Writerly Recluse

Collecting well-written posts to gaze at in delight for eternity. Also looking for writing advice/prompts and people to share a deep appreciation of beautiful language with.

[hthrrloooo]

Catastrophize Benedictine

[twinktorturer]

the most sexual emotion a man can feel is fear

[scribeofchaos]

what kind of fear

[helpful-writing-tips]

if you're trying to get into the head of your story's antagonist, try writing an "Am I the Asshole" reddit post from their perspective, explaining their problems and their plans for solving them. Let the voice and logic come through.

[yujateaandpi]

Was driving with my grandmother and in broken English she says “no eyes… no nose… no face. Don’t trust.” To which I looked around wildly in search of this omen of ill portend.

Cybertruck. It was a cybertruck.

[hylianane]

functionally suicidal character saying “I would die for you” to their significant other and its like. I get the sentiment, honey, but if a hot dog vendor told me he’d sell hot dogs for me, I wouldn’t feel very moved now would I

[scribeofchaos]

Now, fundamentally suicidal character saying "I would live for you," to their significant other - that has some layers to it.

[hamletkin]

frothing at the mouth because my friend suggested a drunk shakespeare play where every single actor is drunk except for horatio and he has to try to keep the play on track while still having his own part to play

[scribeofchaos]

hamlet starts out sober but his father hands him a drink and it all goes downhill from there.

[hamletkin]

YOU can keep talking........

this is so good. hamlet only moments before talking about how shitty everyone at elsinore is with their drinking and partying only to be offered a drink by his FATHER whom he adores.....oh it hurts so good. like obviously an almost all drunk cast of hamlet would lead to hilarity. but there's also tragedy in it. in hamlet trying to be someone worthy of his father and of heaven but being tempted by a man he loves probably above all other... ophelia and horatio watching their friend unravel to be sloppy and slurring his words and tripping over his feet and so unlike himself.

rosencrantz and guildenstern being concerned but encouraging hamlet to keep going because that's what they're there for, weighing the cost in hand; where does their loyalty really lie?

i am here to find pain in comedy and only you understand me

[scribeofchaos]

What if Ophelia, former teetotaler alongside Hamlet, dies of alcohol poisoning - a kind of drowning?

[hamletkin]

i am on the floor..... you must never unfollow me. I love that so muuuuuch

[hamletkin]

frothing at the mouth because my friend suggested a drunk shakespeare play where every single actor is drunk except for horatio and he has to try to keep the play on track while still having his own part to play

[scribeofchaos]

hamlet starts out sober but his father hands him a drink and it all goes downhill from there.

[hamletkin]

YOU can keep talking........

this is so good. hamlet only moments before talking about how shitty everyone at elsinore is with their drinking and partying only to be offered a drink by his FATHER whom he adores.....oh it hurts so good. like obviously an almost all drunk cast of hamlet would lead to hilarity. but there's also tragedy in it. in hamlet trying to be someone worthy of his father and of heaven but being tempted by a man he loves probably above all other... ophelia and horatio watching their friend unravel to be sloppy and slurring his words and tripping over his feet and so unlike himself.

rosencrantz and guildenstern being concerned but encouraging hamlet to keep going because that's what they're there for, weighing the cost in hand; where does their loyalty really lie?

i am here to find pain in comedy and only you understand me

[scribeofchaos]

What if Ophelia, former teetotaler alongside Hamlet, dies of alcohol poisoning - a kind of drowning?

[scribeofchaos]

Darcy: ...and I mean, your family is rude and coarse and poor, and your mother is a matchmaking opportunistic harpy who sticks her nose into everyone's business and won't take the hint, and your older sister is plain and not worthy of Bingley, and surely you couldn't expect me to like any of the twittering nitwits that are your younger sisters, and moreover your father is weak-willed and...

Elizabeth: do you have a point?

Darcy: uh yeah I'm asking you to marry me :) you should be really flattered.

Elizabeth: get out of my house.

[hamletkin]

frothing at the mouth because my friend suggested a drunk shakespeare play where every single actor is drunk except for horatio and he has to try to keep the play on track while still having his own part to play

[scribeofchaos]

hamlet starts out sober but his father hands him a drink and it all goes downhill from there.

[mewwon]

the vivid sensory-memory of sucking water out of a washcloth as a child

[glumshoe]

what do I have to do to go to events where people are dressed nicely and there are plates of free cheese cubes

[nowlander]

Go to the inaugurations of littlely known artists’ exhibitions.

We are always begging for people to attend, there actually is the “hack” to invite your whole family but tell them to pretend they don’t know you. People with money are more willing to buy your work if they think many people likes it, so your mere presence eating our cheese and canapes will be a great helps. Please bring whoever you want too.

[glumshoe]

Don’t mind if I do!

I will dress like an eccentric weirdo if that helps.

[themightyglamazon]

[modmad]

one time a pal of my pals was having a tough time selling their work in an art exhibit and called us up on the last day, ‘us’ being about 8 students who were Very hungry and also bored. We put on the nicest/artsiest clothes we had available (one dude had a legit fancy suit and put on some shades which were Bright Pink he looked like a movie star I swear) and rolled up to the show in pairs, separately. Fine Art Pal has some nice paintings! but nobody is really paying attention to them, so after getting some fancy cheese cubes in a manner that did not betray that we were actually a ravenous pack of starving students we casually wander around the show and then, fairly individually, drift to a stop by their work. Some of us even walked away, then came back a bit later ‘captivated’ by the art (it was actually really nice but recall we were all poor as shit and this was a help hustle). Our group’s interest naturally caught other folks, and eventually there was a small clump of about 15 people musing over this art, and within ten minutes the biggest piece had been snatched up by a shrewd investor. by the end of the exhibit every single piece was sold. It helped pay off the artist’s student debt and on that success they got into another exhibit! They’ve been doing well ever since.

So yes, please attend new artist shows, you get free cheese, get to look at nice art, and you can really help out people who deserve more attention.

[scribeofchaos]

How does one find new artist shows? I would love to go to some

[filialdisciple]

dumb atla fanfic idea: ozai is thrown back in time—to the time when firelord azulon still sat on the throne. when ursa had not disappeared into the arms of her lover, ikem. when he still had his bending. when the avatar had not reappeared.

when all was right with the world.

ozai’s ready to conquer the world—nine years earlier than planned, nine years before sozin’s comet was set to arrive.

…

what he did not expect was that the one thing standing in his way of success was his eldest son—in the body of a five-year old.

((where ozai and zuko travel back in time and try to thwart each other in every way possible while everyone’s confused by second prince ozai’s great amount of disdain for his only son and said son’s pettiness towards his father))

[filialdisciple]

*in the middle of a war meeting*

Ozai: I suggest we send Prince Zuko with the 37th battalion to fight against the Earth rebels.

War General, very concerned: Prince Zuko is a five-year old.

Ozai, staring at him straight in the eye: I am aware.

[filialdisciple]

Zuko: Listen

Zuko: I have no idea who posted those wanted posters of my father

Zuko: Nor do I have any idea who keeps harassing him with rotten food

Zuko: And who chooped off his goatee

Zuko, making eye-contact with Ozai: It must’ve been the Blue Spirit.

[filialdisciple]

*in the middle of another war meeting which Zuko managed to squeeze himself into*

Zuko, after an hour of low-key arguing with Ozai: I apologize for cutting you off, Father.

Zuko: But can you speak louder?

Zuko: Your ego is deafening.

[filialdisciple]

@aboutiroh this is a beautiful addition. I present this:

Hakoda wasn’t sure what he expected when another Fire Nation ship came into view just seconds after the soldiers stormed down the first one.

“Shit,” he hears Bato mutter behind him.

Hakoda echoed the sentiment albeit silently. Their chances were looking way too grim. He grips his spear tighter. He could only hope Kya, their children, and the rest of tribe could escape safely and make it out alive.

Just as he was about to signal his men to charge, a white flag from the second ship was raised into the air, almost frantically.

Was this the Fire Nation’s new tactic? Hakoda wondered. Lulling their enemies into a false sense of security before ambushing them with greater numbers. He wasn’t going to fall for that. It doesn’t diminish their greater numbers though. The Fire Nation soldiers, loathe he is to admit it, could overpower them at this very moment already, except—

A visible tide of confusion rippled through the first wave of Fire Nation soldiers. They fall back. But not before Hakoda catches whiff of the words, “Dragon of the West”.

Ice washes over Hakoda. It was worse than he thought. He can already see his men hesistating, the younger ones shaking, in his peripheral.

He signals them to wait. Rushing would do them no good. He needed to see the number of men on board before changing strategies.

The hunk of metal docked, creaking grimly before the ramp lowered and hit the ice with a loud thud.

Hakoda blinked.

What came out was a child—likely around Sokka’s age—waving a white flag obviously too big for his body to carry.

The child, seeing that everyone was too stunned to react and attack, gave them a practiced, dimplomatic smile.

“Chief Hakoda,” he greets. “May I steal your children?”

[aboutiroh]

This is the best AU because

- The Gaang is all 10 years younger, except Aang who is still 12. 

- Zuko shows up at the SWT and goes “Chief Hakoda I know this sounds confusing but I need your children to stop my douchebag father and end this war”

- He finds Aang in that iceberg to prove his point “See, I even got the Avatar for you, now can I pleeeaaaase go travel the world with Sokka and Katara” 

- Aang is very confused too but he just rolls with it

- Azula contemplates whether she should continue to try and impress her dad or go with Zuko. She goes with Zuko. 

- Iroh hasn’t started his Siege of Ba Sing Se yet. He’s not post-redemption Iroh, but he’s got it in him somewhere and tiny Zuko awakens it. 

- While they’re traveling on Appa, Zuko sees Toph and goes “WAIT we have to abduct that blind baby playing with the badgermoles” 

- at this point nobody questions him anymore and they get baby Toph on board. She’s two and somehow still the most badass among all of them. 

- Ozai is defeated by a bunch of toddlers and children and is now even more pathetic. 

[filialdisciple]

Additionally,

- Rumors of children being randomly abducted spread like wildfire.

- More so after a child from Kiyoshi Island, despite being neutral to the war, was stolen.

- With the knowledge that the Avatar has, in fact, reappeared, people conclude that the Avatar is a kidnapper.

- After kidnapping Toph, Zuko presents her to Aang saying, “This is you earthbending master.”

- Aang is hesistant. But then he sees baby Toph bend metal (“Uh, Zuko, I don’t think you should buy metal baby toys” “Trust me, Aang. I know what I’m doing”<<He does this because adult!Toph once said that plastic and wooden baby toys were for the weak) and he’s immediately sold.

- Nobody outside the gaang is sure whether or not Aang’s serious about calling a two-year old sifu. Said two year old cackles everytime she’s addressed that way.

- Sokka develops a childhood crush on Suki and bullies her in response. He stops when Suki beats his ass and gives him a stern talk.

- Sokka begins following Suki like a lost puppy.

- Katara first learns waterbending from the swampbenders when Zuko took them on a detour.

- Zuko sends Azula and Ursa letters every now and then, updating them about important stuff. (Dear mother, I am now travelling with a two-year old. Best wishes, Zuko)

- Ursa travels away from the Fire Nation in search of Zuko after Azula ran over to her and began bawling about Zuzu replacing her as his sister.

- Cue mother-daughter bonding as they travel around the Earth Kingdom in disguises in search of Zuko and his gaggle of toddlers. (Azula basks in the attention from her mother that she’s always yearned for.)

- Ursa bumps into Kya and Hakoda and team up. They exchange stories and they all agree that there needs to be a change in Firelord.

- Kya gives Azula candy, Hakoda teaches Azula how to defend herself with a knife, Ursa guides her through firebending katas. Needless to say, Azula is showered in actual love and is happy.

- Team Actually-Trying-To-Be-Good-Parents reunites with the gaang and after a bit of scolding and a fair share of fretting have dinner like one big family.

- To Sokka’s horror, Azula gets along very well with Momo. Azula also proceeds to teach Katara how to fight with a knife.

- Meanwhile, Iroh is travelling the world with Lu Ten after Ozai’s obvious assasination of the late Firelord Azulon. Together, they go through multiple spiritual hijinks, uncover lost civilizations, find themselves embroiled in conspiracies about cabbages, and discover the order of the white lotus.

- Zuko and Iroh’s letter exchanges are wild.

- Ozai ascends to the throne with an empty palace, heirs somewhere around the world, a half-cut goatee (courtesy of the Blue Spirit), and an avatar under the guidance of his son, gearing to end his reign once more. He briefly wonders if he should’ve chased after his son instead of assasinating his father.

[whats-a-reading]

Every single time. This post, I swear. It keeps getting better.

Okay but does Lu Ten end up as Firelord or do they just plop literal gremlin child Zuko on the throne and give him baby Firelord robes

Because, if it’s the latter, that’s adorable but hoo boy the royal tailors are going to hate puberty.

[filialdisciple]

*after defeating Ozai*

Zuko, a 7-year old: I will ascend the throne.

Everyone: CHILD NO.

Zuko: I will ascend.

[cabbagemerchantofficial]

The Ozai loyalists at court are prepared for the greatest shitshow on earth once a literal 7-year old becomes Firelord and gleefully bid their time until his undoubtedly imminent failure, but the little demon is actually doing… well?

The tiny monster’s feet aren’t even touching the ground from where he sits on the throne, but he is nonetheless happily debunking the merits of class-specific household registration and demanding cuts be made to the military budget and when did he even learn those words?!

Lu Ten, of course, is delighted to be his little cousin’s advisor, because from up here he gets to see all the fantastic faces that the royal councillors make when their tiny Firelord talks about things like “our public schooling system is frankly atrocious, Minister Seng, and I will no longer stand idly by while our youth is fed propaganda; here, I’ve put together an overview of the new curriculum, you and the Cabinet of Education are to refine and implement this, effective immediately.”

Things get even better when, not 5 minutes later, the little Firelord proceeds to call the Minister of Education a “big dumdum”.

[foiblepnoteworthy]

I left my bullshit for a minute so i could make something wholesome

he baby i love him

[ofgeography]

read the new chapter. so good. you wouldn't actually kill everybody at the end right?

right?

please?

at least can AC and PK get a happy ending?

:)

[scribeofchaos]

That is a very worrisome smile you're presenting me with ma'am

[scribeofchaos]

Okay but how did Kronk get the job as Yzma's henchman? Kuzco refers to him as her 'latest model'. Is there, like, a job application for Unreasonably Trusted Henchman? Did Kronk submit an impressively detailed resume that Yzma took one look at and threw in the trash for being too sensitive and intelligent to be a henchman, clearly, until Kronk showed up to plead his case and she took one look at him and went 'ah. this man is a living walking doormat with biceps the size of stone pillars. I can't not ruthlessly exploit him for labor.'

Alternative, and hilarious, explanation: Kronk took a brief stint as a palace guard and Yzma walked past one day, did a double-take, and immediately kidnapped him to be her personal henchman. All the other guards talk about him like he died, because the life expectancy of Yzma's henchman is about that of a particularly suicidal hamster.

Bonus: in both these scenarios, Kronk is like... twenty. Because it's a very funny use of the character dynamic of 'nice young boy and extraordinarily ancient woman mentor-mentee relationship'.

[scribeofchaos]

Fact: Yzma clearly relies on Kronk enough to confide in him and send him off on crucial jobs without any supervision.

Fact: Kronk faces almost no consequences fucking up the very important missions she gives him.

Fact: Yzma trusts Kronk, a man built like an industrial refrigerator with a heart of gold and unreasonably good luck that would definitely let him get away with murder, to journey alone with her into the wilderness.

Fact: Kronk reacts with perfect amiability and goodwill to Yzma's constant flow of insults and entitlement, seeming to regard her as a friend-ish figure at least.

Conclusion: I would pay solid money to watch a tv series filmed sitcom-style about Yzma and Kronk's evolving workplace relationship.

[mawofthemagnetar]

What do you mean “chat” is now referring to ChatGPT and not twitch chat? What? What? What the fuck? No?

When I address chat I am speaking to a presumed Greek chorus of real human people shitposting on their lunch break, not a machine that devours lakes to covert electricity into slop.

[scribeofchaos]

Terrible comic of this post for you

[scribeofchaos]

The ideal way to break writer's block is to read part of a bestseller book that's highly lauded, think to yourself "I could do better", and through the power of spite write three pages of your story in one sitting.