my motivation as someone with a high sw and cw
~the thing that makes me most motivated is the fact that i am Fat, thatās a fact. itās not just a āoh i look fat todayā i am overweight. i have a belly and my bones donāt show, i can squish my thighs and my face is round.
iāve gotten complements from my family like āyouāve lost weight i can see it in your faceā āyou look great! i need to do what youāre doing!ā āyour legs look slimmerā
my friend who is very honest about everything (and sometimes is too honest) grabbed around my wrist and he said āyour wrists are so tiny!! youāre so smallā
my collar bones are starting to peak through, i canāt stop feeling them and when i turn you can fully see them
i know this is a small victory but my fingers do not touch now, they donāt look as stubby. my fingers look longer (iāve always wanted my fingers to look long bc i play piano and i want those pianist fingers)
my face just looks?? nicer?? when i walk by mirrors my double chin is so much less visible i feel prettier and it makes me smile
certain outfits look different on me, not baggy yet bc i have a LONG way to go but things just fit better and i donāt feel as repulsive
things that i look forward to
more defined collar bones. the fact that my collar bones will show without any effort is just! so motivating
my feet and hands to look slim and dainty rather than pudgey
for my sweatshirts to get even bigger on me
to be able to wear jeans again instead of leggings all the time, and actually like how i look
thigh highs to fit correctly and not roll down bc theyāre too tight on my thighs
to not be scared during sex/ be able to do more doing sex because my size wonāt limit or control me
to see how my bones look, i have always been on the larger side bc i am 4ā11ā. ive been in a vicious cycle of restricting and binging it all back since i was about 13 because i never had a scale and i would get frustrated after losing weight bc my dsymorphia just,, i never see change. but my scale is forcing me to see the change and iām just so excited to see the bones in my hand without having to flex it
the bone in my wrist will jut out more
h i p b o n e s- i like to push through the fat and sort of feel them bc iāve never seen how they look so when i drop more weight iāll finally be able to feel them and see them!!!!!
thigh gap!! even if itās not large just a little gap will make me so happy and itās slowly starting to happen
because i am so short, once i get to my ugw or even a little before it i will look so little and dainty, my boyfriend already says iām tiny regardless of my weight, so wait until iām even smaller!!
these are just some of the motivations of a bigger girl, i know how hard it is to start at a high weight bc itās so hard to see changes on other people and then look at yourself and see no change at all because it takes us so much more to see results. thatās why iāve given up so many times, the most iāve lost is thirty pounds but i gained it all back bc i didnāt look like a twig at that point but you know what? iāve accepted that itās going to take longer and itās going to be hard and i think that it makes me or anyone going through a similar battle pretty bad ass. we will be skinny, itās all about patience and hard work. be nice to yourself and take things slowly to avoid binges and itās okay if you binge!! if youāre not in recovery please do not beat yourself up or throw all of your progress out the window okay? i know itās frustrating and people make you feel like this is just a diet regardless of the fact that you are starving yourself but your ED is valid and if you feel like no one acknowledges or cares, i do. stay strong and safe and if you want recovery, PLEASE recover. this is more directed for the people who are past the point of recovery. thanks for listening to my little rantings ā¤ļø (iāll be updating this post with my weight loss and what iāve noticed is linked w it)
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