Writing a fic where Jango wasn’t a willing progenitor because his family is still alive on Mandalore so Palpy did some fucked up shit to his brain and now the clones exist but one day while visiting home Jaster (who I love writing as force sensitive af) is all ‘my child has something weird in his noggin I’m gonna unravel it’ and now they know who the Sith Lord is and Jango is all ‘well. Now that that’s outta my brain-‘ and wanders off to tell the alphas that they can leave with their vod’e as soon as the Sith Lord is killed and the alphas being paranoid as they are are like ‘okay what do we give you in turn???’ ‘What do you mean this is a freebie’ ‘nothing is free prime, what do you want’ ‘lmao idk just babysit the Jedi they seem kinda stupid a little’ and the clones take that to mean ‘they are stupid and get themselves killed keep them safe’ and Jango doesn’t correct them cause this is hilarious and allows them to dig into the Jedi histories as much as they want only for them to come back all ‘ahh, yes, we see the senate has them in a chokehold and barely better than slaves living in a Diaspora being forced to their Will and their numbers have been steadily declining over the past thousand years. We see. They need help’ and Jango is all ‘…they fucking what???’ Only for the clones to already be fucked off to claim the Jedi as part of their people and no they will not be leaving sure you can try and run but we are here to help you sorta thing and Anakin is very eager for this, they saved all the slaves on Tatooine and saved his mom and stopped him from getting married cause if he gets married without Obi walking him down the aisle his master WILL cry about it and Plo and Shaak are repeating the gai bal manda to anyone they come across and it’s really very annoying and Mace shoved Kenobi at the sternest clones he could find saying ‘this one bites, he’s feral; tame him and win the prize’ and tbh they don’t know what the prize is but that sounds like fun and Obi is very annoyed at all times except when they pull him into their sleepy piles because that’s nice and yea he likes these dudes, they did not tame him tho he still bites he’s still feral at least they tried.
Anyways. Alpha 17 and Cody are the most annoying jerks ever who won’t let him run off into danger without them and Miss Shmi is awesome and disgusted by her son eating live bugs too so we no longer know where Ani gets it from that’s a shame and Mace is grounding anyone who adopts a clone or gets adopted by clones everyone is grounded. The Mandalorian empire is sorta peeking in like ‘wow. Are the Jedi okay??? They look a little annoyed??? But I haven’t heard of any of them getting murdered this week so probably???’ And it’s kinda hilariously adorable. The Mandos didn’t know they needed to worry about the Jedi and they’re super pissed at the Sith for hurting their prince’s brain and so yeah let’s join the clones they look like they’re having fun in the temple?????
Jaster Mereel is THIS close to being banned from the temple entirely. Whenever he’s on Coruscant he wanders into the temple all ‘excuse me sonny, I’m a bit old and confused I thought I saw my son my baby my little boy come in here-‘ the temple guards have him On File for daily attempts while on planet to get into the Jedi archives. He ends up getting at least as far as the archive doors 9 times out of ten and half those he only ends up turning back after ten minutes of flirting with either Dooku or Nu and getting flustered about it and wandering back out escorted by a giggling shiny or cadet. Nu and Dooku are considering just letting him in he’s such a nice chap. Jaster is once more caught and ejected from the temple today.
Jango came home with Boba and two years later with Omega who he gave straight to Arla so their kiddos are cousins and the Bad Batch end up moving to Mandalore with Jango cause they think it’d be funny to have clones as bodyguards for the Royal fam, which is how they became the Royal nannies.
The main character in this one is obviously Obi-Wan, who now that he isn’t in charge of them (and is rather not the one in charge if you know what I mean) is a relentless flirt with Cody and Alpha 17, who have invaded his home and bed because he forgets to eat and thinks meditation is an acceptable form of sleep. It Is Not.
Hilariously enough, this entire idea came to me picturing a CodyWan scene where Cody calls Obi ‘Pet’ and Obi gets flustered and cuddly. I don’t know how the rest evolved I just think it’s very funny. Alpha bops him on the nose when he bites and Obi loves it. Alpha is very much in charge here.
Being shamed for not knowing something leads to fear and guilt over not knowing something which leads to not asking for help when you need it which leads to failure which leads to more guilt and shame.
Embrace the fact that you don't know everything. Be excited about getting the chance to learn something you didn't know before. Celebrate someone else not knowing something and getting a chance to learn it.
Doing the opposite just leads to people who refuse to admit they don't know something and thus refuse to learn because both the admission and the learning are painful to do.
Sith marriage au is so good!!! Does Anakin start falling for his new force teacher as well? Does he start feeling conflicted bc he also loves his mystery husband?
ooo i propose that anakin probably would have started falling for his force teacher because he's so gentle and yet stern and yet more respectful than some of the servants/people around him have been about his personal boundaries
(he makes the mistake of telling his teacher this and is very surprised when the offenders disappear from the palace/castle/temple a few days later)
but his teacher just won't stop bad mouthing his husband!!! and anakin is trying to love his husband!!!! and his sense of loyalty won't allow himself to fall for this new guy because a) his husband and b) this new guy apparently hates his husband >:(
but they can still have accidental passionate hate sex after one too many comments about darth ventas while they were sparring
anakins going to defend ven to his death. obi-wan trips over his own feet when he hears anakin call darth ventas ven, but anakin's like 'what else am i supposed to do i can't call him darth ventas for the rest of my life!!!'
and obi-wan's like '......you wanna spend the rest of your life with him? 😳'
i'm here for the extremely erotically charged conversation where obi-wan exasperatedly and half-rhetorically asks "what do you even see in him anyway!?" and anakin who is offended on his husband's behalf goes on this long ramble about how ventas is the perfect lover and he makes anakin feel so safe and wanted and anakin feels amazing when ventas does [whatever sex thing in VERY explicit detail] and the only thing anakin wants is to finally kiss him--
--which obi-wan does, forgetting that anakin thinks he's a different person, and anakin of course responds because his subconscious is a hell of a lot quicker on the uptake than he is
and then they pull apart and obi-wan remembers, oh shit, anakin doesn't know, must fix this asap, and in the ensuing verbal flailing somehow anakin comes away with the conclusion that obi-wan has a crush on both anakin and darth ventas, and obviously the solution to this is a threesome, he'll ask ventas later tonight
obi-wan relates all of this to cody after his like fifth shot of vodka and cody has zero sympathy because you did this to yourself, sir. literally every part of this is your fault. one hundred percent. i know you're not going to tell him because that would be the reasonable thing to do so have fun planning a threesome in which two-thirds of the participants are you.
What does "dead dove don't eat" mean? I'd Google it but I'm afraid of getting graphic images of deceased birds in the results.
It’s a meme from an old episode of Arrested Development. You’ve seen it here on tumblr, but not always with the original context.
The character sees a paper bag in the fridge labelled “Dead Dove Do Not Eat.” He takes the bag out of the fridge, opens it up, makes a disgusted face, and then the famous “I don’t know what I expected.”
There really was a dead dove in the bag.
When you see a fic tagged with “dead dove do not eat” it basically means, “this fic is clearly labelled (tagged) indicating content that some people will not want to read. If you read it anyway, it’s your own fault. I warned you.”
It can also be interpreted as “See those tags and warnings? I’m not joking around. Pay attention to them.”
I would say it’s best understood as an intensifier to Don’t Like Don’t Read.
Just for example, say a series has some implied cannibalism in it.
A given fic for this series might tag with “cannibalism warning” just because it’s in the canon and the fic acknowledges or discusses it. Some people might be okay with discussing it in the abstract, even if they don’t want to see it represented explicitly. Others might be uncomfortable with just the concept, and the author might add “don’t like don’t read” to remind those people that they may not want to engage with the fic at all.
But if you see both “cannibalism” and “dead dove do not eat” the author is telling you that in the course of this fic, a character is going to straight up chow down on some dead bodies, onscreen.
To refine on that “intensifier” concept slightly, I interpret “dead dove: do not eat” as an intensity modifier. The presence of a tag itself doesn’t necessarily tell me exactly how that content is going to be handled (which is not to say it’s not useful, just that it’s incomplete information). “Dead dove: do not eat” suggests to me that it’s going to on the darker, more serious end of the spectrum, and I shouldn’t read it if I’m not prepared for what may be a psychologically intense or harrowing treatment of the tagged material.
You know what! This conversation has gotten me thinking about the concept of “intensity modifiers” all this morning, and I think it’s actually a fascinating subject we should talk more about!
Because I started off by thinking “DDDNE serves as an indication of subject intensity, which is an important purpose and it’s a shame that we don’t have other things like that” but then I realized, we do! They’re just slightly less formalized than other kinds of tagging systems modern fandom tends to work with.
Broadly speaking, there are two kinds of intensity scales in common use in modern fandom.
The first is the violence/sex intensity scale, which tends overall to be conflated with or used as a shorthand for the intensity/maturity rating of the fic itself. And people have talked in detail about the difference between an M and an E rating, in terms of how explicitly the sex act or violence act is described.
But sex and violence are not the only topics that warrant an intensity scale. There are plenty of topics that people (myself included) are okay with when talking about in an abstract or general way, but if the narrative starts to dig down into the real nitty gritty of the topic I might only want to read it if I’m in the right headspace, or not at all.
And though there isn’t an official G to E scale, fandom has implicitly recognized this need and filled it with canonical tags – such as Implied/Referenced X, Canon-Typical X, or Dead Dove Do Not Eat.
1. Implied/Referenced X tells the reader that topic X is going to be discussed, but not shown explicitly on-screen. Unless the whole broad topic is a trigger for a reader, it’s probably okay for them to read.
2. Next step up from that is Canon-Typical X, which can generally be understood as the base or standard level of intensity for topic X in fandom Y. Exactly what level of intensity that is varies from fandom to fandom – ‘canon-typical violence’ for The Avengers is probably going to be a different level of intensity than ‘canon-typical violence’ for The Witcher, just to name two offhand. But it is generally understood that if you’re reading fic for fandom Y in the first place, the level of X present in the work is probably not going to be too much for you.
3. And then at the far end of the intensity modifier scale is Dead Dove Do Not Eat, where a topic is explored in such detail and intensity that even fans of Fandom Y will have to decide whether they’re okay to read this today, or maybe at all.
I’ve also seen DDDNE (D3NE?) used specifically on smut/kink fic to essentially replace a short essay on why fiction is not reality, the author does not endorse these actions in real life, yes we do know this is fucked up and we are sickos that’s the point, etc etc if you click through and get grossed out don’t come crying to me. Which is kind of similar to the above, only instead of modifying “Don’t Like Don’t Read,” it’s for “My Kink Is Not Your Kink And That’s Okay.”
Which is probably related to the whole purity culture pearl-clutching nonsense and if I wanted to spend 20-40 hours doing research I bet I could write a really interesting essay about it, but also, I’m not doing that, you’ll have to imagine it yourself.
How to Get Prescription Medication in the US Dirt-Cheap--with NO Insurance
So, I'll save everyone the sob story, but life the past, oh, 4-ish months has been pretty shitty, and involved a lot of financial woes. Including, to get to the point here, an unexpected gap in my medical insurance. I am on 5 different prescriptions, and couldn't afford to go off any of them, nor afford to pay retail prices. So, as a Frugal Bitch, I figured out how to get them anyway, in a way I could still afford.
I looked at GoodRX, cause that's what I've heard about most online, and used it once, but it wasn't as cheap as legally possible, and 5 prescriptions adds up quick, so I kept looking.
Enter Honeybee Health! (this is not a paid advertisement, nobody would pay me for that, I just want to share savings) Honeybee is a completely legal, certified (in most US states) pharmacy; it's just online, and ships you the prescription.
Bonuses of Honeybee:
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It is shipped directly to you, so there is no hassle going to pick it up as long as your mail is delivered to you. Mobility-challenged, those without reliable transport, and busy people rejoice, no extra time or effort is required
if you don't pay extra for rush shipping, shipping is free through USPS
because it's not through insurance, they will give you exactly what your doctor prescribed, without trying to limit your dosage or deny the med totally
they let you pick which manufacturer/source you get the generic med from, with their pharmacist's recommendation noted
A personal example as proof: 1 of the meds I'm on is pantoprazole, I get 30 doses a month. With my former "good" insurance it was $10. With GoodRX but no GoodRX Gold membership it is $12.5 at my former preferred pharmacy. With Honeybee Health it is an absolute grand total of $6 for 30 days worth.
Screenshots for evidence. This is the same dosage and amount of the same medication, both the generic version.
Go forth with this new knowledge, and save money.
Buy your medications online with Honeybee and save. We offer the most transparent pricing with great service, free delivery and no BS
This is a series of ficlets from the Clone Haven server, after some discussion of what would happen if an Among-Us-style imposter replaced Palpatine without doing any research re: his extracurriculars. A thousand million thanks to the friend who wrote a script to convert Discord's special snowflake markdown formatting into HTML tags, which I had been banging my head against for ages and which was the main hurdle to uploading all these little extemporaneous snippets. (They did not want to be credited.)
Also for some reason tumblr no longer supports horizontal line breaks! Why would you do that! I need that! So I guess we're just doing the "extra empty lines means a new scene" thing.
somewhere along the way dooku tries to have fakepatine assassinated. fakepatine is entirely too fascinated by this and wants to help. fox says they're there to protect him, since fakepatine has so far distributed 100% less torture than realpatine. some shiny points out that technically, he outranks them and can do whatever he wants
"okay," says fakepatine, gets up from behind cover, avoids both the clones grabbing for it and the assassins firing at it, mimic-judders its way down the hallway faster than should be possible, and vanishes around the corner the assassins are hiding behind
there's a series of wet grinding and scraping noises and screams, and then fakepatine strolls back out looking none the worse for wear. "that was fun!" fakepatine says. "what's next?"
Fox rounds the corner and puts his hands on his hips, surveying the scattered pile of weaponry interspersed with occasionally recognizable small body parts. "Huh," he says. "Looks like it was a false alarm."
"Score," says someone whose name Fox definitely doesn't know and therefore will not have to discipline.
"Um," says Rift, their newest shiny, in the tones of someone who knows he's missing something but doesn't know how to ask what that is.
Fox takes pity on him. "See, if this were an Incident," he says casually, leaning down to free a rather nice dagger from the half-a-hand still holding it, "we'd be required to log all this as evidence and submit it to CoruSec to be put in a warehouse while we hunted down the perpetrators. But it's not." He flips the dagger over, eyes it, and nods to himself. "So if somebody just happened to leave a lot of really nice gear lying around, it'd be our job to take it to the Lost and Found." The same Lost and Found where items are legally up for grabs if no one claims them in a month.
"Oh, do you want these, too?" a new voice says brightly, and Fox turns to see whoever (or whatever) is pretending to be the Supreme Chancellor offering him two holdout blasters, both thankfully pointed at the ground. There's a short silence, during which everyone looks between Fakepatine, the pile of weapons and gore, and the significant distance (and multiple clone troopers) between the two. Fakepatine's smile acquires the fixed quality that means he doesn't understand why the Humans aren't Humaning correctly. Fox can relate.
"Where did he get those from?" someone whispers. Too loudly, because Fakepatine opens his mouth and takes a breath.
"PLEASE DON'T ANSWER THAT, SIR," Fox says in his best Command voice, and if there's an edge of hysteria to it, well, he dares anyone else to do better.
This isn't right. Something is going on with the Chancellor, and unlike Obi-Wan, who apparently just wants to star in a spy holothriller, Anakin is worried about both his friend and the leader of the Republic. He opens his mouth to ask straight out about it, because this dancing around it is getting them nowhere, but he's interrupted by the office's holoprojector chiming an incoming call.
"Ah, we should leave you to your work," Obi-Wan says, in a tone that implies... something. "You must be very busy."
"Nonsense!" Palpatine(?) says cheerfully. "Anakin at least is one of my closest friends, I have nothing to hide from either one of you." He grins at them a little, like he's sharing an inside joke. "Perhaps seeing a pair of Jedi Generals with me will make whoever it is get to the point faster, hmm?"
Maybe-Palpatine-or-maybe-a-shapeshifter-or-something turns away to answer the call, allowing Obi-Wan and Anakin to throw confused looks at each other. Palpatine usually cuts his meetings with Anakin short if he has to talk to someone else, not because he's trying to hide anything but because politics is a delicate job and he needs all his attention for it. Besides which, in Anakin's experience, seeing a Jedi immediately makes any given Senator harder to work with, not easier (with some exceptions, of course).
And then the call connects and Anakin just. Stares.
There's a long silence. Anakin sneaks a look at Probably-Not-Palpatine, who seems to be trying to keep his expression on the blank side of "crazed panicking," and then at Obi-Wan, whose expression actually is blank and whose Force presence has gone very still.
"Chancellor," Obi-Wan says, almost pleasantly, "why does the leader of the Separatists have your personal, heavily-encrypted comm frequency?"
Because standing in front of them, life-sized in washed-out blue, is indeed Count kriffing Dooku. Anakin has to clench his teeth together to suppress the hysterical laughter that wants to pour out of his throat.
To the credit of whoever's pretending to be Palpatine, they miss only a single beat before saying, in such a wildly confident voice that it's clear they're making this up as they go along, "Be...cause he's not the leader of the Separatists."
"He's not?" Anakin hears himself say, in unison with Obi-Wan. Dooku's mouth twitches like he had to stop himself from asking right along with them.
"He's not," Not-Palpatine confirms, suddenly serious. He fixes the two Jedi with a severe look. "But nothing you see here can leave this office, do you understand me? Count Dooku has been undercover as a spy for the Republic for almost the entire war."
Anakin glances at Dooku. If nothing else, at least they can be pretty sure whatever's happened to the real Palpatine isn't a Separatist plot, because Dooku clearly doesn't know what the kriff is going on either.
"Has he," Obi-Wan says, just as clearly not buying a word of it.
"Yes," Fakepatine decides, confident in the way of the desperate and poorly-informed. "Everything he has done has been in the service of the Republic, however it may seem."
"He cut my arm off," Anakin says faintly.
"And I'm sure he's very sorry about it," Fakepatine covers flawlessly, in exactly the same voice Anakin once heard a crechemaster use to explain that hitting is wrong. "Aren't you?" And then he looks at Dooku like he's actually expecting the man to answer.
Dooku looks at Anakin. Anakin shrugs minutely, indicating that yes, he finds this just as weird as Dooku does, and no, he doesn't have a better idea than just going along with it. Dooku blinks. "You have my most sincere apologies," he says, and then looks as surprised as Anakin feels that the statement wasn't entirely sarcastic.
"That's lovely," Obi-Wan says, suspicious and edging on furious, "but if the leader of the opposing faction is actually on our side, what are we doing fighting a war?"
Oh shit practically appears in neon above Fakepatine's head. He opens his mouth, but before he can speak he's rescued by Dooku, of all people.
"Nominal leader," Dooku says. Everyone swivels back to him. Anakin wonders vaguely if this is what being high feels like. It's extremely weird. "Who profits, in a war?"
Obi-Wan is doing his best impression of an overdue volcano, so Anakin hurries to supply the other half of the... lesson? "What do you mean?"
Dooku crosses his arms. "Wars are expensive. Not just metaphorically, but literally. They cost money. But those credits don't just vanish into thin air when they're spent; they get paid to someone. You've been to Separatist planets, you know that their galactic coordinates are the only thing stopping most of them from defecting to the Republic. They certainly aren't getting much out of it, so, if not them, who profits? Where is all that money going?"
"...the trade unions," Obi-Wan says, into the perfect silence that follows. "You think the trade unions have orchestrated a galactic civil war in order to profit off the sale of weapons to both sides."
"Weapons, supplies, armor, ships, reconstruction, anything and everything they can put a price tag on," Dooku says. "In fact, I know it. I just need proof."
"Which is why you must not even hint at this to anyone," Fakepatine says. It would be grave, except they've all forgotten he's there, and startle when he speaks. "We don't know who might be on their side. Do I have your word?"
Obi-Wan and Anakin exchange a look. Don't say anything, just nod after me, Anakin hears, right before Obi-Wan says, "Very well. On my honor as a Jedi Master, I will not share what I have learned here with anyone outside this room."
Anakin nods, wondering what Obi-Wan is up to, and allows Fakepatine to end the call and hustle them both out of the room. "Don't you want to tell the Council about this?" Not that he's generally in favor of the old coot brigade sticking their noses everywhere, but at this point, even Anakin has to admit they're in over their heads.
"Where do you think we're going?" Obi-Wan says, quietly enough that no one will overhear them.
Anakin frowns. "But you said--" His mouth shuts with a click. He'd said. Anakin hadn't promised anything at all.
Obi-Wan smiles grimly. "Precisely. I'm not going to tell the Council a thing. You are."
Mace is having a very long day. Mace has been having a very long day for about two years now. No one had ever told him that when he became Master of the Jedi Order, his unofficial title would be updated to Someone Else. As in, "that's Someone Else's problem." As in, "Someone Else will deal with this." As in, "let me go ask Someone Else." He's going to drown in paperwork one of these days and that'll be his epitaph: Mace Windu, Someone Else.
Which is to say that when Kenobi walks into Mace's quarters, way too chipper for ass o' clock at night, and says, "Ah, good, I thought Someone Else ought to hear about this," Mace thinks he can forgive himself for the brief but understandable urge to stab the man. He closes his eyes and releases the irritation and frustration to the Force. There is no peace, there is serenity. Er, wait. There is no passion-- Fuck it. There is no sleep, there is caf. Close enough.
"If this is about the supplies from Cato Nem--"
"The Chancellor found a bunch of Sith stuff," Skywalker bursts in, to the room and also the conversation.
Mace goes very still. "The real Chancellor or--" He stops himself from saying "Fakepatine" just in time. "--the imposter?"
"The fake one," Kenobi clarifies. He has perhaps left the realm of chipper and is fast on his way to the land of manic. "We still don't know where the real one is."
Mace turns back to Skywalker. "Found it where."
"In a secret room in his apartment," Skywalker reports, practically vibrating with concern. "This has to have something to do with what happened to him! The real him, I mean."
"If it does, why would Fakepatine comm us about it," Kenobi says wearily.
"All right," Mace says loudly, before they can descend into the fiftieth repetition of the argument that clearly led them here. "Council meeting, let's go." At least if a Sith Lord kills him, he won't have to fill out any more forms in triplicate.
In the end, every physically present Council member comes with them to meet Fakepatine in his fancy senator penthouse. They're wary, but honestly Mace can't sense anything from the man(?) besides worried confusion, and the Force is quiet, if... anticipatory. Which is unsettling in its own way, but not in a lethal one. Hopefully.
"When did you find this?" Mace asks. Two lightsabers rest on an office desk near a previously-concealed lift. He can feel the kyber screaming from across the room.
"Tonight, a few hours ago," Fakepatine says. "I've never seen any of it before in my life."
The thing is, he's not lying. Even the best liars can't hide themselves from the Force: to tell a lie is a form of division, between the self that knows the truth and the self that doesn't, and that duality is obvious. Shielding one's mind to hide the duality is also obvious. Fakepatine is doing neither.
"You live here," Allie points out.
Now it's there. "Um," Fakepatine says.
It's too early in the morning for this circus. "We know you're not the real Chancellor," Mace says bluntly.
"Oh."
"What did you do with him?"
"Um," says Fakepatine, wincing in a way that indicates Mace isn't going to like the answer. "I, uh. Ate him."
There's silence. "What the fuck," someone mutters.
Mace closes his eyes. "So no body, then."
"...No."
"If he was a Sith Lord, how did you ever get the drop on him?" Fisto asks. Mace notes with amusement that aside from Skywalker, who is bickering with Kenobi, no one is bothering to pretend Palpatine might have been innocent. Slimy bastard.
"Oh! Ah...." Fakepatine glances around the assembled Masters, like he's surprised they want to know. "I was pretending to be a clone. He called me into his office alone." He frowns. "Actually I think he was going to torture me. He was monologuing about something, but I wasn't paying attention, I just saw he had his back to me and. Went for it."
Went for it. Mace wants to sleep for the next thousand years. "He didn't notice your approach?"
"Oh, no, I've got a...." Fakepatine gestures vaguely. "Harpoon. Sort of. Thing. Would you like to see?" His jaw starts to work.
"NO," everyone else says, suddenly united in their desire to not see the Chancellor's face invert itself. "Maybe another time," Mace adds unconvincingly. Whatever. The hurt feelings of the bodysnatcher who ate the Supreme Chancellor of the Republic, who was also probably the Sith Lord, are currently very low on his priority list.
"Hmm," Yoda says, which means Mace's workload is about to either double or evaporate. "Take the sabers now, we will. Much more to do in the morning, we will have."
Fantastic. It's both. Mace is blaming Skywalker, just on general principle.
harrowing experience last night lying in bed thinking about how when i was younger i always felt like everyone had just read some sort of guide book on how to navigate social situations except for me and i would always wish someone somewhere could just get me that guide book or let me take a class on how to be normal. and then as i was thinking ab that i realised that i ended up studying (social) psychology at uni which is LITERALLY breaking down people’s social behaviour to theoretical concepts and models? so the good news is i’ve found the guide book the bad news is i apparently never stopped wanting the guide book
These are for tweens (10-13ish) but the advice in them is mostly solid for any age (or gender, I’m guessing that’s a marketing thing given the “American Girl” logo). I had these and didn’t really realize how much I learned from them until, like… now. Especially the manners one, it covers things like taking turns in conversation, how to look like you’re listening politely, how to accept a compliment and/or critique, how to recognize when the person you’re talking to is bored af, and so on and on. Super helpful. There’s more than just these four/five (“boys,” “style,” “parties,” “money,” “sticky situations,” there’s one for parents getting divorced, etc, etc), this is just a random bunch from someone’s ebay lot that came up on google images.
Obviously if you read them as an adult the language will be pretty basic and it’ll be harder to internalize, but from what I can remember they’re pretty on the money as long as you keep the intended audience in mind and adjust the specifics as necessary.
There are probably other versions of this sort of book out there, but these ones are, iirc, thorough, straightforward, and easily accessible. Past me highly recommends them; present me most likely does too but I can’t find our copies, so, grain of salt.
I don’t understand how on TV, people can break into homes and immediately find bank statements, passports and super important documents. If someone tried that at my place it would be “I’m sure she keeps her important stuff in her desk. No, wait, this draw is full of pens that don’t work. Aha! This box looks important! Oh, never mind. It’s full of cigarette lighters. She doesn’t even smoke!”
Robber, standing in the middle of the room: Now, if I were an anxious, possibly undiagnosed ADHD, bisexual disaster with a really bad memory, where would I put the documents?
Client: OK, this is the target. The back door will be unlocked. The place is a mess, the person there has ADHD off the walls. Find these documents and bring them to me.
Professional Thief: Right. What do I do if they come home and find me there, how you want me to handle that?
Client: Nah, won’t happen. I’m gonna sit at the coffeeshop until you call me, I won’t be home.
Just about to sell out of the original run so I took the opportunity to amend a couple of things and add a bit more colour, I’ll be printing this with a few different background colours to choose from.
The book titles read:
1. A Massive, Brilliant Final Instalment of a Series You Didn’t Think Would Ever Be Concluded
2. Everyone You Recommend This To Will Love It As Much As You
3. A Clear & Concise Summary Of All Human History
4. A Novel You Once Loved But Have Since Forgotten
5. Still As Good As When You Read It As a Teenager (If Not Better)
6. A Perfect Short Story
7. A New, Canonical Entry In Your Favourite Series, Fixing The Problems In The Original Ending
8. A Brief Epilogue Telling You What Happened When Your Favourite Characters Grew Up
9. The Book You’ll Write If You Ever Have Time
This new version will be up on my shop by the middle of December 2022, in the meantime there are a few of the old one left and lots of other book and ttrpg themed prints!
