I'm not homophobic, but...

Please check the FAQ before sending asks!

[not-homophobic-but]

Are you still accepting submissions?

Yes, in general. Spamming our inbox isn’t the bet policy, though.

[not-homophobic-but]

hello! can you explain what genderfluid means? i tried searching it up but i don't really understand what it is. does it mean that sometimes you're a male and sometimes a female? or does that mean you're both? or neither? what's the difference between transgender, agender, and gender fluid?

Okay, gonna do a quick roundup, so this will be missing some intricacies.

Genderfluid means that your gender is... well, more ‘fluid’ than most! As in, it shifts and changes over time, so maybe sometimes you’re a boy, sometimes you’re a girl, sometimes you’re somewhere inbetween (though that’ll vary from person to person, obviously).

Transgender: your gender isn’t the same as the one assigned to you at birth (based on whether or not you have a penis). Basically, if the doctor said “it’s a boy!” and you’re a man, then you’re cis (read: not trans).Agender: You don’t have a gender! You don’t feel like a boy, or a girl, or somewhere inbetween, your gender is “none”. (Also generally falls under the ‘transgender’ umbrella)

[not-homophobic-but]

once I saw this post talking about the lies lesbians tell themselves to convince themselves that they're not gay and now I can't find it 😩😩HELP plz

Followers? I haven’t seen this one, tbh

[not-homophobic-but]

Then that means I'm free to call a lesbian a heterophobic because they aren't attracted to males! Seriously? Attraction is based on personal taste, if a cishet isn't attracted to something that ISN'T a women in the first place, then are you going to tell me I'm a homophobic if I don't want to date a lesbian because I'm not attracted to a female? Oh, but if a gay man doesn't like women that's okay! ...Hypocrites much?

I’ve tried replying to this properly at least twice now but I keep clicking away bored mid-explanation, so please look up why heterophobia isn’t a thing, why using “females”/”males” is kinda gross when you’re talking about human beings, and (since this was in response to an anon talking about being attracted to trans women) the fact that trans women are female

basically everything about this message is just... built on a solid foundation of “everything here is incorrect”, so it’s not so much that you’re reaching the wrong conclusion as that you’re building your argument out of different materials and in the wrong direction.

[not-homophobic-but]

I'm writing from Italy and we are discussing about the word "straight" used to define heterosexual behaviour. Nobody of us is english-mother-tongue, so I thought to ask you: Do yo think that "straight" has a homophobic connotation (straight as opposed to "bend", non regular etc. etc.)? Thanx!

I think it branches off from “the straight and narrow”, so... not really, I guess? But kinda? I think it’s one of those things where you could definitely argue it, and the logic is sound, but it’s so far removed from it that there isn’t any real homophobic connotation, in my mind.

[not-homophobic-but]

Is it homophobic for a cishet man to find trans-women unnattractive?

Homophobic, no. Transphobic, yes. If you find someone super hot until you find out she has a penis and then you find her unattractive, that’s transphobic. If you think you can “spot” trans women just by how they look, that’s transphobic.

[not-homophobic-but]

i am a cisgendered straight female, and am an ally of the lgbt+ community. im perfectly comfortable with the word "cisgender", but sometimes, my lgbt+ friends use it with a negative connotation, and i feel attacked, because they make it seem as if all cisgendered people are incapable of understanding and supporting lgbt+ issues. i understand as a cis, i have privilege, but im uncomfortable when cis is used in a negative way. does this make me a bad person/other thoughts about this topic?

"Ally” isn’t something you are in a fixed sense, it’s something you are in an ongoing sense. When you’re listening to trans people talk about cis people negatively, and you’re thinking about how much it hurts you as an individual cis person, you’re not actually listening to them -- and you’re not being an ally in that moment. Taking their general frustration and making it specifically about you only really does one thing -- makes it so that.... yeah, they’re kinda talking about you in that moment.

I wouldn’t say that this flat-out makes you a bad person (clearly your heart’s in the right place, with both how you started this and with the fact that you asked about it), but you should definitely do some thinking about this, and try to actually listen to their frustrations that they’re expressing (even if it’s indirectly), instead of hearing that word and shutting down.

- Mod D

[not-homophobic-but]

Do you have any tips to tell the difference between genuine allies and people who only call themselves allies/support gay rights in order to deflect accusations of bigotry or to look progressivr?

Biggest thing for me is if they tell you about their actions, or if you actually see their actions.

There’s a big difference between, say, someone telling you about this time they totally told off this dude who said “that’s so gay” at work, and someone posting about homophobia on Facebook. One is making sure you know about his actions so he gets cookies, one is doing the actions (and if you see it and think better about him for it, that’s probably not not thought about, but it’s at the very least secondary).

Ingenuine people are really easy to spot once you start looking for it, and they are some of the worst people out there in my eyes.

- Mod D

[not-homophobic-but]

Hi, i'm a closeted bi girl, and i just wanna say i love your blog and i love reading it whenever i feel lonely. Hope u have a great day crushing homophobes!!

I’m super-glad! <3 I hope you have a fantastic day being awesome!

- Mod D

[not-homophobic-but]

Is being homophobic a bad thing? Like, straight up, if you can't help that you fear or dislike homosexual individuals because it is an automatic response from your brain, is that really a bad thing? I know, it depends from person to person, some homophobics respect homosexuals for their choice, some are oppresive, but is it bad to be homophobic?

Yes. You can help it -- it’s a learned response, not an ingrained one. (Also, not a choice, at least generally.)

So, uh. Yes. Yes, it’s definitely bad to be homophobic.

- Mod D

[webelieveinyoukris-blog]

Being gay is natural? Okay.

You have three islands. Divide them into groups of one. The straight island, the gay island, and the lesbian island. The straight island is going to reproduce and keep going strong for millions of generations to come. The gay and lesbian islands will both wipe out in not even one century. This isn’t just about religion or morals, it’s just simple common sense. Being gay is unnatural, and not just because God said so, but because you yourself wouldn’t even be born without a REAL natural man and woman. And no, there is no such thing as a lesbian bone marrow “thing” to have children. That’s a biased fact that came from a lesbian scientist who has false opinions. If it’s not a real penis or vagina, then it’s fucking false and you’re just opinionated by dumb facts. I’m done here. Read over what I said and if you still think that being gay is normal and natural, then I hope you achieve some common sense one day. Bye

[yeinns-blog]

Where is this gay island located.. asking for a friend

[queercakes]

I just have SO MANY questions. Why were we all separated onto different islands? Did the government sanction this? If so, why? Why didn’t we revolt against this tyrannical government? Where are these islands? How were they chosen? Are the continents of the world abandoned? What kind of resources are on each island? Are they the same or different? Does each island have a right to form its own government or does the government that segregated us still rule? If so, what island do they rule from and how do they communicate with the other two islands? If they can communicate with the other two islands, can all three islands communicate with each other? If the straight people keep reproducing, won’t their island become overpopulated and their resources depleted? Islands only have so much space right? Do straight people stop having gay kids? Isn’t it a fact that, to date, straight people are the largest manufacturers of gay kids? If a gay kid is born on straight island, do they get sent to their appropriate island? Wouldn’t that aid in the re-population of gay and lesbian island? What about people who are attracted to more than one gender? Are they just lost at sea, floating aimlessly? Is the ocean full of listless pansexuals, floating nowhere? Or are they trapped in some sort of purgatory because they don’t fit on any one island? Are there trees on lesbian island? Is it conceivable that if there were, a large group of lesbians could build a boat? Have you ever seen lesbians around timber? If they built a boat, could they travel to gay island? How far apart are the islands? If they could travel to gay island, would they be able to collect semen, return to lesbian island, and repopulate the island? Would they be able to send some of those children to gay island? Do trans people exist in this world? If so, wouldn’t they be able to aid in repopulation? If the lesbians decided to declare war on the heterosexuals, would they be able to reach their island? On the way to heterosexual island, could the lesbians pick up the gays and scoop the floating bisexuals from the sea? If so, would they all be able to go and attack heterosexual island together, wiping out its people’s, stealing its children and taking all its resources? Does this fantasy world get you off at night? Please write back soon!

[fieldbears]

Speaking up from the pansexual archipelago: I too have these questions

[nothowtheforceworks]

Checking in from bisexual bay: The boats are nearly complete and are equipped with a special invisibility function. We attack at dawn

[fieldbears]

Fuck the questions, lemme on that boat, I’m coming with you

[aspiring-weird-old-man]

*random ace just floating away into the sky like a balloon*

[jezunya]

I am so here for an asexual sky nation. We live in floating cities and master the wind currents. Newly minted ace youths are sent up to us in baskets suspended under hot air balloons. We breed giant birds to bear us through the skies, or else build ourselves wings and gliders to fly in their midst. The only land we know are the tallest mountain peaks and the world is a bright blue gem spreading out beneath us.

(And we will of course be providing air support for the impending attack on Straight Island)

[thatwriterchickyouknow]

OP’s nasty-ass post got turned into a goddamn sci-fi dystopian adventure and I’m so here for it.

[whalleyrulz]

oh my god Bisexual Buccaneers from Both-Ways Bay is both a porn tile and my new life goals

[space-flannel-deactivated201707]

i’m an asexual homoromantic does this make me our young heroine torn between worlds

[lectorel]

You spend part of your time on lesbian island, learning the stories, and traditions, and part of your time in the vast floating asexual cities, training with your eagle so that you can one day become one of the chosen few: the messengers, who carry letters and passengers between islands, jumping the heterosexual blockades. When you enter this select group, you’re assigned the job of collecting reports from spies pretending to heterosexual on straight island, flying in at the dead of night, risking discovery to collect vital intelligence. You fall in love with a pansexual girl who’s chosen to hide her orientation so she can aid the Resistance. At the climax of the novel, you swoop down from above on your giant eagle to rescue your lady love from a frenzied mob. As straight island burns in the background, you share a chaste kiss and cuddle while discussing the possibility of a mountain-top pansexual outpost.

[lynati]

IT CAME BACK AROUND AND IT GOT BETTER!

[angelrecipe-deactivated20180602]

you know, i dont think that most cis people realize that being a trans boy isn’t “I’m a girl who wants to be a boy”

it’s “I’m a boy who everyone insists is actually a girl”

and the same goes for trans girls too, although I’m not one so I worry about talking over them. but like with trans boys, it’s not “I’m a boy who wants to be a girl,” it’s “I’m a girl who everyone insists is a boy”

it’s not that trans people “want” to be genders that they aren’t, it’s that they ARE a certain gender but most people won’t accept them as such. what we want is to be seen and accepted as the gender that we really are

[micdotcom]

Trans people are not costumes. Trans people are not costumes. Trans people are not costumes. 

[junabug-deactivated20181015]

@trans girls: u look nice today

[homojabi]

Trans women being forced to dress, act and present like men for our own safety is not a privilege. Ever.

[soleuna]

Friendly reminder that

bisexual girls who have a boyfriend are still part of the LGBT+ community

bisexual girls who’ve never kissed a girl before are still part of the LGBT+ community

bisexual girls who are more attracted to boys than to girls are still part of the LGBT+ community

bisexual girls who’ve never had a boyfriend/girlfriend before are still part of the LGBT+ community

bisexuals are part of the LGBT+ community

[not-homophobic-but]

People say that violence against transwomen is inspired by transphobia and misogyny. I always thought that it was inspired by homophobia since trans-women aren't seen as women by the public, but as sneaky gay men trying to trick straight guys into sleeping with them.

....which is transphobia. Like, that is literally textbook-example transphobia right there.

That’s like saying that homophobia is basically misogyny. Sort of, but it’s its own beast.