Nthanda L. Manduwi

Notes To Self

[nthandalmanduwi]

When I was younger, I thought selling one’s soul was a one day trade. I envisioned a market - face to face with the devil.

But it’s a day to day process, friend. One day you look back, notice all the blood on your hands, and you don’t even recognize the person you became.

I suspect it is on that day ‘philanthropy’ is born. The moment one stares at their soul, and they do not like the man capitalism made of them.

But wealth has ways of trapping you, so instead of parting with it, we find flamboyant ways of making statements that ‘we are not that bad’.

[nthandalmanduwi]

Always delighted when I witness people attempt to build personal brands without being personal.

If you wish for people to in awe of the magnificence of your being, you have to be real, you have to raw. You have to let people see your soul. There’s a price to pay in influence.

[nthandalmanduwi]

You don’t really get stronger.

You just become more guarded.

At the core of you is still that child.

She still breaks.

[nthandalmanduwi]

My young adult philosophy is to “leave it alone”. Want your hair to grow? Leave it alone. Want better relationships with the people you love? Leave them alone. Nearly everything in nature thrives when left alone. Everything you attempt to control will sooner or later retaliate.

[nthandalmanduwi]

To control your emotions, first you must understand them. Anger, disgust, sadness, fear, power, joy, peace and love are too vague some emotions to be permitted to take any sort of lead. I need you in the outermost layer of the emotions wheel before you begin to react.

[nthandalmanduwi]

God knows the real you

So in your faux righteousness

Who are you fooling?

[nthandalmanduwi]

Is it love?

Is it lust?

Are you infatuated?

Or are you just scared of being alone?

[nthandalmanduwi]

The regularity of egotistic powerful people should let you know everything you need to know about power - it’s elusive, and for the most part an illusion.

[nthandalmanduwi]

There’s very little you can change about the world, but it takes a little to change the world.

[nthandalmanduwi]

And if all my success be ever attributed to you,

I’ll say you’re very deserving.

You’re worthy as a man in every way.

[nthandalmanduwi]

Your light won't dim

because you shone some on another

There's that about light

it's only battle is with darkness

The more there is

the brighter out it is

Share your light

[nthandalmanduwi]

When you're gone

The world will pause

For a slight moment

In honor of you.

Then, it'll go on.

It must.

[nthandalmanduwi]

Wounds

Festering for decades

They're open, finally

The world is bleeding

We're cleaning out our wounds

Finally

I hope we heal

Truly heal

I hope we don't patch up the wounds

Yet again

And move on like nothing happened

[nthandalmanduwi]

Resist the temptation to condescend to other people's ambitions and dreams in the pursuit of your own. Your dreams are not better because they are 'bigger'. They are just yours. It's okay to find contentment in a 'little'.

[nthandalmanduwi]

... that wrong,

even when done by either you or I,

is still wrong.

Wrong does not vary

dependent on the doer.

[nthandalmanduwi]

Your desire to be right

is a liability to conversation.

[nthandalmanduwi]

I know healing is the inner work,

but being loved gently and correctly

goes a long way.