So the funniest difference between me and kiddo's previous foster mother is that she was telling me I've gotta call ahead and make sure all the staff at the hairdressers know kiddo is trans so they don't misgender him, and make sure they know he's a foster kid so they understand why it's me taking him and not his real mum and all that, and I've just said nah that's not how you do it.
I go to the barber, I say "my son would like a haircut", they do not question me about whether he is my son on either point. This has worked perfectly so far. You just don't give anyone a reason to question you? If I say he is my son it is so unbelievably rude for someone else to go "um are you sure?".
But yesterday the barbers apprentice looked at him and asked if he is getting a woman's cut, and instead of arcing up and explaining trans theory and respect for kiddos gender to someone who I knew heard me the first time and had clocked him, I just channeled the spirit of a Christian Mother In The Toy Aisle and said "well, he is a boy so no, he will have a boys cut".
Shuts down bullshit immediately! Nobody wants to be yelled at by someone's Karen mother! Kiddo does not hear this little pricks opinion on trans people or get humiliated by being outed in the barbers. You do not have to tell people all your intimate details! You certainly do not have to tell people all your kids intimate details either, especially if you think they'll be a target.
This is an excellent metaphorical tool for the toolbox! There are lots of situations that this tactic will work very well for.
There will also be times when you need to pre-qualify a situation, and that's ok, too.
When my eldest daughter started her transition at 30, she asked about bra shopping. I did, in fact, call the shops that I thought might be good to go to for a proper fitting. What I said on the phone was, "My adult daughter has reached a point in her transition where she needs a bra. Is there someone on your staff that would feel comfortable assisting us?"
I'm delighted to report that at Victoria's Secret, the answer I got was a very chipper "Oh, yes Ma'am! *ANY* member of our staff would be TOTALLY comfortable helping you!" And they were!
No matter what method you use, the real trick is to act like this is Totally Normal the whole time.
