Stop at contentment.
There are things that we do mindlessly throughout our lives without even realising them -- like aimless doomscrolling without an intention in sight. For me, that autopilot is the constant search for something better: a better job, a better routine, a better opportunity, a better deal, etc.
Recently, after spotting a slew of Marketing and Communications Manager openings on LinkedIn, I started aimlessly applying for those jobs again. 99% of me didn't even want to get a callback coz, seriously, after shifting between four different jobs in a year, it's all started to feel tedious. But I was convinced that as long as there are other opportunities out there, it is my duty to explore each and every one of them.
While most people I know are a bit cautious about exploring new opportunities, I am the exact opposite. To me, instead of "if God leads me, I will go", my motto is "if God doesn't intend me to go, He will stop me". That is, until recently.
I was lounging on my bed with my cat when an email came from a job that I had mindlessly applied for, asking for an interview. My natural response was to reply immediately and confirm an appointment. But something inside me made me think -- for the first time in my life -- whether I should still be exploring opportunities for the sake of exploring them.
Here I was, finally enjoying the peace that had been eluding me for most of the last two years. After struggling with seemingly great opportunities that had left me exhausted and anxious, I am finally at a place of contentment. I am finally getting everything I had asked for in my prayers during my commute to and from Rasa Ria: two part-time jobs that allow me to work remotely.
After having worked under several insufferable female bosses, both my bosses are finally men who are so chill and never bother me about work. In fact, I usually had to wait several days for them to get back to me. Life now is so unhurried and relaxed. I never needed to set an alarm in the morning anymore, except on Sundays so I wouldn't be late for Mass.
This is contentment. May not be making as much money as I did before, but the slower life and the greater peace of mind more than made up for it. I had to learn from my previous regret of leaving Weave Asia that money isn't all there is to life. In fact, having a job that feels like a comfy pair of shoes (that you hardly realise you have them!) is priceless.
In the past, I've always trusted God to keep me out of dangers that I would irresponsibly walk into. Perhaps this time God wants me to learn to discern His will. To have faith does not necessarily mean to go after everything with reckless abandon; instead, it is to have the wisdom of listening and obeying His commands.
For the first time in my life, I told the recruiter that I have decided to withdraw my application. What I have now is enough. Contentment is enough. Being grateful where I am is enough.