The small but honest smile that briefly dimpled her cheeks when she finally acknowledged that he might be right and that she might have more friends and supporters in their Squad than she could have possibly known of made her look very young, and that small, shy spark that he could see in her eyes pleased him inwardly. There might be hope for this one, after all.
âI think,â Shinji spoke up slowly then, as if in silent contemplation all this while. âThat maybe when yer finally able âta return âta the Gobantai, that ya should try âta communicate with the rest of the squad and all yer eager kouhai more. Beinâ hardworkinâ and conscientious are both good and all, but itâs also not a bad thing âta be able âta get along well with yer comrades. Yer beloved Gobantaiâs ainât just only a name and an insignia â itâs made up of people too, and theyâre the true backbone and the heart of the squad.â
Shinji knew that he was starting to sound preachy â that made him wince inwardly because he really hated to nag (but still often ended up doing so more often than he liked) â and so he decided to just stop here and let her slowly digest the truth for herself. He was only mentioning such things to her because once, he had been like her too, mindfully keeping the members of his own squad at a distance and always conscious of that line between his subordinates and himself. That caution and aloofness had ended up backfiring on him in the worst way possible, and well, while it was highly unlikely that the Gobantai was currently housing the second coming of Aizen Sousuke, the position at the top was always a very lonely one, though it had taken him this whole awful experience to finally learn that it didnât necessarily had to be that way. Â Â
He was vaguely pleased to know that his new subordinate possessed a sense of humor, even if a somewhat hesitant and mild one. But he could work with that â heâd turned her into a regular smartass and prankster soon, if he had any say in this matter. People with a sense of humor were rarely bad people in his opinion, and so his liking for his Fukutaichou increased once more â just a little bit.
âWell, I canât say that I really laugh a lot,â Shinji replied to her question rather blandly. âBut I smile often. See?â He promptly picked his lips up in a charming grin that showed off his pearly whites, the easygoing smile still seating on his face as he continued. âFeel free âta take this as a challenge âta try âta make me laugh, though â when yer feelinâ up âta it, that is.â
His smile slowly abated when her previously upbeat mood started to sink a little, as she was weighed down by her personal guilt of not fulfilling her responsibilities the way she believed that she should. She truly was an honest and decent person, he realized belatedly the more he watched her silently berate herself for failing him and, by extension, the squad as well. Of course, all that heavy self-expectations couldnât possibly be healthy for the small, dark haired female, and Shinji wondered how on earth she was still upright from all the extra burdens that she had placed upon her own shoulders.
âHey, stop that,â Shinji admonished her lightly. âLift yer chin up and donât keep apologizinâ for things that are obviously outta yer control. If ya had planned a survival traininâ session for the Gobantai and it stormed on that day forcinâ ya âta cancel, are ya gonna go âround apologizinâ âta everyone too?â he reasoned evenly. âLife is unfair and sometimes shit happens. Ya just need âta make sure that ya donât step in it and then learn âta work âround it, thatâs all.â
The topic of Aizen made him sober quickly like nothing else could. He disliked talking about the traitor in general, even when most of the old wounds that had been inflicted on him by his previous Fukutaichou had already healed. The scars were still there of course, a constant reminder of his own failures, and maybe that was why he wasnât such a huge fan of reminiscing about the past.
But he could see here that now there was someone who desperately needed closure in her own way, and she was really tryingâŠvery hard, to the best of her limited abilities. None of those around her understood her connection and familiarity to her ex-Captain, could not understand why she was simply unable to just put him down and move on, and he probably was the next closest person who could comprehend at least a semblance of the difficulty that she was facing at this moment. She was blindly reaching out too, but she just didnât know how else to do it, but that she was making an effort here was already enough to convince him to help her out.
Still, Shinji sighed inwardly at her question. The things that he had to do for his subordinates, and he wasnât even that close to this one yet. And so, even though talking about the whole sequence of events still irked the Vizard leader in a somewhat niggling, uncomfortable way, he agreed to share his recollections all the same.
âTâis a long ass story, ya know,â the blond replied then. âSânot sure whether if I can finish it in one sittinâ, but sure, if yer really interested âta know, Iâll tell it âta ya â Iâve got nothinâ âta hide, anyway.â
âI first heard of Aizen when he was still in the Academy. He was a real bright student, smart as a whip and quick on the uptake, and always unfailingly polite and pleasant âta his peers and superiors. Nobody had anythinâ bad âta say âbout him; he was just perfect â a bit too perfect. When he graduated from the school as the top student that year, there were plenty of squads fightinâ âta get him into their ranks. I offered him a place too, of course, but hadnât really expected much âta come out of it.â The blond smiled in a rather humorless fashion.
âI think that was my first mistake.â
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