The only thing that keeps me going at the gym is the thought of how disappointed Kevin Day would be with me …

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@notcharlyren
The only thing that keeps me going at the gym is the thought of how disappointed Kevin Day would be with me …
Jean: in a fit of rage, starts scolding everyone in absolutely furious, rapid French.
Cat: …
Cody: …
Laila, whispering to Jeremy: What is he saying…?
Jeremy, having only recognized the swearing: He’s mad.
the concept of Andrew having an episode and being able to tell its neil through the panicked haze by Neils scars
and then and only then does neil learn to appreciate them, because they separate him from the horrors of his love's past.
Playing a tiny festival in London tomorrow and messed up my set list by adding a new song I wrote this week …
Wish me luck, let’s hope I won’t fuck up lol
btw it's so fucking stupid you can be anxious physically in your body even after you've decided mentally you don't care. I'm supposed to be in charge here
i always mean it when i say i love you btw
‘but thats a stranger you dont know’ and i love them. i love that they exist and i love that they passed through my life. and i love u too btw
reblog to tell your mutuals you love them for existing
So today I learned that I shouldn’t be allowed to go to the cinema lol
Not for any reason that concerns public etiquette or safety,
but because my fragile mental health is not capable of consuming any content in a casual or nonchalant manner.
I watched Obsession for my friends birthday today and the way this film made me even more misandrist than I already am … wow
While this film, due to its noises and jump scares already messed up my nervous system, I remembered my ptsd diagnosis really quickly
I’m more so annoyed by how I know the aesthetics, themes and underlying struggles of the characters will follow me home.
My brain just does this.
For a few days I will see everything I experience through the lense of said film and I’m already tired.
Maybe this is a symptom of one of my many mental health issues, potentially OCD (online diagnose me, why don’t you)
In conclusion, if the piece of media shown in a cinema isn’t already part of one of my established fandoms and or harmless content, I can’t go. I’m not allowed lol
Love walking around with sunglasses and big fuck off noise cancelling headphones while thinking about some tiny fictional guys that are oh so in love and grinning to myself while the general public has no idea what I’m on about 🙂↕️
Jeremy making a video that’s like “walking with my scary dog privilege” and turning the camera toward Jean. But every time he turns the camera toward Jean Jean blushes and smiles at him
Andrew probably adored Neil being oblivious because he got to explore and show his feelings without being confronted or forced to talk about them.
Imagine never once picturing yourself in something as ordinary as a relationship or domestic life, and then suddenly you’re Andrew Minyard, stopping by a pet store on your way home from practice to buy food for your two cats while your partner cooks dinner waiting for you to get back. and then you’re Neil Josten, waking up early in the morning, rolling over beneath the blankets only to find a blond man standing in the doorway with a towel slung low around his hips and damp hair still dripping from the shower, casually asking, “You want coffee?” and then you don't understand how your life has turned out this way, but you're definitely happy.
“There is no ‘this’. This is nothing.”
“And I am nothing,” Neil prompted. When Andrew gestured confirmation, Neil said, “And as you’ve always said, you want nothing.”
― Nora Sakavic, The King's Men
matching
Neil josten:
“Oh my god, I can't believe Kevin day fumbled two different situation ships” Kevin Day who surgically removed himself from the people he loved when he realized he was not the better option. Kevin day who even when he's the first option knows he's never the best option. Kevin Day who lets people use him as they learn to love each other and themselves until he has no use anymore and lets them go even as they rip parts of himself away when they leave. Kevin day who is always the first choice and never the last.
Neil hadn’t been kissed in four years