why does everything have to be so goddamn hard?

MCU/Netflix Ward Meachum written by Stark. Sideblog to perfectassists, will follow back and message from that account. Multiverse and multiship, willing to play different timelines and crossfandom.

[notyourprodigalson-a]

@johnconstantfine is pushing it

          “I need to break a curse. I didn’t know who else to come to.” 

   “Sure, but it’s gonna cost ye.”

          “Of course it will.  Here I was hoping you might feel even slightly bad for being such a bastard last time, but guess not.  What do you want?”

[notyourprodigalson-a]

johnconstantfine:

    John sighed and closed his eyes. Magic was, first and foremost, about focus and visualization. Control as well, and he was keen to remain in control of this situation. He didn’t get angry or even very irritated about the other man’s agitation. Honestly, he didn’t blame him. He was being a right bastard at the moment, but in some situations, you just couldn’t be a nice bloke. John imagined that vein of power thrumming just under his skin, that seemed to infuse his cell expanding beyond his flesh. 

    The goal was to disrupt the electronics in this office. He didn’t want to fry them, because honestly, he didn’t want to buy a new mobile. So bloody expensive these days. John imagined the room plunged into darkness, a computer crashing into shut down, and most importantly, Meachum’s cell phone shutting down suddenly as though the battery had been drained. Within moments, the lights flickered and he heard the minute sound of the computer powering down. His eyes open languidly, the shade of blue more brilliant and nearly luminous.

    “Now then – Tell me bout Midland.”

          Suddenly, everything was dark, from the phone where he’d just gotten a voice on the other end to the computer in front of him and, as he looked down at it under the desk, even his cell phone.  God damn it.  “Fucking magic,” he hissed, because seriously, his life couldn’t get any more ridiculous, could it?           This meant he was stuck in this office, alone, with this crazy bastard asking questions about...what?  “Midland?  I wasn’t even in the country during whatever was happening.  Nobody has told me what the hell it was all about.  You’re in the wrong office.”

[notyourprodigalson-a]

aliasinvestigate:

A fallout over a draining week? Danny must’ve been involved somehow. So, she might be sticking herself into some high powered elite family drama here, a dash of dragon-style mysticism on the side. It sounded worth it, so long as she kept some distance between Joy and who knows maybe Danny too. Spinning around her contract and pen she nodded, giving him a chance to look it over, “I’ll give you full details of her day. Where she’s spending her time, who’s coming and going, and evidence of their meetings. We’ll start with a week work up of Joy, and if you want to retain me for long we can discuss that.” She held on to some hope that this could all chalked up to rich-kid problems, but knowing the Rand and Meachum families from a distance, Jessica really doubted it would be that simple the further she dove in.

          ‘A draining week’ wasn’t exactly the truth, but if that was what she wanted to believe, he’d let her.  Reading over the contract certainly sounded pretty cut and dry, and nothing she told him sounded spectacularly out-of-line.  He didn’t exactly like the idea of sending someone to stalk his sister, but if the alternative was getting a call in the middle of the night that something terrible had happened, he’d deal with the guilt over invading her privacy.  “Sounds reasonable.  This should be easy money for you, but while we’re on the topic of ‘welfare checks’, I’d also appreciate a call or text if you hear that Danny gets into anything too big.  He hasn’t told me what happened, and I don’t need you to follow him, but I really don’t want to find things out because someone’s died.”

[notyourprodigalson-a]

randiisms:

          Danny tried not to let his relief show on his face when Ward agreed to let the week-in-review topic slide. It wouldn’t have been the makings of a great night, and he was too determined to have some fun. Unwind. Relax. They both needed it, and Danny was going to make sure that they got it. 

       Still, poker face or not, he was grinning as he pulled out his backpack and started rifling through the contents. “ So, these are the ones the lady at the used bookstore said I should watch. I got the Harry Potter movies, Lord of the Rings … this one’s about an ice princess who sings. Apparently, it’s really catchy. ” He pushes the backpack into Ward’s lap. “ There’s a few more in there, if any of them sound good. I’m not picky. ”

          Danny may have been relieved to avoid the ‘week-in-review’, but it just told Ward that he’d missed something big and he needed to get caught up.  Not right this minute, because it had been made clear that wasn’t preferred, but it was going to happen.  He never wanted a situation to get so completely out of hand like the last one ever again, and he could understand that part of that was his fault.  If he’d been more willing to take care of problems before they became that big...but he’d been avoiding it.  He wanted to avoid this one.           Maybe he was avoiding this one, just a little.  They both were.  They were going to eat pizza and watch movies like normal people when there were decidedly not-normal issues waiting in the wings.  “You got Frozen?  Hard pass,” he said, right off the bat.  They’d finally stopped talking about it all the damn time, and he wasn’t bringing it back.  “Almost all of these are marathons, so you know.  We could do Lord of the Rings?  That’s only three movies.”

[jedi-anakin]

#when he wants to talk about a secret organization #using the symbol of an undying dragon that lives in an another dimension #and gave him a glowing fist #but you don’t have time for it #because you have to deal with your zombie father #who stalks you 24/7 and turned your life into a living hell

[headstrongmartin]

texts from last night! meme

[text] Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today? [text] The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here [text] He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after. [text] I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW [text] So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one’s for Team USA. [text] He gave me the “find somebody who wants to date you for who you are” speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants. [text] I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese [text] I just got high off one hit and then Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refrigerator and researching ways to replace it [text] Seriously. I’m like, “Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you’re so fucking intelligent I’m turned on?” [text] Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet? [text] He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I’m keeping him. [text] I’m making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life. [text] It’s a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later. [text] Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I’ve been waiting for this moment forever. [text] Lesson learned. Don’t roleplay with a real knife. [text] We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman’s birthday party for the food. Whoops. [text] He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle. [text] I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I’d say it was a pretty successful Thursday night. [text] I’m wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real. [text] He’s like… An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It’s almost unsettling [text] I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I’ve found the One. [text] Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while… if you happen to find your balls then join us [text] i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled “dibs!”… [text] and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered “Simba” [text] so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog. [text] Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever. [text] Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me [text] We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sounds logical. Thank you daylight savings. [text] when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was “chug-a-lug” [text] There’s a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork. [text] Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine [text] My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there. [text] He told me he loved me. I didn’t know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him [text] Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten [text] Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly. [text] He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter. [text] we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I’ve ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury [text] I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man’s heart. [text] When was the last time you wore pants? [text] I’ve replaced you with thin mints and masturbation [text] Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast. [text] Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time [text] Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent [text] We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person. [text] I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how’s your day going? [text] I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn’t need it today. [text] We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What’s wrong with this tradition? [text] all i’ve had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila. [text] Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don’t exist? [text] Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special [text] And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention [text] This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the “High While Analyzing Disney Movies” texts begin. [text] Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won’t quit poking me on fb [text] I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes [text] One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won’t be me. I’m drinking liquor out of a fishbowl. [text] You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy [text] im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster [text] just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing. [text] I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on [text] Let’s play a little game called “Chill the Fuck Out” - you’re our first contestant [text] Didn’t get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie. [text] I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion. [text] you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat [text] tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance? [text] We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out [text] maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game [text] i think its awesome that according to your mom i’m your friend that caught on fire. [text] So fucked up. Can’t tell if I’m starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out. [text] I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day. [text] Vodka is such a love hate relationship. [text] you traded sex for a burrito? [text] I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos. [text] You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there. [text] it’s not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher. [text] You’re always adorable, but when you’re drunk, you’re like Chia Pet adorable. [text] this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest [text] I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box [text] I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old’s Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day. [text] It’s like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it’s gummy bears and instead of milk it’s vodka. [text] You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go [text] Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome. [text] we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying “i mean who doesn’t like cheetos” [text] quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you [text] I left a cheeto on everyone’s car trailing to the house i’m at, hanzel and gretel style. [text] Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again. [text] nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs [text] When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar. [text] kinda considering buying a life alert for sophomore year [text] My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something. [text] Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex. [text] you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing ‘follow the yellowbrick road’. i’m pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted [text] It’s like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job. [text] did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes? [text] The world would be so much better with thought bubbles. [text] I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy! [text] You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen. [text] I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter. [text] So I woke up today with someone’s door knob in my pocket. I hope everybody else got out of the house ok. [text] So we successfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know. [text] Because when I say ‘You shouldn’t drink anymore’, she hears, ‘I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks’ [text] okay, this game isn’t funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are. [text] The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing. [text] when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed [text] so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat. [text] You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone [text] never. drinking. again. [text] I’m gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see. [text] got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night [text] I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now [text] i’m out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction. [text] Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.

[notyourprodigalson-a]

Harold: You are pathetic at hospitals. I remember one time you cried and cried and cried. It was awful.

Ward: You’re referring to my birth.

[notyourprodigalson-a]

Ward: You have three seconds to leave.

Danny: You can’t get anywhere in three seconds. You’re setting me up for a loss already.

[notyourprodigalson-a]

Danny: I have made the decision to trust you.

Harold: A horrible decision, really.

[notyourprodigalson-a]

Harold: Boy, don’t make me come up there and be a parent!

Ward: First time for everything!

[notyourprodigalson-a]

Harold: Every time I ask you to do something, you always manage to screw it up.

Ward: And yet you continue to ask me. You need help, Dad.

[notyourprodigalson-a]

Danny: Ward, look! It’s your worst nightmare!

Ward: Stop announcing yourself!

[thesummerfox]

Ward Meachum In Every Episode: 1x09 | The Mistress of All Agonies (bonus round)

[notyourprodigalson-a]

randiisms:

        For the record, yes, the sleepover was Danny’s idea. And yes, this was pretty much his idea of hanging out and catching up. The thought of going out for drinks didn’t really appeal to him;; he’d realized he didn’t have much taste for most kinds of alcohol, and the crowds still put him a little bit on edge. They could’ve gone out to eat, but people had a bad habit of turning their noses up at his restaurant choices. 

      So, this was pretty much the best he could do, and honestly, he’d been a little surprised      and a lot pleased    when Ward had actually agreed to it. He still hadn’t managed to tone down his grin by the time the pizza showed up and Ward passed out the plates, though it faltered a little at his question. “ It’s, ah. Kind of a long story. ” And not an especially fun one. He’d been tied up, beaten up, doubted, dismissed, and he’d lost someone he’d come to call a friend. “ Could we maybe eat first? ”

          If he was honest, he wouldn’t have expected Danny to be all that into the bar or club scene, and he wasn’t really upset about that.  He wasn’t likely to give up drinking completely himself, but kicking a substance abuse problem sure as hell made for some change in perspective.  He was free of a few weights that had been dragging him down, and he wasn’t stupid enough to pick one back up.  A restaurant, he probably would have been fine with, even if Danny’s choices may have been different, but they were having dinner together, anyway.  It wasn’t like being physically in the restaurant would have made that much difference.           Actually, that was a lie.  Being in the restaurant would have been a lot different, but Danny hadn’t stopped grinning since he arrived, not until Ward asked that question.  It was enough to get a shrewd look out of him, his head tilted somewhat as he puzzled over it, but he handed the plate off to Danny and opened the lid on the pizza.  “Uh huh, okay.  Sure, fill me in later.  What movies did you bring?”

[notyourprodigalson-a]

@randiisms got his way

         Leave it to Danny to come up with the most ridiculous ideas - and childish, to boot - but Ward had expressed an interest in not pushing him away (especially with Joy avoiding him), and the kid had taken it...possibly a little further than he'd intended.  All of Ward's arguments about not doing this even as kids had fallen on deaf ears, so there was pizza, Danny had supposedly brought movies, and the kid was staying the night for an honest-to-God sleepover.  Ward wasn't sure what to do about it except accept in baffled awe.

         "So, before we put on whatever-you-brought, why don't you tell me what the hell I missed?  I kept hearing about an earthquake and a building getting demolished from the news and that radio show," he offered, grabbing proper plates because no, they were not going to eat straight out of the boxes.  He was putting his foot down there.

[notyourprodigalson-a]

aliasinvestigate:

Jessica raised a brow, at the request. It wasn’t shocking or out of the ordinary by any means, but instead rather sad. Welfare checks typically tended to be for her, “Well, that’s pretty standard. I’m assuming she’s still in town, right- same home address? Is there anything or anyone in her life that I need to be watching out for, or is this all strictly out of brotherly concern?” from her desk she pulled out a contract but left it to be discussed second as Ward filled in a few additional details for what he was looking to gain from her services.

          He certainly didn't want Jessica Jone's pity or sadness, such as it was, but she wasn't easy to read and he probably wasn't the best at it to begin with, so he was spared that sense.  His keen eyes took note of the contract, and he actually hoped she was right about it being standard; he doubted it, but he wanted it to be.  "As far as I know, everything's the same, but I don't honestly know if there's anyone you should be watching for, and that's part of the problem.  Our falling-out was in the midst of a hell of a lot of crazy, and since she won't answer my calls or come into the office, I have no way of knowing much of anything.  I want you to make sure she's okay, and yeah, if there's anyone who doesn't seem to make sense in contact with her, I guess I'd like to know that, too."

[notyourprodigalson-a]

johnconstantfine:

    “Magic, Squire,” John replied as he lit a cigarette. He made full contact with the other man as he did so. “I know wot y’thinkin’ , an’ I really don’t reckon it’s a good idea f’any of us. ‘M not really in the mood f’aggro, an’ ‘m no threat t’ye precious livelihood. Y’too valuable t’me at this moment. The name’s John Constantine. S’pose only time’ll tell if y’find any pleasure in meetin’ me.”

         "Magic, great.  Yeah, anyone could figure out what I'm thinking, I'm calling security," he snapped, already picking up the phone to call downstairs.  He punched literally just 'SOS' into a text to Danny, waiting to hit send until he knew if it was necessary.  Security was the first attempt, especially with the 'too valuable' part.  "After security gets here, I know the name of a great shrink.  Guy really cares, he'll help you out."