RMH
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@notreallyhereanymore
FYI:
So I haven't been on here in ages. I used to be 'sugarfreemagnolia', in case you're wondering who the hell you're following here, haha. (Changed my URL when I stopped posting here.) Anyways... sometime last summer I started a new blog: a-row-of-small-trees.tumblr.com. Anyone who isn't following me there is more than welcome to do so. :) Not that I'm very interesting (what else is new...), but just thought I'd mention it.
Haven't been on here in forever again. This will be my last post. Maybe in the future I'll start a new blog, maybe I won't... if I do, I'll follow some of you guys again for sure. If I don't start a new one ever, I'll likely sign in here now and then anyway, just to see what's going on. But this blog... it expired long ago. I don't know what comes next. Later, Tumblrland.
Grapefruit! (by Sarah .K)
breakfast :: film (by chickadee nest {martha})
Nerdiness know no race, gender, religion, sexuality, or location. Nerd is no longer an insult. This is the age of the nerds. We are millions strong and growing. Reblog and show off your pride.
Ugh, I nearly forget what it’s like to be able to eat normally — and I don’t mean from the perspective of my eating disorder, but rather my gastro issues. Fuck gastroparesis so much. :( I just consumed about 3/4 of a medium coffee and a hamburger patty (no bun) at McDonald’s, and it feels like it’s sitting in my throat, going nowhere. If I bent over, I’m certain it’d come up in my mouth. (That happened with some potato chunks I’d eaten ten hours earlier sometime last week, when I bent over in the shower… and then they got stuck in the drain. Gross.) Anyway, Z, on the other hand, had a salad, the bun from my hamburger, a large iced coffee, a muffin, and an ice cream cone, and -- of course -- he feels just fine. I would feel so sick and be so horribly bloated that I could barely breathe if I ate that much…
Bleh. :(
Sickness. I'm so done with it. I mean, I know I can't just will it away, but I can stop focusing on it. I want to feel like there's more to me again. And there is.
I wish.
So I’m pretty sure that having an eating disorder for the past 13+ years has resulted in the development of some variation of dysautonomia, which is now independent of the eating disorder and a problem all on its own. All the other more specific health issues and problems that I’m having and that I’ve researched to bloody death seem to be components of dysautonomia, and it’s almost glaringly obvious that that must be part of the answer. And so now I’m stuck with this shit, eating-disordered or not. Fun times. Fun. Fucking. Times.
Just someone please confirm that this is what’s going on, because I’m starting to feel like I’m going crazy. Well, crazier. I can’t take this crap anymore… especially not officially knowing what’s wrong with me.
O hai, Tumblr. Sort of haven’t been on here in a bit… apparently three days, which is nothing for me (compared to how long I usually disappear for), but for some reason it feels like I’ve been gone for several weeks at least.
In other news… yeah… I got nothing. Well, other than my stomach/digestive system seems to hate me even more than normal and my gastroparesis appears to be getting worse. Oh and I had a meltdown over clothes this morning because apparently I’m still a fatass even if I’m able to wear children’s sizes at the age of 28. I can’t help but compare my body now to the body I had in my late teens and early 20s… even if I was sick as fuck then. (The funny thing, though? Most of the time I felt okay… because that was before the vast majority of all the damage I was doing to my body had caught up to me.) Aaaaanyway…
But yeah. That’s it. Because boring life is boring. And this post makes me sound like a horribly shallow and ditzy teenage girl. I don't know why, but it does. So I shall stop writing now.
