personal/mental health

I got like 3 blogs, so if you see a reply from helpimstuckindreamland, it's me, ya boi. I try to keep my subjects separate. This blog is for personal shit, mental health stuff (specifically bipolar, depression, anxiety, addiction, and PTSD)

[not-tallenuff4thisrollercoaster]

Oh my good I'm so out of shape 🥵

[not-tallenuff4thisrollercoaster]

I got halfway thru my workout before I needed to puke

So, 40 push ups, 50 squats, 150 jumping jacks, 1 min plank, 40 russian twists and I'm done for 😂

[not-tallenuff4thisrollercoaster]

Oh my good I'm so out of shape 🥵

[capstellium]

male anger is so..... disgusting......

[capstellium]

like stop throwing shit and slamming doors and just go to therapy..... it’s not cute to make women around you afraid bc you’re mad about something......

[not-tallenuff4thisrollercoaster]

Fucking preach

[rabbitgiftideas]

“9/13 this year is the Chinese mid-autumn festival(a.k.a moon festival). Guess who are making mooncakes for us on the moon!” (x-post: /r/aww) https://ift.tt/31nZaBw

[barlowstreet]

I have never loved anything like I love that little bunny in the top right corner with the mold.

[ralfmaximus]

@penndoodle

[not-tallenuff4thisrollercoaster]

I feel disgusting.

[not-tallenuff4thisrollercoaster]

Okay so,

I got financial aide

I got into school

I got a job

I finished all my chores

So why do I feel guilty for reading manga all day??? Why does relaxing, watching t.v. or reading manga or napping or eating make me feel like such a failure???

My therapist recently moved out of state, so I've been imagining how our sessions would go if I told all of this to him and

He'd say, "where does this belief come from?"

And I'd stutter and say, "me? My dad? Society? I don't know! I grew up in an environment where relaxation wasn't allowed, it was always seen as laziness. And it's the same in society! It's not spoken but it is heavily implied that if you're not doing something, then you're wasting time. And that was a strong belief growing up; No matter how much I got done, how good my grades were, or how hard I worked, I wasn't allowed to just stop and relax"

To which he'd say, "that must have been really exhausting, having to live up to these high expectations. But, can you tell me, is there anything wrong with relaxing?"

"well, inherently no, but I don't feel like I deserve it."

"ah and why is that?"

"probably because I'm a piece of shit. I don't work hard at all."

"I have been a witness to the amount of hard work you've put in to yourself for a year now, you are not a piece of shit. Don't give me that look! I've been watching you, you work very hard. You can't hide it! But you know what happens when you work work work without any breaks?"

"...you crash"

"if your friend was telling you what you're telling me, would you agree with them? That they don't deserve to relax because despite all the work they've put in, there's always more they should be doing?"

"well, no, I mean..."

"is your friend lazy for relaxing?"

"..no.."

"so what makes you the exception? Why don't you deserve to relax?"

"........... Fuck."

"gotcha"

Or something like that, I dunno, he's the voice in my head that argues with my negative thoughts so that's what I'm doing.

[thehopefulquotes]

We're all so desperate to be understood, we forget to be understanding.

— Beau Taplin

[not-tallenuff4thisrollercoaster]

I took my placement test today!

Somehow got into pre calculus 🤔

Not bad for 6 years of no brain activity!

[not-tallenuff4thisrollercoaster]

Cashier at the convenience store: hey there!

Me, reaching into my backpack:

I BROUGHT YOU A LOAF OF BREAD THAT I BAKED YESTERDAY.

Cashier: yes.

[not-tallenuff4thisrollercoaster]

Arguing with anorexic thoughts and I'm slowly siding with the eating disorder

I got a bunch of makeup to help my self esteem, but I still hate my body.

I'm 111lbs but I wanna be 90. Why? I don't fucking know.

I know part of my eating habits are fueled by this need for control. I don't feel like I have control of my bipolar disorder and for some reason I think losing 11lbs will be this big achievement that proves I can have control.

I don't feel like I deserve to eat as much as I do already. I'm unemployed, I don't really contribute anything to the household, and I'm not very... Well let's just say I don't have much to offer as a person. And the guilt is overwhelming.

Sometimes, I can't even leave my house, I'm so ashamed of my body.

And I have no one to blame but myself.

But if it's as simple as not eating, to lose a few pounds, to be able to step outside or be around other people without being so self conscious, I can't help but believe it's worth it.

I know there's a lot of bad consequences, I've seen the stats, I've heard the horror stories, I know I'm not supposed to want to starve.

But i really don't see a problem with it. Who cares if I stop eating? I'm not hurting anyone. I just want to feel okay in this body.

Idk what the point of this post is, I'm really just venting cuz I have no one to talk to so I guess the void gets to hear it. Sorry, void-dwellers.

[gay-irl]

gay_irl

[not-tallenuff4thisrollercoaster]

This just in:

Giraffes have such a wide peripheral range they can almost see 360° around themselves.

[starshein]

Listen up. There is literally an app that can help you avoid self harm and I don’t know why we aren’t talking about it.

Calm Harm can be tailored to your needs and will provide strategies to help you get past those crucial moments of wanting to harm.

It’s also totally FREE.

once again, it’s called CALM HARM

[ridiculouslyphotogenicsinosauru]

SIGNAL FUCKING BOOST

[saranghwa-deactivated20190606]

WHY WOULD YOU NOT REBLOG. IDGAF ABOUT YOUR BLOG THEME

[winwincity-deactivated20200412]

For anyone that needs this!

[cabinet-dude-deactivated2019091]

Please it’s gREAT.

[ownerofidaho]

This app is really great. Seriously.

[therearetoomanythingstodo]

They also have an app called Clear Fear for all of those who have anxiety!

It has a safety net feature where you can put in your contacts and call them from inside the app

It also tells you about the different kinds of anxiety so you’re not confused on what kind of anxiety you have

And it’s free!!!

[cidercidercider]

Reblogging again

[poptartsaysthatyouareloved-deac]

^^

[simonalkenmayer]

Boost

[official-lucifers-child]

every time i think, i take 10 damage

[fandomchaosposts]

and everytime we kiss I swear I could fly

[bitchvirgo]

[not-tallenuff4thisrollercoaster]

😬

[not-tallenuff4thisrollercoaster]

Not to be depressed or anything but I really fucking hate myself

[not-tallenuff4thisrollercoaster]