n u l l s p a c e

Indie and highly selective RP sideblog for Xigbar from the Kingdom Hearts series. Read rules and about before interacting. Mun and muse 21+.

[nullraum-blog]

gunontherun:

“None of you twins seem to think before you drink.”

“Not that. I, uh--” He taps his chest. “I slipped the leash.”

[nullraum-blog]

gunontherun:

“Lucky me, I suppose. You go ahead and drink - I’m going to stay sober, so I can keep an eye on you. Make sure you don’t drown in a fountain later, when you wander off like an idiot to wherever the fuck you live.”

“Fuck.” His steps faltered. “Didn’t think that far ahead...”

[nullraum-blog]

gunontherun:

“I don’t go near the kid. How would I know?”

“Whatever. Point is, I need to get drunk, the other Braig’s got a date with Even, you won’t let me near the keyslinger, and the kid doesn’t drink. So you’re up.”

[nullraum-blog]

"You know the kid doesn’t drink?”

[nullraum-blog]

radiantgunman:

…..Xigbar sounded so sincere. So confident in his words, in his belief that the guard - broken as he was, was what the older man wanted. 

It both excites him - and concerns him.

It feels good to be wanted - and - it concerns him that he’s not sure how he feels. He’s attached to Xigbar, to be certain - but did he want him like that? It had certainly felt good the last time they’d kissed - but that one gesture - it wasn’t enough to figure out what he wanted past that.

He’s confused - uncertain - and it shows on his face as his gaze drops to the side, and his fingers fidget with his bandanna some more.

“….I don’t know. I’m sorry. I’m still…I’m still trying to adjust..an’ this is all happening really fast for me. So…I don’t know what I want right now….”

He was sure. He might be shit at telling what his heart was doing, but he understood what his body was doing, and he knew in both heart and head that his life no longer existed without Braig in it.

But Braig wasn’t. And though it was disappointing to hear it, he couldn’t blame the kid. Not after only one kiss.

“It’s okay,” he said, nuzzling Braig’s neck, keeping his less agreeable emotions out of his voice. “Take your time.”

[nullraum-blog]

ninthnocturne:

“Honestly if it is a dark you. It’s gonna be a mental conglomeration between the two of us. And what this world already knows about my Braig.” He motioned vaguely. “I’ve tangled with this worlds version before he’s not fun. And…far too handsey for my liking.” Which was saying something.

Heading for the door he sighed out still talking. “I like handsey sure, but not like that. Course all that got this one was a gun in his mouth.” He snorted.

Yeah, okay. This was gonna suck. He took a deep breath, focusing on the words the mage was saying. That was manageable. He was pretty sure even if it was him at his worst, he’d still die if he got shot in the head.

“Handsy, huh?” he said dryly. “Can’t say I’ve met any of us who fit that description. Hell, my Braig blushes if you even suggest anything.”

[khasuf-blog]

PSA:

I realize that Isa’s blog is very trigger-heavy for abuse. I realize that it is disturbing to many people what happened to Isa. Meanwhile, those same people are happy to follow and play with Xigbar, who is much more disturbing to me.

I have a line. It’s very hard to see from the outside, but there is a line (beyond what’s in my rules that I won’t do rape or any form of dubiously consensual sex). This is the line:

I will not write a relationship in which abuse is mistaken for love.

The current thread with Ang, in which Isa asks Xemnas to hold them while they sleep, is actually the most disturbing thing I’ve written on this blog. But I can write it, because it also disturbs Isa. I can write everything that happened to Isa, even after they’ve come to expect it and normalized it, because they are never under the impression that Xemnas loves them, and though they come to depend on him, they never love him.

This is, in essence, both a PSA as to how I play Isa and a hiatus notice for Xigbar. Xigbar’s most important relationship at the moment is the one with @radiantgunman–which he believes is love. It is at least 60% possessiveness. And neither Xigbar nor Braig know the difference. And until one of them does, I will be focusing on Isa, who at least knows the difference between self-serving abuse and a healthy relationship.

[nullraum-blog]

ninthnocturne:

The scream and then it followed by that name definitely made the brunette jump and look startled. “Ah..wa…” He didn’t process in the slightest that the other man could possibly mean a third version that wasn’t his own. Then it dawned on him and he moved over quickly grabbing his shoulder firmly.

“It’s not real remember? The only person that sounds like you with that name that could possibly even be here would be my Braig. And he’d know better. If we’re hearing another ‘you’ it’s very likely the whistling jackass upstairs brought his partner.” Joy of joys. The unhappy look on the mages face said it all.

“If you think this world would just copy a dark me to make us play with you’d be really wrong. He usually travels as a pair and neither of them play fair or nice. Try to remember I’m married to one. If my dark twin is here and you have some connection to a third …you…then it stands to reason a dark you would be the perfect thing to fuck with us both.”

He’d already lurched toward the door, heedless of the way the static was getting louder, when Myde grabbed him. And for a moment, he fought--for a moment, he considered driving his machete into Myde’s gut. Anything to save the only person who mattered to him anymore.

It’s not real.

The words penetrated. No--it wasn’t real. Braig wouldn’t use a dark corridor, and he couldn’t travel worlds without one. He was in Radiant Garden, probably hiding again. Probably wondering when Xigbar would be back. He’d promised not to abandon him...

Right. Deep breath, shake it off. “Two others,” he said grimly. “I’ve got connections to two Braigs--one from my time, one younger.” He wouldn’t mention how deep the connection ran, not yet.

A dark him, though. He groaned, rubbing the scar under his eyepatch. “A dark me. Jesus Christ. Hopefully not--hopefully it’s a dark Braig. One of ours--not the old me.”

Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if it was the old him, though. Braig had never been able to weaponize his powers...

Shit.

[nullraum-blog]

bunoscionn:

“You–” He blinks, startled into silence. “Well, okay then.” He doesn’t sound anything but surprised, and it takes him a second to sort out his thoughts. It’s…weird, definitely, and a little bit…narcissistic? Kind of? But it’s not, like…they are different people, even if they’re also the same. Different histories, different circumstances. It’s hard to know where to draw the line.

He sighs, and leans back a bit. “So are you two gonna be a thing, or are you still trying to work that out?” He asks. “I haven’t been dealin’ with romantic stuff in ages, but I was married, once, so I guess I’m kinda the expert in the room.” He chuckles. “Right, then. Talk to me, kiddo, and I’ll try to give some advice.”

“Yeah.” He lets out a breath, taking another gulp of coffee. The whiskey in it is much appreciated right now, as a matter of fact. Better than caffeine for easing the sleep-deprived pounding in his head.

“You ain’t done the romance thing in a while?” He chuckles. “I haven’t had a heart in a while, Grandpa. I have no idea what it’s doing when I’m with the kid. I just--I didn’t even intend to kiss him, I just did it ‘cause it felt right--an’ kept doing it because it felt good.”

[nullraum-blog]

ninthnocturne:

Having been here before Myde wasn’t nearly as discretionary about not opening things. No he was opening cabinets and table drawers. Avoiding the morgue drawers themselves though. He chuckled a bit when something fell at his feet from a desk drawer he yanked too hard. “Well that’s useful hello there.” He knelt down and picked up the small black and red box. “Handgun ammo, I have a feeling we’re getting a gun soon.”

“Thank fuck,” he said, taking the box and examining it. “9mm, should be enough to kill a few monsters.” Wasn’t strong enough to deal with the chain-wrapped spider thing, but hopefully there wouldn’t be too many of those. “You want the machete or the gun when we get it?”

He was still grinning when he heard the scream--scared and shrill and very familiar. That was his voice, but not.

His head whipped around. “Braig!”

[nullraum-blog]

anon is right, xigbar is going to end up abusive to @radiantgunman and there’s fuck-all i can do to stop him because short of outside interference from someone he trusts he has no fucking clue he’s doing anything wrong.

[nullraum-blog]

"You see him kissing you"? Thats a good question. I see a lot of you kissing him - a lot of you pressuring an inexperienced twin into areas he's got no experience in - confusing him about how he feels about you. Name one instance in which he's initiated a kiss or something /without/ your influence.

“We’ve kissed once, alright? Which is more than you’ve done. Now fuck off, ‘fore I start shooting.”

[nullraum-blog]

radiantgunman:

“Hmph.” 

He’s slowly coming around to realize that this teasing is just one of the many things he’ll have to get used to when it comes to his twin, who seems to do what he wants, when he wanted to. All for the sake of a reaction.

Well, it wasn’t like he’d ever wanted…

…Wait.

“….Er….what was that last part ya said again? About…”

Xigbar had never kissed anyone before - because he’s never wanted them? Does that mean he wants him? Despite everything wrong with him?

Oh, yes, the teasing is going to be a constant. It’s not his fault Braig blushes so beautifully, but he should probably have better self-control than this about it. He should. But he doesn’t, and he doesn’t care enough to try.

He trailed his nose, then his lips, along Braig’s jaw as he went over that in his head. Yeah. He wanted Braig.

“I want you,” he said again. “I want to kiss you, watch you go breathless and red all over. I want to hold you, fall asleep with you--there’s a lot I want that I’m pretty sure you’d have a coronary if I told you,” he added with a laugh and a light kiss to Braig’s neck. “Do you?”

[nullraum-blog]

Oh, Braig isn't yours by any means. After all - you haven't talked to him whatsover. You haven't discussed what things mean - where you want them to go - all you've done is given him a breath-stealing kiss, and a lot of questions. Until you establish a relationship with him - he's not yours - he just happens to be someone you're very attached to. Be a shame if someone stole him away, all because you were too slow in telling him that you want him to be yours.

“You see him kissing you? You see him breathless underneath you? No. Because he’s mine. I’m the only one who gets to see him like that. Now fuck off.”

[nullraum-blog]

He sure blushes cute, doesn't he? Makes me wanna push him against a wall, and have my way with him.

“He’s mine. You want him, you have to go through me.”

[nullraum-blog]

radiantgunman:

“…Why do you always have to tease me like this?”

Its not fun, looking like some kind of blushing virgin (which he was, but that was beside the point) all the time. “I don’t….I feel like some stupid teenage kid when ya do, some kid that ain’t got a thimble’s worth of experience…”

“Because you’re beautiful when you blush,” he whispers into Braig’s ear, dragging his nose along the younger man’s temple. “I can’t get enough of it.”

He has to laugh at the rest of it, though. “Truth be told, I don’t have much more experience myself,” he says. “I mean, I’m not a virgin, but I’ve never kissed anyone because I wanted them.”

He doesn’t quite realize what he’s saying until the words are out, but it’s true. Whatever else is behind it, he wants Braig--wants to kiss him and hold him and maybe do the things the younger man hasn’t done before. He wants all of it.

[nullraum-blog]

radiantgunman:

Braig is quickly learning that his ears are sensitive, and that Xigbar is able to make him blush way too easily for his own liking, red spreading across his face and tinting the tips of his ears, before he covers his face slightly.

“Xiiiiiiiiiig…..”

Oh, now he knows Braig is blushing, and he loves it. He nuzzles the younger man’s ear, the blush spreading over his face, holding him tightly, fingers tracing small circles to try to get another reaction, maybe that ticklish squirming that led to their first kiss.

“Come on, Braig,” he murmurs, kissing the reddened ear. “It’s me. I’m not gonna judge you.”