIBES SO YEAH
Guys I'm a dumb bitch and i accidentally deleted the original post, now I have to re-write everything :")
Sono una cogliona scusate
• Formaggio grew up in an orphanage. His parents abandones him when he was a toddler, and his grandma was too poor to take care of him, that's why she left him in an institute. They're still in contact, and they love each other
• In general he is a very nice person and easy going, besides Pesci he is the most approachable of la squadra
• Football addicted, his favorite team is Roma and this pissed off his teammates 'cause they all support Napoli
• Cool big bro vibes, but that kind of big bro that leads you on the wrong path
• He usually goes to bars and pubs. Often causes fights over stupidities
• Formaggio joined the mafia without thinking about it to have his own stability. Just because at 18 he was sent away from the orphanage and became homeless
• Close friend with Risotto and Prosciutto, and have a love/hate relationship with Illuso
• Kinda nasty, Ghiaccio in particular hates that. He rarely washes his hands
• His favorite song is "L'italiano" and others 70s 80s italian song
• His cat is named Moretti, like the beer
• Has some inferiority complexes, but he refuses to admit it
• The only straight among La Squadra
• And the one with less traumas
• His granny calls him "Nino" (i headcanon that his full name is Antonino Formaggio, and this is pretty funny)
• Whenever he talks to a girl it seems like he's hitting on her, when maybe he's just acting like a jerk
Tecnically I should study, but i get bored easly :P
Hope you like this!
CW/TW: Mention of child abuse
•He's underweight, not because some eating disorder, he doesn't eat much of his own. However, he's pretty health.
•Melone is son of a hooker and he spents his childhood with her customers, God only know what they do with him.
•His mother was barely at home, and when she was present she used to be very mean with her son. He was an unwanted child, a burden, and the woman vented her frustration with her miserable life on him.
•Like I said, he's bisexual, and he have a personal sense of gender. He could be classificated genderfluid, I don't know how to explain, he's just Melone
•Very good listener. You can vent to him how much you want and he will be always on your side
•He's not exactly someone who harasses anyone, he's just too outgoing (like a child)
•Baby Face may have been born by his dream to become a better parent than his mom
•Everyone in the team are a little scared of him, especially where's girls around
•Ghiaccio Is his childhood bestie. Melone helps him to chill out
•He started scientific high school, but he left that at 17 when his mother died
(sì Melone mi sa di scientifico)
•If he lived in our times he would appreciate lofi music
•Enzo Miccio and Carla Gozzi's* estimator
*they are two Italian TV hosts and stylists
•I like to think that he's very warm, a pleasure to hug
•He watches with Illuso all the Maria de Filippi's* programs unironically
*another Italian TV hosts
•If La Squadra managed to capture Trish, they would keep her away from Melone, you can imaginate why
"Eh ma staranno in pensiero, saranno almeno 24 ore che non ci facciamo sentire."
(We've been silent for 24 hours, they might be worrying.)
"Va bene, vuoi chiamare tu?*
(Alright, Do you wanna call him?)
"E perché Proprio io?"
(Why me?)
"Ghiaccio dorme, io sto guidando..."
(Ghiaccio's sleeping, I'm driving...)
"Credi che abbia paura?"
(You think I'm afraid?)
* Formaggio dials the number*
"Pronto?,pronto sì, ssss sì ssì sssss stiamo, siam… sìsìsì no, è… la la lascia lasciami… è m mma maria nnn… noo… ssi, bè, s-s-se fosse stato per me… sì… ma io ss sono il primo che che… non ho ca, non ho ca, non ho c… non ho c-ALLORA, MI LASCI PARLARE O NO?! HAI CAPITO?! E NON NE POSSO PIÙ DI ASCOLTARTI, STAI PARLANDO SOLO TU! E MI HAI PROPRIO ROTTO I COGLIONI, MI HAI ROTTO I COGLIONI, HAI CAPITO?! PERCHÉ NON SONO UN AUTOMA, SONO UNA PERSONA, E A UN CERTO PUNTO TE LO DEVO PROPRIO DIRE: VAFFANCULO! VAFFANCUULO!! VI, A, EFFE, EFFE, ‘NCUUUULO!!! TU, LA TUA MAFIA, LA TUA VILLA DI MERDA, MI FAI SCHIFO, STROOONZOO!!!"
(Hello?, hello yeah, yeah yeah yeah yeah we are, we are... yeah yeah yeah no, it's... let- let me... it's not, oh god,oh god... noo... yeah, well, I-if it were up to me... yeah... but I'm the first one who... I don't-I don't'-don't'-I don't'...I-HEY! ARE YOU GONNA LET ME SPEAK OR NOT! DO YOU UNDERSTAND?! I'M SICK OF HEARING YOU TALK, YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE TALKING!! AND YOU REALLY PISSED ME OFF, YOU FUCKING PISSED ME OFF, DO YOU UNDERSTAND?! BECAUSE I AM NOT A ROBOT, I AM A PERSON, AND AT SOME POINT I HAVE TO TELL YOU: GO FUCK YOURSELF! GO FUCK YOURSELF!!! GO-FUCK- F-U-C-K YOURSEEEEEELF!! YOU, YOUR MAFIA, YOUR SHITTY VILLA, YOU MAKE ME SICK, STROOONZOO!!!)
*Formaggio hangs up*
*general shocked silence and disappointment from the others*
La Squadra with a new young teammate! (headcanons)
Context: I've always liked figuring out what would happen if a teenager (gender neutral, around the Giorno’s age, which is a bit reserved) for some reason join in La Squadra. Especially, what every single member would think about it and how they deal with them.
PS: sorry for the repetitions and grammar errors, but it's a long post and I'm giving my best! Don't be rude
So, here we go!
Risotto Nero
First of all, he is the leader. Of course he’s a little worry about the new teammate, because of his age. He’s also a bit of curious about their background and why they decide to give their life to the mafia. But he doesn’t ask anything, he simply takes care of training them and making them understand witch are the rules they must respect. By the time, Risotto become very fond of them, as well as protective. Literally, I think that one day he randomly threatened his men saying that anyone who dared to hang around the newcomer for their age would be kicked off. Our goth dad <3
Formaggio
Formaggio is very exited and curious about the new member. He’s the first one who tries to be their friend and in general to approach them. He’s friendly and being around him is pretty funny, but the shyness of the young could might test him. Formaggio became in two seconds their big brother, but the type of brother that sometimes makes stupid pranks and inopportune jokes that makes no one laugh. The newcomer would be a bit of annoyed. But in general he’s a nice guy and for the new member wold be very easy to talk with him, they’re not scared or something.
(YMCA by Village People starts playing)
Illuso
Most of all Illuso would might test them, every single time, during missions or in the free time. He wants to see how prepared they are for combat. I headcanon that he is the spy of the group, and when the new member was introduced he was instructed by Risotto to teach them how to ambush and stake out. Illuso took that opportunity. He always treat them as a dumb kid, but in his mind he acts like that for forming their personality (and for fun, but he doesn’t admin that). The newcomer is a little uncomfortable around Illuso, ‘cause they think that he hasn’t accepted them yet, but they don’t know that Illuso is just a chooky guy who doesn’t know how to deal with ppl. They will soon get that it’s not them the problem.
Prosciutto
Similar to Illuso, but he is more cold. He doesn’t accept the newcomer at first, ‘cause he thinks that only the eldest with more experience should be part of the team. He act like a rude mom with them, seems like he want to teach them how cruel is the mafia world and the fact that if you want to live you have to fight for your entire life. By the passing of the time he became more “soft”, maybe the newcomer has told to the team their past or the reasons why they became a gangster. Prosciutto is a man who takes people’s past experiences into great consideration, and this could help them to get closer.
(Yeah he’s a sorta of Abbacchio 2.0)
Pesci
Like the new member, Pesci is really shy and from the start he’s gentle with them. With Formaggio is the most approachable of the team, and a sort of safe place for the newcomer. They became friends quickly, and they help each other for being more confident and brave. Pesci always protect them to the Illuso and Melone’s antics, with the results that he’s always ironically bullied for that.
Melone
OKAY, HE’S WEIRD, I GET IT. Melone is the more curious of the team. In general he's very polite with the newcomer, but most of all he want to stay around them for knowing every particular and studying them more closer. Risotto and the others has already inform the new member about Melone and his... weirdness, and they are a bit scared of him (I mean, who doesn’t?). The newcomer would give him a chance, but they regret when Melone confuse their friendliness whit an incentive to extract their dna for some of his business. Risotto scolded him severely for this, and Melone just stopped.
Ghiaccio
At first he was very skeptical about introducing a kid to the team, and for quite some time he was suspicious as well. The newcomer is a little shaken by his short temper, being so quiet, but they soon gets used to it. Ghiaccio is very pretentious and almost always wants perfection from them, but he has been told time and again that it is unthinkable. Sometimes he can be pretty nice, like doing them favors or sharing some of his stuff, but he always wants to specify that he still doesn't trust them (he’s just a tsundere you know).
