Have you ever felt tired without doing anything?
Too swamped, too tired, too angry, too exhausted.
Sometimes I could really never understand how my mind works.
There's a lot of inner energy I wanted to let go but I don't know where, when or how?
Sometimes, I want to think that this is not my reality or I never think like this. I want to express myself so bad but no one could understand how my mind flows neither do I.
Recently, I listened to spotify of TED talk. It was about Alzheimer's disease, how could one easily forget something or someone even though it has a big impact in his life. In order to prevent this disease, mind exercise is a must, when we constantly learn new things that is when we are feeding our mind. If we are not up to the challen of new learning, then our mind will register only 1 constant memory eventhough we are thinking it regularly. For example, if you want to always remember your child someday in your old age, you have to constantly feed your mind with memories of your child, what is her hobby, favorite snack, favorite movie, favorite teacher, so on and so forth. Mind is like an external drive where you can save data for backing up.
Im so afraid that I will get this disease in my early age because there are cases like these but I cannot train my mind properly. I think of this, this, that, those that I couldn't breathe and gasping for air.
I want to share my inner thoughts to someone who could fully understand me and its driving me crazy. I tried to do this many times but my mind is in constant battle with me. I don't want to think they are shallow or sometimes I ask myself a ot or is it me?
I have a lot going around inside my head. And it starting to kill me slowly. Have I tell someone? Ofcourse I did. But I couldn't find a response that suffice me. So I end up here instead. Typing and still thinking.
I have been binged watching this series undercover boss and it got me to thinking should I start a masteral degree in bussiness management? how can someone be a billionaire or millionaire and I could not? What could be the reason when all of us has access to knowledge given this new era. It was so inspring but I felt tired digging the answer in my mind about what is the problem? Why is that? Why I was born in a 3rd world country? etc..
I am easily dissapointed nowadays and I could not think why I am being so entitled of this feeling. Yesterday, I felt like I could never go wrong and I am too strong but today I feel like a trash in a bin.
I thought I am already good in expressing myself but clearly i'm not. So fake, so annoying, so stupid, so disgusting! When I do think of self-love, felt like I was faking it too.
There's a famous saying that money can't by happiness but i beg to disagree. I get all of that, you cannot buy friends, relationships, great family or even having faith to God. Yeah, im certain I couldn't but as of this moment, if money is not an issue then I could easily quit my job, buy a plane ticket and fly somewhere. How i wish I could just roam around the world not worrying a single thing, dance in the rain, swim in oceans, meet different people, eat icecream along the road, have wine on my cabin's balcony, sip a hot coffee every morning, visit a cute flower garden, try different public transpo, take cute selfies, eat a lot without getting damn fat. I miss being mesmerized when i set my foot on a different place. it's so liberating for me and I could not explain it in words how does it made me feel everytime. So this qoute wil always be my favorite one, "If travelling is free, you will never see me again."
I'm planning to have a solo trip before another World war but where should I go?
