people have this tendency to believe that fandom discourse exists because people in fandoms are Stupid Nerdy Losers, but in fact fandom discourse exists because anytime you get a group of more than 100 people together, they will start creating interpersonal bullshit. fandom is not special in this regard
There is sports discourse. There is yarn discourse. There is food discourse. There is academic discourse (dear sweet god is there academic discourse). If there are people out there collecting brass buttons specifically from 1921, they are going to have discourse about which buttons are trash and whether Person A cheated person B. To be human is to engage in pointless wankery sometimes.
Hey! I'm rewatching TOWL (currently episode 3). The scene with Michonne and Benjiro always touched me. It's sweet, gentle, sad and hopeful altogether. But I've been trying to figure out the timeline of Rick meeting Benjiro for the portraits. Benji said he always come every few months asking for a new one. He took 3 years to share Michonne's and Judith's names. This means there were a lot more portraits than what the show has shown us on screen. "He knew he'd see you. He knew it. He stopped talking like that." 😭 So the phone that Michonne found with that Japanese words "Believe a little bit longer" was probably the last portrait? And he had it during his escape number 3 (means he stopped talking like that just before escape #3). And he lost that one too. Do you think he went back to Benji for more portraits afterwards? Or he stopped there? How do you see what the timeline of the portraits, him gradually losing faith in seeing Michonne again, and Rick's escape attempts looks like? Hope this isn't too much 🌹
Hi! I love this question, and it's definitely not too much! (I hope my timeline isn't too much, because it's pretty long 🤭) I’m sorry it took me a while to answer. Life got much busier than I was expecting. But I knew I wanted to take the time to really think about this one, since I’ve often liked to imagine how those exchanges between Rick and Benjiro might have gone. I appreciate this ask for giving me a chance to really map out my thoughts on the timeline of the portraits and Rick's escapes.
I wrote it in a bullet outline of how I think the series of events could have played out. I tried my best to base it around details in TOWL that inform Rick's earlier offscreen days with the Civic Republic. It's definitely likely that Rick had more phone drawings than were shown. Since they specifically showed 5 phones, I figured I’d address how I think each of those phone photos came to be, along with his escape attempts. Wrote it all out below. Thanks again for asking! 💗⬇️:
So first, I imagine that Rick made his first-ever escape attempt while he was still recovering from his rebar injury. I don't know exactly how long that period would be, but I imagine it was a lengthy recovery because that rebar damage was pretty severe. I can see it being where Rick had to take a while to heal after surgery, and then, after that, even more time was required for physical therapy to get back to himself. I feel like during that PT time, Rick was so eager and determined to get away and get home that he tried to break away while not in tiptop shape.
And because he’s not at full strength, he doesn’t get too far with Escape #1 before being caught. Then, what we know from Rick’s letter is that Okafor advocated for Rick to be a consignee after the first time he tried to escape. (That’s another reason I think Rick’s first escape may have occurred earlier in his recovery because it seemingly was only after his first escape that the CRM decided what role to give him.)
As a new consignee, I envision that Rick meets Benjro at his portrait booth during his first time being allowed to visit the city. (If I remember correctly, these days were referred to as furlough days). I feel like Rick may have been looking at the art around Benjiro's booth, curious what the art is about, but not asking. And Benjiro notices him and warmly explains to Rick that he creates art of people’s loved ones, especially loved ones who are no longer with them. Benjiro offers to craft an art piece for Rick, but Rick declines the offer. At this point, Rick feels he doesn’t need the art of his loved ones because he fully intends to see them soon. Plus, he’s able to visit Carl in his dreams and feel connected to him that way.
Next, I picture that, as a new consignee on the higher-ups' radar, Rick doesn’t have much room to execute Escape #2. He’s always planning his breakaway but has to take his time learning the place so that this escape is more successful than the first, which means he’s still around for yet another furlough day. During this second furlough day, Benjiro kindly greets Rick and says he’s been wanting to ask him what he used to do for a living in the world before. Rick is hesitant to answer since he wants to keep most details about himself private in this place. But Benjiro seems like one of the few trustworthy people here, and so Rick is a bit more willing to talk to him this time. Just a bit. Rick says he was a sheriff, and Benjiro smiles, saying he had a feeling that’s what he was.
(I like to picture Benjiro could tell Rick was a sheriff because he, too, used to work with law enforcement as a forensic artist, drawing witnesses' descriptions of people. And he always wanted to do more creative art, but forensic art just paid the bills. And now this post-apocalyptic world allows him to use his skills to create art he's more passionate about.)
During this exchange, I can see Rick asking Benjiro about how the process works of getting a phone drawing, and Benjiro explains that people describe their loved ones to him, not just their physical traits, but their essence and memories, and then he takes that and creates a portrait. Benjiro says he can show Rick by drawing someone for him. Rick figures maybe it would be nice to have as a departing item since he plans to leave this place soon.
And I imagine that Rick decides to describe Michonne, but only referring to her as his wife, since it took him 3 years before he told Benjiro his family's names. And this is when he has Benjiro draw the Michonne phone that we first saw in the opening scene of TOWL. How Rick described Michonne is something I’d be so curious to know. (I’m tempted to write out how I picture it, but this outline is already long lol. But I know whatever Rick said to describe Michonne was super heartwarming.)
I wasn’t sure how long the art creation process would take, but I’d imagine sometimes it takes longer, and so it’s not until the next time Rick and consignees are allowed to visit the city that he gets to pick up the image. And when Rick first sees Michonne drawn on that phone, after having not seen her for so long, it really moves him. He expresses sincere gratitude to Benjiro and lets him know that it means a lot to have this phone for the meantime until he inevitably gets back to his wife, since he’s confident he’ll see her again. This first phone also makes Rick want even more images, so I picture that this is when he opens up to Benjiro that he also has a daughter and asks Benjiro to craft a phone drawing with Michonne and Judith. He describes what little Judith was like, and this would be when the phone featuring Michonne and a younger Judith is made.
Then, I can see it being where Rick is assigned some task as a consignee, and during the task, he finds an unexpected opportunity to breakout and attempts Escape #2. But because this escape was more impromptu, he still got caught.
Getting caught again really discourages Rick, as he wasn’t expecting it to take this long to get back to his family. On another furlough day, he voices some of that disappointment to Benjiro and how, with all the time that has passed, he no longer even knows what his daughter looks like now that she’s getting older. Benjiro offers to help Rick imagine what Judith would look like older. Rick shares a memory of how Judith loved playing outside their home, and so Benjiro draws an older Judith outside the house, and that’s when that particular phone we saw in TOWL 1x01 is made. And how they predict Judith would look as an older kid ends up being very accurate.
With more time passing, Rick starts to feel more weighed down about not getting home. And one night, when he goes to sleep, he dreams of one of the places he so often visits Carl, but Carl doesn’t show up like he usually does. And the next night it happens again, where he tries to see Carl in his dreams, but he can’t. No longer being able to visit Carl in his dreams deeply depresses Rick.
Not wanting to lose his son’s image entirely, Rick visits Benjiro again and tells him that he also has a son, and asks Benjiro to draw him. Rick describes Carl as best he can, but the phone image of his son isn’t quite right. Benjiro is eager to try again, and Rick tries to describe Carl more, but it’s like he can recall the outer things, like the hat, eye patch, and clothes, but the detailed face of his son feels blurry in his mind. Benjiro’s second drawing of Carl still doesn’t feel quite right. And it breaks Rick’s heart that he’s struggling to remember, but he appreciates Benjiro for trying.
At the next furlough day, Rick doesn’t even ask Benjiro for a drawing like he usually does, and he starts talking less hopefully about the possibility of making it home. Prior to this, every time he’d tell Benjiro that this is art he wants "just for the meantime" until he gets home. But now, after failed escape attempts and losing the image of his son, he’s much more doubtful about the future and finding his family. This is a time when Rick stops talking as if he believes he'll see his family again, just as Benjiro told Michonne.
Benjiro encourages Rick by giving him an unexpected drawing of Michonne and an older Judith. On it, he also adds Rick’s name and an encouraging message in Japanese. Rick is moved by the phone art and asks Benjiro what the Japanese words mean. Benjiro says, “Believe a little bit longer,” and lets Rick know he’s giving him this phone as a going-away gift, since he still believes Rick has it in him to make it back home to his family. Rick is appreciative of Benjiro’s support and decides to finally tell Benjiro that his wife is named Michonne and his daughter is named Judith. It’s a nice moment of trust between the two.
With a newfound will to escape, Rick carefully maps out how to pull off his getaway and attempts Escape #3. It’s this escape where I imagine he makes it the closest he’s gotten to home thus far. However, a helicopter finds him, and he gets caught. But not before tossing a message in a bottle for the love of his life, as well as that pivotal “Believe a little bit longer” phone that he places in a bag and throws. When Rick was caught during the 3rd escape attempt, he looked more defiant and determined than down and depressed. I feel like maybe that was because he knew he at least was able to leave messages and clues that hopefully could get to Michonne.
I could see Rick still wanting art even after getting caught for the 3rd time, as he knows it's important to retain Michonne and Judith's image after losing Carl's. And these phones are one of the few things that bring him comfort. But now that he's back with the CRM, escaping from this point on becomes extra tough. Because now the CRM keeps a heavy eye on him at all times and keeps a leash on him when they’re out in the world. So, with all the heavy surveillance, being essentially chained like a dog, being away from his family for years, losing Carl’s image, and also Okafor trying to recruit him to his program, Rick is starting to really deteriorate mentally. He’s getting to the point where he will try anything, no matter how mad, to get home, because he is absolutely desperate to break away now that it’s been years, and he misses his wife and daughter so much it feels like a physical pain.
The biggest thing that brings Rick comfort during all this is the fact that Michonne has shown up in his dreams each night since losing the image of Carl. She is such a sight for sore eyes as she shows up in beautiful, vivid color in his dreams that feel like the best warm hug. He starts to look forward to nighttime, where he falls asleep and his mind conjures up all these different scenarios where he and Michonne fall in love again and again.
Benjiro continues to try and encourage Rick after his 3rd escape attempt didn’t work out. He makes another attempt at drawing Carl, but Rick knows it’s still not quite like Carl. Starting to think it may be more likely he dies trying to get home than to actually successfully make it home, Rick decides to ask for one more art piece before he makes his most extreme attempt at escape yet. Rick remembers that in one of his recent dreams, Michonne wore her hair pulled back in a certain way that Rick always loved when they were together. So Rick asks Benjiro to draw Michonne with a new hairstyle, and he adds it to his collection. He believes this will be his final drawing since he intends to execute his fourth escape soon.
Willing to lose his hand or his life, Rick makes that 4th escape attempt and chops off his hand to get away, but he’s caught. And it’s shortly after Escape #4, when his one other friend here, Esteban, plants a seed in his head to maybe finally accept the offer to join the CRM and use it to his advantage. I imagine joining the CRM keeps Rick busy, so he starts coming around for art from Benjiro a lot less and starts forming his plan to execute Escape #5 by faking his death.
When Escape #5 doesn’t work, and Rick learns that Okafor knows about Michonne and Judith because of the phone art and his letter, he somberly burns the phones and doesn’t ask Benjiro for any more to be made since he can’t risk more people learning about his family. But poetically, little does Rick know, while those phones played a part in him having to give up on escaping home, they also played a huge part in helping him get home. Because, fortunately, the woman who is his home, the woman who is Rick's heart, will find one of his phone drawings, and it will confirm to her that he’s out there, giving Michonne the fuel to keep believing during her journey of bringing Rick home. 🧡
There are so many qualities I love about the character of Rick Grimes. A king among men. 👑 And one of my absolute favorite things about him is that he's such a good loving father. And in this following moving scene, we get to see Rick open up to Michonne about just how he feels not getting to be a father to his kids all these years 🥺...
But first, there's that suspenseful elevator moment. 😬
Rick hurries into an elevator with the last light of the world’s leader stuffed inside a crate. 😅 And as he waits for the doors to close, a tall soldier comes walking in to stand beside him.
And then it’s very tense as the two silently wait side by side while the elevator trudges its way down several floors. Rick then looks down and notices that blood is leaking from the crate which just ramps up the suspense even more.
Meanwhile, Michonne has made it outside - and I just have to note that her face card doesn’t even decline when covered in a helmet and mask. 💯
Michonne is obviously very conflicted after what she’s just seen in the auditorium and she knows they have to do something about it and fast. So after getting outside, she makes her way back inside like...
And the Baddest Chick in the Game also grabs some bombs while she’s at it. 💣
Meanwhile, in the elevator, the blood is still leaking from the container and just when the doors open, the soldier notices. 😬 So Rick is forced to go toe to toe with him.
And the one good thing the CRM did was give Rick some improved hand-to-hand combat skills. 👌🏽 I know some people be getting on that man for often finding himself on the losing end of a fisticuffs but hey he always came out on top of those TWD fights too. 😌
gif cred: @nerd4music
But now, Rick stayed in control for most of this fight with the CRM soldier and that had me so proud of him. He’s come a long way in this area so I'm just sitting here watching like...
Rick quite savagely beats the guy's face in until he’s dead and this is definitely that feral Rick we saw often in TWD.
When the doors open, Rick looks like he’s ready to just keep taking down CRM folk, but he quickly realizes the soldier in front of him is actually his wife when Michonne says his name.
And y’all, Richonne really are certifiably crazy because the way Michonne doesn’t even react to Rick covered in blood or the bloodied body on the ground. It’s just another day at the office for them. 😅
Michonne says they can’t go home yet and asks if he knows what the CRM is planning. Rick says he got the echelon but he’s more curious how Michonne found him right now. Me personally, I’ll just chalk it up to thinking soulmates like them can always find each other because they come with innate GPS trackers lol.
Michonne informs Rick that the CRM has a whole tent of bombs outside and that they’re going to be evacuating the kids and then taking out a whole city of people. Rick replies saying, “This is happening now. We can still get home, but not yet.”
I love that Rick’s now at a point where going home stays a part of the plan no matter what. And Michonne says, “We have to stop them because we can stop them.” And of course, they both know and believe they’re capable of handling this just the two of them.
Then there’s a great little moment of levity when Michonne notices the crate and casually asks Rick if it's his.
gif cred: @nerd4music
Michonne asks, "Is this yours?" and Rick's just like “Yeah.” Since he doesn’t elaborate further about the Beale-in-a-box, Michonne asks, “What’s in it?”
gif cred: @nerd4music
And the wordless ‘it’s complicated’ look Rick gives her is comedy.🤭 Something about this exchange between them was truly giving married and I’m here for it. 😁
gif cred: @andy-clutterbuck
And then y’all, after being entirely too late to the party, Pearl finally starts to become suspicious that something is up with her big brother Grimes. She sees that Beale isn’t in fact in the woods like Rick says so she goes off to investigate.
Next, there's a very heartfelt scene as Rick and Michonne are alone in a room to set up their plan to stop the CRM. 🥲
Rick asks Michonne how she came up with this explosive idea and Michonne, always one to honor Nat’s memory, says, “Took some inspiration from the genius known as Nat.”
After what the CRM did to him and his friends, I know Nat is looking down from above so proud of Michonne for using his techniques to take these soldiers down. Nat still got his payback like he wanted. 😌
Also, seeing Richonne both in the red-striped CRM uniforms, I like how this episode has them in matching outfits for most of the duration. Having matched in similar clothes and colors a lot within this franchise, it just feels right for Rick and Michonne to be matching in the finale too.
As Rick packs, he tells Michonne, “You know, Beale said I could lead the CRM one day.” There's something interesting to me about how, from all the things shared in the echelon briefing, Rick brings this specific point up.
It leads to a great and underrated moment, as Michonne just has a playfully sarcastic response saying, “Guess you were right. You could do this all by yourself” before giving Rick a very communicative look that says 'the CRM is not keeping my man any longer.' And then Rick has a sweet subtle smile back at her. 🥹
The reason I feel this quick smile moment is great is because many at the CRM have tried to tell Rick what he’s supposed to do and who he’s supposed to be these last seven or so years. Telling him that he has this power and he has to use it in the ways they deem fit. But Rick never wanted any of that. As he said in season 9, he really didn’t ask anyone to follow him. He's always, from Day One of TWD, viewed himself as just a man who wants to be with his family.
And so here when Rick brings up that Beale also felt he should use his natural-born leadership to take on a position of power that he doesn’t really want to take on, there is something so refreshing to him about Michonne just knowing he doesn’t want that and so he doesn’t have to do it. And especially doesn't have to do it alone. She's always let him know they're in this together.
So I always interpret his smile reaction as Rick feeling really appreciative that for the first time in a long time someone isn’t forcing that leadership role on him.
And after enduring so much alone, I love that he knows that now that he has Michonne back, he really won’t have to take on things by himself anymore. He and Michonne get to return to reordering things together like Rick most wanted. 👌🏽
And after his wife so welcomingly frees him from those CRM leadership expectations, Rick then gives some insight into what he actually wants when he says, “We could just go.”
What Rick wants most of all is to finally make it home and just live life with his family and I feel like because that reality is now more tangible than it’s ever been, there’s likely a part of him that doesn’t want to risk this CRM plan getting in the way of them making it home.
(Side note: I've touched on it before but just had to reiterate here that, contrary to some out there's belief, a lethal fighting machine is not all Rick is and it's not how this character wants to operate if he doesn't have to.
I think Rick has been shown to be someone that would be fully content living a domestic everyday life that never again requires returning to intense fight mode. Savage Rick is certainly a part of him, but all the savage stuff he's done and does is to protect the family he wants to live a peaceful normal life with.
Being a husband and father is Rick's core want and driving motivator. Which is why making TOWL about Rick getting to his wife and kids rather than just a guns-a-blazing fight against bad guys was the right choice.
And when Rick got taken from his family, he didn't spend those years pursuing some new motivation to obtain power or world domination like some want him to seek. He chose to die. Without his wife and kids, he'd rather be dead. That was made quite clear. And even when Rick agreed to Okafor's mission it had so much to do with wanting to save the world for his family, even if they never knew he did that.
So it makes sense that TOWL would then have to be a more contained story and focus on Rick returning to his love and to himself after losing himself so deeply because he lost his family. And I love that in finding his family, his everything, Michonne, Rick really does return to himself - both the part of him that's a resilient fighter and the part of him that's willing to be admirably vulnerable.)
Michonne looks up at him and Rick says, “This is…” and I’m sure he was going to in some way express how risky this is, but Michonne finishes the sentence saying this is “...what we have to do. What sort of world are we making for them if we walk away from something like this?” And that always just hits my heart to hear her say 'for them' because she’s talking about their babies. 😭
And then my heart gets hit even more when Rick also talks about their babies as he opens up saying, “You know…I’m mad at the time I missed. Not seeing our kids growing up.” First of all - 🥺🥺🥺.
gif cred: @nat111love
I think part of coming back alive again means also having a whole lot of suppressed feelings rise back up to the surface. So it’s meaningful for Rick to now acknowledge that part of what he feels is mad that he missed so much time with his kids.
And especially knowing it was Rick who presented the idea of him and Michonne building for the future with a baby all those years ago, and now he's had to learn that he got what he wanted but missed out on so much of that baby's early years. That has to hurt. 😞
When Rick was taken, Judith was so young too so he missed a lot of early milestones in both his kids' lives. I know he would have given anything to be there loving them and raising them during such formative years of their lives. 🥲
Being a father has always been so important to him and so you know it weighs heavily on him that he was kept from being the dad his kids needed and from getting to be by Michonne’s side, raising their son and daughter together, and enjoying all the great moments of their kids growing up. 🥺
And again, hearing Richonne say “our kids” is music to my ears every time. I think too, after hearing the echelon briefing, the last remains of the CRM’s facade just came tumbling down to Rick because in some ways Beale sounded a little paranoid and crazy rather than saying anything concrete. So that has to just make it extra hard for Rick to feel like the CRM kept him from his babies all these years because of their warped paranoid belief system.
Rick then says, “I know we can’t, but I just…I think about that time and I just want to go back.” Annnnd cue my tears. This got me, y’all. 😭
gif cred: @nat111love
The emotion he feels when he says this. 🥺 This is a father whose heart breaks over the invaluable time he’s lost with kids and that breaks my heart. 💔
It’s super moving to see Rick have this moment of vulnerability with Michonne. One of the things that has always made the character of Rick Grimes so great and compelling is that he’s willing to be emotionally vulnerable. Being in tune with what he feels contributes so much to his strength as a man and as a character.
And I like how there’s layers to him saying he just wants to go back. It’s like he longs to just go back home right now but he also longs to just go back in time and be there with his family during all the years he missed.
gif cred: @andy-clutterbuck
He should’ve had the chance to be with his babies. 😔 Rick deserved that. But while they unfortunately can’t go back in time, Michonne is here to help Rick shift his perspective with what she says next. 👌🏽
As Rick looks at her with tears in his eyes, Michonne instantly feels for him. I think about how in the TWD 'Scars' episode there was a scene where Michonne watches Judith and some kids play a game and she tells Aaron how she wishes Rick could see this.
gif cred: @michonnegrimes
Michonne knows how much she too wishes Rick could have been there all those years seeing their kids grow up. And it clearly moves her to now hear Rick express that same desire to have been there. 🥺
gif cred: @nat111love
Also, I was thinking about how another reason it was so fitting for Rick to have said that Michonne puts pieces back together during the proposal is because when their family experienced brokenness with the loss of Carl and Rick being taken, it was Michonne who had to hold the rest of their family together.
And it makes me so happy that now Michonne won't have to do that alone anymore because Rick is willing, ready, and eager to return to being part of their family.
I love the way Michonne looks at Rick and then drops what she's doing to go over to him and kiss him. Those were some loud and clear ‘I love you’ kisses, y’all. 💯😊 See, Michonne stays saying I love you without even having to say it.
gif cred: @nat111love
This was just the type of love and connection Rick needed at this moment. And it’s sweet how Michonne is so comforting as she keeps Rick's face in her hands and assures him, “We are back.” 🥹
It can be understandably tempting to be saddened by the past, but I think it’s really nice how Michonne reframes this to let Rick know they’re back now. And the present and future still hold a lot of opportunities for them to make it back to their family and spend lots of time with them the way they’re meant to.
gif cred: @nat111love
Rick of course resonates with Michonne saying this and then, true to them, he repeats her words from earlier back - knowing that saving people and stopping the CRM from bombing a whole city is what they do. And Michonne affirms that by saying “Yes it is.”
gif cred: @msanonships
I always love the way Rick looks at Michonne at this moment because as draining as it clearly is for him to fight all these battles, he always can get a fresh sense of strength when in her arms. And she's so tender with him as she rubs his face. 🥲
And then y’all know being a richonner means being spoiled, so this really sweet scene ends with the two passionately kissing and wrapping each other in their arms once again. Look at our lovely and crazy little lovebirds all making out in their Richonne bubble before they blow stuff up. 😊
gif cred: @msanonships
Like if I’m supposed to get over the fact that a show exists where Richonne kisses 100+ times, it’s not gonna happen. I’ll never be over it.😇
Every time they kiss it just makes me think about how these are two people who didn't know if this type of love would ever find them after what they had lost. And then not only did love find them, but the greatest and strongest love of all found them when they found each other. And it's everything Rick and Michonne deserve.
This final makeout is really sweet too because it's just so clear that Rick and Michonne both get so much comfort from each other. No matter what else is going on, they can always lock in with each other and find their center.
With this kiss, it's also clear that they're very grateful to finally be back in each other's presence after being deprived of each other for years. The sad days of being apart are over, and they cherish knowing they'll get to be by each other's side from here on out.
gif cred: @lousolversons
I’ll always love this scene for giving Rick and Michonne a genuinely touching heart-to-heart as parents and protectors and as two people who know they can always express their rawest feelings to one another.
Hearing Rick reflect as a father about how he feels having missed all this time with his kids was something I was hoping for when TOWL was announced. And I really appreciate how that was addressed in this touching scene. 👌🏽🥹❤️🩹
I've been so busy these past months that I haven't been able to read all the fabulous updated Richonne fics nor have I had time to draw these two. So I'm reblogging one of my favorite drawings of this happy couple to keep them alive!
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