I see a couple asks here… 1) things to keep a sub from spiraling when Dom is away, 2) tasks for when you are apart, and 3) what helps you feel submissive/little when you aren’t together in person.
@sous-sir and I just spent some days apart so I think I have a few ideas for you!
Keep all of your regular rules, routines, and rituals (RRRs) in place as much as you are able.
When possible, modify your in-person RRRs to accommodate for distance.
Ex: I can’t do my morning ritual with SS when we are apart, but we can temporarily modify it to be a morning text/photo exchange.
Small Comforts, Big Impact
Little things make a big difference when it comes to feeling that Dominant presence. Examples include:
Photos of him or of you together. Even better if he picked it out.
Check-in pics. These aren’t usually as important when you see each other all the time, but when apart they bring a lot of ‘I’m thinking about you comfort.’
A piece of his clothing. Even better if he gives it willingly 😉
Favorite songs. Share or create playlists together. Or send songs you come across that make you think of each other in the moment.
Voice recording(s). Could be a simple, ‘hey, I love you’ message. Or he can record relaxation exercises, your favorite poem, goodnight messages, etc. (My absolute favorite is hearing him say my name 💜)
His scent. Technically this is on my BIG comforts list. A cloth/pillowcase with his beard oil or cologne on it to snuggle with at night.
Send pics of five things that made you think of him that day.
Make a list of things that… (anything, literally… I freaking love lists of any kind!)
Scavenger hunt: Take a pic today of •something that made you giggle •something that you had to touch •something that would be better with glitter •something that made you think dirty thoughts
Honestly the ideas here are endless. Whatever keeps your busy brain focused on him.
Don’t be afraid to improvise!
Sometimes you feel the stress/anxiety coming on and checking in is not an option.
Try to think of things he has encouraged you to do in the past. SS often has me take deep breaths or knit when I’m anxious.
Play a mental game of WWDD (What Would my Dom/Daddy Do)? What task can I imagine him giving me right now to help me focus? Ex: I might see how many words I can write down to describe him that start with the same letter as his name. It’s good to be able to self-soothe in the moment and then you can add it to your toolbox for the next time.
Lines. It’s okay to assign yourself lines, verbal or written. I was about to lose my shit at one point during our recent time apart and I starting repeating, “Focus on what you can control” over and over until the panicky feeling passed.
What helps you feel submissive/little when you aren’t together in person?
All of the things listed above make me feel submissive when he tells me to do them. Anything I do for him makes me feel submissive.
I’d love to hear from others what helps them in this area. I love to feel submissive/owned when we’re apart, but feeling little is too vulnerable for me when I need to be taking names and kicking ass.
I would love to get more input from others who are usually in-person D/s and sometimes have to spend time apart. This would be a great resource list!
I’m thinking @goodgirlsdoresearch and @crusoesampersand have dealt with this on occasion. Feel free to chime in or tag others!