Good Girls Are Patient

Forever His, Forever a Nerd, Level 44 Spouse and devoted /s-type of Sous-Sir Exploring life in a 24/7 full-spectrum M/s / Authority Transfer dynamic. Ask me anything, judgment-free zone. My writings are tagged #darc_light New to D/s? Search #resources

[nurseaware]

TL;DR writings by nurseaware

I asked for help creating a post of my writings and Sir did not disappoint. Here’s the TL;DR, courtesy of @sous-sir  

Open your damned mouth and talk to each other, you’re partners for fucks sake. SAME TEAM!

When your sub says they have a busy mind, they aren't lying.

D/s is a 2-way street, mine happens to have clean clothes.

Bitches love laps.

An introspective relation of our D/s dynamic and how that correlates to the satisfaction of providing fellatio and creating aesthetically pleasing and tidy piles of clothing.

Sometimes being really wet isn't so fun.

Your D can't build the house without all the pieces

Don't let your divorced sister tell you your dynamic is wrong.

Gift packs, check-ins, and lists. How keep your /s sane when away

@nurseaware learns what happens to a smart mouth.

"Good Girl", not just for puppies anymore

There is no such thing as 'perfect' D/s.

Don't listen to nurseaware, I am all that is godly.

I told you bitches love laps.

Every /s is good enough, you just have to help them to believe it

Removing the responsibility mask

D's can fuck up too. Preaching consent.

Navigating dichotomies as a /s

Sous-Sir can tie a cherry stem in a knot with his tongue

Ask for what you need, D's can't read minds.

Laps, the secret cure for a /s mind in negative busy space.

If you give an inch they'll take a mile.

The small things quickly add up to the sum total of what is great about D/s

Examples of small things (There’s supposed to be 30 but /s are notoriously bad at counting)

Take pride in taking care of Sir's property

Real shit happens in D/s too

[nurseaware]

Finding My Voice

I was listening to a recent episode of Over the Knee in which @amysubmits and @CynicalDom were discussing submissives having a voice within their dynamic (link to full episode). It got me thinking about my voice in my own dynamic with @sous-sir.

I feel I have more of a voice within our dynamic than before we started D/s. This is largely because our communication has become more deliberate and more purposeful. When I communicate something to SS now it generally falls into one of three categories; general conversation, expressing wants/needs, or providing information.

·         General conversation is fairly straightforward. We talk about things that happened at work or stuff going on with friends and family. It’s the same type of conversation we had before D/s and it’s a way for us to stay engaged in each other’s lives and feel closer.

·         Expressing my wants deliberately is new within our dynamic. It might come in the form of asking permission, such as when I asked if we could get some salad kits at the grocery store this weekend. It’s not a rule or expectation that I ask permission for groceries/meals. Instead, it was my way of expressing a want, essentially saying ‘I want to have salad with dinners this week but it won’t kill me if we don’t.’ Other times I express my wants more directly like when I tell him I really, really, really want Dutch Bros!

Expressing a need generally comes in the form of a meta talk. I might say, “When we get a few minutes, I need us to talk about denial as a punishment.” He knows this is something that must be addressed, and he makes sure we have time to have this conversation.

·         Providing information is something I do both from my own personal need and from a sense of responsibility. I trust him to make decisions for us based on the best information he has available. Sometimes I have knowledge of things that he does not, and it is my responsibility in our dynamic to communicate that information to him so he can use it to make decisions.

One example of this is when our ice-maker broke and the kitchen flooded. I thought of a potential solution before SS did, and I shared my thoughts with him so he could decide how we would proceed.

Another example came during a recent conversation with SS when I told him I had been able to get a healthy lunch from the cafeteria, but I was sorry I had not packed myself a lunch the night before. He already knew I hadn’t completed the task of packing myself a lunch. What I was sharing with him was that I had not deliberately not completed the task, that there were not any extenuating circumstances that prevented me from doing so, and what I did to try to address the error. What he does with this information is not up to me, but if I do not give him all the pieces of the puzzle, I am hindering his ability to make the best decisions for us.

Before we started D/s, I used to lump everything I said together as “communicating.” My ‘voice’ had been a tangled mixture of thoughts, feelings, needs, and observations without any obvious distinctions. It’s no wonder things were often mis-communicated between us and I frequently felt like he wasn’t really hearing me. Now I’ve learned to distinguish between the different types of communication, and it has made my voice more purposeful. He is able to respond appropriately when he knows what I am trying to communicate. I have always had a voice in our relationship. For us, D/s has not diminished my voice, it has only made it stronger.

[sccwriting]

As of November 7, 2022, I will no longer be posting new prompts.

Submissive Coffee Club was created by @littlerestlessone to inspire and bring together the submissive community. Over the years, we've had different administrators who have worked to keep her vision going. Eight years and 305 prompts later, it's been a great ride. Times change, participation has changed, and honestly, it's difficult to keep going without participation.

You can always view older prompts by clicking here. I will still be active on Tumblr and will check for any tags of @sccwriting. Use the tag within the body of your post because #sccwriting does not show all posts. Your post will be missed if you do not use @sccwriting in the body of your post.

Example:

I will continue to reblog any tagged posts for followers of this blog. Responses and other posts are in the history of this blog and are a treasure trove of information.

Maybe in the future, there will be a place for SCC again. A big thank you to all that have participated and enjoyed SCC over the years. It's been an honor and privilege to serve as an administrator.

My love to all- Lexie (aka @lexiesdarkthoughts)

[nurseaware]

Small Flood

@sous-sir and I woke up to a small flood in our kitchen a couple weeks ago. The conversation went like this;

Me: What do we do?

Him: That’s what I’m trying to decide. I’m trying to decide if the shop vac is enough to suck this up.

Me: We have my parent’s carpet shampooer here still.

Him: Oh, yeah, that should work.

Me: Do you want me to have my parents pick me up a few minutes early so I can take [our son] to school before my mom’s appointment and you can stay here and work on this?

Him: Yeah, actually. That would probably be best.

Me: Okay, so I will go take care of him and I will leave you to deal with this. Is that okay?

Is that okay?

That moment… it’s new for us. A situation came up, and I was able to think of a solution faster than he did. But I am not in charge. I do not want to be in control. So I offered him my thoughts and let him decide. And because I’ve read things wrong before, I needed that last check in to be sure. It was my way of asking, “Are you sure? Is this really what you want?”

He looked at me and our eyes locked for that brief moment that felt like an eternity. There was recognition in his eyes, he knew what I was asking. “Yes” was his simple answer, said with all the weight and authority of a man in charge.

We’re finding our way, slowly but surely. I’m learning to let him lead in all things. He’s learning that I really will follow. Little tests like these help us practice for the day when something bigger comes. And I know if we can manage a small flood together we’ll be ready for whatever comes next.

[nurseaware]

Finding My Voice

I was listening to a recent episode of Over the Knee in which @amysubmits and @CynicalDom were discussing submissives having a voice within their dynamic (link to full episode). It got me thinking about my voice in my own dynamic with @sous-sir.

I feel I have more of a voice within our dynamic than before we started D/s. This is largely because our communication has become more deliberate and more purposeful. When I communicate something to SS now it generally falls into one of three categories; general conversation, expressing wants/needs, or providing information.

·         General conversation is fairly straightforward. We talk about things that happened at work or stuff going on with friends and family. It’s the same type of conversation we had before D/s and it’s a way for us to stay engaged in each other’s lives and feel closer.

·         Expressing my wants deliberately is new within our dynamic. It might come in the form of asking permission, such as when I asked if we could get some salad kits at the grocery store this weekend. It’s not a rule or expectation that I ask permission for groceries/meals. Instead, it was my way of expressing a want, essentially saying ‘I want to have salad with dinners this week but it won’t kill me if we don’t.’ Other times I express my wants more directly like when I tell him I really, really, really want Dutch Bros!

Expressing a need generally comes in the form of a meta talk. I might say, “When we get a few minutes, I need us to talk about denial as a punishment.” He knows this is something that must be addressed, and he makes sure we have time to have this conversation.

·         Providing information is something I do both from my own personal need and from a sense of responsibility. I trust him to make decisions for us based on the best information he has available. Sometimes I have knowledge of things that he does not, and it is my responsibility in our dynamic to communicate that information to him so he can use it to make decisions.

One example of this is when our ice-maker broke and the kitchen flooded. I thought of a potential solution before SS did, and I shared my thoughts with him so he could decide how we would proceed.

Another example came during a recent conversation with SS when I told him I had been able to get a healthy lunch from the cafeteria, but I was sorry I had not packed myself a lunch the night before. He already knew I hadn’t completed the task of packing myself a lunch. What I was sharing with him was that I had not deliberately not completed the task, that there were not any extenuating circumstances that prevented me from doing so, and what I did to try to address the error. What he does with this information is not up to me, but if I do not give him all the pieces of the puzzle, I am hindering his ability to make the best decisions for us.

Before we started D/s, I used to lump everything I said together as “communicating.” My ‘voice’ had been a tangled mixture of thoughts, feelings, needs, and observations without any obvious distinctions. It’s no wonder things were often mis-communicated between us and I frequently felt like he wasn’t really hearing me. Now I’ve learned to distinguish between the different types of communication, and it has made my voice more purposeful. He is able to respond appropriately when he knows what I am trying to communicate. I have always had a voice in our relationship. For us, D/s has not diminished my voice, it has only made it stronger.

[nurseaware]

The First Kickback

Today was a holiday. @sous-sir and I spent it with my family as we usually do. We had a great time, and after a few hours it was time for the younger generations to move on to the other places they needed to visit and things they needed to do. Sir decided to head home with our kids and I stayed to play cards with my sisters.

I don’t remember now how the subject came up. I think maybe my sister said we should vacation across Europe. But for the first time since Sir and I stared D/s I was direct in my response. I told my sister that sounded interesting, but I’d have to check with him first. She commented that we should basically ‘just do it’. I replied that “we have a way with handling decisions in my household” and I would need to check with him.

My sister said, “That’s messed up.”

I was raised to believe that submitting to someone else is weakness. To be a “good” girl in my parents or my siblings’ eyes meant I had ‘control’ of my family and my relationships.

Today was the first time I’ve felt brave enough to tell any of them that I want to listen to my husband. That I value his input enough to follow his decisions above all others.

I’ve been married 17 years. I just now said this to my siblings, and it was met with resistance. I think it’s great to have people in your corner fighting for you. But I acknowledge the fight that D/s couples can face.

[cutie-bootie-chronicles]

Alrighty friends I need some help. Daddy Shark is working on a list of “back up tasks”, basically little things he can give me to do when hes not around to keep me from spiraling. Does any one else do anything like this? What are some of your favorite tasks? What helps you feel submissive/little when your Dominate cant be there in person? Dominates, what helps you feel close to your sub without being physically together?

[nurseaware]

I see a couple asks here… 1) things to keep a sub from spiraling when Dom is away, 2) tasks for when you are apart, and 3) what helps you feel submissive/little when you aren’t together in person.

@sous-sir and I just spent some days apart so I think I have a few ideas for you!

To keep from spiraling

Consistency is Key

Keep all of your regular rules, routines, and rituals (RRRs) in place as much as you are able.

When possible, modify your in-person RRRs to accommodate for distance.

Ex: I can’t do my morning ritual with SS when we are apart, but we can temporarily modify it to be a morning text/photo exchange.

Small Comforts, Big Impact

Little things make a big difference when it comes to feeling that Dominant presence. Examples include:

Photos of him or of you together. Even better if he picked it out.

Check-in pics. These aren’t usually as important when you see each other all the time, but when apart they bring a lot of ‘I’m thinking about you comfort.’

A piece of his clothing. Even better if he gives it willingly 😉

Favorite songs. Share or create playlists together. Or send songs you come across that make you think of each other in the moment.

Voice recording(s). Could be a simple, ‘hey, I love you’ message. Or he can record relaxation exercises, your favorite poem, goodnight messages, etc. (My absolute favorite is hearing him say my name 💜)

His scent. Technically this is on my BIG comforts list. A cloth/pillowcase with his beard oil or cologne on it to snuggle with at night.

Tasks when you are apart

Some ideas include:

Send pics of five things that made you think of him that day.

Make a list of things that… (anything, literally… I freaking love lists of any kind!)

Scavenger hunt: Take a pic today of •something that made you giggle •something that you had to touch •something that would be better with glitter •something that made you think dirty thoughts

Honestly the ideas here are endless. Whatever keeps your busy brain focused on him.

Don’t be afraid to improvise!

Sometimes you feel the stress/anxiety coming on and checking in is not an option.

Try to think of things he has encouraged you to do in the past. SS often has me take deep breaths or knit when I’m anxious.

Play a mental game of WWDD (What Would my Dom/Daddy Do)? What task can I imagine him giving me right now to help me focus? Ex: I might see how many words I can write down to describe him that start with the same letter as his name. It’s good to be able to self-soothe in the moment and then you can add it to your toolbox for the next time.

Lines. It’s okay to assign yourself lines, verbal or written. I was about to lose my shit at one point during our recent time apart and I starting repeating, “Focus on what you can control” over and over until the panicky feeling passed.

What helps you feel submissive/little when you aren’t together in person?

All of the things listed above make me feel submissive when he tells me to do them. Anything I do for him makes me feel submissive.

I’d love to hear from others what helps them in this area. I love to feel submissive/owned when we’re apart, but feeling little is too vulnerable for me when I need to be taking names and kicking ass.

More ideas?

I would love to get more input from others who are usually in-person D/s and sometimes have to spend time apart. This would be a great resource list!

I’m thinking @goodgirlsdoresearch and @crusoesampersand have dealt with this on occasion. Feel free to chime in or tag others!

[nurseaware]

Attitude Adjustment OTK

Last night @sous-sir found me nodding off on the couch. He told me it was late and I needed to go to bed. I hate going to bed. I tend to have a bit of an attitude about it and last night was no exception.

As I stood and turned to walk toward the bed, I made some overly sarcastic comment about how we must ‘always listen to the almighty clock’ (complete with head shake and eye roll). He quickly grabbed me and turned me to face him. Seeing the look in his eyes I immediately recognized my error.

“Did that comment help you get to bed faster?” he asked. My thoughts raced… Shit. No. Damnit! Do I say sorry? Fuck. How can I fix this? But no words came out. Instead I just stared at him and shook my head.

With a sigh he sat down on the couch and pulled me over his knee. The blows came hard and fast and were over quickly. The real surprise came when I stood up. In that brief span of time, I had become calm, completely calm. The attitude about going to bed was gone. The embarrassment and remorse for my behavior was gone.

It was as if I’d lost my way for a moment and he’d simply taken me in hand and said, “Don’t forget who’s in charge little girl.” And I am very thankful for that reminder.

[nurseaware]

Real D/s Couples

Have Fights Sometimes

And we are no exception.

Last night @sous-sir and I had differing opinions on how something was handled with our kids. We were attempting to sit and talk it through when said child came to our room sobbing. The thing that we had disagreed about took place again, but more intensely, and I think that’s when we hit the point of no return.

How we parent is something we’ve agreed to keep separate from our D/s. This was something we learned early on when he tried to tell me how to handle something. Quite simply put, I lose my shit when anyone tells me what to do with my kids. So by extension, this fight about parenting couldn’t be handled by the structure of our D/s. He couldn’t Dom me into agreeing with him. I couldn’t safeword to get him to change his mind. Instead, we both threw a lot of emotion and frustration at each other. Eventually, I passed out, exhausted from crying, and he slept on the couch.

It wasn’t pretty. It’s not how I would advise anyone to approach a disagreement. But sometimes emotions take over. None of us are perfect.

This morning I was still a little on-edge and apprehensive. I didn’t wake him up like I usually do. We hardly spoke as we were getting ready for work. I kept worrying about whether we would still do our morning ritual, what it would mean if we didn’t. I checked in with him one last time to say I was heading out. I imagine he could hear it in my voice and see it in my eyes. I needed him. I needed to know we were okay. Thankfully he took me in hand, and as he held me I felt the walls I’d built of anger and frustration crumble away.

No one is perfect. Life can’t be full of sunshine all the time. You do the best you can with what you have. You embrace your mistakes as opportunities. And through the tough times you continually remind each other that what you have is too important to let anything come between you. That it’s something you’ll always keep fighting for… together.

[nurseaware]

Clarification

Earlier, I posted a brief exchange between @sous-sir and me in which he ‘Dommed me’ into doing the laundry. While I thought the post was a witty portrayal of him out-smarting me, a friend shared that she “would have thrown a hissy fit” if that happened to her and then another ask made me pause and rethink what this interaction might look like to someone still figuring out their D/s.

It’s quite possible that this exchange could have looked like a Dom telling their submissive to do housework because they said so or because the Dom was lazy. That is not how D/s works.

Let me be clear: A dom is not an all-powerful god who bosses their sub around just because they can.

To put things in perspective, let me give a little back story on what came before my interaction with Sir…

In the 17 years we were married before starting D/s, Sir and I always tried to pitch in on housework equally as best we could. He tolerates more clutter in the house than I can, so usually I led the charge to clean (although I was often resentful about the results). After starting D/s, I realized I had a commitment to express my needs to Sir. We then had a conversation about how clutter in the house drives my anxiety through the roof and I expressed that I wanted his help. We agreed on the rule to “be productive.” (It’s a vague rule on purpose because we know each other very well and he is willing to clarify what “productive” means every day when we check in.)

Ultimately, Sir and I had this light-hearted exchange because we have an established rule that he agreed to hold me accountable to to help decrease my anxiety.

D/s is about helping another person (on either side of the slash) grow. Period. Do not settle for anything less.

[nurseaware]

Everything I am,

Everything I ever wanted to be,

Protected, Accepted, Cherished, Loved.

This is where I can lay my worries to rest,

Place my heart in his hands,

Quiet my busy mind,

Lay myself bare for him.

This is where I am home.

.

Photo credit: @sous-sir

[nurseaware]

Composure in Chaos

It started with a stressful day at work. Two different coworkers had commented on how impressed they were by ‘how well I was handling things’ in light of the day’s events (that should have been the first clue).

In addition, @sous-sir had been gone for a few days, and I was trying to have dinner ready when he came home that night. While I was attempting to caramelize onions (Sir is the cook in our house, not me), I was also checking in with friends online. Just as I realized the onions looked more black than caramel, an interaction with a friend caught me off-guard and suddenly something that should have been a minor bump in the road stopped me dead in my tracks. I ended up in tears.

At this point, Sir was just twenty minutes away and instead of being excited for him to finally be home I was consumed with feelings of frustration, disappointment, anger, sadness, and... failure.

Subsequently, Sir walked in after an eleven-hour day of work and four hours of driving to find a tearful, ungrateful, coming-apart-at-the-seams submissive. I was short with him. I pushed him away. I couldn’t explain what was going on. I even eventually left him to finish cooking and went outside to calm down.

Days later, I’m still amazed at his response. He tried to find out what was going on. He didn’t force anything, but he checked in again and again. He didn’t take it personally that I wasn’t happy to see him. He didn’t care that I destroyed the onions. Instead, he hugged me, tried to talk to me, and waited until I was ready. When everything finally came pouring out he put his arms around me, gently reminded me that I was holding myself to impossible standards, and helped me find my way back.

Reflecting on the whole experience, I can’t overstate how important these types of interactions are. It’s when life is chaotic, when the people you love have hit their breaking point, when you’re nearly out of steam yourself... If you can buckle down in that moment and be a counterbalance to their turbulence, that’s the stuff that lasting relationships are made of.

[nurseaware]

Him: Are you feeling tired already?

Me: *more than an hour before bedtime curled up with my eyes closed* “I don’t know if I’m tired so much as I’m ready to not be in charge of my life any more.”

Words I never thought I would say honestly. I’ve been in control for so long. Because I needed to be. Because I was expected to be. Because there were times that I wasn’t in control (and no one else was either) and there were serious repercussions.

Being able to make a deliberate decision to allow someone else to be in control of me in that setting, to let go of the focus, the pressure, the constant vigilance... is freeing in a way I never considered to be possible before. He’s always been willing to fill this role in our relationship, but I wasn’t ready to submit before. How could I trust myself to choose the right person to submit to when so many of my previous decisions were wrong?

But experiencing this right here, right now, it’s something I never expected. After a more-than-full day of being in charge at work and at home with the kids, to be able to let go and let him lead is absolutely amazing.

[nurseaware]

The Off Switch

I had particularly tough meeting today at work. I had to go toe-to-toe with people two levels above me. I wore my power suit, I was confident, I was decisive, and I rocked it.

After work we went to @sous-sir’s men’s-league softball game. I’m used to hanging with the boys. We make cheap-shot inappropriate jokes, sometimes even at hubby’s expense... all is fair in love and softball 😏

But then we headed home, and all the way there I kept trying to remind myself that I needed to be cognizant of my behavior. To make sure I wasn’t in “boss mode” once we were in our safe space at home.

And honestly? I was incredibly surprised how quickly I deferred to him. To be home... to be in my safe space, to let him be in control... it feels so right. Being in control of a high stakes situation at work, being able to hold my own with the guys... I fucking love it. I love that level of control and I love challenging other people. I was worried that being able to take off that armor and follow his lead would be difficult. I thought I would have a hard time transitioning from holding the reins to wearing the collar. But I didn’t. It’s not hard to give myself to him. I absolutely love letting go, I thrive on following his lead.

For me, the line between wielding power and giving power is clear. I’m incredibly thankful my power-house personna has an off switch. There is no hesitation for me because I know I’m in safe hands and I am safe in giving him control.

[nurseaware]

The day started out like any other; @sous-sir left for work and I began my daily meetings from home. About mid-morning I went to a Dermatologist appointment to have a spot checked. After a few quick questions and assessment, the Dermatologist’s demeanor changed and he said, “I’m going to be very honest with you. It looks and acts like a basal cell carcinoma.” Almost immediately I felt a shift, as if those words were a clandestine incantation to summon my inner battle warrior, and I felt her take control. She effortlessly tucked my emotions into a neat little box to be dealt with later. She quickly identified the enemy and went about ridding the world of it with the swiftness. And so it was that after a quick text to update Sir, the biospy was taken and I was headed home to finish my work day.

In the silence of the car ride it was hard to ignore the other passengers in my head. Cancer, one marveled, I can’t believe you got skin cancer in your 30’s. Another fretted, What about the scar? There’s no hiding it right on your nose like that! I rolled my eyes at my own mixed up priorities and almost didn’t notice the little one in the back who just wanted Daddy to make her cauliflower tots and tell her everything would be okay. She would have to wait.

Once home, the focus was quickly back on action. I checked in with my kid on his school work, then hopped on a call with my big boss. I just had to keep moving forward. Before I knew it, Sir was calling to say he was headed home. As we talked my voice started to crack, so I hastily ended the call and poured my energy into making dinner. I don’t remember clearly how the evening unfolded after Sir got home; I was on autopilot. I know at one point he hugged me and I remember thinking ‘No, not yet. I don’t want the kids to see my crying about this.’ So I just stood there, letting him embrace me yet feeling numb.

Eventually, dinner was in the oven and the kids were occupied with other things. DaddySir was sitting on the couch, so I hesitantly approached and sat on the floor beside him. He reached over and started gently stroking my hair. After a moment, I laid my head on his lap and closed my eyes. His hand caressed the back of my neck applying a comforting pressure, coaxing me to let go, and finally I did. With every tear I could feel the fears and frustrations leaving my body, fleeing down my cheeks and soaking into his pant leg. It was the release I had so desperately needed all day. We sat like that for long minutes. There was no need to talk, no pressure to ‘fix’ anything, just the safety and comfort of each other’s presence.

At the end of the day I know that he is my safe space. With him I can take off my armor and lay myself bare at his feet, trusting that he will accept me and support me in whatever I face.

[nurseaware]

The other night I was on a volunteer meeting that went late, really late. By the time I got off the call, it was well past when @sous-sir and I usually head upstairs for bed. As we hurried to close up the house for the night I suddenly stopped, “Crap, I still need to make you a lunch.”

With it being nearly an hour past bed time I truly thought he’d tell me not to worry about it. I was kind of counting on it tbh. Instead, his entire demeanor shifted as if he suddenly had all the time in the world. “Yep,” was all he said as he casually pulled up a chair and waited for me to complete my task.

And so I went about the business of making Sir’s lunch; all the while shaking my head and smiling. Unable to decide if I was more surprised by his decision to hold me to my commitments despite the late hour, or by how incredibly turned on I was that he did.

[nurseaware]

What I Can Do

A fancy cook like @sous-sir uses fancy pots and pans (I believe they’re technically called cast-iron pans, Dutch ovens, and a wok, but for the purposes of this writing they will be collectively referred to as “fancy pans”). Every so often, Sir determines that these pans need special treatment. To do this, he spends hours scrubbing (he seriously used what I think was a Brillo pad attached to a drill), oiling, and heating these fancy pans. At the time of this writing, he’s been working at this process for a couple hours and I think he has half the pans finished. Pretty soon he will stop working on the pans and start cooking dinner. So he will spend another hour or more working away.

It’s hard for me to sit back and watch while he works so hard tbh. But, I cannot take care of the fancy pans as well as he does, and I cannot cook dinner for him (he makes the recipe up as he goes). I have to accept that there are things I cannot do.

Instead, I focus on what I can do for him. I can make sure the ingredients are prepped and ready for him to cook. I can wipe down the counter and remind him to take care of himself by drinking water.

And I can make sure his clothes are folded and put away so he has what he needs for work in the morning.

I try to focus on the things I can do to take care of him, just as he takes care of me. It’s one of the best not-so-secret ingredients of our D/s.